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Boyfriend's friend was very rude about me but he doesn't know that I know Watch

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    I borrowed my boyfriend's old phone while mine was being repaired, and out of pure nosiness I looked through his old texts, which I know was out of order of me.
    He has a best friend, and has also been friends with his girlfriend for a while, as they all went to uni together. He still sees the guy a lot, but he (and I) rarely see/speak to the girl. We haven't seen her since just before Christmas, and they don't speak much these days as he felt like she was only texting him when she needed something. He says that while he does like her, she is very *****y and catty, and has had many fall-outs with other girls as a result. He says she can be very hard to deal with and a drama queen, but his best mate loves her.
    I have only met her a few times, and she has always been nice enough to my face. She gave my CV where she works which was nice of her, and I recently offered to help her with something she needed, but we never got to arrange a date, and it was never mentioned since. We have never been friends as such, but I've seen more of her boyfriend with my own boyfriend.
    However, I found texts on my boyfriend's phone from her dating from the time me and him had just met and been talking. She knew who I was back then, but didn't really know me.
    He had told her about me, and she had found it absolutely hilarious that 'someone like me' was trying to date him. She said I was REALLY ugly, and she assumed that I would have had an equally ugly boyfriend. She told my boyfriend that there was no way he could 'stoop so low', and that I was 'low-level'. She even tried to BAN him from seeing me.
    I felt sick when I read this. Even though it wasn't recent, to know someone finds me physically hideous really hurt me. He texted his best mate about what she said and saying that he didn't appreciate it. I haven't told him about this, because it was me who was looking at his old texts.
    I take comments to heart, and it's hard because she's someone who everyone considers beautiful. I resent her now and although I never see her, I dread the thought of seeing her.
    Should I tell my boyfriend about this? As I mentioned, she has been civil when I see her in person, but she never speaks to me otherwise, and we never go out as a foursome.
    Thanks in advance.
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    If it upsets you then yes you should say something to your bf.

    Tbh the girl sounds jealous. Either that or she's just plain *****.

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    I would talk to your boyfriend about it just to see what he says. Evidently he can't agree with the opinion
    I'm actually in a similar situation; recently found out that some of my boyfriend's best friends, when he's alone with them, tell him they don't get how he 'puts up with me', because I'm a 'feminist *****'.
    I'd also suggest maybe talking to her? Could be that her opinions completely changed since then.
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    Thanks for the replies I don't see how she could be jealous of me, even though my boyfriend said she is a very jealous person. She is told constantly that she is good-looking, she has a nice boyfriend who clearly loves her a lot, tons of friends, a big flat, and a good job. To my knowledge her and my boyfriend have never been interested in each other either, she did go for his friend after all.
    I know how mad he would be to know i've seen his messages, because I've been insecure in the past.
    I am not expecting her to find me beautiful, I was just hurt because she made it sound like my boyfriend is way too good for me in every way, but she didn't even know me at all and still doesn't well.
    I will try to think about what I'm going to do...
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    She sounds like the type of girl who went through a lot of abuse in her teens and now gets an empowered feeling from doing it to other people. Very, very likely she never even really felt that way about you at all- but it makes her look high and mighty when she says it, so does so anyway. I see it a lot with insecure people. Don't let it get to you- and yeah, maybe tell your boyfriend about it. He can't get too upset when you had the phone with you for a long period of time- ANYONE would get nosey.
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    What exactly are you going to achieve by telling him?

    Seems like a pointless endeavour because you're likely to get little more than some reassurance or outrage that you don't respect his privacy enough to do go down his texts.
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    I agree with the above, don't tell him, there is nothing to gain and he might not trust you as much after.
    Also it seems like he stood up for you (I.E messaging her boyfriend) and didn't tell you as, again there would be nothing to gain for anyone and it would only have hurt your feelings (understandably of course.)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I felt sick when I read this. Even though it wasn't recent, to know someone finds me physically hideous really hurt me. He texted his best mate about what she said and saying that he didn't appreciate it. I haven't told him about this, because it was me who was looking at his old texts.
    I take comments to heart, and it's hard because she's someone who everyone considers beautiful. I resent her now and although I never see her, I dread the thought of seeing her.
    Should I tell my boyfriend about this? As I mentioned, she has been civil when I see her in person, but she never speaks to me otherwise, and we never go out as a foursome.
    Thanks in advance.
    I sometimes see people identifying themselves like this. I understand totally - these things hurt. However, it is a choice, not a genetic predisposition - you get to mould your own character, and it can be extremely liberating.

    The fact is that people like this will always exist, and will think these things whether you know about is or not. You have probably been passed by several strangers in the past week who thought catty comments, several who thought nice things, and many who didn't notice you. If you aren't considered beautiful then the world will be harsher, but your personality and physical fitness are within your control, and if you have an attractive boyfriend he chose you for a reason.

    All you can do in life is be the best you can, correct any misunderstandings, and try to understand why people behave the way they do (which almost always comes down to a deep interest in their own lives rather than yours). I'm not saying don't stand up for yourself when it matters, but I would just let this one go. It's something that takes practice and will serve you well in life. I don't mean to sound sanctimonious - it's something I learned the hard way.
 
 
 
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