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How to not come across as weird? Watch

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    I'm starting uni in September, and I'm going to be moving away from home, and living in the halls for the first time. In the past from primary school to sixth form, I've always been kind of a loner, sticking to only a few close friends if I have to.
    One of my mutual friends is going to the same uni as me(he lives near me and we do not know each other well), and he found people near my area that are going to the same uni. We met up once as a group, but after that meeting, I missed the next gathering, and I'm afraid they've become closer as a group without me. I feel pretty awkward around them and have nothing much to say, so the only way I grab the group's attention is by making irrelevant remarks, which upon reflection, comes off as a little bit annoying/weird. They are going to have 2 more gatherings, of which one I have told them I won't be going.

    I know I am acting anti-social in a sense, but I feel a lot of (social) anxiety when I meet in groups, fearing that I'll say something stupid, and I use that as an excuse to avoid the group like the plague.

    So, I know my first impression isn't good, but how do I not come across as weird to them?

    I'm also afraid I might do the same for fresher's week.

    There are lots of kind souls on this forum, could one of you advice me on what to do?
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    don't be scared! focussing on what you think went 'wrong' isn't going to help much, so move on. also don't think of it as tackling the whole group, maybe try to focus on a friendship one person at a time with a member who appears the most open and friend - remember the mutual friend who invited you in the first place wanted you there. don't feel pressured to say something and end up with something random and silly, but ask them questions about where they're from, why they took the course and eventually common interests will out :cool: good luck
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm starting uni in September, and I'm going to be moving away from home, and living in the halls for the first time. In the past from primary school to sixth form, I've always been kind of a loner, sticking to only a few close friends if I have to.
    One of my mutual friends is going to the same uni as me(he lives near me and we do not know each other well), and he found people near my area that are going to the same uni. We met up once as a group, but after that meeting, I missed the next gathering, and I'm afraid they've become closer as a group without me. I feel pretty awkward around them and have nothing much to say, so the only way I grab the group's attention is by making irrelevant remarks, which upon reflection, comes off as a little bit annoying/weird. They are going to have 2 more gatherings, of which one I have told them I won't be going.

    I know I am acting anti-social in a sense, but I feel a lot of (social) anxiety when I meet in groups, fearing that I'll say something stupid, and I use that as an excuse to avoid the group like the plague.

    So, I know my first impression isn't good, but how do I not come across as weird to them?

    I'm also afraid I might do the same for fresher's week.

    There are lots of kind souls on this forum, could one of you advice me on what to do?
    How about not trying to stick with all of them. Try getting close to one or two people from that group instead.
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    (Original post by Brontësaurus)
    don't be scared! focussing on what you think went 'wrong' isn't going to help much, so move on. also don't think of it as tackling the whole group, maybe try to focus on a friendship one person at a time with a member who appears the most open and friend - remember the mutual friend who invited you in the first place wanted you there. don't feel pressured to say something and end up with something random and silly, but ask them questions about where they're from, why they took the course and eventually common interests will out :cool: good luck
    Hey, thanks for the input. I really appreciate it. I have follow up questions, and hope you could answer them.

    (Original post by Brontësaurus)
    one person at a time with a member who appears the most open and friend
    I feel that I could do that, but I'm worried that I'll just stick to the person, and I am also afraid that I may scare the person off. How should I continue from interacting with only one to interacting with a few in the group?

    (Original post by Brontësaurus)
    but ask them questions about where they're from
    I'm not sure if I already missed the ship. They did go out twice already, and probably got acquainted with each other. Is there a way to ask the questions without annoying them? What should I do if I can't really find any common ground.

    (Original post by Brontësaurus)
    remember the mutual friend who invited you in the first place wanted you there.
    The only thing I know about him is that he really likes soccer, and watches EPL on a regular basis. I am not really into soccer, but should I 'read up' and try to converse with him based on current soccer events? Or will I appear as 'fake'?
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    (Original post by RHyoudon'kno)
    How about not trying to stick with all of them. Try getting close to one or two people from that group instead.
    I feel that I could do that, but I'm worried that I'll just stick to the person, and I am also afraid that I may scare the person off. How should I continue from interacting with only one to interacting with a few in the group?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel that I could do that, but I'm worried that I'll just stick to the person, and I am also afraid that I may scare the person off. How should I continue from interacting with only one to interacting with a few in the group?
    Ask them if they want to hang out. Try and relate to some of their hobbies? Or even show an interest in their hobbies.

    Err, in time you should get to know some of them.
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    Don't let it worry you so much! There will be loads of people starting your uni probably even in your classes who haven't met anyone else but once you get to know everyone you'll find the right! Just be yourself! If you don't feel comfortable around them then they're not the right group for you! If you really want to hang with them then maybe try and get a bit closer to the mutual friend before you try the whole group! Hope this helped a bit! Good luck for uni!
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    be yourself ...do not give in to peer group pressure, do nothing that you are not comfortable with
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    You'll meet plenty of other people at uni, so it doesn't matter so much if you don't gel with the people from that group. You may find people there that you have more in common with. Just don't over think it too much!
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    (Original post by RHyoudon'kno)
    Ask them if they want to hang out. Try and relate to some of their hobbies? Or even show an interest in their hobbies.

    Err, in time you should get to know some of them.
    I will be meeting them at least a few more times, so hanging out shouldn't really be a problem. I could try to do the hobbies thing I guess as a sort of ice breaker between me and them, but I'm afraid of coming across as feigning interest in what they like, especially if I have no idea about anything on the topic.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I will be meeting them at least a few more times, so hanging out shouldn't really be a problem. I could try to do the hobbies thing I guess as a sort of ice breaker between me and them, but I'm afraid of coming across as feigning interest in what they like, especially if I have no idea about anything on the topic.
    Ask questions. Seem interested. Offer to do it if they show you how- if you want to try. Don't go reaching out of your comfort zone.
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    Thank you for the responses! I really appreciate it, and have a bit of input on the advice. Hope you could take the time to respond.

    (Original post by Rachelmcl13)
    Don't let it worry you so much! There will be loads of people starting your uni probably even in your classes who haven't met anyone else but once you get to know everyone you'll find the right! Just be yourself! If you don't feel comfortable around them then they're not the right group for you! If you really want to hang with them then maybe try and get a bit closer to the mutual friend before you try the whole group! Hope this helped a bit! Good luck for uni!
    This definitely helped. I guess I am a bit anxious of not being able to make any new friends because of my introverted nature, so I guess this is like a pre-cursor to the freshers events. I guess I am trying to be more outgoing, and failing pretty badly at it. Oddly enough, my mutual friend isn't the one I can get along the most with(I guess that's why he is a mutual friend), but I do know one person in the group that I am potentially going to be good friends with. I am just afraid that the same thing would happen at freshers I guess.

    (Original post by Bonmot)
    be yourself ...do not give in to peer group pressure, do nothing that you are not comfortable with
    I try to, but I'm afraid that may limit my social circle in a sense. I actually want to change, but I don't really know how.

    (Original post by katehlouise)
    You'll meet plenty of other people at uni, so it doesn't matter so much if you don't gel with the people from that group. You may find people there that you have more in common with. Just don't over think it too much!
    I really hope so. I guess having friends from the same area may understand me better, as they theoretically should have more in common, so that is why I want to make friends with them. Ironically, I don't think I have much in common with them, so I guess it defeats the purpose of trying to be friendly with them. I guess this has let to my underlying fear of 'screwing up' at freshers, not being able to gel with anyone, and stick out like a sore thumb.
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    (Original post by RHyoudon'kno)
    Ask questions. Seem interested. Offer to do it if they show you how- if you want to try. Don't go reaching out of your comfort zone.
    Ah.... I see. What if their hobby is something knowledge based, like being a fan of a particular book series. How can I approach it without sounding annoying?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ah.... I see. What if their hobby is something knowledge based, like being a fan of a particular book series. How can I approach it without sounding annoying?
    Ask about it. Say you might think about reading it but get them to persuade you.
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    This definitely helped. I guess I am a bit anxious of not being able to make any new friends because of my introverted nature, so I guess this is like a pre-cursor to the freshers events. I guess I am trying to be more outgoing, and failing pretty badly at it. Oddly enough, my mutual friend isn't the one I can get along the most with(I guess that's why he is a mutual friend), but I do know one person in the group that I am potentially going to be good friends with. I am just afraid that the same thing would happen at freshers I guess

    Glad it helped Just out of curiosity, what are you studying at uni?
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    (Original post by RHyoudon'kno)
    Ask about it. Say you might think about reading it but get them to persuade you.
    Ah.... Thank you so much. Would this be the way to handle freshers as well? Or is it too 'boring' a way to break the ice?

    Ugh.. The 30 second wait between posts is so annoying.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ah.... Thank you so much. Would this be the way to handle freshers as well? Or is it too 'boring' a way to break the ice?

    Ugh.. The 30 second wait between posts is so annoying.

    You're welcome.
    No. It's a great way to start on anything.

    I ****ing know! It's such a waste of time. It pisses me off so bad.
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    (Original post by Rachelmcl13)
    Just out of curiosity, what are you studying at uni?
    I'll PM you regarding that. I think some of them may use this forum, and they may identify me through my situation(I'm a little paranoid about people IRL finding out about my situation).
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'll PM you regarding that. I think some of them may use this forum, and they may identify me through my situation(I'm a little paranoid about people IRL finding out about my situation).
    Thank you
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    (Original post by RHyoudon'kno)
    You're welcome.
    No. It's a great way to start on anything.

    I ****ing know! It's such a waste of time. It pisses me off so bad.
    I know I have been bombarding you with questions, but do you know if there are any ways to overcome social anxiety, and nervousness/anxiousness in general?
 
 
 
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