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Struggling to get over bullying- can anyone help? Watch

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    Hi, I was bullied as a child mainly at school and I am struggling to get over it, I was wondering if anyone could help? On the face of it I have a great life, I get good grades at uni, have good friends and an enjoyable social life- I also have decent work prospects because of all the things I have achieved- yet underneath it all I still feel like a blithering wreck. My main fear is meeting the bullies again, I have bumped in to one once but he wasn't the main perpetrator, anyway, I just fear that the bullying would continue if we met again. I was wondering if anyone felt the same way and any advice you guys could offer would be great.
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    I'm so sorry you had to go through that I just buried everything that happened to me - have you thought of having counselling?
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    (Original post by cah846)
    I'm so sorry you had to go through that I just buried everything that happened to me - have you thought of having counselling?
    Hi I've never thought of it, could be an option though.
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    (Original post by One Man Band)
    Hi I've never thought of it, could be an option though.
    It can be very helpful, but if you don't emotionally connect with the counsellor, don't be afraid to find a different counsellor, because that's the most important thing. There should be counselling services at your uni, if not then a quick search on google should turn up some results. Good luck
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    (Original post by cah846)
    It can be very helpful, but if you don't emotionally connect with the counsellor, don't be afraid to find a different counsellor, because that's the most important thing. There should be counselling services at your uni, if not then a quick search on google should turn up some results. Good luck
    thanks
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    Hey, really sorry you have to go through that. I know it can't be easy, but thinking to yourself that they really don't care about you does help. I know it sounds strange, but bear with me. Just think about it, they have probably bullied dozens if not hundreds of kids in their lifetime, at your school or otherwise. Do you think they'll have a personal grudge against you? Of course not. They just happen to be generally cruel and inconsiderate human beings, nobody should ever take bullying personally - it is never about you, it does not mean something is WRONG with you. All it is is about the bully letting their insecurities out on you.

    What I'm trying to say is you should force yourself to erase this period of time of your life out of your head. Even if you did meet a bully in the street for example, what tells you they will even remember you. All you were to them was a punching bag and, especially if you portray yourself as a grown, confident and improved adult, they will forget who were and just not even consider it. Bullying is rather juvenile behaviour and they probably will have forgotten it ever happened.
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    (Original post by BarBaBaBaBarBaBaBa)
    Hey, really sorry you have to go through that. I know it can't be easy, but thinking to yourself that they really don't care about you does help. I know it sounds strange, but bear with me. Just think about it, they have probably bullied dozens if not hundreds of kids in their lifetime, at your school or otherwise. Do you think they'll have a personal grudge against you? Of course not. They just happen to be generally cruel and inconsiderate human beings, nobody should ever take bullying personally - it is never about you, it does not mean something is WRONG with you. All it is is about the bully letting their insecurities out on you.

    What I'm trying to say is you should force yourself to erase this period of time of your life out of your head. Even if you did meet a bully in the street for example, what tells you they will even remember you. All you were to them was a punching bag and, especially if you portray yourself as a grown, confident and improved adult, they will forget who were and just not even consider it. Bullying is rather juvenile behaviour and they probably will have forgotten it ever happened.
    Hi that's great advice thanks very much. It's just one person I bumped into said 'I used to take the piss out of you at school' and it bought it back I guess
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    (Original post by One Man Band)
    Hi that's great advice thanks very much. It's just one person I bumped into said 'I used to take the piss out of you at school' and it bought it back I guess
    Wow, what a lad. These kind of people are obviously trying to provoke you. By letting it get to you you're letting them win. Tell you what, what really pisses them off is seeing you laugh or smile it off. That's when they find out that their tactic of getting to you just isn't working. It's great fun too! It's like a slap in the face for them. Very few things in life feel better than that. (I talk from experience when I finally stood up to an absolute ***** -excuse the French- at my school who had bullied me for my religion, and DAMN did it feel good!)
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    (Original post by BarBaBaBaBarBaBaBa)
    Wow, what a lad. These kind of people are obviously trying to provoke you. By letting it get to you you're letting them win. Tell you what, what really pisses them off is seeing you laugh or smile it off. That's when they find out that their tactic of getting to you just isn't working. It's great fun too! It's like a slap in the face for them. Very few things in life feel better than that. (I talk from experience when I finally stood up to an absolute ***** -excuse the French- at my school who had bullied me for my religion, and DAMN did it feel good!)
    I guess so it's just I'm not really a violent person, and I guess I fear that if I was to bump into them. Thinking of the worst case I know, that's how my mind works
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    (Original post by One Man Band)
    I guess so it's just I'm not really a violent person, and I guess I fear that if I was to bump into them. Thinking of the worst case I know, that's how my mind works
    You don't have to be violent, just be firm. The more you respect yourself the more likely they are to respect you too.

    I hear you. I'm quite pessimist myself. The key is to focus on the positive instead of the negative. Positives: they're not in your life anymore, they've grown up, they probably won't remember you, they might regret bullying you. Negatives: you may bump into them. Positives outweigh the negatives.
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    (Original post by BarBaBaBaBarBaBaBa)
    You don't have to be violent, just be firm. The more you respect yourself the more likely they are to respect you too.

    I hear you. I'm quite pessimist myself. The key is to focus on the positive instead of the negative. Positives: they're not in your life anymore, they've grown up, they probably won't remember you, they might regret bullying you. Negatives: you may bump into them. Positives outweigh the negatives.
    Thanks for taking the time to listen you've really helped.
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    You sound so much like me. I'm sorry to hear that you were bullied too

    I made this thread and this thread, which pretty much details my experience with bullies. I feel quite similar to you, to be honest. My life can be seen as quite successful now. I go to college, get really good grades, have a girlfriend, and for the first time in my life have good friends, but I still feel the effects of the bullying. I changed my whole personality/appearance because I was so scared of being bullied again when I left that horrible school. Now I'm a completely different person all down to being extremely self-conscious.

    I'm also afraid of seeing my bullies again. I hate going out in my own city in case I bump into one of them. One of them actually came to my college for a taster day and I started having a panic attack, but I've changed so much that I don't think he recognised me.

    I wish I had some advice for you, but I honestly don't think you can ever get over bullying. You just have to try and move on from it and let them see that you have. I think this somewhat worked in my case. I can be seen as quite "popular" now and one of the people from my school (who didn't necessarily bully me, but laughed when everyone else did) messaged me recently, trying to suck up to me, saying me and my friends should go out with him for "a catch-up", just because I have a higher status than him now. That actually made me feel so much better.

    I'll keep watching this thread because I want advice on the same issue.
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    (Original post by Keyser-Soze)
    You sound so much like me. I'm sorry to hear that you were bullied too

    I made this thread and this thread, which pretty much details my experience with bullies. I feel quite similar to you, to be honest. My life can be seen as quite successful now. I go to college, get really good grades, have a girlfriend, and for the first time in my life have good friends, but I still feel the effects of the bullying. I changed my whole personality/appearance because I was so scared of being bullied again when I left that horrible school. Now I'm a completely different person all down to being extremely self-conscious.

    I'm also afraid of seeing my bullies again. I hate going out in my own city in case I bump into one of them. One of them actually came to my college for a taster day and I started having a panic attack, but I've changed so much that I don't think he recognised me.

    I wish I had some advice for you, but I honestly don't think you can ever get over bullying. You just have to try and move on from it and let them see that you have. I think this somewhat worked in my case. I can be seen as quite "popular" now and one of the people from my school (who didn't necessarily bully me, but laughed when everyone else did) messaged me recently, trying to suck up to me, saying me and my friends should go out with him for "a catch-up", just because I have a higher status than him now. That actually made me feel so much better.

    I'll keep watching this thread because I want advice on the same issue.
    Hi mate it's reassuring to hear a story of someone in a similar position. Feel free to PM me or whatever. Cheers for sharing your story
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    (Original post by One Man Band)
    Hi, I was bullied as a child mainly at school and I am struggling to get over it, I was wondering if anyone could help? On the face of it I have a great life, I get good grades at uni, have good friends and an enjoyable social life- I also have decent work prospects because of all the things I have achieved- yet underneath it all I still feel like a blithering wreck. My main fear is meeting the bullies again, I have bumped in to one once but he wasn't the main perpetrator, anyway, I just fear that the bullying would continue if we met again. I was wondering if anyone felt the same way and any advice you guys could offer would be great.
    If you're at University they should offer some kind of confidential counselling service and it may be well worth taking a look at? Counselling can be good for lots of things and is certainly nothing to be ashamed of, I used to go for various reasons which some may deem silly and always felt well looked after. I'm sorry you ha to go through that but please try and remember you are the only person who can determine your value and you need to tell yourself you are strong, confident and better then them even if it feels hard Bullies are generally very insecure cowards but I eel that you should seek some help as you don't deserve to feel this way!
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    (Original post by Starrydog)
    If you're at University they should offer some kind of confidential counselling service and it may be well worth taking a look at? Counselling can be good for lots of things and is certainly nothing to be ashamed of, I used to go for various reasons which some may deem silly and always felt well looked after. I'm sorry you ha to go through that but please try and remember you are the only person who can determine your value and you need to tell yourself you are strong, confident and better then them even if it feels hard Bullies are generally very insecure cowards but I eel that you should seek some help as you don't deserve to feel this way!
    Hiya thanks for your help
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    At the end of the day a bully couldn't care less about how you feel, you can feel sad and depressed about it, you can lay in bed thinking all these negative things... whilst they are going about there every day life and the last thing they are going to care about is you, the person they bullied at school. So why should you care? or feel upset about it? The answer to that is that you shouldn't care or feel bad about it, it happens to a lot of people and It's easier said than done but just think of it as a bad chapter in the past and nothing more.

    As for the bully you bumped in too I would have just ignored him or told him to go and do one, if you show you don't care chances are they will lose any kick they got from it before and just move on to someone else.

    Was bullied a lot myself and I don't even care about it now, there's no reason why shouldn't be able to be yourself without being harassed by anyone, no one is perfect in this world.
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    (Original post by Gonzolo)
    At the end of the day a bully couldn't care less about how you feel, you can feel sad and depressed about it, you can lay in bed thinking all these negative things... whilst they are going about there every day life and the last thing they are going to care about is you, the person they bullied at school. So why should you care? or feel upset about it? The answer to that is that you shouldn't care or feel bad about it, it happens to a lot of people and It's easier said than done but just think of it as a bad chapter in the past and nothing more.

    As for the bully you bumped in too I would have just ignored him or told him to go and do one, if you show you don't care chances are they will lose any kick they got from it before and just move on to someone else.

    Was bullied a lot myself and I don't even care about it now, there's no reason why shouldn't be able to be yourself without being harassed by anyone, no one is perfect in this world.
    Hey thanks for the useful advice
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    (Original post by One Man Band)
    Hi, I was bullied as a child mainly at school and I am struggling to get over it, I was wondering if anyone could help? On the face of it I have a great life, I get good grades at uni, have good friends and an enjoyable social life- I also have decent work prospects because of all the things I have achieved- yet underneath it all I still feel like a blithering wreck. My main fear is meeting the bullies again, I have bumped in to one once but he wasn't the main perpetrator, anyway, I just fear that the bullying would continue if we met again. I was wondering if anyone felt the same way and any advice you guys could offer would be great.
    just be content with yourself, as you say you're doing well - good friends and good grades etc, those pathetic people probably have a crap life now without any prospects. You beat 'em, just show them you didn't let their pathetic bullying to drag you down!
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    (Original post by pseudonymegg)
    just be content with yourself, as you say you're doing well - good friends and good grades etc, those pathetic people probably have a crap life now without any prospects. You beat 'em, just show them you didn't let their pathetic bullying to drag you down!
    Thats a good way of looking at it, thanks
 
 
 
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