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Realizing that my personality type does not fit into adult life. watch

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    I am intelligent - I come from a working class family and went to a state school but I was an academically gifted child. I graduated from a top UK university with a good degree but that is where things go downhill.

    Every single school report I ever had said I needed to 'contribute more to class discussion' and that I was 'a quiet child'. Nothing changed as I entered adulthood. I am still extremely reserved. I am not 'shy' or nervous or scared of people - I just do not enjoy interacting with them. I find it easier to be direct (which comes across as rude or aloof) than to be 'chatty'. I find people to be uninteresting on the whole - predictable in their behavior and usually shallow/fickle and oriented towards talk regarding other people rather than concepts. I find small talk pointless and making friends isn't something I have a strong desire to do. I am reasonably content alone - more so than around others.

    Luckily I found a job that requires almost zero interaction with people so I don't have to put myself through the mental effort of daily interaction. However, it is poorly paid and 'dead end'. I need to use my degree and work towards a graduate level career.

    My problem is that most careers involve a lot of interaction with people which has caused me to walk away from a lot of things (jobs, relationships, clubs etc).

    It's not that I despise humanity, I just prefer not to talk to most people and find 'normal' conversations difficult since they lack in predictability or focus.

    I know I will never change - I've been this way before I could even talk. I don't know if there is something 'wrong' with me or how to fix it - or even if I want to be fixed. Regardless - how do I find a career for my personality type and how do I learn to accept people into my life?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am intelligent - I come from a working class family and went to a state school but I was an academically gifted child. I graduated from a top UK university with a good degree but that is where things go downhill.

    Every single school report I ever had said I needed to 'contribute more to class discussion' and that I was 'a quiet child'. Nothing changed as I entered adulthood. I am still extremely reserved. I am not 'shy' or nervous or scared of people - I just do not enjoy interacting with them. I find it easier to be direct (which comes across as rude or aloof) than to be 'chatty'. I find people to be uninteresting on the whole - predictable in their behavior and usually shallow/fickle and oriented towards talk regarding other people rather than concepts. I find small talk pointless and making friends isn't something I have a strong desire to do. I am reasonably content alone - more so than around others.

    Luckily I found a job that requires almost zero interaction with people so I don't have to put myself through the mental effort of daily interaction. However, it is poorly paid and 'dead end'. I need to use my degree and work towards a graduate level career.

    My problem is that most careers involve a lot of interaction with people which has caused me to walk away from a lot of things (jobs, relationships, clubs etc).

    It's not that I despise humanity, I just prefer not to talk to most people and find 'normal' conversations difficult since they lack in predictability or focus.

    I know I will never change - I've been this way before I could even talk. I don't know if there is something 'wrong' with me or how to fix it - or even if I want to be fixed. Regardless - how do I find a career for my personality type and how do I learn to accept people into my life?
    I know this feeling but I am reserved because I am very low on confidence, which is why I dropped out of uni. If you want a graduate career you will have to interact with people whether you are researching, managing people or leading projects.
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    Depends what degree you've got I suppose. A teaching qualification is going to be pretty hard to have without social interaction.
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    Just curious... what do you work as? (I'm intrigued as to what job fits your personality)
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    I sympathise with you to some extent. Rather than talk about the whether or football I would rather talk about things alebit selfishly that interest me, like philosophy or about making money etc. I just don't waste my energy in unproductive talk, that is just me
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    (Original post by aspirinpharmacist)
    Depends what degree you've got I suppose. A teaching qualification is going to be pretty hard to have without social interaction.
    Well my degree isn't vocational, it's an academic subject BUT I was actually considering teaching just as a way out of low paid work...but I think it would drain me. Really, I could imagine myself as a professor but I don't have the money to study for another 4+ years at post-grad level. Unfortunately, that's probably the best suited 'proper' job for me.


    (Original post by Acidy)
    I sympathise with you to some extent. Rather than talk about the whether or football I would rather talk about things alebit selfishly that interest me, like philosophy or about making money etc. I just don't waste my energy in unproductive talk, that is just me
    Exactly. I'd rather talk about something thought provoking and meaningful, not 'what are you doing over the weekend?' type conversation.

    (Original post by somethingunique)
    Just curious... what do you work as? (I'm intrigued as to what job fits your personality)
    A driver - I have no customers to talk to, just stuff to transport. I only talk to a few colleagues in the morning when I load the vehicle, but it's very brief since we're working - then the next 8 hours it's just me and the road. When I get to my destination I spend about 5 minutes with some other people to sign things over. Then home. It's the most relaxed I've even been in employment. No stress, no office politics, no phone ringing off the hook, nobody telling me I need to do 1000 things at once. If the pay was a livable wage, I probably would do it for a long time and pursue my passions (writing, music) in my spare time - I would be happy like that. But I can't live off the wage so I should probably use my degree and do something better paid.
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    I think you have pretty much answered your question yourself. Writing and music. These are not easy 'careers' but you can get there if you try hard enough. Is it classic music that you like? Or..? Have you ever thought about doing this professionally?
    Writing is my passion as well, and my personality is quite similar - I dislike interacting with humans and can't see myself doing this for my whole life. I do not get along with them well, I find them boring, but I'm good at pretending, just to fit in. Nevertheless, getting your work published is never easy. For now I have decided to simply just 'deal with it' and have a job I dislike, while continuing my studies so I can earn money/save up whilst sill continuing my passion. I do this so I will be able to improve and then succeed at what i really want to do, and then leave my profession.
    What is your degree, if you don't mind me asking? It might give us some extra ideas about what could you do.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)



    A driver - I have no customers to talk to, just stuff to transport. I only talk to a few colleagues in the morning when I load the vehicle, but it's very brief since we're working - then the next 8 hours it's just me and the road. When I get to my destination I spend about 5 minutes with some other people to sign things over. Then home. It's the most relaxed I've even been in employment. No stress, no office politics, no phone ringing off the hook, nobody telling me I need to do 1000 things at once. If the pay was a livable wage, I probably would do it for a long time and pursue my passions (writing, music) in my spare time - I would be happy like that. But I can't live off the wage so I should probably use my degree and do something better paid.
    Average salary of a HGV is 25-30K, perfectly livable wage.
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    (Original post by MJ1012)
    Average salary of a HGV is 25-30K, perfectly livable wage.
    I didn't say HGV driver. I earn less than 10K a year.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I didn't say HGV driver. I earn less than 10K a year.
    Get an HGV licence?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think you have pretty much answered your question yourself. Writing and music. These are not easy 'careers' but you can get there if you try hard enough. Is it classic music that you like? Or..? Have you ever thought about doing this professionally?
    Writing is my passion as well, and my personality is quite similar - I dislike interacting with humans and can't see myself doing this for my whole life. I do not get along with them well, I find them boring, but I'm good at pretending, just to fit in. Nevertheless, getting your work published is never easy. For now I have decided to simply just 'deal with it' and have a job I dislike, while continuing my studies so I can earn money/save up whilst sill continuing my passion. I do this so I will be able to improve and then succeed at what i really want to do, and then leave my profession.
    What is your degree, if you don't mind me asking? It might give us some extra ideas about what could you do.
    Thanks for your response

    The problem is that I'm now in my mid 20's and still at my parents house so committing myself to writing as a career isn't going to help me move forward - realistically. I am willing to pursue my passions in my spare time, and I do - but in terms of when I do online searches for jobs I need something more 'realistic' to apply to so that I can earn money and become independent. It just feels as though I'll have to sacrifice my happiness to earn money...which maybe is what most people do, I don't know.

    I just know that every time I've worked around groups of other people in stressful jobs (offices and customer service) I've had mental health problems. I finally noticed the pattern - hence my current job. I can't put myself through it all again. But then how do I ever have a life where I can rent my own place, have my own car...etc.

    I'm very good at pretending too - until I get home one day and have a complete meltdown and end up on anti-depressants which is the way it went in my last job.

    My degree is Philosophy. Sometimes I think it contributed to the way that I am or maybe I chose it because it suited my personality....I over think and over analyse and question absolutely everything and everybody - it's exhausting to be honest but I think it's just the way I'm wired.
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    (Original post by ageshallnot)
    Get an HGV licence?
    I could do...but then what was the point in going to university and educating myself. On the one hand I feel like I could do this job for a long time if the wage was good, on the other I feel wasted when I know I could be using my head, helping others, making a real difference. I feel that I could be doing so much more if only I knew what and if only I could connect with people better.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for your response

    The problem is that I'm now in my mid 20's and still at my parents house so committing myself to writing as a career isn't going to help me move forward - realistically. I am willing to pursue my passions in my spare time, and I do - but in terms of when I do online searches for jobs I need something more 'realistic' to apply to so that I can earn money and become independent. It just feels as though I'll have to sacrifice my happiness to earn money...which maybe is what most people do, I don't know.

    I just know that every time I've worked around groups of other people in stressful jobs (offices and customer service) I've had mental health problems. I finally noticed the pattern - hence my current job. I can't put myself through it all again. But then how do I ever have a life where I can rent my own place, have my own car...etc.

    I'm very good at pretending too - until I get home one day and have a complete meltdown and end up on anti-depressants which is the way it went in my last job.

    My degree is Philosophy. Sometimes I think it contributed to the way that I am or maybe I chose it because it suited my personality....I over think and over analyse and question absolutely everything and everybody - it's exhausting to be honest but I think it's just the way I'm wired.
    I think it would help you move forward but yeah, it would definitely take quite a bit of time and you want a faster solution for now. Sacrificing happiness to earn money, that's pretty much the approach I chose, but only as a temporary thing. I also do not want to spend my whole life as a white-collared slave, chasing after more and more money, slowly rotting away just like everybody else does.

    If you have good professional writing skills, then perhaps you could put them to use and earn money and write articles. Although it's not perfect, I imagine the salary is better than a driver's salary, and the job itself shouldn't involve too much human interaction.

    Anyway, if you ever feel like discussing the more 'fun' stuff, such as why the world is the way it is, to be or not to be or simply wish to reflect on our shared dislike toward being around other human species, feel free to let me know on here.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I could do...but then what was the point in going to university and educating myself.
    I think that's not a good reason to get a certain job. If you would enjoy it more, yes, but not just for the sake of not admitting that a wrong route was chosen.

    On the one hand I feel like I could do this job for a long time if the wage was good, on the other I feel wasted when I know I could be using my head, helping others, making a real difference. I feel that I could be doing so much more if only I knew what and if only I could connect with people better.
    Driving a truck is as useful to other people as what most others do.
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    Hard snowflaking here

    Unless you are literally on the autism spectrum, man up and deal with it
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    You might have autism or Asperger's. If not, then you just need to grow up really. Everybody has to deal with people they don't like and deem boring. It's part of life. You can't isolate yourself and expect to be a successful, functioning member of society. Humans are social animals. I find talking to certain people really boring but I just get on with it.

    Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows, sometimes you've got to do things that you don't want to.
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    (Original post by yo radical one)
    Hard snowflaking here

    Unless you are literally on the autism spectrum, man up and deal with it
    You're exactly the type of person I wouldn't want to be around.

    No, I'm not on the autism spectrum (not that it would matter). Not everyone is built for an extroverted world. It's not a case of 'man up' - you're incredibly ignorant. Also - I'm not a man, but thanks very much for your incredibly constructive life advice all the same. I hope someone can offer you the type of advice you espouse when you most need it - you'll appreciate it, I'm sure.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I could do...but then what was the point in going to university and educating myself. On the one hand I feel like I could do this job for a long time if the wage was good, on the other I feel wasted when I know I could be using my head, helping others, making a real difference. I feel that I could be doing so much more if only I knew what and if only I could connect with people better.
    Get a HGV licence, work there for a bit. If you're as smart as you say you are then I'm sure you could use your skills to go it on your own and make a successful business out of it. But I'm afraid, the reality of the world is that 90% of academia isn't an important skill so just because you've had success there does not mean you are generally a skilled or useful human being.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You're exactly the type of person I wouldn't want to be around.

    No, I'm not on the autism spectrum (not that it would matter). Not everyone is built for an extroverted world. It's not a case of 'man up' - you're incredibly ignorant. Also - I'm not a man, but thanks very much for your incredibly constructive life advice all the same. I hope someone can offer you the type of advice you espouse when you most need it - you'll appreciate it, I'm sure.
    I can be pretty introverted myself...

    I just realise that it's for me to fit in with the world rather than the world to change itself for me, all this "I can't interact with people around me" smacks of emotional immaturity

    (I did assume you were a guy though I do admit)
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    (Original post by aspirinpharmacist)
    Depends what degree you've got I suppose. A teaching qualification is going to be pretty hard to have without social interaction.
    long time no see kid hope youre well

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cybqxxcm7N8

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am intelligent - I come from a working class family and went to a state school but I was an academically gifted child. I graduated from a top UK university with a good degree but that is where things go downhill.

    Every single school report I ever had said I needed to 'contribute more to class discussion' and that I was 'a quiet child'. Nothing changed as I entered adulthood. I am still extremely reserved. I am not 'shy' or nervous or scared of people - I just do not enjoy interacting with them. I find it easier to be direct (which comes across as rude or aloof) than to be 'chatty'. I find people to be uninteresting on the whole - predictable in their behavior and usually shallow/fickle and oriented towards talk regarding other people rather than concepts. I find small talk pointless and making friends isn't something I have a strong desire to do. I am reasonably content alone - more so than around others.

    Luckily I found a job that requires almost zero interaction with people so I don't have to put myself through the mental effort of daily interaction. However, it is poorly paid and 'dead end'. I need to use my degree and work towards a graduate level career.

    My problem is that most careers involve a lot of interaction with people which has caused me to walk away from a lot of things (jobs, relationships, clubs etc).

    It's not that I despise humanity, I just prefer not to talk to most people and find 'normal' conversations difficult since they lack in predictability or focus.

    I know I will never change - I've been this way before I could even talk. I don't know if there is something 'wrong' with me or how to fix it - or even if I want to be fixed. Regardless - how do I find a career for my personality type and how do I learn to accept people into my life?
    grand but keep an open mind
    I think its key to keep trying new things

    sure you know you dont like chit chat but perhaps other things will work for you

    theres many an office job that could suit depending on your interests

    often people will accept your personality when they get used to it

    be honest about it and just a little friendly and helpful and itl be grand
 
 
 
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