The Student Room Group

Never in the crowd

Hi, I'm not one to feel sorry for myself, but its hard to be one's own judge so an outside perspective would be appreciated. I am one of those people who is fairly popular, very amiable, but somehow never have close or a socially inclusive group of friends: I always conspicuously feel like an "outsider" when I'm with any of my friend groups. Many people consider me to be quite mature, so I tend not to talk about the "normal" things that teenagers of my age would talk about - I am not really into the whole "popular culture" thing, though I am by no means a snob (what on earth do these people talk about in their huddled masses anyway?!) I'm sick of always being the outsider and all my life have always wanted a social group that I feel i belong to and that enjoys and seeks my company. Since I am about to go to uni now, I am extremely eager to change this: but how do I do it without changing who I am? It's really starting to affect my confidence, and I am normally a pretty confident person. Do I just need to meet new people who share my interests and values, or could I be doing something wrong? This is nowhere as a big a problem as many of those posted here, but I just thought this would be an appropriate place to get a perspective. Thanks
There's no need to change who you are. Since you're going to uni you have a good opportunity to meet new people with whom you can make a social group. Plus at Uni people tend to get more mature so it is quite likely you will meet people who will take interest in the things you like to talk about.

But the most important thing is a brand new start where you can meet new people.
since you tend not to talk about the "normal" teen things, what do you talk about? trying to figure out how 'mature' you are..
I must say that you sound a lot like me. I know how it feels when one is always welcome but never indispensible. And my experience is that people who are like this (me included), are ones who really yearn for that "perfect friend" and are a bit more on the sensitive side (even though you might not let others realize that).

You don't have to change yourself in any drastic way. If you want to get closer with your existing friends groups -

You just have to try and be satisfied with the friends you have. Try hanging out longer periods of time with one group and get to know friends of your friends who also belong to that group. If you find out a few of your friends were involved in something and you feel left out, just make a passing remark in a joking manner that they could have let you in as well. Perhaps they leave you out because they don't think you would want to be in, in the first place.

But, in university I doubt if this would be a major problem.

Last words - it's the individuals who matter, not the group. This is something I realized after two years of being away. When i return to my home country, I found that most of the groups have disintegrated. They are all busy with their own lives and though some of them have maintained contact, all of them have maintained greater contact with me then with each other.

Hope this eases your worries.
Reply 4
Anonymous
since you tend not to talk about the "normal" teen things, what do you talk about? trying to figure out how 'mature' you are..


That's pretty cryptic...what exactly do you mean?
Reply 5
i know what you mean on this one (@ original poster)

i have allways been big for my age (a good foot or 2 taller than the rest of my year at school and looked a fair few years older than i was... (i had a full beard by 14yrs) due to these reasons, i tended to socialise with people in the years above me whilst out of school... when i got kicked outta school and only had the option to go to college, i was again with people a fair bit older than me...
now i tend to struggle to get into the crouds and get talking to people my own age.. they just seem to chat about childish (sry, i cant think of a better word) things.. or things that you have no interest in...
now i'm older, its slightly easier.. in my case now, its frequently talk about football, and i have little to no interest in the game.. so i'm often sat at the side in silence, supping my beer, and staring out the window.

however, i'm slightly concerned now, that i'm going to Uni, and i'm going to be a good 5years older than most of the people who i'll be starting with.. the best tecnique is, if you dont have anything to say on a subject.. listen to what everyone else is saying... or ask questions regarding the subject.. you will gradually be able to atleast join in the conversation.. and you may even pick up some new interests/hobbies..
Anonymous
That's pretty cryptic...what exactly do you mean?


it was? well i meant what do you talk about when you're with your friends?