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    I have always been a really shy person. I've wanted to change this ever since starting secondary school although it's been pretty much impossible to change it while people already know me as 'the shy one'. So I figured, when I start college next September, I'll be a different person and I'll try to socialise and make friends.
    But I can't. Last week I had a pre-induction day at the college I will be going to, and I tried to set this whole 'unshyness' thing into action. I spoke to two people throughout the day, and they were literally two people I'd been sat with by this woman who could obviously see that I didn't have any friends. I spent the day nearly in tears just because I couldn't pluck up the courage to just speak to anyone.
    I'm just scared that I won't make any friends in college, and I'll be that weird girl no one talks to. Everyone I speak to about this makes out like it's easy, and I so wish it was, but it really isn't
    Any advice?
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    You seem to have social anxiety of some sort. Have you always been like this?

    What you could do is have a pen pal (someone to email back and forth about everything - I could be your pen pal ) that way you get ideas and practice on what sort of topics lead to what sort of conversations... and it then just becomes naturally.

    I was so so much like you - you remind me of my self quite a bit but now I overcame it
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    My sister is really shy too and I know how hard it can be for her sometimes.

    What you need to remember is that most students will be feeling unsure of themselves for the first few weeks, so you are not alone, even though some students might look more confident. I know some people that don't stop talking to cover their shyness - which can be a right pain!!! (yawn)

    Also sign up to different activities around the college, the more people you meet the more likely you are to get to know more people and make friends. My sister took lunch time drama lessons which she said really helped with her confidence, as she learnt to 'act' more confident and is now more confident!

    Don't put pressure on yourself to be the life and soul of the partly - start with building friendships with the two students you seat - its a start. Plus try not to over analysis your shyness - it will drive you up the wall.
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    Well, it might not be very comforting but just remember that there are plenty of people who will speak to you, so you don't have to. I'm no good at speaking to people either, I shy away from it, yet I had friends at uni. Every single one of them spoke to me first! I'd have loved to, as they say, come out of my shell, but it just seems to be something that I can't do. Fortunately, lots of other people can.

    Maybe, in the mean time, you should try to identify what your problems are exactly. I'm not sure how though, can't help you there.
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    You're in a negative thought cycle, you need to change how you think to be able to change your behaviour. If you keep telling yourself you are **** at social stuff then you'll feel **** and not make friends.

    You have had friends at some point or at some point had a positive social interaction with someone? It might be harder to remember because you are always focusing on the negative but you really must have at least one example. You need to recognise when you are starting on your negative thoughts and tell yourself 'no, stop it, I am capable of this because of X time'. If you've done it once then you do have the ability to do it again. Trying to correct your thought process does feel silly and pointless at first but it takes persistence, negativity might never totally go away but even a point where you can quickly dismiss it will make a big difference.

    The other part is just forcing yourself to do it. Get nervous, that's fine. But don't take any excuses from yourself, make yourself just say 'hi' to someone. Baby steps are fine and trying to be a totally different person over night is setting yourself up to fail. When interacting with people try to act like a confident person- there's a lot to be said for faking it before you make it because it's another part of re-training your thinking.

    Every encounter you have with someone won't be positive, again realistic expectations. But after something more negative you need to try and control the impact it has on your thought cycle. Recognise it wasn't great, think why, think what you can learn from it but you also need to be forgiving towards yourself- don't hold it against yourself forever if you mess up because of realistic expectations.



    I am aware this may sound a bit like hippy BS but taking control of your thinking is a real and important thing.
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    once you get a few months in you'll find out that there really is no point worrying about all this
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    I understand how hard it can be, just try to not put too much pressure on yourself. On my induction day I was pretty much by myself the whole day (apart from a couple times where I wondered with someone I knew before) and I started to get worried thats how it was going to be the next two years but when it came to the first couple days, it was surprisingly easy to start talking to people. Everyone wanted to make friends so everyone was asking my name, what school I used to go to etc because everyone really wanted to make sure they werent by themselves the rest of the year.

    Just make sure you're approachable, if you look miserable and look like you're ready to chew someone's head off people won't approach you, just try to look happy and smiley even if you aren't feeling it. A lot of the time people who are more confident than you will approach you and start talking to you, I know when I was in my comfort zone and I'd met a few people, I started asking people if they wanted to join us etc (as long as they looked friendly, I wouldn't ask someone who I thought would just give me a bad look) so don't be too worried about constantly approaching people but if someone approaches you and starts talking to you, make sure that you are open and you sound like you are interested in the conversation. If they ask for your name, ask for theirs back etc, you'll end up talking to a lot more people since everyone starts introducing eachother and trying to make even more friends.

    Don't stress, when the day comes just go with the flow and try to be as friendly as possible. You don't have to be ultra-confident but as long as you are friendly, you're bound to make atleast one friend.
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    I'm assuming that your shyness stems from insecurity...so correct me if I'm wrong.
    The majority of teenagers spend their time worrying about what other people think of them. Therefore, other people are too worried about themselves to think about any faults you may have.
    If anything holds you back in life, it will be fear. You can't control what others think of you, so if they don't like you then you're better off not knowing them. Do whatever the fudge you want to do, but if in order to speak to new people you have to come out of your comfort zone, then so be it. Yes, it may be painfully awkward, yet college is only temporary and there are plenty of other opportunities to meet people.
    But remember, you are living your life for yourself. You have complete control over what you do and say! If you want to bake a cake, go and bake that cake. If you want to dance in the street, go and dance. If you want to murder someone, please don't, it's illegal...
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    (Original post by milliethemoo)
    I have always been a really shy person. I've wanted to change this ever since starting secondary school although it's been pretty much impossible to change it while people already know me as 'the shy one'. So I figured, when I start college next September, I'll be a different person and I'll try to socialise and make friends.
    But I can't. Last week I had a pre-induction day at the college I will be going to, and I tried to set this whole 'unshyness' thing into action. I spoke to two people throughout the day, and they were literally two people I'd been sat with by this woman who could obviously see that I didn't have any friends. I spent the day nearly in tears just because I couldn't pluck up the courage to just speak to anyone.
    I'm just scared that I won't make any friends in college, and I'll be that weird girl no one talks to. Everyone I speak to about this makes out like it's easy, and I so wish it was, but it really isn't
    Any advice?
    all you need to know


    two words


    sand people

 
 
 
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