Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Going to Uni relationship break up. Watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    In September Im moving about an hour and a half a way to university. My girlfriend of 4 months seemed not to want to talk about it even though we always knew from the start i was going to leave. She is in the year below me and therefore is aiming for uni next year and is already getting stressed about it. I asked her 2 days ago what we were going to do about me moving away and she said she would surely break up with me before i left, although the other week she seemed to hint that she wanted to try it. But anyway i said if she was so sure we'd break up then we might as well do it now as I knew it would take a while to get over it, she said yeah we should and she got up without saying anything more and left. I'm am 90 percent sure the only reason she wanted to end it is that she is really insecure and cant deal with me being around 'uni girls' and i think she is expecting me to cheat. She has never stated this but I can tell this is the reason. I would never cheat on her i love her but i cant convince her of that. And I went round hers the day after to talk to her but i didn't say anything constructive and she just seemed to be cold and sarcastic and just pushed me away. What should i do? We are in the same friendship group with lots of prepaid plans for the summer so I'm going to see her a lot before i go, the friend group is going out tomorrow to the pub an i know that she will be there. I want to sort it out so that we can get back to together and at least give uni a go even though we both know it would be hard. I know 4 months isn't that long but by uni it will be half a year, we are both in a state and are upset about it but I have never called or texted with her as i dont know what to say and i don't want to make it worse. We haven't argued about anything and this time last week i was at hers and we were having a great time and she said how she loved me. And a week later we are split up and there is a massive hole missing. So my point is how do i deal with tomorrow? And also how do i deal with the problem?


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    i think you should always break up if your going to separate unis / one is going to uni and one aint.

    you will cheat. she will cheat. you wont hack it. no one does.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by fojodef)
    i think you should always break up if your going to separate unis / one is going to uni and one aint.

    you will cheat. she will cheat. you wont hack it. no one does.
    Not everyone cheats. Some people make it, it might not be the norm but it happens.

    OP I think you should speak to your girlfriend and basically tell her the things you have said here if you want the relationship to work communication (on both parts) is key. She seems to be very upset and may not want to listen so it may be best to send her a long message about how you feel and how you think this is how she is feeling and you want to reassure her.

    Only do this if you are serious though about making the relationship work and you definitely won't cheat or become involved with another girl as for your girlfriend that will be so much worse that a break up now.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    Not everyone cheats. Some people make it, it might not be the norm but it happens.

    OP I think you should speak to your girlfriend and basically tell her the things you have said here if you want the relationship to work communication (on both parts) is key. She seems to be very upset and may not want to listen so it may be best to send her a long message about how you feel and how you think this is how she is feeling and you want to reassure her.

    Only do this if you are serious though about making the relationship work and you definitely won't cheat or become involved with another girl as for your girlfriend that will be so much worse that a break up now.
    i only new one couple that made it. they graduated. were gonna get married. then they fell out and broke up anyway.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by fojodef)
    i only new one couple that made it. they graduated. were gonna get married. then they fell out and broke up anyway.
    I know a couple who have been together since year 9 of school, both go to different universities now but are strong as ever.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    I know a couple who have been together since year 9 of school, both go to different universities now but are strong as ever.
    at least one has cheated.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by fojodef)
    at least one has cheated.
    What the actual **** you have no basis to say that, just because you'd probably cheat on any girlfriend doesn't mean everyone else will.
    And I'm not naive, this is coming from a girl who has been cheated on I'm just not stupid enough to think every man does it.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    What the actual **** you have no basis to say that, just because you'd probably cheat on any girlfriend doesn't mean everyone else will.
    And I'm not naive, this is coming from a girl who has been cheated on I'm just not stupid enough to think every man does it.

    my persona online is as an ********. in real life. i am very patient and keep my mouth shut and all nicey nicey. i just sit listen and take note of human nature.

    i have been silent and a confidant for many boys and girls. the sheer amount of people i know that have cheated on, or had sex with a boy/girl in a relationship has made me lose complete faith.

    i've heard, seen and watched people. they talk so much bull about themselves. pleasing the non existent audience in their mind. bigging up their own egos and saturating their own made up legends. yet they will do so much crap that if people new it would ruin their entire self image and they'd have to go back to the drawing bored and "find themselves".

    i've seen girls and guys who seem SOOOO SWEET. who have had nights they regret. or nights they dont regret. but that people will never know about.

    people think im bad for guessing such negative results. but sadly. im rarely proven wrong.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by fojodef)
    my persona online is as an ********. in real life. i am very patient and keep my mouth shut and all nicey nicey. i just sit listen and take note of human nature.

    i have been silent and a confidant for many boys and girls. the sheer amount of people i know that have cheated on, or had sex with a boy/girl in a relationship has made me lose complete faith.

    i've heard, seen and watched people. they talk so much bull about themselves. pleasing the non existent audience in their mind. bigging up their own egos and saturating their own made up legends. yet they will do so much crap that if people new it would ruin their entire self image and they'd have to go back to the drawing bored and "find themselves".

    i've seen girls and guys who seem SOOOO SWEET. who have had nights they regret. or nights they dont regret. but that people will never know about.

    people think im bad for guessing such negative results. but sadly. im rarely proven wrong.
    I don't know perhaps it's our age range? I do admit cheating is much more common in university.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Talk to her PLEASE talk to her you are obviously crazy bout her she just needs the reassurance :-)
    ive been dumped before now just cos I was goin to uni and his excuse was 'I cant handle long distance (even though we lived in seperate towns even then) and I dont wanna hurt you' he had the rep of cheating.... thinkin back I wonder what I was thinkin still bein with him but love conquers all ... or so the sayin goes :-) and now I am with someone that doesnt go uni and I can safely say that we are happy and stronger then ever I see him a couple times a week it would be more if I wasnt workin at the same time though lol



    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Eah0691)
    Talk to her PLEASE talk to her you are obviously crazy bout her she just needs the reassurance :-)
    ive been dumped before now just cos I was goin to uni and his excuse was 'I cant handle long distance (even though we lived in seperate towns even then) and I dont wanna hurt you' he had the rep of cheating.... thinkin back I wonder what I was thinkin still bein with him but love conquers all ... or so the sayin goes :-) and now I am with someone that doesnt go uni and I can safely say that we are happy and stronger then ever I see him a couple times a week it would be more if I wasnt workin at the same time though lol



    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Well i typed out a very long text explaining reasons it would work, and just stating that nothing had happened between us and that this was not a reason to break up. I'm not entirely sure if it was the right idea but i showed it to many people before i gave her it, it didn't sound desperate or accusing it was just what I was thinking and how we need to at least talk about it. Instead of sending it by text I copied it by hand onto some paper and gave it to her as a letter. I did say in the letter not to respond straight away as I wanted her to just think about it. We are in the same friend group and we went out yesterday, there was definitely something up with her but she tried to act like we were before the relationship. When she left I left about a minute later and caught up with her. I didn't really say anything i just gave her the letter and she seemed surprised and say "what? You wrote a letter?!" I nodded and left her. She's been texting her friends about the letter but i have not heard anything since, will I get a response?


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by fojodef)
    my persona online is as an ********. in real life. i am very patient and keep my mouth shut and all nicey nicey. i just sit listen and take note of human nature.

    i have been silent and a confidant for many boys and girls. the sheer amount of people i know that have cheated on, or had sex with a boy/girl in a relationship has made me lose complete faith.

    i've heard, seen and watched people. they talk so much bull about themselves. pleasing the non existent audience in their mind. bigging up their own egos and saturating their own made up legends. yet they will do so much crap that if people new it would ruin their entire self image and they'd have to go back to the drawing bored and "find themselves".

    i've seen girls and guys who seem SOOOO SWEET. who have had nights they regret. or nights they dont regret. but that people will never know about.

    people think im bad for guessing such negative results. but sadly. im rarely proven wrong.
    You are crazy
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Thats really sweet writing it out in a letter gives a more personal touch :-) hopefully she will see that and actually consider your reasons. Im sure you made decent reasons which couldnt be argued. For some reason guys know how to do that lol :-p ;-)

    im sure she will respond :-) :-) how long a time frame did you give her??

    Pm me let me know how it goes :-)

    Hopefully youll get a response...
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by EatAndRevise)
    You are crazy
    yea. its pretty cool.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Just stay broken up. Even if doing things long distance could work, do you really want to be tied down and put so much effort into a relationship when you are so young and going to uni?

    After a while at uni you will have met so many new people that you'll end up drifting apart anyway so you might as well just end it now.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by VladThe1mpaler)
    Just stay broken up. Even if doing things long distance could work, do you really want to be tied down and put so much effort into a relationship when you are so young and going to uni?

    After a while at uni you will have met so many new people that you'll end up drifting apart anyway so you might as well just end it now.
    I feel she is worth the effort, love is so hard to cope with :/


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Eah0691)
    Thats really sweet writing it out in a letter gives a more personal touch :-) hopefully she will see that and actually consider your reasons. Im sure you made decent reasons which couldnt be argued. For some reason guys know how to do that lol :-p ;-)

    im sure she will respond :-) :-) how long a time frame did you give her??

    Pm me let me know how it goes :-)

    Hopefully youll get a response...
    I told her to give it at least a day when she was not busy just to consider what I had said, i also said that she can do what ever she wants to do and its completely up to her now. And this is my first time on TSR and people like you are so helpful and supportive and yes I will PM you letting you know how it goes.

    I'm just thinking there could be a little confusion between us she said to one of her friends the day after that I seemed like I didn't care about us breaking up, although i cried to myself the entire next day, I'm not afraid to admit that. I thought she didn't care but it turns out she still talks about me quite a bit, we both care lots. I just hope she just doesn't try and just shut me out.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by BlackHorizon)
    I feel she is worth the effort, love is so hard to cope with :/


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Well then you better go tell her that.

    I think it is a mistake and you will break up some time in first year but if this girl means that much to you then good luck.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by VladThe1mpaler)
    Well then you better go tell her that.

    I think it is a mistake and you will break up some time in first year but if this girl means that much to you then good luck.
    If everyone thought like this then everyone would eventually break up, nobody gets in a relationship to spend there entire life with the person to begin with, but some people have experiences and just click. Long distance can test a relationship but if you can make it out the other side it will become stronger.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by BlackHorizon)
    So my point is how do i deal with tomorrow? And also how do i deal with the problem?


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    What problem? She doesn't want to continue dating you since you;re gonig off to uni, which sorry to say isn't an uncommon problem for teenagers, very few 'school' relationships survive after it.

    My advice is be cool, and chill. Get on with your business, you're going to go to uni and meet plenty of other people, one of which will likely be better suited to you as you continue to grow and develop and figure your life out (uni works that way).

    Plus maybe you know better but even by what you said she doesn't sound especially bothered in the grand scheme of things with the relationship.


    So yeah, accept the clean break, just be cool, be a friend, and try and move on. Even if you do get back together being apart during uni is a right massive stress, if not so much on you than probably on her.
    Plus it;s going to suck when you;re both at uni and both meet new people who you want to date. It could make things between you needlessly ugly.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 12, 2014
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What newspaper do you read/prefer?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.