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I always put relationships/girls on a pedestal how can I resolve this?

Ever since I can remember I have always put girls on a pedestal and always been clingy and needy because of this. I guess it's because I've never felt good in myself, or consciously accepted that I don't need love or a girlfriend/relationship to be happy.

I'm a guy in my early twenties at a stage where I should be confident, outgoing and at my peak in life. But right now I don't even enjoy it. This feeds into every avenue of my life, the feeling of inadequacy.

Now, contrary to what this post may suggest, I do have a girlfriend, and have had one other relationship besides this one, but I just feel that (although I love my girlfriend) I am not as confident as I should be with her because of the whole not believing I can be happy without her.

This idea of me putting love on a pedestal makes me more of a victim of my own insecurities (I believe), such as clingy-ness, paranoia, always thinking the worst, and not believing that they are attracted to me.

How can I become content with who I am, I've been this way all my life, maybe compensating for the lack of female attention I had as a child (therefore valuing woman more than myself).

Anyone have any practical advice here?
I think you just need to train your mind to stop being so harsh, whenever you have negative thoughts always interrupt them and try and think of something positive, and that you like about yourself. If there isn't much you like, and they are things you can improve on e.g. health, then go ahead and change that about yourself. And also begin to realise that not only are you lucky to have her, she is lucky to have you too, remember that she is not perfect, she also has faults.
Go out with a sociopath for a bit.

It's something thats beaten out of you.
OP you sound a lot like me, but at least you have a girlfriend. I've never had one and it makes me really desperate that i ask out every girl i meet just so i can say i have had the privilege of a girlfriend.

Just try and relax, at least you're not a virgin.
Just do something really bad like crap on her bed to cancel it out. :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
Ever since I can remember I have always put girls on a pedestal and always been clingy and needy because of this. I guess it's because I've never felt good in myself, or consciously accepted that I don't need love or a girlfriend/relationship to be happy.

I'm a guy in my early twenties at a stage where I should be confident, outgoing and at my peak in life. But right now I don't even enjoy it. This feeds into every avenue of my life, the feeling of inadequacy.

Now, contrary to what this post may suggest, I do have a girlfriend, and have had one other relationship besides this one, but I just feel that (although I love my girlfriend) I am not as confident as I should be with her because of the whole not believing I can be happy without her.

This idea of me putting love on a pedestal makes me more of a victim of my own insecurities (I believe), such as clingy-ness, paranoia, always thinking the worst, and not believing that they are attracted to me.

How can I become content with who I am, I've been this way all my life, maybe compensating for the lack of female attention I had as a child (therefore valuing woman more than myself).

Anyone have any practical advice here?


Wow, you really do sound like me, but I'm younger and I don't have a girlfriend.

I've had acne since the age of 12, and it's finally calmed down a lot from last year, so obviously I was considered the "ugly one" for a large part of my childhood. I'm still insecure about my skin, and I have very little confidence in myself, and I need to change that asap.

I hope I can change that over time, I hope I change after university.
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Llamageddon
Go out with a sociopath for a bit.

It's something thats beaten out of you.


Can you elaborate on this?

Obviously I get the impression that by dating a sociopath much of the emotions one feels will disappear as most moral people would learn to detach from someone such as a sociopath (after repeated dramas and experience of such behaviour).

Maybe this is what you meant? But I'd be interested in your perspective on this, it's funny actually, because I'm just researching into Sociopathy.

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