This discussion is now closed.
Check out other Related discussions
- When is it ok to have feelings for someone else after a breakup?
- He doesn’t want a relationship
- Relationship problems... thoughts?
- Relationship
- 16 and haven't dated.
- What is the difference between relationship status?
- Young Love.
- Crush advice
- We are not the right match but love each other
- Breakup woes and starting dating again?
- S e x has gone so bad!!!
- Housemate might have feelings for me
- Confused
- How can I talk romantically to progress it to a relationshp?
- Dating and turn offs
- Crush
- sex for the first time?
- Is this a thing guys do?
- guy help
- My boyfriend told me months later that he kissed a girl when we were together
Not ready for a relationship
How can you tell if your girlfriend is not ready for a relationship? I am with this girl, but sometimes i get the impression that she is not ready for a relationship, and was wondering if there was anything that could tell she isnt ready. It is her first real relationship, and i just wonder if she isnt ready or whether she is just shy or nervous about it, which would be not ready as well surely, or with the right guy?
I like her a lot but on the other hand i want her to be comfortable because she finds it very hard to say no, that why i would like to see if she is ok with it all or not. I would rather her feel comfortable than not be uncomfortable and be forced a long with things in the relationship, so any help would be greatly appreciated. I just hope this post comes across in the right way!
Many thanks.
I like her a lot but on the other hand i want her to be comfortable because she finds it very hard to say no, that why i would like to see if she is ok with it all or not. I would rather her feel comfortable than not be uncomfortable and be forced a long with things in the relationship, so any help would be greatly appreciated. I just hope this post comes across in the right way!
Many thanks.
If shes very distant and suddenly says oh i don't wanna go out no more thats one sign she ain't ready.
Most important thing for you is to take it slow with her and not rush her, she will be nervous with all sorts going through her head seen as its her 1st ever relationship
Most important thing for you is to take it slow with her and not rush her, she will be nervous with all sorts going through her head seen as its her 1st ever relationship
mayb talk to her about it, tell her that you arent trying to pressure her or anything, and what your most concerned with is that shes happy etc
squigaletta
mayb talk to her about it, tell her that you arent trying to pressure her or anything, and what your most concerned with is that shes happy etc
thats a good idea
Well sometimes she will let me do things, and then the night after she wont let me, and then the night after will etc. But also its not so much the physical stuff because i understand that and everything. Its more the emotional things because i get the feeling she can never be really open with me, such as when something is wrong and i ask her what the matter is, she wont say usually. Or another example is she will make arguements go over the top because she is not willing to tell me what she really thinks and tends to shy away from the truth a lot of the time to protect my feelings. Wheras time and time again i have told her to tell me what was bothering her or what the truth is, otherwise it will be on her conscience and nothing will ever get sorted, yet she still persists etc. I am just starting to think that maybe i am not the right man for her at the end of the day if she feels like she has to protect my emotions and will hide her feelings away from me. I just want her to be happy at the end of the day and if it is saying to her that, then so be it. I am willing to risk my happiness so that she will be happy in the long run.
Not ready for a relationship, is just a load of *******s. It's one of those excuses you come up with when you don't like someone enough. I mean, come on, it's human nature when you meet someone you're incredibly attracted to, to want to have a relationship. It's when you're not sure you're that crazy about the person, that you wonder if you want a relationship with them.
No no no you have the wrong end of the stick my dear friend. Its more of the case that i am crazy about her, and i am incredibly attracted to her, but now i am doubting that she is as crazy about me as i first thought. Im being selfless, not selfish, with her being happy. I care about her so much thats why i just want her to be happy.
It's like reading a description of my own behaviour....
*laughs* God, I remember this. You say she lets things go further, backs off a bit, and then the next night, lets it be pushed further? I was pretty much the same way with my first boyfriend. I found it very difficult to communicate how I felt - plus, when you're experiencing all those emotions at once; trust, fear, uncertainty, hesitancy, excitement and a hell of a lot of lust mixed in, you don't know whether to go with your head, which is generally shouting, 'You don't know how to do this! What if it goes wrong/you look like a prat/get caught', the part that says, 'trust this guy, he won't muck you around' and the... other parts that tell you to just let go and relax. *cough*
Basically, she's bloody uncertain. That doesn't necessarily mean she's 'not ready for a relationship', it means that because you're the first relationship she's had, it's difficult going. Not only are you guys moving forward as a couple, but she's trying to learn what her boundaries are, how she can communicate what they are, and you only really learn that by a guy pushing just a little bit further than you're comfortable with, and saying 'no'.
Best way to help her - because I get that you're the same way my boy was, not completely understanding the *why*, but want to help - is to go slow. Reassure her, the instant she says, 'no, stop', you'll back off. You think she knows this. She does, deep down. It's just... a hell of a lot reassuring to think if she pulls away, that's it - she's not going to get pushed. She's trying to work out the balance, and it's kind of difficult, because girls grow up with this dumpload of worry. Worry if you're going to be any good at it, if you're a turn-on at all, that we ought to be the ones slowing stuff down, that a guy will take an inch and run with it, that you have to worry about STDs, pregnancy, etc, etc.
It's the equivelant of performance anxiety in guys sometimes, where the worries overtake you. Be glad - I had to get over my own problems, in a boarding school pretty hotly patrolled to prevent... experimentation. And I got caught/walked in on, numerous times.
She'll get over it, slowly. She needs to know that it's okay, that she can set barriers and choose to break them, so long as it goes at her pace. That's the reason for the 'I'll do something now, and then later, it's not okay' - I tended to get caught up in the moment, go way past my comfort zone, and then snap back to a sort of halfway point, between the 'way too far' and the stuff I'd done before. Sounds like she's doing the same.
It's bloody hard, dude, learning to un-learn all the stuff you're taught unconsciously at an early age. You sound like a nice enough guy. Just practice patience.
And um. Probably easier to walk the dog *beforehand*.
*laughs* God, I remember this. You say she lets things go further, backs off a bit, and then the next night, lets it be pushed further? I was pretty much the same way with my first boyfriend. I found it very difficult to communicate how I felt - plus, when you're experiencing all those emotions at once; trust, fear, uncertainty, hesitancy, excitement and a hell of a lot of lust mixed in, you don't know whether to go with your head, which is generally shouting, 'You don't know how to do this! What if it goes wrong/you look like a prat/get caught', the part that says, 'trust this guy, he won't muck you around' and the... other parts that tell you to just let go and relax. *cough*
Basically, she's bloody uncertain. That doesn't necessarily mean she's 'not ready for a relationship', it means that because you're the first relationship she's had, it's difficult going. Not only are you guys moving forward as a couple, but she's trying to learn what her boundaries are, how she can communicate what they are, and you only really learn that by a guy pushing just a little bit further than you're comfortable with, and saying 'no'.
Best way to help her - because I get that you're the same way my boy was, not completely understanding the *why*, but want to help - is to go slow. Reassure her, the instant she says, 'no, stop', you'll back off. You think she knows this. She does, deep down. It's just... a hell of a lot reassuring to think if she pulls away, that's it - she's not going to get pushed. She's trying to work out the balance, and it's kind of difficult, because girls grow up with this dumpload of worry. Worry if you're going to be any good at it, if you're a turn-on at all, that we ought to be the ones slowing stuff down, that a guy will take an inch and run with it, that you have to worry about STDs, pregnancy, etc, etc.
It's the equivelant of performance anxiety in guys sometimes, where the worries overtake you. Be glad - I had to get over my own problems, in a boarding school pretty hotly patrolled to prevent... experimentation. And I got caught/walked in on, numerous times.
She'll get over it, slowly. She needs to know that it's okay, that she can set barriers and choose to break them, so long as it goes at her pace. That's the reason for the 'I'll do something now, and then later, it's not okay' - I tended to get caught up in the moment, go way past my comfort zone, and then snap back to a sort of halfway point, between the 'way too far' and the stuff I'd done before. Sounds like she's doing the same.
It's bloody hard, dude, learning to un-learn all the stuff you're taught unconsciously at an early age. You sound like a nice enough guy. Just practice patience.
And um. Probably easier to walk the dog *beforehand*.
Related discussions
- When is it ok to have feelings for someone else after a breakup?
- He doesn’t want a relationship
- Relationship problems... thoughts?
- Relationship
- 16 and haven't dated.
- What is the difference between relationship status?
- Young Love.
- Crush advice
- We are not the right match but love each other
- Breakup woes and starting dating again?
- S e x has gone so bad!!!
- Housemate might have feelings for me
- Confused
- How can I talk romantically to progress it to a relationshp?
- Dating and turn offs
- Crush
- sex for the first time?
- Is this a thing guys do?
- guy help
- My boyfriend told me months later that he kissed a girl when we were together
Latest
Trending
Last reply 4 weeks ago
Mum makes a big deal about me having locked my phoneLast reply 1 month ago
Will they put it on my medical records if I ask for stronger painkillers?Health
8
24
