Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

How to stop dwelling on what could have been and move on? Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I could have gone to Oxbridge...

    I could have saved more money..

    I could have a boyfriend...

    I could have had a better childhood...

    etc.

    How to stop and move on to a happier future?

    Thank you
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I could have gone to Oxbridge...

    I could have saved more money..

    I could have a boyfriend...

    I could have had a better childhood...

    etc.

    How to stop and move on to a happier future?

    Thank you
    Stop thinking about what you could've had and concentrate on what you can have

    Finding a hobby usually helps! It'll keep you occupied and content

    Meeting new people also helps - like in volunteering or even a summer job
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    This is a problem that i struggle with too, I guess we just have to learn how to accept our current situation and be grateful for what we have. Besides there are many more opportunities in the future to still accomplish the things we want.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I could have gone to Oxbridge...

    I could have saved more money..

    I could have a boyfriend...

    I could have had a better childhood...

    etc.

    How to stop and move on to a happier future?

    Thank you
    This is very similar to me



    (Original post by MyName??!)
    Stop thinking about what you could've had and concentrate on what you can have

    Finding a hobby usually helps! It'll keep you occupied and content

    Meeting new people also helps - like in volunteering or even a summer job

    This doesn't help though, sorry I'm not being rude :sorry:

    Is it worth trying to achieve those big dreams when it will take a while, and be very expensive?

    Or just accepting that you will never make it in life and not do what you wanted :/

    I'm trying to do the first, and it is hard - but what I am most scared of is really trying and failing.
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Damien_Dalgaard)

    This doesn't help though, sorry I'm not being rude :sorry:

    Is it worth trying to achieve those big dreams when it will take a while, and be very expensive?

    Or just accepting that you will never make it in life and not do what you wanted :/

    I'm trying to do the first, and it is hard - but what I am most scared of is really trying and failing.
    :console: no worries you're not being rude

    So what if they take a while? Just go for it and enjoy every moment - you'll get to where you want to be faster if your mind is occupied with satisfaction (if that makes sense )

    And don't just sit there are and except that! Doing something - anything - and failing is ways better than not trying

    Besides failing but picking yourself up and knowing where you went wrong and acting on it gives a good rewarding feeling
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MyName??!)
    :console: no worries you're not being rude

    So what if they take a while? Just go for it and enjoy every moment - you'll get to where you want to be faster if your mind is occupied with satisfaction (if that makes sense )

    And don't just sit there are and except that! Doing something - anything - and failing is ways better than not trying

    Besides failing but picking yourself up and knowing where you went wrong and acting on it gives a good rewarding feeling
    This is actually the best advice, I have heard in a while, thanks.

    Can I dm you?
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Damien_Dalgaard)
    This is actually the best advice, I have heard in a while, thanks.

    Can I dm you?


    And do you mean pm? Yeah I don't mind
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MyName??!)


    And do you mean pm? Yeah I don't mind
    direct message, well yeah thanks
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Damien_Dalgaard)
    direct message, well yeah thanks
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Yes I think I can help you with this one.

    Contrary to popular belief I think you are in a lot less control than you are led to believe by this focus on over-achievers in the media and the idea that if you only try hard enough you will succeed much wealth and abundance. It's simply not true if it was that easy to be successful than everyone would be. It doesn't matter how aspirational poor farmers are in China they're not going anywhere. Take the recent news story of that Brazilian guy who invented the free kick spray. It took him 15 YEARS and a hell of a lot of luck and it's still not a dead cert. That sort of fluke is so rare it is like a fairy story. There are millions more who will never escape that poverty trap. In fact the whole entrepreneurship thing is just another way of making minimum wage peons believe that there will be a way out for them one day when there isn't.

    Obviously in the UK there are some more opportunities but even so there will be reasons why you didn't get into Oxbridge. Perhaps you needed pushy parents, perhaps your school wasn't good enough, perhaps you simply aren't bright enough. There will be reasons so why are those reasons not valid? Besides which, I know a girl who went to Cambridge and did well in her maths degree and did not end up either happy or successful. How much of that was in her control? Very, very little as it happens.

    We're sold this myth that wealthy and successful people deserve it all but most of it comes down to things they had no direct control over and the same is true for the impoverished. I think we have adopted the American toxic concept that wealth and success define who we are, even down to our own morality. That rich people are somehow 'better'. It's ****ed up. It means that people are ashamed of being poor so they don't discuss their low pay and therefore no one know how much anyone else is on so they don't get together and fight for higher wages. I think this attitude has come from the fact that an employer is seen as like a customer to an employee in that they provide the value (pay) so therefore they, the customer, are always right. So if paying you low pay is 'right' then you should feel ashamed. You might think this is a tangent but I think wealth really is the way people define their worth these days.

    Anyway all you can do is attempt to control the aspects of your life which you want to improve but try to understand that you are one of millions of people in a competitive and largely unethical environment. Without unionising, fighting and communicating some sort of movement you aren't really going to change that much and you just have to hope you will be lucky in whatever job you land in the work market lottery.

    As for the poor childhood thing I can relate to having ..uh....imperfect ...parents. But that is just something else you couldn't control so where is the logic in worrying about it and wishing it were different? As for the boyfriend thing I'm sure you will find one in the end, it's easier for girls anyway due to the whole male sex drive and female womb thing.

    I honestly think that you can gain a lot of mental freedom by understanding you aren't actually that important and you don't have that much control over your life and therefore the place where you are at is a logical conclusion to loads of random events/circumstances with only a few you could have changed. So, like I say, do what you can and hope for the best (and fight for wealth justice )but don't assign your whole worth to your perceived place in life because it's actually not who you are. Perhaps I'm unusual but I suss people out not by their achievements and wealth but by their general attitude, soundness and how they perceive/understand the world around them and how they relate to others - that's really who people are when you take all the other **** away. As in, how would they react and respond to others and their environment if you were stranded on a desert island with them and other people?
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    If you focus on what you have left behind, you'll never be able to see what lies ahead.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 18, 2014
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What newspaper do you read/prefer?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.