To be honest, I'm writing this to get a lot of things of my chest but any advice or guidance would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.
Lately, I've been feeling awful. I'm not depressed or anything before anyone says but I just feel really trapped. I feel like the world is against me and I keep screwing up constantly and people are really starting to hate me. I feel like I don't know where I fit in in this world, I feel like everyone else finds it so easy to fit in and then there's just me and I have no clue about what I'm doing, what I should be doing and I don't seem to have any idea of what's socially acceptable and I swear this is causing people to hate me :/
Most importantly though, I'm feeling really trapped in my own body lately. I went through a bit of an Eating Problem before where I would avoid certain types of food like the black death and I would feel really anxious around food and I would loath being around people. I even went as far as to starve myself for six months, before it affected my exams and then I went back to avoiding certain types of food instead. During that time, whether I was starving myself or eating little; I could not seem to loose any weight whatsoever and it really did make me feel trapped.
But since then, I have tried to get over this and have put weight on, everyone says I look better but infact I feel even worse because now, I seem to have become really fat and ugly but my boobs haven't grown at all and I'm still flat chested yet fat. This is making me feel so trapped in my own body. My body is just so unresponsive; its killing me slowly. I'm not perfect and I hate myself for it, I was much happier when I never ate. I hate myself and sometimes I really do wish I could just disappear because everyone would be better off without me.
Sorry for the rant; I know it seems overly dramatic but I really needed to get how I'm feeling off of my chest. Sorry :'(
Feeling Trapped Watch
- Thread Starter
- 09-07-2014 07:48
- TSR Support Team
- 10-07-2014 02:21
That sounds like a really difficult situation to be in. As an outsider, your thoughts regarding food sound kinda dangerous. I understand that for some people, starving yourself can help you feel you gain control over your life but tbh I think it's very easy for these coping strategies to get out of control. I would really urge you to talk to your doctor about how you're feeling. There is help available but unfortunately it can take a lot of bravery to reach out for it.