How to live with people who are in a co-dependent friendship?Watch
I think my two housemates are in a co-dependent relationship and it kinda annoys and disgusts me, for some reason. He fancied her, asked her out she said no because she's into girls. He still loves her, but they remain in a platonic relationship. I think their relationship is co-dependent because he does everything for her. For example, he checks important emails for her so that they sound good and impressive (he literally writes them for her), he check her essays- I think this is fine for grammar etc. but he goes one step further and basically does her work. It's gotten to the point where she just hands over her laptop and she says "Will you check this for me?" It's just so commonplace now. He also helps her with applying for positions for society's at our university and other positions, such as Editor of one of our University Newspapers. Also, he's not himself when he's with her as well. I think this is one of the points that irks me the most. He changes himself to be exactly like her. She even once said "It's like you're me" to him, or something to that effect, but he's actually more similar to me and two other of our housemates. For example, he watches all the TV shows she watches, uses the sites that she suggests to use and becomes touchy-feely with like she does with other people. However, he never touches the rest of the housemates much. In fact he doesn't really like being touched as, but as soon as he's with her he mimics her touchy-feeliness. For instance, when she stretches out on the big sofa he sits at the opposite end and also stretches out his legs so they're both basically lying on the sofa together using their laptops, whereas with anyone else he sits as far away as possible to them or doesn't use his laptop and goes on the PC in the room which is far away from the sofa. He buys her chocolate as well and doesn't for anyone else. For instance, I love Crunchy bars and so does she but he always buys them for her. When she doesn't go to events he drops out of them and when we walk together to places he always seems to walk by her. When he gets separated from her he walks so awkwardly until he's back by her side. One time he also stayed up really late after we had a social so that he could talk to her some more. We arrived back at almost 3am and had a good old chat for 30 mins in the kitchen, but then he comes in and said he stayed up to see if we were all alright, but of course we were alright. If we weren't he would have heard 30 mins earlier. And three of us, including the female housemate who I believe is in a co-dependent relationship, planned to eat out and he asked if he could tag along and he just stuck to her all day. Whereas another three of us, without her, went out for dinner- he even walked with us because he was going in that direction- and he didn't even want to eat with us. Some of this just seems like I'm complaining about him, but you should really try living with them. It kinda really is annoying.
The female housemate is confusing as hell as because she's admitted to us several times that he's too clingy, but she carries on using him and even defends him in instances where she'd normally defend the other person arguing against him. He calls her his best friend, but I've never heard her say that he's her best friend. She's even called me a bffl and we don't really hang out a lot. I don't even know if she cares about him because she seriously lacks empathy. Most people actually say she doesn't give a damn about him. I don't even know whether she cares about us either, but I've learned to not care about that. She even admitted to me that she's a bad person because she just doesn't care about things. Like, one of our ex housemates manipulated almost the whole house and just caused trouble and upset, and she really didn't care about the people he had manipulated etc. I don't know whether this is because of low self-esteem, because she almost cried when she admitted that she was bad person, or that it was just simply the truth and she doesn't know how to deal with it.
I get terribly uncomfortable around them because they have all these inside jokes and act as if I'm not there. I'm just a person who likes to help people and see them grow, but their relationship is not helping them grow, and I think it's especially damaging to the guy. He's done this before with the housemate who turned out to be a manipulative psycho. He put his all into the friendship and our ex-housemate did not give a damn about him. It just seems exactly the same, but she's more subtle about things. I just know that he'll get hurt again. Two of my housemates and I have told him that he should distance himself from her, but he hasn't done it at all. We've just given up telling him because he won't listen. All of the house really thinks it's a strange relationship tbh.