I was wondering if somebody could mark the first and part of my second paragraph of my CA Unit 3B.
The task it to write a short story based on a poem, in my case it's "In Paris With You". Brief plot - a woman and a man go to Paris and the man doesn't want to take her to the main attractions (champs elysees etc) and rather takes her to a murky hotel room. The woman realizes that her being with him is more important than her visiting the romantic attractions.
I am a high band 4/low band 5 student, and am aiming for at least mid band 4 (80%).
I am sure that these paragraphs are not even reaching band 4 yet; possibly a low band 4...
Problem is, I know I'm capable, but I am not sure what techniques to use to entertain the mark scheme. I need help and constructive advice.
My story line is:
- Wealthy girl is arrogant and is very affluent, she is in search for the perfect man
- Meets this attractive man Pierre, then realises he is poor.
- However, she dislikes the fact that her parents condemn all the relationships that she's been in, so she takes a risk and leaves with this attractive man, albeit poor.
- I will describe her thoughts and feelings during the journey, and they hitchhike/get a train to Paris
- The woman wants to see the attractions but the poor man can only afford a cheap hotel room
- The ending consists of her feelings (in a freeze frame/about 30 seconds duration) that she is feeling when she hits a realisation that she loves him and doesn't want to go back to her home (Lyon)
I think this is a strong story line capable of using many techniques. I am not sure what the hell I am doing though. Nevertheless, here is my draft, please help me as it's in two days (I'm working really hard to finish it) 600-800 words:
THE DRAFT IS ATTACHED.
Unit 3B: Short Story Based on a poem. I'm completely lost, help? Watch
- Thread Starter
Last edited by TheKevinFang; 13-07-2014 at 17:20.
- 13-07-2014 17:19
- 14-07-2014 18:10
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- Thread Starter
- 14-07-2014 20:31
Thank you... bump I have it tomorrow if it helps.
- 26-07-2015 15:37
Hello can I ask where your from as I seem to be doing a similar task? As in whereabouts in England?