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Do schools REALLY do anything about bullying? Watch

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    I've just recently joined up, so I have no idea where to post this thread. Feel free to move accordingly!

    I'd like to start by telling my story, but you can just skim through this and answer the question, if you're too lazy to read it. I just want to highlight my own VERY EXTREME experiences with school/bullying, and I'd be happy to hear other people's too.

    I come from a privileged background, so my school was a private boarding school, though I was a day student (not sure if this could have impacted my experience.) I went to this school from nursery until around year 7-8 (when the bullying got literally TOO much, see below.)

    I never really had any friends there, even when I was younger. I didn't really want friends either. I was happy being alone and I know it sounds strange, but from an early age I was really interested in my studies, especially maths and science, so I tended to spend more of my time studying. People tended to just ignore or avoid me, and I liked it that way...But that didn't last long.

    A boy started associating with me, and although I didn't really want friends, it felt good to actually have one. For once, I didn't feel so abnormal. I felt like I had someone to talk to. Though we didn't hang out a lot outside of school (he lived there, I didn't), I confided in him quite a lot and actually saw him as a friend.

    But then for some reason, he turned against me. I have no idea why he chose me. One day, I just walked into school, and the whole school literally started laughing and calling me names. He even went as far as to tell them personal things about me that I'd trusted him with (how insecure I was about my skin - I had mild acne, how I loved my studies, how I lived in an area which wasn't as wealthy as where they'd come from - though still wealthy, etc.) He also started spreading rumors about me. This only gave everyone more fuel to bully me with.

    At first, I didn't say anything to anyone, as I assumed it would blow over. It didn't. It just kept getting worse. I couldn't walk down the corridor without someone making a comment or tripping or shoving me. They called me every name under the sun, and this obviously ran into the classroom. Every time I'd get called on to answer a question they'd laugh and mutter stuff. Teachers obviously must have taken note of it by this point, or they'd be too dense to be teachers. All they did was discipline them briefly in class.

    Everything I did was criticised. I had social networking sites at the time and the bullying extended to this. Every time I uploaded a picture one of them would comment saying something like "Lol Charlie thinks he's so good-looking." When I liked people's things - "Lol Charlie thinks he's actually got friends." When I posted things - "Lol Charlie thinks he's so hilarious." I was probably around 12-13 at this time. It got so bad that I had to disable wallposts and comments.

    One day, I just couldn't take it anymore, and I came home crying. So I was forced to tell my mother everything. Obviously she visited the school, and they said they'd take care of it, that it wasn't tolerated, blah, blah, blah. But I couldn't even name names because it was LITERALLY the whole school. I told them about the guy who'd pretended to be my friend. He got punished for a week, made to apologise to me, but it never stopped.

    My brother saw their posts on my account and threatened physical violence against them. It never stopped. They retaliated by threatening me. I just lied to my brother and pretended it'd stopped because I got a threat everyday, and they never followed through with it. It just became the normal.

    I started self-harming (but that's a different story.) One of them must have saw in P.E. or something because the next story was "Charlie's slitting his wrists for attention." Again, I cried at home, and again my mother came to the school. She actually came to the school around three times, but the same process as above always happened.

    After one of the times, they threatened me again. All of my texts were threats, so I didn't believe it. I went to the bus stop that night and four of them jumped me. I was in the hospital for months. My mother filed a lawsuit (she's an attorney) against them. The headteacher got fired. Three of them got sentenced, but since there were no witnesses it was hard to build a concrete case (and they were minors.) The doctors saw the marks on my arms and assumed I was going to kill myself, so did my family. I wasn't. I got involuntarily confined to a mental hospital for adolescents.

    Is this seriously how bad it has to be for schools to take notice?!

    I lost around a year of my life in hospitals alone.

    However, my life did get better after this incident.

    I went to a new school and actually made friends. Then I went to college and my life picked up even more. I met my best friend and my girlfriend last year Even though my brother had actually told people to be my friend, I made my own friends. (That made me feel awful.)

    I changed myself completely. People now describe me as "confident", "popular", "attractive", etc. But I feel horrible whenever someone calls me any of these things because I'm not...I fake everything. I fake confidence. I just talk to anyone and everyone (I literally never shut up), and for some reason people take this as confidence. I'm "popular" because of my brother and because I'm "like him" in that I talk to everyone and anyone.

    I'm not attractive. I've only ever told the people closest to me this, but I still have horrible skin and freckles. I actually wear foundation and concealer...Not even joking. I also really, really straighten my hair. It takes me three hours to get ready. Only my girlfriend and my brother and my now closest friends have seen my natural, horrible skin and hair. I cover up my arms at all times with bands and bracelets. I have a gym in my house that I use constantly. Now I say everything bluntly...Like I don't even care if I offend people. I just tell the truth, which is why everyone seems to for some reason like me and my posts. People also hate me because of this, but not as much as before. I actually just laugh about these people hating me now when I would've cried before last year.

    So, yeah, this whole thing still haunts me, even to the point where I can't go out in my city because I'm frightened I'll see one of them. I actually saw one of them in my college (I purposefully went to a non-private college, so I wouldn't see them), and I started having a panic attack. I told my girlfriend and friend everything because they kept asking why I wouldn't go out. They've been really supportive, and with them I do go out, but I still get panicky.

    We actually had a conversation about bullying. My girlfriend said she was bullied, called ugly, etc, by a group of guys. Her parents went to the school, too, and nothing was done about it. Luckily they grew out of their bullying. My other friend was bullied for being gay throughout secondary school, and again nothing was done about it.

    Anyway, I guess you could say I now have a good life? But my point is that this thing has totally scarred me and I'll have to live with it forever The whole thing could have been resolved if the school had just done something before it'd escalated.

    Tl;dr - I was bullied at a private school to the point where I was beaten up and hospitalised. My mother had gone to the school three times and nothing was done. Now I have a good life (?) with friends and a girlfriend, but I'll never recover from this. My confidence has been shattered beyond repair.

    So...As the title states, do schools really do anything about bullying? Do they seriously only act in extreme cases like mine? Have you been bullied? If so, did your school do a good job in tackling it?
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    My school had an email address where you could report people. Their names would be read out in assembly "could .... stay behind after assembly to speak with Mr./Mrs. ...." and then they'd get told off and punished.
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    My school was a below-average school which parents in my town try to avoid sending their children to, but they handled bullying excellently. I'll outline two cases which really stood out to me.

    The first took place during PE, a girl had her school uniform and belongings placed under the shower and then once dripping wet into the bin. She told a teacher and our whole PE class was taken into a classroom and we weren't allowed to leave until somebody owned up, nobody did so they spoke to us all individually and the person responsible was discovered and they were sent to the head of year.

    Another girl had been picked on for a while by these group of girls, a teacher overheard the girls being cruel to her and they were all taken to the head of year. I'm not sure what happened but when they returned to class they were all in tears, they apologised to the girl and fast forward a few years and they were all friends.

    There were also forms you could pick up from reception and anonymously fill in regarding anything including if you thought somebody was being bullied. These got used quite regularly and because they were anonymous nobody was worried about being called a snitch.
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    Generally no, they do terrible jobs, and much of the time they do actually let bullies get away with what is criminal behaviour. Schools should actually have some REAL policies for dealing with bullying, and should be much more willing to use criminal prosecution for behaviour that warrants it.
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    My school literally will permanently exclude you for bullying , something which seems small such as name calling and your gone.
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    Yeah, schools many many times can't handle bullying. So my friend (from another school) was bullied by her group of 'friends', they constantly called her names and spread rumours about her. Once they said she wants to be a stripper, and mind you during that time she was one of the skinny 'underdeveloped' ones, so the whole year (especially boys) made started being cruel about how she looks, online and in real life. Looked at her with disgust or laughed in her face at the fact that she thought she was good looking enough to be one. She finally told our school guidance counsellor, and the friends came in, pretended that everything was all right and basically sweet talked the counsellor. She just assumed everything was fine and that the girl was over dramatic.


    Usually the school just has a word with the bully, gives them a light punishment, but that doesn't help. The cruel kids just don't realise and see the impact, they can't put themselves in your shoes. Why should they feel sorry for someone they think is a bad person (the victim of bullying in the bullies' eyes).

    In my school they have the stupidest method. They get the bully and the victim to talk and make nice in the counsellor's room, and the bully gets a cute 'warning'. Soon as the door closes the bullying continues, many times it gets worse as you're ratting them out now. It teacher people nothing, so consequences.

    And about wearing concealer - you do realise that about one out of three girls hides acne/red marks/ freckles etc. under there right so in that case many girls are faking being attractive! Being attractive has to do with your facial structure not the skin condition, it will probably get better so don't worry about it.
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    My school generally made a good effort to deal with bullying, although it is one of the top state schools where I live. The problem with bullies is if they don't care about the punishment, either you have to find a punishment that will stop them, or simply exclude them.


    (Original post by LeaX)
    The first took place during PE, a girl had her school uniform and belongings placed under the shower and then once dripping wet into the bin. She told a teacher and our whole PE class was taken into a classroom and we weren't allowed to leave until somebody owned up, nobody did so they spoke to us all individually and the person responsible was discovered and they were sent to the head of year.
    .
    Is it just me, or does the whole "keep everyone back until someone owns up" seem like a really stupid way to deal with an incident. The person who actually did it isn't likely to own up, because they don't care about the consequences, otherwise they wouldn't have bullied someone in the first place. It also means people are essentially missing out on lessons, or break/lunch for something they haven't done, and the teacher is punishing knowingly innocent people.
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    (Original post by limetang)
    Generally no, they do terrible jobs, and much of the time they do actually let bullies get away with what is criminal behaviour. Schools should actually have some REAL policies for dealing with bullying, and should be much more willing to use criminal prosecution for behaviour that warrants it.
    I agree with this. Schools don't do enough to tackle it. They don't understand how this can stay with people for the rest of their lives.

    (Original post by AlphaNick)
    I'm just going to say that I was bullied in year 7 for a while and I thank God for it because it defined my mindset right now which I am extremely happy with.
    I agree with this to some extent. I changed myself due to the bullying, and although I sometimes feel like I'm faking it, if I hadn't done it then I'd probably not have the friends and girlfriend I have now. I also probably wouldn't have made the decision to go to a non-private college. Best decision of my life! But I also think that this will haunt me for the rest of my life. I feel like I'll never really be confident, that I'll have to fake it for the rest of my life. I'm glad that you're happy with it, though

    (Original post by LeaX)
    My school was a below-average school which parents in my town try to avoid sending their children to, but they handled bullying excellently. I'll outline two cases which really stood out to me.

    The first took place during PE, a girl had her school uniform and belongings placed under the shower and then once dripping wet into the bin. She told a teacher and our whole PE class was taken into a classroom and we weren't allowed to leave until somebody owned up, nobody did so they spoke to us all individually and the person responsible was discovered and they were sent to the head of year.

    Another girl had been picked on for a while by these group of girls, a teacher overheard the girls being cruel to her and they were all taken to the head of year. I'm not sure what happened but when they returned to class they were all in tears, they apologised to the girl and fast forward a few years and they were all friends.

    There were also forms you could pick up from reception and anonymously fill in regarding anything including if you thought somebody was being bullied. These got used quite regularly and because they were anonymous nobody was worried about being called a snitch.
    That sounds like a good school. We never had anything like that.
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    My school claims to help, but ignores everyone unless parents get involved.
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    (Original post by andrew2209)
    My school generally made a good effort to deal with bullying, although it is one of the top state schools where I live. The problem with bullies is if they don't care about the punishment, either you have to find a punishment that will stop them, or simply exclude them.



    Is it just me, or does the whole "keep everyone back until someone owns up" seem like a really stupid way to deal with an incident. The person who actually did it isn't likely to own up, because they don't care about the consequences, otherwise they wouldn't have bullied someone in the first place. It also means people are essentially missing out on lessons, or break/lunch for something they haven't done, and the teacher is punishing knowingly innocent people.
    I went to a private school, one of the best in the County, so surely it should have dealt with bullying as effectively as yours. I agree with your points, though. I think the punishing of innocent people is supposed to be effective, though, because the bully will feel sorry for the others, if they aren't heartless. Yeah, not the best method, but at least it's better than my school.

    (Original post by buzzybee143)
    Yeah, schools many many times can't handle bullying. So my friend (from another school) was bullied by her group of 'friends', they constantly called her names and spread rumours about her. Once they said she wants to be a stripper, and mind you during that time she was one of the skinny 'underdeveloped' ones, so the whole year (especially boys) made started being cruel about how she looks, online and in real life. Looked at her with disgust or laughed in her face at the fact that she thought she was good looking enough to be one. She finally told our school guidance counsellor, and the friends came in, pretended that everything was all right and basically sweet talked the counsellor. She just assumed everything was fine and that the girl was over dramatic.


    Usually the school just has a word with the bully, gives them a light punishment, but that doesn't help. The cruel kids just don't realise and see the impact, they can't put themselves in your shoes. Why should they feel sorry for someone they think is a bad person (the victim of bullying in the bullies' eyes).

    In my school they have the stupidest method. They get the bully and the victim to talk and make nice in the counsellor's room, and the bully gets a cute 'warning'. Soon as the door closes the bullying continues, many times it gets worse as you're ratting them out now. It teacher people nothing, so consequences.

    And about wearing concealer - you do realise that about one out of three girls hides acne/red marks/ freckles etc. under there right so in that case many girls are faking being attractive! Being attractive has to do with your facial structure not the skin condition, it will probably get better so don't worry about it.
    This is EXACTLY what happened in my case! Every time my mother came to the school they just put me and some of them into a room. They pretended to apologise and be my best friend. Even my mother thought I was over-exaggerating at one point when she saw how "nice" they were.

    I hope your friend is okay and has gotten over this now.

    I'm a male, though. That's why it's so embarrassing. No other boy that I know or have ever known has worn makeup like this.
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    (Original post by Keyser-Soze)
    I went to a private school, one of the best in the County, so surely it should have dealt with bullying as effectively as yours. I agree with your points, though. I think the punishing of innocent people is supposed to be effective, though, because the bully will feel sorry for the others, if they aren't heartless. Yeah, not the best method, but at least it's better than my school.



    This is EXACTLY what happened in my case! Every time my mother came to the school they just put me and some of them into a room. They pretended to apologise and be my best friend. Even my mother thought I was over-exaggerating at one point when she saw how "nice" they were.

    I hope your friend is okay and has gotten over this now.

    I'm a male, though. That's why it's so embarrassing. No other boy that I know or have ever known has worn makeup like this.
    Yeah she's fine now, she's out of school now and turned out to be so pretty - they wish she was their stripped lol! And I knew two guys so far who wore makeup during their bad skin condition days. It's nothing to be ashamed of, we all have secrets I'm just glad you're good now!
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    No, absolutely not. As with many other things in life, it's something you just have to go through. Fight through it man, that's all you can do.
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    (Original post by buzzybee143)
    Yeah she's fine now, she's out of school now and turned out to be so pretty - they wish she was their stripped lol! And I knew two guys so far who wore makeup during their bad skin condition days. It's nothing to be ashamed of, we all have secrets I'm just glad you're good now!
    Well she showed them!

    That makes me feel better, actually. I'd never heard of any guy doing this before. Ha, thanks a lot.
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    (Original post by Stinkum)
    No, absolutely not. As with many other things in life, it's something you just have to go through. Fight through it man, that's all you can do.
    I think I've literally fought through it already.
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    (Original post by andrew2209)
    My school generally made a good effort to deal with bullying, although it is one of the top state schools where I live. The problem with bullies is if they don't care about the punishment, either you have to find a punishment that will stop them, or simply exclude them.



    Is it just me, or does the whole "keep everyone back until someone owns up" seem like a really stupid way to deal with an incident. The person who actually did it isn't likely to own up, because they don't care about the consequences, otherwise they wouldn't have bullied someone in the first place. It also means people are essentially missing out on lessons, or break/lunch for something they haven't done, and the teacher is punishing knowingly innocent people.
    It was during our PE lesson time whilst we waited for our head of year to come down to us we were asked so it was rather utilising the time which would have otherwise been spent just sitting and waiting around.
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    Read the OP

    That's a terrible story, I never saw anything like that at school tbh.

    But bullying in general is a problem in society as well as schools, more so in schools though obviously because children are naive and cruel
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    (Original post by zKlown)
    Read the OP

    That's a terrible story, I never saw anything like that at school tbh.

    But bullying in general is a problem in society as well as schools, more so in schools though obviously because children are naive and cruel
    Yeah, I'm glad I haven't seen anyone else get bullied. I wouldn't even wish that experience on the people that did it to me.

    You're quite right. I think it should be addressed/taught more to children.
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    I was bullied for a few years and they did nothing. Useless idiots who can't do their jobs >.<
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    Well my school thrived on their anti-bullying policies and Blue Fridays (you buy a wristband and get a non-uniform day in return) but did they actually stick to it? No, I failed my GCSE's because of their lack of support when it came to bullying.
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    That's so horrible! I'm glad you're doing much better now, you didn't deserve any of that
    And no, my school is crap dealing with bullying. Thankfully I've not really been bullied but I know a few people that have badly been, and my school just makes false promises but they never actually do anything.
 
 
 
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