I am due to start a PGCE course in September 2014 - I applied through apply 2, got an interview, and was very quickly told that I had a conditional offer for the university. I have been constantly anxious and quite down ever since the middle of June. Sounds crazy right?
Here's the backstory: I have an anxiety disorder which hardly anyone knows about, and thus normally 'happy' events such as getting a place at uni, or getting top grades is replaced in my mind with 'now i need to do better' and 'OMG this course is going to be rock hard'.
I have been dawdling for a couple of years since Uni which is really my own fault, but it has damaged my self esteem and confidence quite badly (not that many people would see from the outside)and I question and doubt everything I do. My worry about the PGCE course is that firstly, I am not quite ready for such a demanding course: I have been mollycoddled a bit in my life (again my own fault mostly) and have quite a high level of dependence on others ( I don't even drive because I have put it off for ages, it makes me nervous).
Secondly, the subject I am interested in is not a high demand subject, so there is no financial help and consequently tying that with my own doubts about whether I am ready for teaching or not, is making me quite miserable.
I have told my family about my concerns, and although they mean well, they want me to do this course and do not understand about my anxiety. I recently went on holiday and realised that I need to take back the control of my life, but that maybe the PGCE is not the first or best step. I visualised getting my driving license, doing a TEFL/CELTA course and going abroad to teach English to gain confidence and experience of teaching and see whether I like it or not, with less financial pressure. I got quite excited about the thought of going abroad to be honest. BUT I am scared stiff of disappointing my family, the course advisers, and myself later on in life. I AM a doubter and worrier, but I feel this is more than just nerves - any advice? Thank you very much in advance!
... and the ones that won't