The Student Room Group

Should I forget her?

During the last three years, I fell in love with a girl. She was the one who first initiated contact and we became really great friends but when she realized I cared for her, she distanced away, giving vague reasons of having been in a panful relationship and not wanting to "lose her freedom again". It was really hard for me to accept at first but I was content to continue our friendship.

She was not, though, and we drifted apart. Early this year, I tried once again and she responded. We've spent some really great time together recently and really, I've never felt so connected with anyone ever. But my past experience with her has left me somewhat scared. I don't want to make any strong statement and she recently moved. We hardly see each other anymore but have maintained contact through email. Like, when I didn't get my university, she stayed online past midnight chatting with me (she usually zones out around 10). We'll be in different universities, very far from each other. I'm not sure if I should continue to live in the hope that someday we will be together, or just forget her (or rather, just think of her as a friend) and begin afresh in univ.

Thank for any advise.
It sounds like she wanted an excuse not to date you but really wanted you as a friend, I would stay as friends as you will meet loads of new people. If she wanted more she will show you signs other than just wanting to be friends.
If any thing does happen go in with an open mind so you dont get hurt again.
well i think one thing for sure she is in no hurry to settle down and has no intention of settling down, i suggest if you want a girlfriend i would forget going after her.
Reply 3
I'm not hunting for a gf but if I keep on hoping then I might miss out on something which may evolve into a much better relationship.

Apparently, she half confided to me that she had been molested by someone she thought was a friend and was not interested in any relationship.

I'm trying to convince myself she is not interested in me, but some part of me still keeps on hoping.

Am I being stupid?
Reply 4
Yes...
Reply 5
Personally I think you should just move on and look elsewhere - would you not rather be friends with her than nothing at all?
Get out and date a little, I'm not saying jump into a fully planned 3 year relationship or anything, but keep your options open, don't just hang around for a fire that may never light.
Reply 6
i think that uni is such a wonderful opoutunity that u would be being unfair 2 urself 2 carry hoping for a slight possibility
Reply 7
move on love, keep her as a friend and find someone who wants to commit and "lose their freedom"
Reply 8
I didn't bother reading the post, so I'm going to guess that (as usual on H&R) you're asking the obvious and the title sums up what you should do, but are reluctant to. So in answer to your question, yes, you should forget her.

note: if her is a deceased relative or friend then perhaps it would be best not to forget her, but instead to move on.
Anonymous
During the last three years, I fell in love with a girl. She was the one who first initiated contact and we became really great friends but when she realized I cared for her, she distanced away, giving vague reasons of having been in a panful relationship and not wanting to "lose her freedom again". It was really hard for me to accept at first but I was content to continue our friendship.

She was not, though, and we drifted apart. Early this year, I tried once again and she responded. We've spent some really great time together recently and really, I've never felt so connected with anyone ever. But my past experience with her has left me somewhat scared. I don't want to make any strong statement and she recently moved. We hardly see each other anymore but have maintained contact through email. Like, when I didn't get my university, she stayed online past midnight chatting with me (she usually zones out around 10). We'll be in different universities, very far from each other. I'm not sure if I should continue to live in the hope that someday we will be together, or just forget her (or rather, just think of her as a friend) and begin afresh in univ.

Thank for any advice.

Consider just this one thing - it'll reframe how you view a potential solution to your situation.

You don't have a choice about forgetting her. Think about how a new #1 single is determined - it's not a case of some record company boss saying "I don't like the current one." To knock something off the top spot, something else must develop to displace it.
Reply 10
forget and move on!! as someone sed b4 uni is a great place to meet new people. go their with a clean slate and see what happens! it does sounds like shge just wants friends and ur reading to much in things " she stayed online past midnight", probly been a good friend! go to uni single and have a blast!
Reply 11
Ron Stoppable
Consider just this one thing - it'll reframe how you view a potential solution to your situation.

You don't have a choice about forgetting her. Think about how a new #1 single is determined - it's not a case of some record company boss saying "I don't like the current one." To knock something off the top spot, something else must develop to displace it.


Great minds.