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Was I abused as a child? Watch

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    So for years I've felt awful and horribly guilty about this, like it's my dirty secret.
    When I was about 7/8, my family was very close with my mum's cousin's family. We would see them on a weekly or daily basis. My 'cousin' (my mum's cousin's daughter) was 16 and was especially fond of me. She would force and blackmail me into kissing her, touch me everywhere (including my vagina), make me lick her vagina and once even tried to get me to have sex with my brother who was about 4- neither of us knew how to do it.
    The worst thing was that after a while, I accepted it as my way of life. I stopped struggling and just took it. She used to threaten me- telling me that if I ever told anybody, I'd be in huge trouble. It was 'our little secret'.
    As a result, for about 10 years of my life, I've felt like it was my fault. Like I was the dirty and disgusting one. They moved away, but every time my mum mentioned their family name, I would freeze up fearing that they'd somehow found out and I was going to be punished for it. I tried to block out that part of my life. I just felt horrible and I basically hated myself for it.
    Now that I'm 17, I've taken time to reflect on it properly. I mean, was it really my fault? Was I really to blame for her ****ed up sexual urges?
    Thoughts TSR? Was I abused as a child? I just want to get people's opinions on it, just to clear my mind. I've pretty much spent the last 10 years torturing myself about it.
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    this is horrible abuse by your female relative. you need to speak to the police. all of the interviews etc will be anonymous and you will be treated sympathetically.
    you cannot let her get away with this.
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    are you a guy? and yeah that is really disgraceful and it isn't your fault at all. i'm pretty sure many people have had similar abuse like you. if it still haunts maybe tell your family, if not you could always seek a 'counselor' to help overcome your mind on this.

    I'm very sorry about what happened to you.
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    Yeah you were mate. Undoubtedly. It changes nothing that the abuse was inflicted by a 16 year old. I'm so sorry you had to go through this but no, it absoloutely wasn't your fault - the peversity was in the mind of the inflicter, not you or your brother. I have my suspicions your 'cousin' may have suffered some great abuse or trauma herself and this made her sexually peverse and desiring of control. Some would say it was not her fault.

    I think you should resolve the issues you have about it by talking to a good counsellor. Please please seek help on this.
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    (Original post by the bear)
    this is horrible abuse by your female relative. you need to speak to the police. all of the interviews etc will be anonymous and you will be treated sympathetically.
    you cannot let her get away with this.
    No, no. I definitely don't want to kick up a fuss. I just want to get peace of mind about the whole thing and then pretty much forget about it.
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    She is a girl...
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    touch me everywhere (including my vagina)
    also go to the Police and report it, she may do it to others, or worse have done it to others. You owe it to yourself to report her.

    Edit; Yes forgot about that, but definitely get counselling
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    (Original post by O.Ozz)
    are you a guy? and yeah that is really disgraceful and it isn't your fault at all. i'm pretty sure many people have had similar abuse like you. if it still haunts maybe tell your family, if not you could always seek a 'counselor' to help overcome your mind on this.

    I'm very sorry about what happened to you.
    Thanks, I am almost okay now. It does still worry me sometimes, but I just want to clear my mind about the whole thing.

    I'm a girl.

    (Original post by Temporality)
    Yeah you were mate. Undoubtedly. It changes nothing that the abuse was inflicted by a 16 year old. I'm so sorry you had to go through this but no, it absoloutely wasn't your fault - the peversity was in the mind of the inflicter, not you or your brother. I have my suspicions your 'cousin' may have suffered some great abuse or trauma herself and this made her sexually peverse and desiring of control. Some would say it was not her fault.

    I think you should resolve the issues you have about it by talking to a good counsellor. Please please seek help on this.

    Are you a guy or girl out of curiosity? It doesn't really matter, regardless, both sexes can suffer sexual abuse.
    Thanks for the advice. I think I may seek out a counsellor because then I know it's completely confidential.

    I'm a girl
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    Yeah you were abused, how awful.
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    (Original post by Temporality)
    Yeah you were mate. Undoubtedly. It changes nothing that the abuse was inflicted by a 16 year old. I'm so sorry you had to go through this but no, it absoloutely wasn't your fault - the peversity was in the mind of the inflicter, not you or your brother. I have my suspicions your 'cousin' may have suffered some great abuse or trauma herself and this made her sexually peverse and desiring of control. Some would say it was not her fault.

    I think you should resolve the issues you have about it by talking to a good counsellor. Please please seek help on this.

    Are you a guy or girl out of curiosity? It doesn't really matter, regardless, both sexes can suffer sexual abuse.
    OP is a girl.

    I don't condone violence and I certainly don't condone reading the Daily Mail, but maybe this will make you feel better.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...nts-abuse.html
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    Thanks for the advice. I think I may seek out a counsellor because then I know it's completely confidential.

    I'm a girl
    Yeah counselling can be very helpful so long as you find the right counsellor for you. You may not find a great counsellor for you but persist and ask to change until you find someone that is helping .

    I understand you must be feeling ashamed but you must separate yourself from what happened and release yourself from this sense of guilt and responsibility. It was her issues that were inflicted on you, she had the sexual knowledge, you didn't even understand what was happening so how can you claim that you were dirty? Sure I understand you felt dirty but that is an irrational feeling because you were too young to fully comprehend the implications of what you were doing. This should not have happened to you and you will have to deal with it and move on as you say. However unless you speak out it will continue to happen. Do you know this woman now or has she disappeared from your life?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks, I am almost okay now. It does still worry me sometimes, but I just want to clear my mind about the whole thing.

    I'm a girl.
    Oh wow, so your cousin was a lesbian. she is very messed up and i now want to point out what someone said earlier. maybe you should call the police or tell your parents if it's that bothering you. It's really messed up and i'm sorry to be hearing what you've went through
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    (Original post by Reece Sure)

    I don't condone violence and I certainly don't condone reading the Daily Mail, but maybe this will make you feel better.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...nts-abuse.html
    sorry what's with the article?
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    (Original post by Temporality)
    sorry what's with the article?
    I don't understand the question, assuming it's not about relevance
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    (Original post by Lamptastic)
    Yeah you were abused, how awful.
    I'm not asking for sympathy. I know that there are a lot of people out there who have it far worse than I do. I know that there are children starving, children stuck in warzones and hundreds dying every second.
    But that doesn't mean I need a nasty and unhelpful comment on my thread. Please leave.
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    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Temporality)
    Yeah counselling can be very helpful so long as you find the right counsellor for you. You may not find a great counsellor for you but persist and ask to change until you find someone that is helping .

    I understand you must be feeling ashamed but you must separate yourself from what happened and release yourself from this sense of guilt and responsibility. It was her issues that were inflicted on you, she had the sexual knowledge, you didn't even understand what was happening so how can you claim that you were dirty? Sure I understand you felt dirty but that is an irrational feeling because you were too young to fully comprehend the implications of what you were doing. This should not have happened to you and you will have to deal with it and move on as you say. However unless you speak out it will continue to happen. Do you know this woman now or has she disappeared from your life?
    That second paragraph helped a lot, really. Thanks. You're absolutely right, it's completely irrational for me to feel 'dirty'.

    Completely disappeared from my life. I have no knowledge of where she lives, what she looks like or what her full name is. It's really been a while.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That second paragraph helped a lot, really. Thanks. You're absolutely right, it's completely irrational for me to feel 'dirty'.

    Completely disappeared from my life. I have no knowledge of where she lives, what she looks like or what her full name is. It's really been a while.
    You still in touch with your mum though right? Can't you ask your mum what her name is?

    I'm not being funny, but can't you give an anonymous tip-off to the police about it? They can protect your anonymity. This is not just a small negligible case of abuse. This was ongoing. You're saying you saw her on either a day-to-day or week-to-week basis right, and she did a lot of stuff to you there. That's not just an isolated incident of something going wrong, it's nothing that can be brushed over. She is really messed up. I really feel you need to report her because the fact of the matter is there are little kids out there that are going to come into her reach and one less paedophile is one less paedophile. You know how much it's affected you so you must find the strength to stop that happening to some other poor little kid.

    Honestly I am so sorry this has happened to you. She really took it far and she was not okay mentally. This was not your fault though, never say that to yourself. A lot of people have gone through this type of abuse unfortunately - so you are not alone, you are not the only one who felt hurt and used and confused. All your reactions are common reactions. Talking to a trained counsellor will help because they unfortunately frequently deal with these situations. Good luck. I am only sorry that I couldn't reach out and help you more. XXX
 
 
 
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