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Feel like such a bitch...
Basically, me and my boyfriend have been going out for 1 and a half years. He's the greatest guy EVER. Seriously, he's sooooo lovely. I love him to bits...BUT i'm not IN love.
At the start of the relationship I knew we could never be together because we are different religions and stuff...but he helped me sooo much when my 1st love dumped me...he was The One basically. And boyfriend helped me so much and he told me he liked me...and I had fallen for him too.
I split with him the other day and I can't help but feel like a class 1 bitch. I feel soooo bad...he's really upset because he is totally in love with me and I feel really sad and crying because of that. I just wish there was an easier way. I told him I would be there every step of the way. He told me that he can talk to me about anything but this so i figured I would let him talk to me in his own time.
We both knew the score at the start of the relationship but he's fallen so badly for me...he's madly in love. But I would rather hurt him now than when his feelings are deeper.
Have I been mean to him? How should I feel? Anyone been in a similar position. I'm really
Thanks...sorry I'm anonymous by the way
xxx
At the start of the relationship I knew we could never be together because we are different religions and stuff...but he helped me sooo much when my 1st love dumped me...he was The One basically. And boyfriend helped me so much and he told me he liked me...and I had fallen for him too.
I split with him the other day and I can't help but feel like a class 1 bitch. I feel soooo bad...he's really upset because he is totally in love with me and I feel really sad and crying because of that. I just wish there was an easier way. I told him I would be there every step of the way. He told me that he can talk to me about anything but this so i figured I would let him talk to me in his own time.
We both knew the score at the start of the relationship but he's fallen so badly for me...he's madly in love. But I would rather hurt him now than when his feelings are deeper.
Have I been mean to him? How should I feel? Anyone been in a similar position. I'm really
Thanks...sorry I'm anonymous by the way
xxx
Scroll to see replies
it sounds like you've done the right thing, it doesnt sound like youve ended things badly, you're both on talking terms so will probably still be friends, but you've spared him and yourself feeling even worse later, so youre not a bitch. it's like rippingoff a plaster quickly rather than letting it linger and prolonging the pain 
I think you did the right thing, you'd be more of a btch if you stayed with him...your feelings for him would have probably dwindled into something less and it would have been unfair to him.
Go you for being honest, not a lot of people would have the balls to face the truth like that.
You have every right to still gbe upset about this and to feel bad, its not nice to hurt someone close, even when you have to do it. Have a good cry about it and eat loads of icecream!
Be sensative to him though...just don't fall in a trap of feelinf sorry for him and being obliged to give it another go.
Go you for being honest, not a lot of people would have the balls to face the truth like that.
You have every right to still gbe upset about this and to feel bad, its not nice to hurt someone close, even when you have to do it. Have a good cry about it and eat loads of icecream!
Be sensative to him though...just don't fall in a trap of feelinf sorry for him and being obliged to give it another go.
Thanks. I just feel really sorry for him...saw him today and gave him a hug which made me feel a bit better. He really is the best though. He said he always has been, is, and always will be there for me Bless him xx
Bless him xx
Have you every been IN love (sic) with him? If not, then why let the relationship go on for so long? Are you splitting up with him because of this really or is it an excuse for the fact that religion is an obstacle?
If you answer no to the first, can't think of decent reason for the second and are unsure about the third, read on:
I just hope you haven't told him that you love him but you aren't in love with him (I have been told this particular piece of nonsense myself) as it is quite possibly the worst way to dump a bloke in the entire history of dumpage.
If you have been living a lie for so long then maybe your feelings are justified. Just think - your ex could have met someone who reciprocated his feelings and been a much happier person during that time.
Sorry if this sounds harsh but I have been in the same situation as your ex (although the relationship was not that long in the tooth) it hurts, a lot.
If you answer no to the first, can't think of decent reason for the second and are unsure about the third, read on:
I just hope you haven't told him that you love him but you aren't in love with him (I have been told this particular piece of nonsense myself) as it is quite possibly the worst way to dump a bloke in the entire history of dumpage.
If you have been living a lie for so long then maybe your feelings are justified. Just think - your ex could have met someone who reciprocated his feelings and been a much happier person during that time.
Sorry if this sounds harsh but I have been in the same situation as your ex (although the relationship was not that long in the tooth) it hurts, a lot.
Its a cliche i know, but sometimes you just have to be cruel to be kind. If only one of you wants to be in the relationship its inevitably going to break down, better (for both of you) that it just end rather than be a long dragged out decline.
I'd reccommend you give him some space for a lil while, but be around for the whole "just friends" thing when emotions have calmed. You can't help not wanting to be with him anymore, so there's no need to feel guilty. These things happen. Getting dumped or doing the dumping is never pleasant (well actually, dumping can be lol...) but its an experience everyone has to go through at some point in life.
I'd reccommend you give him some space for a lil while, but be around for the whole "just friends" thing when emotions have calmed. You can't help not wanting to be with him anymore, so there's no need to feel guilty. These things happen. Getting dumped or doing the dumping is never pleasant (well actually, dumping can be lol...) but its an experience everyone has to go through at some point in life.
Jontheone
I'd reccommend you give him some space for a lil while, but be around for the whole "just friends" things when emotions have calmed. You can't help not wanting to be with him anymore, so there's no need to feel guilty. These things happen.
I'd reccommend you give him some space for a lil while, but be around for the whole "just friends" things when emotions have calmed. You can't help not wanting to be with him anymore, so there's no need to feel guilty. These things happen.
Personally I'd recommend a clean break. There will be anger on his part and it is probably best to let him deal with that on his own.
ChemistBoy
Personally I'd recommend a clean break.
To be honest, if your still seing this guy and giving him hugs etc, its going to make it much harder for him to get over you and move on with his life. You need to give him some space and let him cope by himself, not rely on you for help. It may sound unfair but its what you need to do to make sure you can both move on from this properly.
You did the right thing. He will be upset but just give him space and time, time heals everything
You have to be mean to be kind unfortantly. Although it's not nice to dump someone and you have ended up hurting him you have done it before anything too serious happend (what if you had kept it going then he asked you to marry him? That would have been even worse)
Don't feel bad about it.
You have to be mean to be kind unfortantly. Although it's not nice to dump someone and you have ended up hurting him you have done it before anything too serious happend (what if you had kept it going then he asked you to marry him? That would have been even worse)
Don't feel bad about it.
ChemistBoy
Have you every been IN love (sic) with him? If not, then why let the relationship go on for so long? Are you splitting up with him because of this really or is it an excuse for the fact that religion is an obstacle?
If you answer no to the first, can't think of decent reason for the second and are unsure about the third, read on:
I just hope you haven't told him that you love him but you aren't in love with him (I have been told this particular piece of nonsense myself) as it is quite possibly the worst way to dump a bloke in the entire history of dumpage.
If you have been living a lie for so long then maybe your feelings are justified. Just think - your ex could have met someone who reciprocated his feelings and been a much happier person during that time.
Sorry if this sounds harsh but I have been in the same situation as your ex (although the relationship was not that long in the tooth) it hurts, a lot.
If you answer no to the first, can't think of decent reason for the second and are unsure about the third, read on:
I just hope you haven't told him that you love him but you aren't in love with him (I have been told this particular piece of nonsense myself) as it is quite possibly the worst way to dump a bloke in the entire history of dumpage.
If you have been living a lie for so long then maybe your feelings are justified. Just think - your ex could have met someone who reciprocated his feelings and been a much happier person during that time.
Sorry if this sounds harsh but I have been in the same situation as your ex (although the relationship was not that long in the tooth) it hurts, a lot.
No you're wrong. I didn't know he was so in love with me...he never really says it much...and yes...whilst the relationship was progressing he did ask me and I did tell him I don't think I'm in love with him, but that I really like him and love him as in care about him.
I know it is hard to grasp the concept of the different religions thing but it isn't something important to me...my parents just wouldn't be happy with it...not because they are racist or anything...just that they would prefer for me to get married to a Hindu.
Anonymous
No you're wrong. I didn't know he was so in love with me...he never really says it much...and yes...whilst the relationship was progressing he did ask me and I did tell him I don't think I'm in love with him, but that I really like him and love him as in care about him.
Well, I'm not wrong as such as I was only proposing a scenario if you had answered the questions I asked in a certain way. However, don't you think that a year and a half is an awfully long time to see someone whom you have no romatic feelings for? Didn't it occur to you before that this might happen?
I know it is hard to grasp the concept of the different religions thing but it isn't something important to me...my parents just wouldn't be happy with it...not because they are racist or anything...just that they would prefer for me to get married to a Hindu.
It's not hard to grasp at all, because it is an excuse, not a reason. I know many people of different races and religions who have made relationships work (usually by one or the other converting). It is entirely possible to convert to hinduism from christianity, but I actually doubt that your parents would be happy with you marrying a white hindu either (if they are anything like my hindu friends' parents). As I say, religion is not the reason why the relationship has ceased, so you shouldn't try and pretend it is.
Anonymous
I split with him the other day and I can't help but feel like a class 1 bitch. I feel soooo bad...he's really upset because he is totally in love with me and I feel really sad and crying because of that. I just wish there was an easier way. I told him I would be there every step of the way. He told me that he can talk to me about anything but this so i figured I would let him talk to me in his own time.
What else could you possibly have done that wouldn't have made you even more of a "bitch"?
Anonymous
No you're wrong. I didn't know he was so in love with me...he never really says it much...and yes...whilst the relationship was progressing he did ask me and I did tell him I don't think I'm in love with him, but that I really like him and love him as in care about him.
If you had reason to anticipate that you might someday reciprocate in equal measure, then I am sympathetic as to your taking so long to arrive at this juncture. If, on the other hand, you chose to nurture his doomed affections in full knowledge of the fact that you could never see him as anything more; then your compunction stands entirely to reason: indeed, you've plenty to be ashamed of.
I genuinely thought I loved him...but it took me time to realise that I wasn't in love like I was with my ex.
He isn't upset at me...more upset with the situation...but i've spoken to him and I will be there for him every step of the way. I'm just giving him some time alone to sort out how he's feeling.
He isn't upset at me...more upset with the situation...but i've spoken to him and I will be there for him every step of the way. I'm just giving him some time alone to sort out how he's feeling.
I've been in your position before and it feels hard now, but it really is better in the long run, before it goes on any further.
It doesn't feel it now but it gets better!
At least you're being sensible about it, that always helps.
Good luck
It doesn't feel it now but it gets better!
At least you're being sensible about it, that always helps.
Good luck
o wow, this is weird, this has literally just happened to me. Was with my bf for 10 months, i recently went away for a month and i realised exactly that, i love him but i'm not IN love with him, whereas he loves me soo much. I figured, after a hell of a lot of tears and confusion, that i had to end it now. This was on Monday. I haven't heard from him since but am hoping eventually we can be on speaking terms, i think it was just the shock as he had no idea it was coming. But yeah, now i feel like a complete bitch. But i think we're both right in doing it rather than carrying it on trying to pretend something's there when it's not as in the long run it would just be worse, and as you said, you knew it would end eventually. Good luck, i hope you feel better soon and ditto for me
Also, ignore the people saying "if you did this, you should be soooo ashamed". No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes, and even if you did something that is "soooo awful" in the eyes of someone else, it's more than likely because you thought it was for the best. Don't let anyone make you feel worse than you do, they have no right.
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