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A very, very complicated situation Watch

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    HELLO.
    So it’s like this:
    I’ve been talking to/flirting with this girl since about March, on facebook chat, by text, etc. She lives in Bristol and I currently live in Leeds. Long story short, we got with each other at Secret Garden Party (end of June) and were seeing each other until July 15. I will explain why we are no longer seeing each other presently.

    She was seeing this other guy for about 10 months before she got with me, casually. During this period she tried to break it off with him twice, of her own accord, but the first time he got depressed and stopped eating, and she felt bad and missed his company and probably the sex. The same sort of thing happened the second time. During this time they were quite close, but I don’t think she felt the “spark”, relationship wise, so to speak. They went through a lot together, and learned a lot from each other.

    From March – June I was visiting Bristol regularly and staying at his house. I only met him in March, and was completely fine with them seeing each other until I started to develop feelings for her after me, her, him and 3 others went to Krakow together in April. I’m pretty sure this is the same time that she started to develop feelings for me, as she has stated this.
    He finished university in June and left Bristol to work in Krakow, and we got together at Secret Garden Party about 2 weeks later. Horrible thing to do, I know. But it’s not often I develop feelings for a girl and I just went for it without thinking of the consequences.

    Since April/May me, this guy, the girl, and a few others had been planning to go to Dimensions festival in Croatia together, and to stay in Split beforehand.

    Shortly after Secret Garden Party, she received a text from him stating that he knows “everything” and to never worry about seeing him again. Neither of us had any idea how he found out, and the logical conclusion was that someone in Bristol told them. So her friends had a go at her other friend for telling this guy, because we knew he suspected something.

    I went to Bulgaria during 8-15 July. The guy returned to Bristol for his graduation over 14 and 15 July. She wanted to speak to him anyway to try to work things out, she didn’t want to leave it like this. On 15 July she and him spoke and he revealed that I had left my facebook logged in on his phone, and so he had seen all of our conversations since around March. Apparently he showed the conversations to other people in Bristol as well. This caused her to fall out with a lot of her friends in Bristol, who were also his friends.

    We became very close in Secret Garden Party. Closer, according to her, than she had been with him. Public displays of affection, etc, which she never did with him. But she now says that she wants things to go back to how they were before Secret Garden Party and wants to be just friends. I think she feels very bad about getting with me 2 weeks after he left Bristol. The original plan was to let him know much later than that, but him seeing our conversations and threatening to never see her again scared her, and made her feel terrible. Also he knows that I was coming to Bristol to see her and staying in his house. In my defence, this wasn’t my original plan. I only realised I had feelings for her after many times visiting Bristol.

    Can this be fixed?

    She obviously likes/liked me more than him, otherwise she wouldn’t have been flirting with me since March. At Secret Garden Party she told me she had spoken to many of her friends about it, so I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just a sexual fling. It was based on more than that.
    I’m kicking myself now, of course, because if I hadn’t left my facebook logged in on his phone, he never would have found out about any of this. Things happened quite fast at Secret Garden Party, faster than either of us anticipated.

    What I don’t understand is how him finding out about us has changed her feelings towards me. I do understand how it has made her feel bad. Do you think that even though she likes me, she’s just choosing the option that will give her less stress – i.e. not seeing me any more and possibly getting back with him?

    I don’t know what they spoke about when he was down for his graduation, I’m travelling there today to talk with her and find this out. I suppose I should have posted this after I spoke with her, but I just really want some answers.

    Thank you, TSR.
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    can;t be bothered, so much s**t to read
    sorry mate

    finished on the second paragraph and I got already a headache
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    (Original post by MichaelChm)
    can;t be bothered, so much s**t to read
    sorry mate

    finished on the second paragraph and I got already a headache
    But you were bothered enough to comment that you couldn't be bothered to give advise?!?! WHY COMMENT IN THE FIRST PLACE THEN WHAT?!
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    (Original post by imaginewizard)
    But you were bothered enough to comment that you couldn't be bothered to give advise?!?! WHY COMMENT IN THE FIRST PLACE THEN WHAT?!
    why not ? I just expressed how I feel about the cesspool that OP has written
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    HELLO.
    So it’s like this:
    I’ve been talking to/flirting with this girl since about March, on facebook chat, by text, etc. She lives in Bristol and I currently live in Leeds. Long story short, we got with each other at Secret Garden Party (end of June) and were seeing each other until July 15. I will explain why we are no longer seeing each other presently.

    She was seeing this other guy for about 10 months before she got with me, casually. During this period she tried to break it off with him twice, of her own accord, but the first time he got depressed and stopped eating, and she felt bad and missed his company and probably the sex. The same sort of thing happened the second time. During this time they were quite close, but I don’t think she felt the “spark”, relationship wise, so to speak. They went through a lot together, and learned a lot from each other.

    From March – June I was visiting Bristol regularly and staying at his house. I only met him in March, and was completely fine with them seeing each other until I started to develop feelings for her after me, her, him and 3 others went to Krakow together in April. I’m pretty sure this is the same time that she started to develop feelings for me, as she has stated this.
    He finished university in June and left Bristol to work in Krakow, and we got together at Secret Garden Party about 2 weeks later. Horrible thing to do, I know. But it’s not often I develop feelings for a girl and I just went for it without thinking of the consequences.

    Since April/May me, this guy, the girl, and a few others had been planning to go to Dimensions festival in Croatia together, and to stay in Split beforehand.

    Shortly after Secret Garden Party, she received a text from him stating that he knows “everything” and to never worry about seeing him again. Neither of us had any idea how he found out, and the logical conclusion was that someone in Bristol told them. So her friends had a go at her other friend for telling this guy, because we knew he suspected something.

    I went to Bulgaria during 8-15 July. The guy returned to Bristol for his graduation over 14 and 15 July. She wanted to speak to him anyway to try to work things out, she didn’t want to leave it like this. On 15 July she and him spoke and he revealed that I had left my facebook logged in on his phone, and so he had seen all of our conversations since around March. Apparently he showed the conversations to other people in Bristol as well. This caused her to fall out with a lot of her friends in Bristol, who were also his friends.

    We became very close in Secret Garden Party. Closer, according to her, than she had been with him. Public displays of affection, etc, which she never did with him. But she now says that she wants things to go back to how they were before Secret Garden Party and wants to be just friends. I think she feels very bad about getting with me 2 weeks after he left Bristol. The original plan was to let him know much later than that, but him seeing our conversations and threatening to never see her again scared her, and made her feel terrible. Also he knows that I was coming to Bristol to see her and staying in his house. In my defence, this wasn’t my original plan. I only realised I had feelings for her after many times visiting Bristol.

    Can this be fixed?

    She obviously likes/liked me more than him, otherwise she wouldn’t have been flirting with me since March. At Secret Garden Party she told me she had spoken to many of her friends about it, so I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just a sexual fling. It was based on more than that.
    I’m kicking myself now, of course, because if I hadn’t left my facebook logged in on his phone, he never would have found out about any of this. Things happened quite fast at Secret Garden Party, faster than either of us anticipated.

    What I don’t understand is how him finding out about us has changed her feelings towards me. I do understand how it has made her feel bad. Do you think that even though she likes me, she’s just choosing the option that will give her less stress – i.e. not seeing me any more and possibly getting back with him?

    I don’t know what they spoke about when he was down for his graduation, I’m travelling there today to talk with her and find this out. I suppose I should have posted this after I spoke with her, but I just really want some answers.

    Thank you, TSR.
    i think ink she may be feeling that this situation and the events that have happened are all very serious. What has happened can have quite a dramatic effect on some people as it normally causes an immediate change - people are different, some fear immediate change and some fear possible change in the future.

    Her era feelings for you may have changed because if the fact that "right now everything is sooooo messed up". Talk to her about what you need to know without pushing her or getting annoyed/frustrated. Let her have her space, but don't make her feel like she is alone. Also, ask what she would like you to do. If she responds badly to this, don't be surprised, it's expected. And lastly, don't change who you are because of this - be the person she decided to fall for.

    Dont worry, this "mistake" only has an immediate effect

    You'll do well - if it's meant to work out, it will
 
 
 
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