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    My friend Liz and I have been best friends for 5 years now. She has had a boyfriend this past year and I am lucky to speak to her once a week. Although it was an adjustment (as we went from speaking all throughout the day,everyday, to once a week) it was something I grew to be okay with as she is ridiculously happy and still considered me to be her best friend.

    The year before she and her boyfriend got to a good place, their relationship was pretty rocky. However, things were going well for me. She was often in a dark place and I felt a duty to be there for her and I compromised a lot of my happiness to try and help her. As things got better, she never showed appreciation for the time and effort I gave up for her, nor the numerous times I was the person she took her angst out on. I didn't have a problem with this as I felt if I were ever in her position she'd do the same for me and I was just happy she was now happy.

    While she has had a great year following that, ironically the past year has probably been my worst. Like I said, we barely speak and this is something I am okay with now. However, there have been times I have reached out when times have been bad and she has cut me off. She wont return phone calls/texts and only talks to me when she has a problem even when i'm sitting in a worse one that she is aware of. I have bought this up with her many a time and she either admits to it and says she'll try harder but never does, or dismisses it. It's not something that has suddenly become an issue - she has always been like this but it has become more obvious recently.

    It makes me angry to think of all the effort I went in to helping her, and how much higher I'd place her problems above my own when she won't even acknowledge a pretty tough period in my life. The obvious thing to do is to cut her out, but is this a little extreme? I'd feel like a complete b***h if I didn't help her if she reached out to me. Is it unreasonable to expect her to try and help me when she's in a great place? She knows so many secrets; if there's one thing she is it's trustworthy, and that seems so hard for me to find. We've literally grown up so much together these past 5 years, how can I abandon that for my own selfish needs?
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    (Original post by Tilly.tilly)
    My friend Liz and I have been best friends for 5 years now. She has had a boyfriend this past year and I am lucky to speak to her once a week. Although it was an adjustment (as we went from speaking all throughout the day,everyday, to once a week) it was something I grew to be okay with as she is ridiculously happy and still considered me to be her best friend.

    The year before she and her boyfriend got to a good place, their relationship was pretty rocky. However, things were going well for me. She was often in a dark place and I felt a duty to be there for her and I compromised a lot of my happiness to try and help her. As things got better, she never showed appreciation for the time and effort I gave up for her, nor the numerous times I was the person she took her angst out on. I didn't have a problem with this as I felt if I were ever in her position she'd do the same for me and I was just happy she was now happy.

    While she has had a great year following that, ironically the past year has probably been my worst. Like I said, we barely speak and this is something I am okay with now. However, there have been times I have reached out when times have been bad and she has cut me off. She wont return phone calls/texts and only talks to me when she has a problem even when i'm sitting in a worse one that she is aware of. I have bought this up with her many a time and she either admits to it and says she'll try harder but never does, or dismisses it. It's not something that has suddenly become an issue - she has always been like this but it has become more obvious recently.

    It makes me angry to think of all the effort I went in to helping her, and how much higher I'd place her problems above my own when she won't even acknowledge a pretty tough period in my life. The obvious thing to do is to cut her out, but is this a little extreme? I'd feel like a complete b***h if I didn't help her if she reached out to me. Is it unreasonable to expect her to try and help me when she's in a great place? She knows so many secrets; if there's one thing she is it's trustworthy, and that seems so hard for me to find. We've literally grown up so much together these past 5 years, how can I abandon that for my own selfish needs?
    all id suggest is to give less and to be less supportive, not totally harsh and dismissive of her problems, but whenever she has one and comes running to you, just give the basic replies like "hope youre okay". some people are naturally unsupportive, mainly because they dont actually know what to say or do, so she might be one of those people, hopefully, rather than one who is self absorbed and doesnt care about others problems. maybe you just need to adjust what you gain from her friendship, i have a girl who i feel is useless at supporting me, if something bad happens she says the same things everytime, so it just sounds like she doesnt really engage or care about my problems. so what have i done? i dont go to her with my problems. simple. if i know as a friend she cant support me, i dont go to her for support. i know she cant fulfill my needs whereas other friends can.

    i know all friends should be supportive, but not all people are the same. you could always try mirroring, i did this with a friend who is very short and passive aggressive, she will reply to messages with one word, so i decided to do the same, and she asked if i was pissed off! to which i explained, im not, you reply to everything with "okay", so does that mean youre always pissed off at me? to which she realised her hypocrisy and said she would try to be less short. so if you just mirror how she treats you, then she cant complain if she doesnt like it.

    hope you manage to sort things out.
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    I can totally relate! It's like you would go to the ends of the earth to try to make your friend feel better or to help her, but she wouldn't do the same for you. I feel like this everyday!

    I don't think it's unreasonable for you to expect her to help you. After all, what are friends for? Aren't they there to comfort you, and pull you out of tough situations? I personally don't think that you should cut her out of your life just yet. Maybe you guys are just going through a really rocky phase in your friendship. If you endure it till the end, you both might end up even closer. Give it some more time or try other things to strengthen your friendship.

    PS. However there are some friendships which eventually fade and can never be mended. Don't let that happen to you! You've been friends for 5 years so I'm sure you two can make it work, as long as she is also willing to as well.
 
 
 
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