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    There's a girl I like who doesn't like me back.

    Short story - we've known each other for about 8 months, I realised that I fancied her in February/March but when we were on holiday together with her friends last week I told her. I knew she wouldn't reciprocate but I had to tell her anyway because it was really getting me down thinking about it.

    Right now, I'm not sure how to move forward. Sometimes we hang out but now it would just feel strange. I really want to keep her as a friend because she's a lovely girl but I'm not sure if I can handle it.

    Any advice?
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    Good on you for not pursuing it! There are so many guys who in your position would whine about being friend zoned and try and push her into it but you've got the right attitude. 100 points to you for being a good guy

    I'm bad at advice but wanted to let you know that


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    (Original post by Hannwinn)
    Good on you for not pursuing it! There are so many guys who in your position would whine about being friend zoned and try and push her into it but you've got the right attitude. 100 points to you for being a good guy

    I'm bad at advice but wanted to let you know that
    Thank you I'm still quite down about it but I think it needs time. She was really understanding about it so it's definitely not as bad as it could be.
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    How did she react when you told her?
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    (Original post by EatAndRevise)
    How did she react when you told her?
    She was very understanding, I had told her earlier in the week that I needed to talk to her about something so when I eventually spat out all of the words in my head she said it wasn't as bad as what she was expecting...

    She told me exactly where she was, completely straight up and honest. She said that she owed it to me to be honest about something like this.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She was very understanding, I had told her earlier in the week that I needed to talk to her about something so when I eventually spat out all of the words in my head she said it wasn't as bad as what she was expecting...

    She told me exactly where she was, completely straight up and honest. She said that she owed it to me to be honest about something like this.
    Well that is great then. I guess that owes a congratulations.
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    (Original post by EatAndRevise)
    Well that is great then. I guess that owes a congratulations.
    I know it all seems great but to be honest I'm really not very happy. It's like an empty sinking feeling and I just feel exhausted and defeated. I really want to make it work because she's one of my best friends, and I never exactly planned to "like" her, but it's already feeling difficult and it hasn't even been a week yet.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know it all seems great but to be honest I'm really not very happy. It's like an empty sinking feeling and I just feel exhausted and defeated. I really want to make it work because she's one of my best friends, and I never exactly planned to "like" her, but it's already feeling difficult and it hasn't even been a week yet.
    Welcome to the world of adult romantic relationships my friend! I know that feeling all too well. All I can say is it's a bit like a cold, you can only wait for the symptoms to go away. At least neither of you made an idiot of yourself and handled it in a good way. I had a similar situation, but then the girl went and told all her friends and class mates what a weirdo I was. Your girl sounds way nicer!
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    the EXACT same thing happened to me. it must have been very hard for you to keep silent (as it was for me), but you should have remained silent and said nothing about your feelings, it was a bad idea to tell her. and you can't be angry at her for not reciprocating, you can't force people to like you. there's nothing you can do, i'm afraid she just doesn't want you. you have to get over her and find someone else.
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    (Original post by Stinkum)
    the EXACT same thing happened to me. it must have been very hard for you to keep silent (as it was for me), but you should have remained silent and said nothing about your feelings, it was a bad idea to tell her. and you can't be angry at her for not reciprocating, you can't force people to like you. there's nothing you can do, i'm afraid she just doesn't want you. you have to get over her and find someone else.
    I wasn't angry at her, not at all. I'm just kind of deflated. For once I thought that someone actually did like me for me.

    I think it was a good idea to tell her; it would have come out anyway, plus I owe it to her to be honest as she's always been honest with me.
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    (Original post by The 4th Doctor)
    Welcome to the world of adult romantic relationships my friend! I know that feeling all too well. All I can say is it's a bit like a cold, you can only wait for the symptoms to go away. At least neither of you made an idiot of yourself and handled it in a good way. I had a similar situation, but then the girl went and told all her friends and class mates what a weirdo I was. Your girl sounds way nicer!
    She's the loveliest girl I know, which makes it all the more saddening that we can never be together
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    Depends on how much you like her, if you like her a lot then pursue the cause as giving up after one shot no shows that you're into her but not fully,in my opinion. Maybe wait a few months and then tell her again because now she knows.. she might start to like you in due time. Don't be forceful though, pursue in a sweet not forceful manner.

    I've been through a similar situation: I liked a girl a lot, I told her, she said she had no feelings towards me but we got to know each other for 3 weeks, she said nothings changed and she isn't attracted to me but she wanted to be friends as she saw me in a brother type of way but I refused for my own sake to get over her.
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    I'd stop pursuing her full stop to be honest. From experience, those feelings don't go away if you choose to remain friends with someone you want to have a relationship with. You'll just end up getting jealous when she gets another boyfriend and this sort of situation can lead to months of angst so my advice would be to move on and forget about her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She's the loveliest girl I know, which makes it all the more saddening that we can never be together
    Awwwwww. :hugs: it is actually really hard to find genuinely nice sweet girls nowadays out there so I know where you are coming from, she must be one of the rare gems that caught your eye but trust me there are other girls out there worth the time and effort who are just as lovely and will actually reciprocate your feelings. You may not have stumbled across her yet but that day will come. Also you never know, I know it seems unlikely to you now because you are heartbroke over her but things could have been gone badly even if you were in a relationship. People act differently when they are in relationships because of insecurities and she may not have turned out that nice after all. Or you may have become interested in another girl if things were dry in the relationship. When hung up over someone we often imagine that everything would have been perfect with them, but that's not true, things could have become very sour and life may not have been happily. Try thinking about it this way, she didn't return your affections for a reason and that reason was she wasn't right for you. You can't give up that easy. There are so many possible people that you could meet. Just get out there, engage yourself in what you love and love will find you. That's the only advice anyone can give to anyone in this situation mate. Nothing else to be done. I'm sorry. But good luck for the future.
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    (Original post by frozen_fire)
    I'd stop pursuing her full stop to be honest. From experience, those feelings don't go away if you choose to remain friends with someone you want to have a relationship with. You'll just end up getting jealous when she gets another boyfriend and this sort of situation can lead to months of angst so my advice would be to move on and forget about her.
    This is exactly what I intend to do. There's no point obsessing over what could be or what could have been, I just need to move on to the next good thing. We're still going to be friends because she's an amazing friend.
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    (Original post by Temporality)
    Awwwwww. :hugs: it is actually really hard to find genuinely nice sweet girls nowadays out there so I know where you are coming from, she must be one of the rare gems that caught your eye but trust me there are other girls out there worth the time and effort who are just as lovely and will actually reciprocate your feelings. You may not have stumbled across her yet but that day will come. Also you never know, I know it seems unlikely to you now because you are heartbroke over her but things could have been gone badly even if you were in a relationship. People act differently when they are in relationships because of insecurities and she may not have turned out that nice after all. Or you may have become interested in another girl if things were dry in the relationship. When hung up over someone we often imagine that everything would have been perfect with them, but that's not true, things could have become very sour and life may not have been happily. Try thinking about it this way, she didn't return your affections for a reason and that reason was she wasn't right for you. You can't give up that easy. There are so many possible people that you could meet. Just get out there, engage yourself in what you love and love will find you. That's the only advice anyone can give to anyone in this situation mate. Nothing else to be done. I'm sorry. But good luck for the future.
    Thank you, this helped a lot.
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    /thread.

    I think me and her can get past this. I'm not going to pursue any chance of a relationship with her because it just wouldn't be right. There's definitely someone out there who's right for me but I'll find her soon enough
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    im in a similar situation only from the point of view of a girl. ive been friends with this guy for about 10 months now, and even though it was definately not my intention to fall for him (or anyone at that time) i kinda couldnt help it, and i ended up having to tell him about christmas time, as our mutual friends had kinda noticed and had full conversations about it (i had no idea and i still dont know exactly what was said) when i found out i thought id better say something. he was really nice about it (he is the nicest guy ive ever met) but just told me he doesnt want a gf til he starts uni (in a yrs time) i took it as a nice way of saying hes not interested (he felt so bad about it he was nearly in tears). were best friends and to me that friendship is something i couldnt get rid of. i do worry about making him feel awkward though, and feel guilty even though i know i cant help it. most people assume were a couple though, and say were always flirting etc. i dont know what to do as after 7mnths i just feel like im falling for him more and more, and want to be able to stop but keep the friendship...


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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is exactly what I intend to do. There's no point obsessing over what could be or what could have been, I just need to move on to the next good thing. We're still going to be friends because she's an amazing friend.
    From experience I don't think staying friends will work out that well for you mate. It will be hard for you to focus on other people while she's still around. For example, when she gets a boyfriend, you'll be jealous and there's a high chance she will lose interest in you. After rejection, it's natural to want to salvage the friendship, but trust me when I say things won't be the same as before cos you've put your feelings out there.

    Also- you say you've fancied her since February so that's 6 months now you've known but waited this long to make a move. Those feelings won't just go away like that so is it wise to be friends when you want more than that?
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    (Original post by tsr_username01)
    im in a similar situation only from the point of view of a girl. ive been friends with this guy for about 10 months now, and even though it was definately not my intention to fall for him (or anyone at that time) i kinda couldnt help it, and i ended up having to tell him about christmas time, as our mutual friends had kinda noticed and had full conversations about it (i had no idea and i still dont know exactly what was said) when i found out i thought id better say something. he was really nice about it (he is the nicest guy ive ever met) but just told me he doesnt want a gf til he starts uni (in a yrs time) i took it as a nice way of saying hes not interested (he felt so bad about it he was nearly in tears). were best friends and to me that friendship is something i couldnt get rid of. i do worry about making him feel awkward though, and feel guilty even though i know i cant help it. most people assume were a couple though, and say were always flirting etc. i dont know what to do as after 7mnths i just feel like im falling for him more and more, and want to be able to stop but keep the friendship...


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    I agree with others on here that it's so hard, maybe close to impossible, to keep a friendship going with someone you like that much. Distance really does help though, spend time with other people, try to take your mind off of them as much as possible. It hurts now but it does get better.

    To "tsr_username01" did your male friend say he didn't want to be with you or just that he wasn't ready for a relationship yet? Because that could mean he does like you but isn't good with commitment or he could be accidentally leading you on?
 
 
 
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