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Domestic abuse - recurrent or dependent on the relationship? Watch

    • Thread Starter

    I was discussing domestic abuse with my best girl friend the other day, after watching 'Murdered by My Boyfriend' on iPlayer.

    Both her and I have been subjected to domestic violence, emotional and physical abuse etc. in previous relationships. However, her ex-boyfriend has continued to be abusive towards women he has dated after her, while (as far as anyone is aware) my ex-boyfriend is much better behaved now, with a long-term girlfriend that it seems he treats incredibly well.

    We then began to question - is an abusive partner likely to be abusive (not necessarily physically, maybe only emotionally) recurrently in a number of their relationships, or is it the case that it may just be the context of one particular relationship that leads them to be abusive? Maybe the stresses and strains of a particular relationships may bring out abusive behaviour? Maybe in another relationship, the abusive partner has truly learnt that being abusive is not okay, and therefore they 'grow out of' that behaviour? (This is not to say that a stressful relationship or whatever is an 'excuse' for abuse, there is no excuse for abuse, but this may just be a factor that brings out abusive actions.)

    So I guess my question is - do you think abusive partners will tend to be abusive in consecutive relationships, or may it be the case that one particular relationship 'pushes them over the edge' and they will not necessarily act this way with other partners?

    (Note: I know I've mentioned the anecdotes of my friend and me's ex-boyfriends, but I've tried to use the term 'partner' throughout this post because I know that domestic abuse is not limited to one gender.)

    Pushes them over the edge, so you say is not an excuse nor a defence for abuse and once a person shows abusive signs I think it is more likely that over a period of time the behaviours that purport the abuse will become more frequent.

    I think that many abusive partners are the same as cheaters, that is they are often 'serial' and not 'one off'.

    People can and do change but behaviours and tendencies are harder to change.

    I'd say on the whole there is more likely that once someone becomes abusive to one, they will subsequently be abusive to others.
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Updated: July 14, 2014
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