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Time for a relationship in first year? Watch

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    #1

    I'm going to UCL this September and I hear the work load is a lot so will there be enough time to get into a relationship? Oh and I'll be studying Maths, I've never had a girlfriend as I think its a waste of time to put in the effort before university as chances are it won't work out and I'd never go out with someone I don't see potentially marrying.

    Oh and.. would people get into a relationship in the first year? Or would they wait it out a bit before doing so?
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    If there is loads of work at UCl, then I would suggest focusing on your studies. Maybe try out this semester and see where you're going. If you think you can handle with school and anything else at the same time, then try to find someone out there for you
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    Love is not a commodity, if you find someone you like, go out with them. Life's way too short and life can't be compartmentalised no matter how hard you try.

    Lol at the idea that university is hard work, especially first year.
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    You definitely have time for a relationship at university.
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    1st year is probably the best time to get in a relationship as the difficulty increases in 2nd and 3rd year.

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    If you've never had a girlfriend BEFORE uni I suspect your chances to get one AT uni are slim (not because of the workload, but because you're most likely very unattractive or socially inept, of both of them - sorry)
    • #1
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    (Original post by TitanicTeutonicPhil)
    If you've never had a girlfriend BEFORE uni I suspect your chances to get one AT uni are slim (not because of the workload, but because you're most likely very unattractive or socially inept, of both of them - sorry)
    Maybe, or maybe because I don't want to have a girlfriend until university as I said....
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Maybe, or maybe because I don't want to have a girlfriend until university as I said....
    Yeah, I would ignore what that guy is saying It really depends on how many hours of independent study you will have, but if you really like someone then go for it; you make time when you're in a relationship, and as others said first year is your best bet.
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    I go to Cambridge (I study medicine), which is notorious for having an immense workload.

    I got into a relationship at the start of my second term of first year, and nearly three years on I'm still in that relationship.
    I also managed to have a great time with all my friends, and get a 1st across all three years. I'm not boasting, but I'm trying to highlight that it really bothers me when people are on about 'no time for fun' - you just need to have a balance. Don't end up spending all your time with that person, or having fun - spread your time evenly. Work hard, party harder, and find a good work-life balance; when you sit down to work, actually work!! Don't spend your time procrastinating or complaining about how much work you do or doing the work in a way that's completely unnecessary/inefficient/won't help you in exam period (i.e. reading lots of unnecessary stuff, making lots of unnecessary notes, etc) Sure, a degree should be about more than just 'working towards exams', but don't do work that's not going to help you in the end....

    Relationships won't work if you can't trust yourself enough to not spend all your time with that person... a friend of mine would always perform poorly because she'd get too distracted by her significant other and just want to stay in bed all the time. There's a time and place for everything, and I reckon most relationships that are mature would understand that.

    There's time. You just need to make it and find a balance.

    /Rant.

    EDIT: I worked at the open days this year for Cambridge and the number of people who asked me 'is there time to go out/relationships/have fun'... I'm ranting purely because the question annoys me so much. It is what you make it.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm going to UCL this September and I hear the work load is a lot so will there be enough time to get into a relationship? Oh and I'll be studying Maths, I've never had a girlfriend as I think its a waste of time to put in the effort before university as chances are it won't work out and I'd never go out with someone I don't see potentially marrying.

    Oh and.. would people get into a relationship in the first year? Or would they wait it out a bit before doing so?
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    (Original post by TitanicTeutonicPhil)
    If you've never had a girlfriend BEFORE uni I suspect your chances to get one AT uni are slim (not because of the workload, but because you're most likely very unattractive or socially inept, of both of them - sorry)
    Completely false. Probably about half of my uni friends who are in relationships now never had one before uni, and most of them are not unattractive... sometimes it doesn't happen at school, perhaps you didn't fit in as well, or you just didn't like anyone there. Ignore this 'advice' OP.

    (Original post by Coke Or Pepsi)
    x
    As someone who's also at Cambridge I totally agree with this post. It's just about making the most of your time. Even though we're 'hard working', very few people I know spend more than 50 hours a week on their degree, including lectures/practicals etc. Most of my friends did substantially less than that. So you still have a fair amount of time to chill out, do some extra curriculars, and have a relationship if you want...

    The issue seems to arise when people don't use the time properly - if you procrastinate when you should be working, or you oversleep or just generally waste a lot of time, then you might run into issues but frankly most people manage just fine .
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    I agree that the 1st year is probably the best time to get in a relationship. And if possible find somebody who will graduate the same year as you for reasons that should be obvious!
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    I've just finished my first year and a fair few people I know at uni got into relationships, me included wasn't any struggle to manage it around the workload, and even people with a much higher workload than me were successful.
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    To be honest I was like you, thinking it was a bit pointless to get into a relationship until university because it would never work out. Then I started thinking that it'd be pointless getting one in my first year because I'll be too busy getting used to uni life or something stupid like that, and it would never work out. Now I've started thinking that there's not going to be a good time for a relationship at any point in university because then I might not feel as free to go through with my own career plans or lose that relationship.

    Basically, there doesn't seem to be a good point ever to start having a relationship, yet everyone else seems to be doing OK. So its pretty pointless worrying about things like this. Just go with the flow so to speak.
    • #2
    #2

    You can't just decide it's time for a relationship or not time for a relationship.

    There's no right age, there's no right time, there's no right stage in your life. You think life is going to get less busy and difficult after uni?

    There is only a right relationship, and that depends mostly on the person. She won't just materialise when it's convenient. It will never be convenient, and if you ignore potential romance for that reason, then you'll miss out.

    That said, there's plenty of time. As I insinuated above, university is about as easy and convenient as it gets for having a relationship. In all likelihood you will have way more free time and flexibility than you ever will once you start working. If you can't manage having a relationship alongside the rest of your life, there is something wrong with you that you need to fix.

    I've been in a long distance relationship throughout medical school, just graduated with honours, which is the equivalent of a first. Anon for boasting purposes. That's hard, I worked hard. Nothing to do with my relationship though. My relationship has only made me happier and stronger. I share Coke Or Pepsi's sentiments about the annoyingness of the question/attitude :p:

    A) A relationship shouldn't hinder you unless something about it or your own behaviour is wanting.
    B) If you can't manage a relationship as a student, good luck when you are working and/or have a family. You literally have it so easy. A good relationship unburdened by the weariness of time and age, responsibilities, kids, work commitments (as at uni) etc - should be easy. If it isn't easy now, heaven forbid. It will only get more difficult.

    (Original post by Coke Or Pepsi)
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    I feels ya.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    There's no right age, there's no right time, there's no right stage in your life. You think life is going to get less busy and difficult after uni?
    This. Exactly this.
    I tried to +rep you, but apparently I need to rep other users before I rep you again :blush: - I apparently agree with far too much of what you say...
 
 
 
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