Female bullying in the workplace - what do I do

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Anonymous #1
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I got a job a couple of months ago. My job involves retail and working closely with the public. Most of the people I work with are women. I've never got on well with women, not for me not trying, but because they tend to dislike me. There's a definite clique and for whatever reason, they have decided they hate me. This is long but I need to explain the full story.

They were never friendly towards me, but issues started with changing the bins. I have generalised anxiety and I'm scared of germs (a family member is on chemo, if I get germs, I won't be allowed to see her..). I asked one of my colleagues if she could change the bin and instead I'd do a job she doesn't want to do. She shouted at me and said "I'm not being funny but we all have to do everything I don't know why you feel you get special treatment" I explained my phobia and she said "well get over it"

I get on really well with the company owner. We'd been working together a lot and she kept commenting on how good I am, and that she wants me to help her. The other women were staring me down and giving me evils the whole time.

A few days later I get called into the office by my manager. The girl who was rude to me about the bins has gone to get saying I don't do my job, I refuse to help, I make excuses and I look down on then. This is all untrue. I explained to my boss about my phobia and said it's literally just the bins. she said to go and speak to, let's call her Sam, about it and iron out our problems

So I went to speak to her, and said "can you please tell me what your problem is? I've tried to be nice, there's one thing I struggle with but other than that I don't see the issue?" And she shut the door and said

"you want to know what my problem is? You're new and you suck up to the owner,
You talk to everyone and you're confident. You dress like you're going out every day and chat to everyone. When I was new, I was terrified. I couldn't speak to anyone and I was scared to speak to the owner. And then you come in like some diva and think everyone loves you. I don't see why it should be any different for you than it was for me"

WTF. Obviously that really upset me. Since then there's been loads of snide remarks. She always comments on my makeup, and I use a designer bag for work and she says stuff like "how do you afford that?! Your boyfriend blatantly pays for you..." "God I wouldn't spend that much on face powder you must be minted..." And other stuff. She refers to me as "princess" behind my back.

she's unpleasant towards me and has complained about me a few more times. I asked if we could use bin bags with handled because then I can do the bins and she said "no get over it". She shouted at me the other day which had me in tears, and she's now written a letter of complaint about me and got her cliquey friends to back her up, even though it's untrue (stuff like I'm rude to everyone, always on my phone, think I'm better than everyone etc)

I even tried to be friends with her, I iffered to take her shopping with me and bought her some makeup she wanted to try

I've been in tears over this, I love my job but she's really upsetting me.wtf do I do?
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RedArrow
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Wow?

I think you should find it quite easy to record whatever she barks on your cellphone? Seems to me she is a low level crook that can easily be exposed.

Good luck anyway. As long as yr rapport with the owner/manager is healthy you shouldn't be crying or anything. Why not ask the boss for advice?


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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by RedArrow)
Wow?

I think you should find it quite easy to record whatever she barks on your cellphone? Seems to me she is a low level crook that can easily be exposed.

Good luck anyway. As long as yr rapport with the owner/manager is healthy you shouldn't be crying or anything. Why not ask the boss for advice?


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Yeah I thought about having my phone in my pocket and recording her when she's being rude...
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MatthewJoeCarr
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lol, sometimes you've just got to work with a**holes. Buy some disposable latex gloves to do the bins with, screw what she says. Report her if she does anything wrong.

She's just vexed you've stolen her thunder it seems... she's not the centre of attention anymore.
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Marky Mark
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Tbh you're being a diva. You need to do every part of your job or you should quit. I'm sorry about your relative on chemo however you need to man up and pull your own weight. I can see where the girl is coming from, the boss is making allowances for you because you're friends. Nepotism and helping friends are two things I absolutely hate.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by MatthewJoeCarr)
lol, sometimes you've just got to work with a**holes. Buy some disposable latex gloves to do the bins with, screw what she says. Report her if she does anything wrong.

She's just vexed you've stolen her thunder it seems... she's not the centre of attention anymore.
Thanks

Yeah I think she seems like that too


(Original post by Marky Mark)
Tbh you're being a diva. You need to do every part of your job or you should quit. I'm sorry about your relative on chemo however you need to man up and pull your own weight. I can see where the girl is coming from, the boss is making allowances for you because you're friends. Nepotism and helping friends are two things I absolutely hate.
So me being unable to do one tiny aspect of my job because of a diagnosed mental health condition is being a diva? Sorry what?

If someone came to me and asked for help for a valid reason Id do it, no questions asked. And no, she's making allowances because the disability discrimination act says reasonable adjustments must be made

Would you say someone in a wheelchair who asked for a ramp instead of the stairs should man up?
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RedArrow
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah I thought about having my phone in my pocket and recording her when she's being rude...
Do eeeet. Have 3-4 clippings recorded so the next time she takes you to the manager she can make a proper fool out of herself.

Just make sure you have the entire conversation recorded, not just the bits and pieces.


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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by RedArrow)
Do eeeet. Have 3-4 clippings recorded so the next time she takes you to the manager she can make a proper fool out of herself.

Just make sure you have the entire conversation recorded, not just the bits and pieces.


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Yeah that's a really good idea actually, then I've got proof of what she's doing!
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Guy Secretan
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Are you male or female. Dunno what to suggest really as I have had similar problems in jobs I've worked in.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Guy Secretan)
Are you male or female. Dunno what to suggest really as I have had similar problems in jobs I've worked in.
Female
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Anonymous #2
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I think you need to tone yourself down at work. You do seem to make yourself into a diva. Buying makeup for other people, designer bags, and refusing to do the bin = you're just making yourself a target.

You're all getting the same wage to do the same job, what makes you think you deserve special treatment?

You have to try and fit in at work if you want to get along with people.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I think you need to tone yourself down at work. You do seem to make yourself into a diva. Buying makeup for other people, designer bags, and refusing to do the bin = you're just making yourself a target.

You're all getting the same wage to do the same job, what makes you think you deserve special treatment?

You have to try and fit in at work if you want to get along with people.
1) I bought something for her to try and be nice...

2) the bag I being really shouldn't have any impact, should it? If I choose to spend my money on designer goods instead of drinking and smoking how exactly is that anyone's concern?

3) because of a genuine mental health condition? As I said above would you say the same to someone in a wheelchair who asked for a ramp?

I don't think I deserve special treatment I just don't think I should be picked on because of how I choose to spend my money and my anxiety problem
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Burty123
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(Original post by Marky Mark)
Tbh you're being a diva. You need to do every part of your job or you should quit. I'm sorry about your relative on chemo however you need to man up and pull your own weight. I can see where the girl is coming from, the boss is making allowances for you because you're friends. Nepotism and helping friends are two things I absolutely hate.
Before I start, to stop any abuse I may get for voicing my opinion I would like to say that I do think your colleague is out of order in the way she's acting towards you, defo OTT and rude BUT,

I'm sorry I have to say I'm agreeing with this guy above. When doing a job you must be able to do all that it requires and not wanting to touch germs is not a reason. Correct me if I'm wrong but you'll never go straight to the hospital from work surely. And you can always do this thing called washing your hands, having a shower or changing your clothes? So going to visit a relative doing chemo with germs is not going to happen. Also you can use the disinfectant every hospital has for visitors.

Unfortunately the one job you don't want to do is one that nobody wants to do, I used to work in a restaurant and the bins werent a pretty site So colleagues may take exception to you not doing them. I'm sorry but next time at work you should do them or get your manager to state you're pardoned from them.


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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Burty123)
Before I start, to stop any abuse I may get for voicing my opinion I would like to say that I do think your colleague is out of order in the way she's acting towards you, defo OTT and rude BUT,

I'm sorry I have to say I'm agreeing with this guy above. When doing a job you must be able to do all that it requires and not wanting to touch germs is not a reason. Correct me if I'm wrong but you'll never go straight to the hospital from work surely. And you can always do this thing called washing your hands, having a shower or changing your clothes? So going to visit a relative doing chemo with germs is not going to happen. Also you can use the disinfectant every hospital has for visitors.

Unfortunately the one job you don't want to do is one that nobody wants to do, I used to work in a restaurant and the bins werent a pretty site So colleagues may take exception to you not doing them. I'm sorry but next time at work you should do them or get your manager to state you're pardoned from them.


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Anxiety isn't rational you can't just say "oh just wash your hands". If I go down that route I sometimes wash my hands until they're raw and bleeding because of it. I've had panic attacks before.

Not wanting to do it because you don't want to and having a phobia are a bit different...
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RedArrow
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lol guys one does not simply say "get over it" to a person suffering from any phobia


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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by RedArrow)
lol guys one does not simply say "get over it" to a person suffering from any phobia


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Thank you. I take antidepressants and have had therapy, it's not as if I just don't want to do it it's a genuine thing..
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ElChapo
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Sounds a lot like a Tyrion Lannister thread

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Anonymous #2
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1) I bought something for her to try and be nice...

It's not nice, it comes across as condescending.

2) the bag I being really shouldn't have any impact, should it? If I choose to spend my money on designer goods instead of drinking and smoking how exactly is that anyone's concern?

Because it comes across as you showing off and making you look as if you are superior


3) because of a genuine mental health condition? As I said above would you say the same to someone in a wheelchair who asked for a ramp

You should have spoken about it with your manager before if it was going to affect you doing the job. You shouldn't ask your colleagues to do your job because you can't, you have to inform a manager.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ElChapo)
Sounds a lot like a Tyrion Lannister thread

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It's not.

(Original post by Anonymous)
1) I bought something for her to try and be nice...

It's not nice, it comes across as condescending.

2) the bag I being really shouldn't have any impact, should it? If I choose to spend my money on designer goods instead of drinking and smoking how exactly is that anyone's concern?

Because it comes across as you showing off and making you look as if you are superior


3) because of a genuine mental health condition? As I said above would you say the same to someone in a wheelchair who asked for a ramp

You should have spoken about it with your manager before if it was going to affect you doing the job. You shouldn't ask your colleagues to do your job because you can't, you have to inform a manager.
1) how is buying a present for someone condescending?

2) by using it? I'm not saying HEY EVERYONE LOOK AT MY BAG! if someone's got an inferiority complex that's not my problem. If you're a jealous type of person how is that my fault? Should we ban Porsches because some people might get jealous? Hoe about large houses? It's pathetic.

3) I've spoken to my manager about it. And it's called teamwork. You do a favour for me I do one for you. I don't see the issue?
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Anonymous #2
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1) how is buying a present for someone condescending?

Because she said she can't afford it so you went out and bought it for her.

2) by using it? I'm not saying HEY EVERYONE LOOK AT MY BAG! if someone's got an inferiority complex that's not my problem. If you're a jealous type of person how is that my fault? Should we ban Porsches because some people might get jealous? Hoe about large houses? It's pathetic.

You don't have a modest attitude though.

3) I've spoken to my manager about it. And it's called teamwork. You do a favour for me I do one for you. I don't see the issue?

If you've already spoken to your manager about it, then why were you given the task?
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