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Unit 3B: Short Story Based on a poem. I'm completely lost, help? Watch

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    Hello everyone,

    I was wondering if somebody could mark the first and part of my second paragraph of my CA Unit 3B.

    The task it to write a short story based on a poem, in my case it's "In Paris With You". Brief plot - a woman and a man go to Paris and the man doesn't want to take her to the main attractions (champs elysees etc) and rather takes her to a murky hotel room. The woman realizes that her being with him is more important than her visiting the romantic attractions.

    I am a high band 4/low band 5 student, and am aiming for at least mid band 4 (80%).

    I am sure that these paragraphs are not even reaching band 4 yet; possibly a low band 4...

    Problem is, I know I'm capable, but I am not sure what techniques to use to entertain the mark scheme. I need help and constructive advice.

    My story line is:

    - Wealthy girl is arrogant and is very affluent, she is in search for the perfect man
    - Meets this attractive man Pierre, then realises he is poor.
    - However, she dislikes the fact that her parents condemn all the relationships that she's been in, so she takes a risk and leaves with this attractive man, albeit poor.
    - I will describe her thoughts and feelings during the journey, and they hitchhike/get a train to Paris
    - The woman wants to see the attractions but the poor man can only afford a cheap hotel room
    - The ending consists of her feelings (in a freeze frame/about 30 seconds duration) that she is feeling when she hits a realisation that she loves him and doesn't want to go back to her home (Lyon)

    I think this is a strong story line capable of using many techniques. I am not sure what the hell I am doing though. Nevertheless, here is my draft, please help me as it's in two days (I'm working really hard to finish it) 600-800 words:

    THE DRAFT IS ATTACHED.
    Attached Files
  1. File Type: docxShort story In Paris With You draft.docx (14.3 KB, 157 views)
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    Hi there,

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    Thank you... bump I have it tomorrow if it helps.
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    Hello can I ask where your from as I seem to be doing a similar task? As in whereabouts in England?
 
 
 
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