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Being gay is making me depressed Watch

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    Hi everyone,

    Just to give a bit of background of myself, I am 18 years old, about to go to Uni in September, and gay.

    I have always known deep down, but came out to 'myself' at 15. I have never told anyone before in real life though. I am so used to keeping it to myself, that sometimes I actually think I'm straight!

    The main reason for keeping it to myself was the fact that my friends at school were extremely homophobic. They were deeply deeply homophobic, and didn't even grow out of it as they got older. Other than that, they were great friends, but they made their views crystal clear. I just didn't want to put myself through unneccesary stress of coming out, being harrased by them and it effecting my exam results etc.

    I don't fit the stereotypical 'image' of a gay guy. No one ever suspects it at all. But anyway, lately it's been making me depressed. I am just too scared to come out. My family wouldn't disown me, but things would be awkward between us, and my Mum is going to be dissapointed. She has even said before that if she had a gay child she would accept it, but she would be gutted. I just don't want to face the day of her being hysterical because she finds out her son is gay.

    I am also sick of pretending I'm straight all the time. I'm sick of going to bars and clubs with my mates and pretending that I think the group of girls sitting next to us are hot. I am sick of pretending I'm interested in girls full stop.

    Being forever alone also depresses me. Gay guys have a fraction of the option that straight guys have. And the few gays I have met, I have never had any attraction to before. At my school there were about 2 'out' gay people, and I just imagine University to be the same. There will probably be that one gay in my lecture, who is 'out and proud' but extremely flambouyant and feminine, and I just don't find that attractive at all.

    I know you guys are going to tell me to come out, but I just can't find the strength to. I think I will tell people at Uni, but I don't know when the right time is to tell my family. Maybe never lol.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi everyone,

    Just to give a bit of background of myself, I am 18 years old, about to go to Uni in September, and gay.

    I have always known deep down, but came out to 'myself' at 15. I have never told anyone before in real life though. I am so used to keeping it to myself, that sometimes I actually think I'm straight!

    The main reason for keeping it to myself was the fact that my friends at school were extremely homophobic. They were deeply deeply homophobic, and didn't even grow out of it as they got older. Other than that, they were great friends, but they made their views crystal clear. I just didn't want to put myself through unneccesary stress of coming out, being harrased by them and it effecting my exam results etc.

    I don't fit the stereotypical 'image' of a gay guy. No one ever suspects it at all. But anyway, lately it's been making me depressed. I am just too scared to come out. My family wouldn't disown me, but things would be awkward between us, and my Mum is going to be dissapointed. She has even said before that if she had a gay child she would accept it, but she would be gutted. I just don't want to face the day of her being hysterical because she finds out her son is gay.

    I am also sick of pretending I'm straight all the time. I'm sick of going to bars and clubs with my mates and pretending that I think the group of girls sitting next to us are hot. I am sick of pretending I'm interested in girls full stop.

    Being forever alone also depresses me. Gay guys have a fraction of the option that straight guys have. And the few gays I have met, I have never had any attraction to before. At my school there were about 2 'out' gay people, and I just imagine University to be the same. There will probably be that one gay in my lecture, who is 'out and proud' but extremely flambouyant and feminine, and I just don't find that attractive at all.

    I know you guys are going to tell me to come out, but I just can't find the strength to. I think I will tell people at Uni, but I don't know when the right time is to tell my family. Maybe never lol.
    Hi,

    I really get what you're saying and I feel for you. I can't really offer you much advice but do what's right for you. If you ever need to talk to someone, just send me a private message - always willing to listen!

    xx
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    :console:

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    Get a girlfriend for show then, and be gay?
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    (Original post by fnatic NateDestiel)
    Get a girlfriend for show then, and be gay?
    I don't think this is fair on the girlfriend or him.
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    (Original post by anonymouspie227)
    I don't think this is fair on the girlfriend or him.
    I agree. Stupid suggestion!
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    Tbh you've got two options stay in the closet and be miserable for the rest of your life or come out as gay and perhaps suffer a bit of awkwardness for a bit but eventually find happiness.
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    OP you don't have to come out!
    You don't have to announce to everyone that you're not "straight." You just don't have to hide it. Stop pretending if it makes you unhappy.

    If you want to "be gay"/be who you are, be gay! Date, go to gay bars, do whatever makes you happy.

    Please, just live as you please, and try and stop worrying!

    If your mum is disappointed, whatever. She should support what makes her child happy and who makes him happy.

    If you have homophobes friends, and they can't accept you. They are not your friends.

    From what I've heard Uni's accommodate the LGBT community (lgbt socs) and in general people don't care who you love! (/are tolerant)

    I'm sure you'll find people to be with at uni. I hope you get to explore and be free.


    Just do you OP!

    Edit: I know being gay is not a choice!! By "be gay" I was just trying to mean be you. Also, I just think it's silly that this is a question, you should be able to be who you are.

    My phrasing was off!
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    Do yourself a favour and just come out of the closet. You'll feel a lot better once you accept yourself for who you are.
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    I obviously don't know what university you're going to, but a lot of unis have great LGBT societies and people are a lot more open about this sort of thing! I have met a lot more LGBT people since starting uni (and that's without ever joining the LGBT society) and people don't seem to bat an eyelid when it comes to this sort of thing at university. I remember at sixth form something like this would be gossip and shocking or whatever, but it's not really anything that's ever a big deal at university. Of course I can't talk for every uni ever, but this has been my experience.

    Nobody has the right to tell you to come out, especially if you don't feel ready yet. It's a part of yourself that you choose to tell other people, and only if you want to. Perhaps if you feel like you want to come out, you could tell one or two close friends who you don't think are homophobic? If you're not comfortable doing that, I'm sure there will be new friends at your university who you can tell and they really won't care!

    Good luck with everything!
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    (Original post by anonymouspie227)
    OP you don't have to come out!
    You don't have to announce to everyone that you're not "straight." You just don't have to hide it. Stop pretending if it makes you unhappy.

    If you want to "be gay" be gay! Date, go to gay bars, do whatever makes you happy.

    Please, just live as you please, and try and stop worrying!

    If your mum is disappointed, whatever. She should support what makes her child happy and who makes him happy.

    If you have homophobes friends, and they can't accept you. They are not your friends.

    From what I've heard Uni's accommodate the LGBT community (lgbt socs) and in general people don't care who you love! (/are tolerant)

    I'm sure you'll find people to be with at uni. I hope you get to explore and be free.


    Just do you OP!
    Ok a lot of what you said was good advice and very true, but I do have to correct you on one thing.
    I never 'wanted' to be gay. This was not a choice. It chose me!
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    While I do believe you that you're right now living in an uncomfortably homophobic environment, it is very likely that when you go to university that will completely change. Homophobia is not the norm right now, there has been such a big push on helping the LGBT communities particularly on campuses - most unis have some sort of LGBT society for instance, which will offer support but also an opportunity to meet other homosexuals including other gay men where I am sure will suit your tastes a little more and their rights and protection are monitered by equality and diversity officers of some sort. And I would be very unnerved if you faced constant homophobia by straight people - honestly I'm surprised your friends are so openly against gay people, most (straight) people I know would be horrified!

    What I'm getting at is that when you get that cliche fresh start which is university, there is no reason to stay closeted. It's not my position to tell you to come out in your current environment - its not anyone's position to tell you to come out at all - but I do feel you will not be facing the same problems when you go to university. If I were you, I wouldn't tell your parents or your friends; I would just get on with it and let them make the discovery for themselves. At the end of the day, its actually none of their business, and your life isn't there for them to complain about.
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    Hey, listen I know exactly how you feel, send me a private message so we can talk, it will really help you to talk about how your feeling. The absolute best way to beat depression is to talking to others. Things really do get better over time and even sending a message telling someone you've never met your gay will help you a million times over. The only advise I can give you is to talk to people as much as you can, good luck and being gay isn't making you depressed, bottling it up is!

    P.S be proud of coming out to yourself, it is really hard to accept yourself!


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      (Original post by Anonymous)
      Hi everyone,

      Just to give a bit of background of myself, I am 18 years old, about to go to Uni in September, and gay.

      I have always known deep down, but came out to 'myself' at 15. I have never told anyone before in real life though. I am so used to keeping it to myself, that sometimes I actually think I'm straight!

      The main reason for keeping it to myself was the fact that my friends at school were extremely homophobic. They were deeply deeply homophobic, and didn't even grow out of it as they got older. Other than that, they were great friends, but they made their views crystal clear. I just didn't want to put myself through unneccesary stress of coming out, being harrased by them and it effecting my exam results etc.

      I don't fit the stereotypical 'image' of a gay guy. No one ever suspects it at all. But anyway, lately it's been making me depressed. I am just too scared to come out. My family wouldn't disown me, but things would be awkward between us, and my Mum is going to be dissapointed. She has even said before that if she had a gay child she would accept it, but she would be gutted. I just don't want to face the day of her being hysterical because she finds out her son is gay.

      I am also sick of pretending I'm straight all the time. I'm sick of going to bars and clubs with my mates and pretending that I think the group of girls sitting next to us are hot. I am sick of pretending I'm interested in girls full stop.

      Being forever alone also depresses me. Gay guys have a fraction of the option that straight guys have. And the few gays I have met, I have never had any attraction to before. At my school there were about 2 'out' gay people, and I just imagine University to be the same. There will probably be that one gay in my lecture, who is 'out and proud' but extremely flambouyant and feminine, and I just don't find that attractive at all.

      I know you guys are going to tell me to come out, but I just can't find the strength to. I think I will tell people at Uni, but I don't know when the right time is to tell my family. Maybe never lol.
      You say that you came out to yourself when you were 15. Have you properly accepted it yourself? I'd advise you to work on your self-esteem, accept yourself for who you are. Don't let the people around you let you belittle you for being gay, if you give people a chance to look down on you, they sure will do that.

      I don't think you need to necessarily make a big deal out it and tell everyone, but instead tell one close friend and perhaps 'stop pretending'. Then gradually let your inner circle know, including your family.

      Take advantage of the fact that you're going to uni, it's sort of a fresh start, so definitely do not pretend once you start. Don't hide your sexuality, if it comes up in the conversations or someone asks, then you're gay. But really, that's none of their business (unless they are asking you out). Just know that. You don't owe anyone anything.
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      (Original post by Anonymous)
      Ok a lot of what you said was good advice and very true, but I do have to correct you on one thing.
      I never 'wanted' to be gay. This was not a choice. It chose me!
      Yes sorry, I made it sound like a choice and it's not!!

      I meant be who you are. Because you are gay!

      And by being gay, you're just being you! If you don't want to be gay, you don't want to be you imo.

      Edit: On the other hand, I think that it is clear that I didn't mean sexuality is a choice. Stop being so defensive.
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      (Original post by anonymouspie227)
      Yes sorry, I made it sound like a choice and it's not!!

      I meant be who you are. Because you are gay!

      And by being gay, you're just being you! If you don't want to be gay, you don't want to be you imo.

      Edit: On the other hand, I think that it is clear that I didn't mean sexuality is a choice. Stop being so defensive.
      OK I'm sorry maybe I was being a bit defensive. But it's frustrating when people say that.
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      (Original post by brendonbackflip)
      While I do believe you that you're right now living in an uncomfortably homophobic environment, it is very likely that when you go to university that will completely change. Homophobia is not the norm right now, there has been such a big push on helping the LGBT communities particularly on campuses - most unis have some sort of LGBT society for instance, which will offer support but also an opportunity to meet other homosexuals including other gay men where I am sure will suit your tastes a little more and their rights and protection are monitered by equality and diversity officers of some sort. And I would be very unnerved if you faced constant homophobia by straight people - honestly I'm surprised your friends are so openly against gay people, most (straight) people I know would be horrified!

      What I'm getting at is that when you get that cliche fresh start which is university, there is no reason to stay closeted. It's not my position to tell you to come out in your current environment - its not anyone's position to tell you to come out at all - but I do feel you will not be facing the same problems when you go to university. If I were you, I wouldn't tell your parents or your friends; I would just get on with it and let them make the discovery for themselves. At the end of the day, its actually none of their business, and your life isn't there for them to complain about.
      I guess I'm just unlucky that my environment seems to be so unaccepting, when I live in the UK and it's 2014 lol. I do definitely plan to 'come out' at University to other people, when I'm on a completely clean slate with everyone!
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      (Original post by Anonymous)
      OK I'm sorry maybe I was being a bit defensive. But it's frustrating when people say that.
      It's understandable why you would be frustrated. It's not fair when people assume things that aren't your choice are your choice!

      You can get through this OP. :hugs:
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      Don't need to tell your family, just go into uni on day one and be yourself. If someone asks it you're gay just yeah, that's about as much as you have to do - you don't need to start of every conversation with "I'm gay nice to meet you" just act yourself and be like so what?

      Also there are a lot of gay guys who don't fit the stereotype that you don't know are gay because they do exactly as I just said



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      I agree with what everyone else say about uni being more accepting. In York nobody bats an eyelid as we all find it normal and there are loads of LGBT events that go on
     
     
     
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