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Poem I wrote- opinions? Watch

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    Some responders have found subject matter unpleasant so please consider before reading. I was just using the poetic medium as a channel for experience and a way of dealing with emotion. By the way this was edited by 'the bear'.


    Are you horrified by life?
    Recoiling at its after-taste.

    The people and the signs in the streets
    jitter randomly with soft menace
    signifying nothing and offering no comforting truth.
    Luridly lit faces in the doorway
    and the bleary letters only read as confusion...
    Encaged for the night in limbo.

    Luridly flood-lit faces in the doorway
    and the bleary sign-posted
    letters only read as confusion...

    You're encaged for the night in limbo.

    Did you see his neck swell up:
    The rope tinged blue to match
    Your silent disillusionment.

    You can't wail a cry anymore,
    though you can't suppress its voice,
    under your sheets at night like a child...
    To wail makes us weak,
    so
    Instead you rise up
    and enmesh
    others in the plight you know.

    You set your sights on sin
    Because the looming mallet returns
    silently in your 'mares
    to say hello
    and knock you to the ground.

    Why wait? Why trust -
    it's too winding a street
    - when you could destroy,
    crash and crumble those in your periphery
    those who seek love
    until they too are acrid
    bitter
    alone.

    You won't talk about it,
    will you?
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    Very well written, keep writing poetry.
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      I feel like I only partially understand it, but I kind of liked it :yes:
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      it is best to warn readers about possible problematic content at the start
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      (Original post by becketts)
      Very well written, keep writing poetry.
      thank you for your comment.
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      (Original post by + polarity -)
      I feel like I only partially understand it, but I kind of liked it :yes:
      Thanks for commenting. I suppose I don't want it to be fully understood, I'd love if a reader came back and reflected on a poem of mine several times to be honest. I'd love to provoke thought and memory in the reader - and for them to consider my words in such a way that they can complete the process of creation with their own interpretations.
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      (Original post by the bear)
      it is best to warn readers about possible problematic content at the start
      Hi there, what do you mean by problematic content?
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      (Original post by Temporality)
      Hi there, what do you mean by problematic content?
      the unpleasant references to hanging would be a good place to start
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      (Original post by the bear)
      the unpleasant references to hanging would be a good place to start
      Oh right. Yeah it was just a way for me to digest my own life experiences and channel that in to creation, but I do realise that is sensitive content. Will put a disclaimer on it. Hope not to have offended.
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      (Original post by Temporality)
      Oh right. Yeah it was just a way for me to digest my own life experiences and channel that in to creation, but I do realise that is sensitive content. Will put a disclaimer on it. Hope not to have offended.
      thank you for being sensible about it

      quite a few members of TSR have tried to pop their cork....
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      (Original post by the bear)
      thank you for being sensible about it

      quite a few members of TSR have tried to pop their cork....
      Oh right. Well I doubt this would encourage anyone to do so. Really wasn't my aim.
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      A*
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      short sentences makes it sound staccato..is there any way you would be able to tie two sentences together to make it more canto or sonnet style ?
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      (Original post by Bonmot)
      short sentences makes it sound staccato..is there any way you would be able to tie two sentences together to make it more canto or sonnet style ?
      Yes i could play around and adapt these ideas, and other new ideas, though I'll admit I know very little about style. Where did you learn about canto/sonnet style - can you reccomend any learning source?
      Thanks for your comment
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      That sounds pretty creepy. And I like creepy writings indeed. So its nice.
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      That's really dark, nice job
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      (Original post by Temporality)
      Yes i could play around and adapt these ideas, and other new ideas, though I'll admit I know very little about style. Where did you learn about canto/sonnet style - can you reccomend any learning source?
      Thanks for your comment
      For canto , try Italian poet Dante Alighieri , sixteenth century, divine comedy , its a beautiful poetic form, again which somehow has similarity to a style of writing called terza rima , sonnet style ...it follows a style of aba, bcb, cdc ..aor tetrameter ...adapted by Chaucer

      what i mean to say is that you have the melancholia, the thought, the linguistic ability, the pearls of poetry, just need to stick or make up a signature style ,,,read the old masters
      Good Luck
      I read a lot of old poetry books ,,,get it from Oxfam shop
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      (Original post by Temporality)
      x
      You wrote that you are writing poems to deal with emotions. Which emotions outweigh your writings?
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      (Original post by Kallisto)
      You wrote that you are writing poems to deal with emotions. Which emotions outweigh your writings?
      Hey there, do you mean which emotions specifically influence my writings? Not sure i quite understand what you mean by outweigh...
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      (Original post by Bonmot)
      For canto , try Italian poet Dante Alighieri , sixteenth century, divine comedy , its a beautiful poetic form, again which somehow has similarity to a style of writing called terza rima , sonnet style ...it follows a style of aba, bcb, cdc ..aor tetrameter ...adapted by Chaucer

      what i mean to say is that you have the melancholia, the thought, the linguistic ability, the pearls of poetry, just need to stick or make up a signature style ,,,read the old masters
      Good Luck
      I read a lot of old poetry books ,,,get it from Oxfam shop
      thanks honey, very helpful
     
     
     
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