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    Sorry if this post ends up being a long one, thank you in advance if you make it to the end


    I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, but recently he just won't stop lying. Some small examples are:

    - He will say he's blocked someone on facebook/snapchat (without me even asking him to) and then I'll find out he lied to me- because I never even asked him to do that it makes me wonder why he'd even bother to say it.

    - He will text me saying he's at home when he's actually not. He told me he was making a BBQ in his garden, when he was actually out with people getting drunk. Once again, I never would have said he couldn't do that- but why did he have to lie about it?

    - He recently went on a break away- and it was agreed although we wouldn't talk as much as we do usually, he will still ring me for 10 minutes in the evening to say goodnight. He didn't text or ring the entire time and didn't even apologise- even though he admitted he said he would ring.

    - He lies to me about what times he's at work. Once again, I have no idea why he would do this, because it's not like I have anything to say about it, it just is weird he would bother to lie.

    They are only a few of many, many small things recently. I know it seems ridiculous and pathetic- trust me, I would love to not care about it but I just can't help it. I don't understand why he feels the need to lie- I have tried to talk to him and explained none of that stuff would give me any reason to argue (or even have anything to say about it really) but he just continues to lie.

    It's got to the point where I'm making up all these scenarios in my head to try and figure out why he is lying about every little thing to me. I have cried and begged him to stop, to which he first says he will then suddenly gets angry and denies that he is lying (even when he is caught out) and tells me I need to grow up and that I'm an idiot and that I'm too much to deal with and I'm pathetic.

    I don't understand why he would say those things to me, when I haven't even done anything other than try to communicate with him. I haven't had a go, I haven't tried to start an argument- all I do is try and get him to stop lying and then I get verbally attacked. He doesn't realise how much it actually hurts and how what he says sticks with me, and I really don't know what to do.

    I just am finding it so hard to trust what he, or anyone else says to me, now. I feel so confused and hurt, and I don't know what to believe when he talks to me any more. I love him, but I have no idea how to convey this to him- as I said, when I try he just denies it and makes me feel like it's all my fault.

    I'm starting to believe that I am pathetic and I am an idiot- but all these little lies all the time every day has built up to the point where I just need advice from someone outside the situation.
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    So why are you with him again?

    If someone told me a barefaced lie I would tell them never again or I'll dump them.

    EDIT: it sounds like you are in a somewhat abusive relationship. Normally I would not advocate breaking up without an ultimatum but it sounds like it has gone on long enough. Dump him.


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    I don't think he is cut out for any sort of adult relationship to be honest. If I were you I would confront him and tell him how you feel (again), and if he gets angry again, then I think you should at least consider breaking up with him. Don't blame yourself, although the lies are insignificant in themselves, they all stack up, and its no wonder the trust in your relationship is disintegrating.
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    If you found out about all of these lies, what else is he hiding that you haven't found out about yet?
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    (Original post by LightBlueSoldier)
    So why are you with him again?

    If someone told me a barefaced lie I would tell them never again or I'll dump them.

    EDIT: it sounds like you are in a somewhat abusive relationship. Normally I would not advocate breaking up without an ultimatum but it sounds like it has gone on long enough. Dump him.


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    That's pretty extreme, no?


    Let me guess you're alone, am I right? :lol:



    Abusive relationship? Lol are you serious?


    The OP sounds clingy to me if anything.


    She says she's not bothered by some of his promises with zero expectation on follow through yet she's clearly upset.

    Best thing is to talk to your bf.



    Some people lie all the time i.e. tell little small lies which is not really serious but again there's trust issues going on.
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    (Original post by LightBlueSoldier)
    EDIT: it sounds like you are in a somewhat abusive relationship.
    Where is the abuse in this somewhat abusive relationship?
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    (Original post by Marky Mark)
    That's pretty extreme, no?


    Let me guess you're alone, am I right? :lol:



    Abusive relationship? Lol are you serious?


    The OP sounds clingy to me if anything.


    She says she's not bothered by some of his promises with zero expectation on follow through yet she's clearly upset.

    Best thing is to talk to your bf.



    Some people lie all the time i.e. tell little small lies which is not really serious but again there's trust issues going on.
    No it's not. I can understand white lies and the little lies that are part of adult life. But big and obvious ones would mean I couldn't trust someone and trust is the most important part of any relationship.

    An yes I am currently single but I have spent about 7 of the last 10 years in relationships that I regarded as serious.


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    Why are you still with him?
    TBH anyone that can lie about the little things will have absolutely no problem lying about the big things. Added to that the fact that he blatantly blames you for catching him out in the lies.
    The guy doesn't return your feelings. Get rid before you really get hurt.
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    (Original post by Birkenhead)
    Where is the abuse in this somewhat abusive relationship?
    Well it's not really clear cut. OP is essentially allowing herself to be abused.


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    Personally I think before you dump him try and sort it out in a different way.

    You may find that something is going on that you don't know about. It could be something really bad or it could just be embarrassing.

    I suggest trying to ease it out of him. Make sure he knows you love him and that you can be trusted with the truth.

    If he still refuses to co-operate then yes, fair enough, maybe its time to think about moving on.

    Good luck and I hope things work out for the best, whatever that may be
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    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by LightBlueSoldier)
    So why are you with him again?

    If someone told me a barefaced lie I would tell them never again or I'll dump them.

    EDIT: it sounds like you are in a somewhat abusive relationship. Normally I would not advocate breaking up without an ultimatum but it sounds like it has gone on long enough. Dump him.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Because although he lies to me all the time I do love him. He's like my best friend. The lying only started within the last 3 months (or so I think) and only got worse in the last month.
    I did actually give him an ultimatum, and then I did 'dump' him and went to leave- but he convinced me to stay and promised it would change- but it hasn't.
    He has never hurt me physically so I wouldn't class it as abusive at all.
    I know it seems like I'm just trying to make excuses for him, but I honestly just want to try and fix it before I give up.

    (Original post by Phoebe Buffay)
    I don't think he is cut out for any sort of adult relationship to be honest. If I were you I would confront him and tell him how you feel (again), and if he gets angry again, then I think you should at least consider breaking up with him. Don't blame yourself, although the lies are insignificant in themselves, they all stack up, and its no wonder the trust in your relationship is disintegrating.
    As I said above, I have 'tried' to leave him and gave him an ultimatum about the lies- but I honestly really want to be with him, and the thought of not being with him makes me so upset. I want to know how to make him understand- nothing I have said has managed to get it into his head how much it actually hurts me. It takes a lot to make me cry, and it feels like that's all I've been doing.
    I don't want to push him away by being so upset and negative- but I honestly don't know what to do/say. I've spelt it out to him so many times now.

    (Original post by UniMastermindBOSS)
    If you found out about all of these lies, what else is he hiding that you haven't found out about yet?
    That's what I'm so worried about
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    (Original post by Anonymous)



    - .



    That's what I'm so worried about
    Abuse is not necessarily physical although I don't think this is really abusive.

    Also he conned you and you are weak. Leave him.



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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    As I said above, I have 'tried' to leave him and gave him an ultimatum about the lies- but I honestly really want to be with him, and the thought of not being with him makes me so upset. I want to know how to make him understand- nothing I have said has managed to get it into his head how much it actually hurts me. It takes a lot to make me cry, and it feels like that's all I've been doing.
    I don't want to push him away by being so upset and negative- but I honestly don't know what to do/say. I've spelt it out to him so many times now.

    To be honest then, I can't really see how the situation can be helped. A person like this doesn't just change overnight, and considering how you've talked to him and its failed, what else is there to do?
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    (Original post by LightBlueSoldier)
    Well it's not really clear cut. OP is essentially allowing herself to be abused.
    How can you say that the OP is allowing herself to be abused when you can't identify any abuse? These aren't terms to be bandying about for sake of melodrama.
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    (Original post by Marky Mark)
    x
    I do try my best not to be clingy- I don't tell him who he can talk to (because I know that's not my place), we both do our separate things with our friends, we meet up/stay round each others houses once or twice a week- sometimes more (difficult due to work), I don't stop him drinking and I don't say he can't go out.

    I am of course going to be upset that he feels the need to lie about these things, when we both made it clear at the start of the relationship that neither of us are the type to act clingy or care about those kind of things (within reason).

    I would just like someones view on how I can approach him about the constant lies- because that's what is upsetting me and obviously the way I tried to talk to him about it didn't work.

    (Original post by Cobbler)
    x
    Is there any way I can talk to him and make him understand? Without being blamed or shouted out for calling him out on it? I've tried talking to him, but it didn't work and it's all just stressing me out so so much.

    (Original post by ChristineE96)
    Personally I think before you dump him try and sort it out in a different way.

    You may find that something is going on that you don't know about. It could be something really bad or it could just be embarrassing.

    I suggest trying to ease it out of him. Make sure he knows you love him and that you can be trusted with the truth.

    If he still refuses to co-operate then yes, fair enough, maybe its time to think about moving on.

    Good luck and I hope things work out for the best, whatever that may be
    Posted from TSR Mobile
    That's really what I want to do! Dumping him is my last resort, because I've been with him for a relatively long time and I would say that I do love him, and I'm not ready to give that up just yet.
    I'm not sure the best way to go about making him realise how much it hurts- maybe if he realises that, he might stop?
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    I have heard of a few instances where boys have told lies for apparently no reason, and I still can't figure out why they do it.It doesn't sound like he's a compulsive liar by what you've said so it must be something else. Did he offer an explanation as to why he lied to you about any of those things?

    I read somewhere that if you don't want someone to lie to you, you shouldn't put the emphasis on the actual lying because instead of resolving the thing that they're doing wrong which means they have to lie to you, it just makes them better at hiding their lies. This kind of makes sense to me because a liar always hates to be caught. So perhaps don't bring it up for a while and see what happens.

    It sounds like he's not making a lot of effort with you and maybe even trying to push you away. You could try going on a break to see if his behaviour changes. If it doesn't, you might want to think about whether you still want to be with him, and if he initially changes but then carries on as normal after a while, I would definitely call it quits.
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    If i haven't already said it OP, you're a bright person with a lot of self esteem.
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    I think he's lying to you ( even about small insignificant things) because it's his way of distancing himself from intimacy with you. He's already moving on.

    He's got another interest I would guess. Expect to find out he's seeing someone else.

    And no you don't want to be with him. You want to be with the person you want him to be. But he's not that person and he'll only give you grief. The hardest thing to do in a relationship is to separate out the real person from the one we would like them to be. I think its called 'crystallisation' the stage when you idealise them and surround them with a rosy glow. When you understand who he really is, you'll be able to part with him and wonder whatever you saw in him.

    Either finish with him or wait for him to finish with you whichever you prefer but the relationship is no longer there.
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    (Original post by pickup)
    I think he's lying to you ( even about small insignificant things) because it's his way of distancing himself from intimacy with you. He's already moving on.
    This is sort of what I meant to say, but your way is a lot more coherent!
 
 
 
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