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Constantly replaying negative experiences in my head Watch

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    This is something that has been really getting me down lately and it has been recurring for the past few years.

    For most people, whenever they encounter a negative experience, for example, a break-up with a partner, an argument/strong criticism from a colleague or being unfairly shouted at by a stranger, it affects their mood at the time, but after a while (depending on the situation) they forget about it and it no longer affects their mood.

    However, with me, this is not the case. My mind does not have a mechanism for dealing with negative criticisms and instead of disappearing after a while they keep recursively circulating in my head, months or even years after the situation occurred. For example, I got a 1st in my undergraduate degree, but I keep thinking about the strongly negative criticisms I had from my dissertation supervisor and I keep latching onto the moments where I was heavily criticised for not understanding something. If I was to act on this now and tell him that his criticisms have affected me psychologically, he would dismiss it and if I were to reprimand him about them, it would be considered a disproportionate reaction (even though this never occurs to me). However, his criticisms keep playing back and forth in my head and making me feel upset and depressed, as these are moments which I associated as strongly negative. Yet, I have a degree now, and he would be pleased that I've got a 1st, yet there are these moments which are stuck in my head from months ago which I am unable to cleanse from my mind.

    This has happened in previous years as well and I often have flashbacks of being teased in school, being criticised by teachers, being shouted at by my parents and hard times with my ex-girlfriend. This is really becoming a problem for me and it is making me rather miserable as it drowns out all the positive aspects of my life. Can someone please advise me on how to stop these negative cycles of thoughts?
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    Seek help: I would try your Uni first, there should be someone like Welfare Officer and take it from there.

    If no help , which I would doubt, try your GP but ask for a 'talk' therapy rather than just pills.

    Please do it and do it now.
    I didn't when I was at Uni and I still regret not doing it.

    More people than you may imagine struggle.

    You got a 1st ( brilliant!) and I'm sure you'll resolve this.... but sooner rather than later.
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    (Original post by OL1V3R)
    This is something that has been really getting me down lately and it has been recurring for the past few years.

    For most people, whenever they encounter a negative experience, for example, a break-up with a partner, an argument/strong criticism from a colleague or being unfairly shouted at by a stranger, it affects their mood at the time, but after a while (depending on the situation) they forget about it and it no longer affects their mood.

    However, with me, this is not the case. My mind does not have a mechanism for dealing with negative criticisms and instead of disappearing after a while they keep recursively circulating in my head, months or even years after the situation occurred. For example, I got a 1st in my undergraduate degree, but I keep thinking about the strongly negative criticisms I had from my dissertation supervisor and I keep latching onto the moments where I was heavily criticised for not understanding something. If I was to act on this now and tell him that his criticisms have affected me psychologically, he would dismiss it and if I were to reprimand him about them, it would be considered a disproportionate reaction (even though this never occurs to me). However, his criticisms keep playing back and forth in my head and making me feel upset and depressed, as these are moments which I associated as strongly negative. Yet, I have a degree now, and he would be pleased that I've got a 1st, yet there are these moments which are stuck in my head from months ago which I am unable to cleanse from my mind.

    This has happened in previous years as well and I often have flashbacks of being teased in school, being criticised by teachers, being shouted at by my parents and hard times with my ex-girlfriend. This is really becoming a problem for me and it is making me rather miserable as it drowns out all the positive aspects of my life. Can someone please advise me on how to stop these negative cycles of thoughts?
    There are two ways to resolve criticism really:

    1) Accept that the criticism was correct and learn from it (bad essay marks, justified negative feedback on academic work or in a job, justified criticism from parents e.g. spending too much of their money, not making attempts to get a job/self-fund, etc.) - some people struggle with this as they think to accept criticism is to accept that the person who dispensed it is superior to them - but it doesn't mean this at all. It just means you've decided to try to improve yourself in some way and will be a better person for it.
    OR
    2) Decide that the criticism was not correct and move on from it (overly personal or critical negative feedback from tutors/managers/parents, bullying, bad relationships, etc.) The latter is particularly important if you want to move on from traumatic criticism. I was picked on at school from age 11 for example. Although this impacted severely on my confidence at the time and made me feel for years like I was a worse person than other people, looking back I can now see they were incorrect. What had I done at age 11 to deserve being picked on and called out other than being unfortunately gawky and a bit bookish? Nothing. I'm no worse a person than anybody else. Therefore the criticism doesn't upset me anymore because I know it to be untrue.

    Basically: if the criticism was true, accept it and learn from it; if it wasn't, don't let it upset you. It's about having the conviction to believe what you believe without needing others to tell you you're right.
 
 
 
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