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    Yesterday, I made this thread (Basically relayed my experiences of being bullied. Sorry this is another long read.)
    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show....php?t=2740101

    Sorry for making another thread so quickly, but I feel like I really need help and advice on this issue.

    So I was bullied to the point of being hospitalised in year 7-8. I missed a whole year of school. I came out of hospital and went to another school, where I changed into a completely different person. I literally became the opposite of the person I was when getting bullied.

    I was bullied for being quiet ("weird"), so I became loud at my new school. I started talking to everyone and anyone and just voicing my opinions, being blunt, without caring for backlash. I followed cues from my brother who is very popular and extroverted. I was bullied because of my skin (acne, freckles,) so I started wearing foundation/concealer (I'm a guy. Also use it on my arms to hide the scars.) I was bullied because of my hair, so I started straightening and altering it. I was bullied for being skinny, a "rake", so I started using the gym and beefing up. I was bullied for loving science and maths, so I stopped talking about it constantly, and only discussed it with people that got close to me. I was bullied for being short for a guy (and if there was someway I could change that I actually would.) So, as you can see, I've literally changed every part of myself. I don't even feel like the same person, anymore, and I'm not even sure if this is a good or a bad thing...

    Now, in college, where I actually have real friends and a girlfriend, I actually feel so fake...Like I have to put a face on every time I leave the house. I'm seen as the absolute opposite of what I was, even more so than in school. Now I've started drinking alcohol, smoking, being with my girlfriend, etc. I used to be known as "little innocent Charlie" because I didn't drink, hardly went out, had lots of girlfriends, but refused to do anything with them. Now I'm SO different. Again. I'm so different that one of the people from my old school went to my college for a taster day and didn't even recognise me.

    Everyone calls me "happy", "popular", "attractive", "confident," and I actually hate being complimented like that because I know I'm none of those things. I just constantly smile and laugh at everything, even if I'm not happy at all, so everyone sees me like that. I talk to everyone, but I don't even want to (I just want to hang-out with my close group of friends, but everyone crowds around me constantly - mainly my brother's following, so I feel the pressure to talk and smile at them.)

    Attractive is the funniest compliment because I'm so fake. No one would find me attractive if they saw me without the cover-up and my natural hair and on social networking my pictures are extensively edited. Only my girlfriend and my friends have seen me natural. My girlfriend says I don't need to cover-up so much, but I know for a fact that she would have never given me a chance if I approached her natural. It's so bad that, even though we spend everyday together, I have to cover up and most of the time we aren't even going anywhere. It absolutely kills me inside when she constantly says that she isn't good enough for ME, that she feels ugly compared to ME, this is actually why she refused to date me, at first, but obviously this was before she saw me natural.

    I know that my experience would be the same as when I was at school, where I was called ugly constantly, if I didn't cover up so much. People are right when they say make-up makes a HUGE different. I know this firsthand. I had a pool party at my house (yeah, I have a pool in my house,) and my friend pushed me in. All of my cover-up came off and all of the product out of my hair. Everyone was looking like "WTF happened to you?" And when I told them I wore make-up, they were like "OMG!" I was so much of a nervous wreck that I started running to my bedroom to sort everything out. Everyone, in particular my girlfriend, convinced me not to, though, that I was fine without it. But I obviously wasn't fine. I could tell they were staring at me all night in shock. I know they probably didn't say anything because my brother was there and he'd beat them for saying anything against me.

    I scream and almost burst into tears whenever someone puts a horrible photo of me on Facebook because I just flashback to the cyber-judgement I got from the bullies. So, yeah, I'm obviously not confident like they think I am. I'm probably the most self-conscious person ever. I feel like I'll have to use this mask for the rest of my life, and constantly feel like I'm being stabbed when people compliment this mask, not the real me. I don't think the real me has been given one compliment (besides from my girlfriend, brother, and some close friends, but they obviously have to say those things.)

    I don't even know what my question is...I guess, I just need some advice because the only people I can speak openly about this with are my girlfriend and brother, but they obviously aren't going to be impartial.

    How can I get over this? Will I EVER get over this and not have to put on this constant fake persona? How can I ever accept compliments when I know they aren't really complimenting me?

    Any advice at all?
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    1st world problems..
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    Can't take you seriously mate, I can only conclude you are lying. You were bullying for talking about science and maths? Really? What, by a bunch of kids who never turn up to lesson, who only talk about football and who smoke? I was one of those kids at school (down and outs), how can you bully someone who is intellectually academically superior to you? And you actually got down about it.. thats the worst bit.

    The hottest flames forge the finest steel my friend, from what you've just told me youre problems are some of the most mediocre issues I've heard in years. Those fires werent even hot, and your steel appears to have just flopped. Most of humanity eat worse than how we feed cats and dogs, and your here talking about how your girlfriend says you shouldn't be wearing make up?

    You've well and truly trolled me. Get a grip, for ****s sake.
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    lol @ op. Start talking about maths and science then if its a big deal.


    You sound like a teenage girl out of a US highschool movie lel.
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    Lol, what do you want us to say? You made the choice to construct this life of artifice around you and now you've contracted the diseases of persona-making, excessive self-consciousness, people-pleasing, vanity and materialism like most people. That's what you get for subscribing to the society of spectacle. I'm sure the cosmetic companies love people like you lol.
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    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    lol @ op. Start talking about maths and science then if its a big deal.


    You sound like a teenage girl out of a US highschool movie lel.
    Names of these movies plz..
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    (Original post by Reece Sure)
    Can't take you seriously mate, I can only conclude you are lying. You were bullying for talking about science and maths? Really? What, by a bunch of kids who never turn up to lesson, who only talk about football and who smoke? I was one of those kids at school, how can you bully someone who is intellectually academically superior to you? And you actually got down about it.. that the worst bit.

    The hottest flames forge the finest steel my friend, from what you've just told me youre problems are some of the most mediocre issues I've heard in years. Most of humanity eat worse than how we feed cats and dogs, and your here talking about how your girlfriend says you shouldn't be wearing make up?

    You've well and truly trolled me. Get a grip, for ****s sake.
    I was bullied for everything at my old school. It didn't start as being bullied because of that, but that was one of the things they brought up.

    That wasn't the problem. The problem was about my confidence issues and how to get over them. I don't want to be wearing cover up for the rest of my life, or being so afraid of what people will think about me that I have to fake everything. Sorry if you don't think that's serious enough, but this has actually made me depressed for years.
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    (Original post by Damien_Dalgaard)
    Names of these movies plz..
    mean girls.
    Thats the only one I remember the name of lel.

    But every US teen movie.
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    It sounds to me like you're chronically lacking in self-esteem and confidence. Well, the only way you can get these things is by putting yourself into situations that require it of you.

    I think you learnt the wrong lessons from your experiences. You say that your girlfriend and friends only liked you because of your mask - this is true, but this is because putting on that mask let you have confidence.

    What I think you should have learnt from this was how you can be if you only give yourself permission to be that way. You don't need the mask to give yourself permission.
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    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    mean girls.
    Thats the only one I remember the name of lel.

    But every US teen movie.
    A wide set whattttt
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    I think people have misinterpreted my post so much. The point wasn't me wearing cover-up. I wish I never even mentioned that now because I already feel embarrassed about it. That was only one of the smaller issues. I just wanted advice on how I can boost-up my confidence and STOP overanalysing every little thing in my life to the point where I can't even be around the people closest to me without being fake.
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    (Original post by Keyser-Soze)
    I was bullied for everything at my old school. It didn't start as being bullied because of that, but that was one of the things they brought up.

    That wasn't the problem. The problem was about my confidence issues and how to get over them. I don't want to be wearing cover up for the rest of my life, or being so afraid of what people will think about me that I have to fake everything. Sorry if you don't think that's serious enough, but this has actually made me depressed for years.
    I've had family members that up until the 80's had their teeth kicked in, feaces posted through the letter box and their houses firebombed, all because they were black. And this is in one of the better countries to live in.

    I'm sorry but my sympathy for you when you come here and whine about your lack of confidence because someone said some nasty words to you at school, an institution that thousands of people die weekly crossing oceans for the small glimmer of opportunity that you are provided.

    Even by this countries standards, you've got it cushty. a few generations ago you'd be in mud and water surrounded by other guys your ages being shelled and gassed, and being told that it's time to run into thousands of rounds being fired at you by other 18 year old's in the same position, and you'd have died in a foreign land.

    Please, realise that you are being pathetic. Man the **** up
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    (Original post by miser)
    It sounds to me like you're chronically lacking in self-esteem and confidence. Well, the only way you can get these things is by putting yourself into situations that require it of you.

    I think you learnt the wrong lessons from your experiences. You say that your girlfriend and friends only liked you because of your mask - this is true, but this is because putting on that mask let you have confidence.

    What I think you should have learnt from this was how you can be if you only give yourself permission to be that way. You don't need the mask to give yourself permission.
    Thanks for giving me the first piece of real advice.

    What situations do you mean?

    I don't think I'd be able to say go to college naturally and not talk to people (like I want) because then they'd react the same as my friends did that first time, and I'd be able to deal with that even less.
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    (Original post by Reece Sure)
    I've had family members that up until the 80's had their teeth kicked in, feaces posted through the letter box and their houses firebombed, all because they were black. And this is in one of the better countries to live in.

    I'm sorry but my sympathy for you when you come here and whine about your lack of confidence because someone said some nasty words to you at school, an institution that thousands of people die weekly crossing oceans for the small glimmer of opportunity that you are provided.

    Even by this countries standards, you've got it cushty. a few generations ago you'd be in mud and water surrounded by other guys your ages being shelled and gassed, and being told that it's time to run into thousands of rounds being fired at you by other 18 year old's in the same position, and you'd have died in a foreign land.

    Please, realise that you are being pathetic. Man the **** up
    I'm not saying that my situation is the worst of the worst. I never argued that at all. I just posted for some advice, not to get people's sympathy.

    Oh, and it wasn't just a few words. I was beaten up by four guys, left for dead in a bus stop, and had to recuperate in hospital for months. And even if it was just a few words, so what? Words are just as damaging as physical abuse, if not more so.
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    (Original post by Keyser-Soze)
    Thanks for giving me the first piece of real advice.

    What situations do you mean?

    I don't think I'd be able to say go to college naturally and not talk to people (like I want) because then they'd react the same as my friends did that first time, and I'd be able to deal with that even less.
    You've built up a mental model of how you think people will react to it, which is probably inaccurate. As a rule, younger people are crueler. These people are already friends with you, and whilst being confident you will have built up skills and a mindset to handle joking around. If you can behave the way your make-up self would behave then you will get the same results. Honestly, guys' looks don't matter all that much.

    If you went in with confidence and acted the same as you did with the make-up on, you'd find soon enough that it was a crutch all along. The only danger is if your expectations of failure sabotage you. You can't rely on make-up forever though - if you want your self-esteem back, you need to prove to yourself that you can do it without the make-up.
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    (Original post by Keyser-Soze)
    I'm not saying that my situation is the worst of the worst. I never argued that at all. I just posted for some advice, not to get people's sympathy.

    Oh, and it wasn't just a few words. I was beaten up by four guys, left for dead in a bus stop, and had to recuperate in hospital for months. And even if it was just a few words, so what? Words are just as damaging as physical abuse, if not more so.
    Thats what todays over sensitive society would have you believe, it's a lie. Words only hurt if you care about the person, funnily enough I don't give a **** about 99.9% of what most people have to say because they are ignorant to my situation. But regardless as to who they are or how well they know me, someone pressing their thumbs into my eye sockets is plenty painful.

    You are living in a bubble mate. Grow up, seriously. Start boxing or a fighting club, confidence will carry you a long way towards avoiding fights entirely, you'll then realise how easy your life is if the most you have to worry about is what you look like :lol::lol::lol:
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    (Original post by Reece Sure)
    Thats what todays over sensitive society would have you believe, it's a lie. Words only hurt if you care about the person, funnily enough I don't give a **** about 99.9% of what most people have to say because they are ignorant to my situation. But regardless as to who they are or how well they know me, someone pressing their thumbs into my eye sockets is plenty painful.

    You are living in a bubble mate. Grow up, seriously. Start boxing or a fighting club, confidence will carry you a long way towards avoiding fights entirely, you'll then realise how easy your life is if the most you have to worry about is what you look like :lol::lol::lol:
    Lol what's your problem? Enduring both physical and verbal abuse at a young age is not easy, and usually affects the abused for life. Maybe you're particularly strong and can take anything, but most can't. The OP has even done well to not give into suicide or anything like that yet. Many people have had it worse than him, but that doesn't mean his problems are meaningless. I just think he's over-adjusted to get acceptance and is now in a trap he might never get out of.

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    (Original post by miser)
    You've built up a mental model of how you think people will react to it, which is probably inaccurate. As a rule, younger people are crueler. These people are already friends with you, and whilst being confident you will have built up skills and a mindset to handle joking around. If you can behave the way your make-up self would behave then you will get the same results. Honestly, guys' looks don't matter all that much.

    If you went in with confidence and acted the same as you did with the make-up on, you'd find soon enough that it was a crutch all along. The only danger is if your expectations of failure sabotage you. You can't rely on make-up forever though - if you want your self-esteem back, you need to prove to yourself that you can do it without the make-up.
    Thanks for the advice!

    It's hard to believe that looks don't matter when I was bullied throughout school because of mine. But what you're saying makes sense. I think this lie has gotten so bad that the thing I'm really struggling with is actually just walking in natural. I know people are going to say things and stare, even if just initially. Also, they'll know I've been using something to cover it all up. I'd be absolutely fine if it wasn't for that. If I knew no one would say anything and everyone would just act normal, then this would be no problem, but I know that isn't possible in my college, so I'd probably struggle to act "normal"/talkative, too.

    (Original post by Reece Sure)
    Thats what todays over sensitive society would have you believe, it's a lie. Words only hurt if you care about the person, funnily enough I don't give a **** about 99.9% of what most people have to say because they are ignorant to my situation. But regardless as to who they are or how well they know me, someone pressing their thumbs into my eye sockets is plenty painful.

    You are living in a bubble mate. Grow up, seriously. Start boxing or a fighting club, confidence will carry you a long way towards avoiding fights entirely, you'll then realise how easy your life is if the most you have to worry about is what you look like :lol::lol::lol:
    I disagree with you, but I'm glad that you don't let words hurt you.

    Thanks for the advice, too.
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    (Original post by Abstraction)
    Lol what's your problem? Enduring both physical and verbal abuse at a young age is not easy, and usually affects the abused for life. Maybe you're particularly strong and can take anything, but most can't. The OP has even done well to not give into suicide or anything like that yet. Many people have had it worse than him, but that doesn't mean his problems are meaningless. I just think he's over-adjusted to get acceptance and is now in a trap he might never get out of.

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    Yeah, I agree with this. Some people, including one of my closest friends has been verbally abused, and I've seen just how much it's affected him. I was also verbally abused constantly before I was beaten up, and it's honestly hard to get over being called ugly your entire life.
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    I don't understand why it is people on here are giving you a hard time. I feel your pain bro, stay strong :hugs:

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