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Can someone shed some light on my "issues"? Watch

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    #1

    I'm new to the forum but my girlfriend has been a member for some time and has talked me into joining with the reason of creating this post. She's worried about my mental state and wants some other people's opinions. Until now, i haven't really been fussed enough to find out more.

    I suppose i better start with some background...

    I don't really know where to start as the things that go on inside my own head seem perfectly normal to me, just like everyone else, and it's only recently been pointed out to me to be strange. However, earlier this year I had an appointment with an NHS psychiatrist who asked a lot of questions so i will give the same information as i gave her.

    I grew up in caravans in holiday parks and council flats with a pathological-lying, attention-seeking, alcoholic mother; An arrogant, lazy father; An even more arrogant brother and a severely self-centered sister. I don't remember much before the age of around 11/12 but every memory i do have is negative. For example, Having social services round when i was approx. 6 due to my school thinking my parents were beating me (They weren't, i should add) or being hit, shouted at and sent to my room for the rest of the day because i didn't know how to tie my shoe laces. Needless to say, i spent my life growing to despise my entire family.

    As i got older, i realized how intelligent i was (Especially maths and logic) and was top of almost every class i did and in the case of maths, i was unnaturally gifted for my age. Quite the contrast to my relatively simple family (Though they all thought they were Einstein).

    As i went into high school, my parents were now divorced and i had been told i was to live with my mother (I wasn't given any choice, although my brother and sister were.) During that time at home, it came clear to me that i wasn't liked by my family. I also had to deal with various issues with my mother including having to move every few months because she spent the benefits money on whiskey instead of rent and got severely in debt and had to keep running. I also dealt with her faking epileptic fits and other medical problems for attention. During my time at school, i was told i wouldn't do well for various reasons (For example, i was predicted a D in Maths but actually got an A*.) I also found it very hard to make friends. Not because i didn't know how or i was shy or anything like that, I just hated everyone. The friends that i did make did not last at all. I got into a lot of fights and thus found a skill in fighting so went on to do martial arts where i won various awards.

    When i went into college my first time round, i dropped out with hope of joining the army. However, I failed the medical due to frequent migraines and went back to college the following year. By this time, i was in a relationship with my current girlfriend and other than her, i was a complete loner. I ensured i sat in a corner alone in every class i took and made a definite effort to avoid contact with other people because i saw everyone as immature and not worth my time. I spent my whole time either alone or with my girlfriend and during my a levels, we moved in together.

    As said before, in my second year of college, i had an appointment with an NHS psychiatrist which i was told to go to by my senior tutor. This was due to an "issue" i had that they saw as dangerous. As simply as i can put it, i had flash visions of myself severely and often gruesomely hurting random people. I would "Zone out" for a second or two, see the vision as clear as if it had actually happened and then go back to normal. The visions ranged from using my martial arts skills to severely hurt people to smashing peoples heads in with a door. I told the NHS lady everything about these visions but i hid from her the rest of the issues. These visions were enough however to make my local mental hospital phone and write to me often asking me to go for appointments. I ignored them until they stopped because, to be honest, I enjoy the sense of power the visions give me.

    The other issues are the ones that concern my girlfriend. For some time now, i have had a fascination with committing murder. I find myself absent mindedly planning how i would do it (I always use some form of blade/knife) and how i would get away with it and who would be my victim. I would like to stress now to anyone concerned that i have never acted on any of this urges and i have no intentions to. They are merely thoughts. However; i am not emotionally disturbed by the idea of murder (Or death/pain of any form for that matter) at all. I also find myself planning other crimes mainly armed robbery in which someone usually gets hurt.

    I discovered today after a conversation with my girlfriend that i am weird in the sense that i simply do not care in the slightest about anyone other than her. I don't care what happens to them, if they die, if the get cancer, i the child is abducted, i feel absolutely no sympathy and am not effected by it at all. This was made clear when my nan died. In her opinion, this detachment from everyone else is what gives me the thoughts about murder because i "don't see it as morally wrong".

    I am also an extremely confident person and have been called arrogant on many occasions. I always see myself as the leader of any group i'm put in even if i'm not obviously in charge because i would find it easy to manipulate the person who is in charge to siding with me.

    There is more, but i don't want to make an already long post even longer so if anyone has any questions, please ask.

    The point of this post was to get opinions/advice as to what is "wrong" with me if anything. so any comments welcome. Thanks.
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    You might be a sociopath or pychopath or something like that. Basically, it seems like you don't have empathy/sympathy unlike most people; and you seems inclined to cause pain/death which don't seem too healthy. You might to austic. You should google the terms so you won't become another Elliot Rodger. Good luck!
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    Hi there,

    First of all a wee disclaimer: I am not a professional counsellor/psychologist or mental health expert. Any advice I give is based of my personal experiences and opinions.

    Mental health is complex. Every person is unique and so it is arguably impossible to be 100% accurate with diagnoses. It is important to remember that the doctors can get it wrong but also that this does not mean they cannot help.

    The first thing to decide is what you want. You are the most important person in this - it is your life, after all. Only if you think you need help should you seek it because you cannot truly help a person unless they want to help themselves.

    I agree that you have a challenging family history. Past events are not something that medicine can help you to forget. Talking therapies can help if you wish to explore the past. However, if you would rather forget the past and learn to move on you can also use talking therapies, mindfulness and cognitive behavioural therapy. Counselling (talking) is purely discussion. Mindfulness is using meditation techniques to calm the mind. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is teaching you how to deal with feelings in a positive way.

    Your current problems of harmful thoughts and zoning-out are not uncommon but equally not to be dismissed. Any problem that concerns you or effects your life is valid and you have every right to question it.

    All your symptoms sound to me like Dissociation, which can be related to a variety of mental issues. Here is a link to Mind:
    http://www.mind.org.uk/information-s.../#.U8fMj_ldW_s
    This will have better information than I can give.

    As for your personality, if it affects your life negatively then it can most certainly be counted as a problem. However if you are happy the way you are then that is also fine.

    The only other advice I can think of is to speak to a professional. It could be a doctor or just a counsellor. It's better to get some reassurance than to wait until the problem takes over your life.

    Also think very carefully if they offer medication as some of it can be very strong and can make you very different - remember each person reacts differently, especially the mind. Also, the waiting list for NHS therapy is huge. You will wait weeks or maybe months before you receive any treatment. Look up charities in your local area that offer therapy should you need it.

    If your problem is making you feel unsafe or if you feel other people will be unsafe there are options:
    1) Call a crisis number:
    Samaritans are there to listen and advise: 0845 790 9090
    Here is a link to more numbers: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-...helplines.aspx
    2) There may be a crisis service in your area such a safe house you can spend up to a week with people on hand to help.
    3) Call Emergency Services - 999.

    Do not be afraid to ask for help. It is hard but you already made the first step by posting here. NHS take confidentiality very seriously.

    If you need any more advice contact me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)


    As said before, in my second year of college, i had an appointment with an NHS psychiatrist which i was told to go to by my senior tutor. This was due to an "issue" i had that they saw as dangerous. As simply as i can put it, i had flash visions of myself severely and often gruesomely hurting random people. I would "Zone out" for a second or two, see the vision as clear as if it had actually happened and then go back to normal. The visions ranged from using my martial arts skills to severely hurt people to smashing peoples heads in with a door. I told the NHS lady everything about these visions but i hid from her the rest of the issues. These visions were enough however to make my local mental hospital phone and write to me often asking me to go for appointments. I ignored them until they stopped because, to be honest, I enjoy the sense of power the visions give me.

    The other issues are the ones that concern my girlfriend. For some time now, i have had a fascination with committing murder. I find myself absent mindedly planning how i would do it (I always use some form of blade/knife) and how i would get away with it and who would be my victim. I would like to stress now to anyone concerned that i have never acted on any of this urges and i have no intentions to. They are merely thoughts. However; i am not emotionally disturbed by the idea of murder (Or death/pain of any form for that matter) at all. I also find myself planning other crimes mainly armed robbery in which someone usually gets hurt.
    .
    The fantasies that you are having aren't as uncommon as people might think. Intensive Short Term Dynamic Psychotherapy (which is provided by some NHS trusts) basically works on the premise that certain mental health issues are the result of a person's poor attachment with their primary caregiver(s), which leads them to harbour an incredible amount of repressed (and often unrealised) rage towards the caregivers.

    (From the Wikipedia article, talking about rage directed at the therapist that underneath is really rage towards the caregiver): 'This rage, Davanloo discovered, is intensely felt. It often has a violent impulse associated with it, sometimes even a murderous impulse.'

    (http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inten..._psychotherapy)

    In the therapy the person is actively encouraged to imagine in detail the fantasy of killing the caregiver and in the process the rage and anger are fully experienced. Just google it for more info.

    There is a massive difference between imagining these things and actually planning and carrying out the actions - you seem pretty sure that your thoughts are purely fantasy, which is a very important distinction to make. I realise that your fantasies aren't directed towards your parents, but perhaps exploring who you are truly angry with may shed some light on your issues.

    And no, I'm not a professional or anything either!
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    Bawby's attachment theory comes into action in here.


    Nightworld1066
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    You need a professional diagnosis, so i'd say continue with the NHS for your own sake. From a few things you've said, it sounds like you could be a psychopath. Though it could also be that your anger, apathy, and lack of empathy towards others is a coping mechanism because of your negative childhood experiences. Either way, it sounds like you'd benefit from therapy but you should really get in touch with a mental health service, if not for your own benefit then for the sake of your girlfriend. I understand it's hard to seek help but you are having possibly dangerous thoughts
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    You sound perfectly fine to me...don't see why you bothered with a shrink! Though they are great fun to wind up and shock. I feel exactly the same way. It comes and goes in intensities, but I don't see whats wrong with it or your thoughts. If it's not distressing you, it shouldn't distress anyone else
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    For clarification, psychopath is actually anti-social personality disorder.
    • #2
    #2

    You are messed up man, I don't know whether this is a troll or not cos this is just ****ed up.

    I kinda hope you get locked up, for the safety of everybody else.

    And yeah you do sound very arrogant to me.
 
 
 
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