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Commitment Problem
Now first off im not sure if this is going to be long or short but if its long stay with me lol
I feel that my fear of commitment is ruining possible relationships that i could be having or could of had, its something that has been on my mind for a while but have only just thought to ask about it. It all startd in high school....
There was this girl who i got on with really well, we talked all the time, we had fun, we talked and she was someone who i could really see myself having a relationship with, then she started talking about starting a possible relationship, and then i thought to all my friends relationships where they are always together, and they are just crowded and i got freaked out and said mayby we should stay friends, she agreed and we did, although after high school we lost touch.
Then there was another girl when i first started college, i liked her, and it was pretty similar to the first although i didnt have as strong a feeling, but she text and rang me all the time so i thought it best to end it.
Here is the one that has been on my mind for a long long time. When i was in the middle of my first year at college, i met the sweetest, kind and most beautifull girl (Evidentally she was in one of my classes but had never talked to her much). After a while we got really really close, but unlike the other 2 i loved spending time with her, i walked her home every day and i loved doing it, everytime she text me or rang me it was great, we would go for drinks and just be really happy. Everyone commented on how happy we were, and i ave never enjoyed a period of my life more than the time i was with her. But then people started making comments like "You look like a married couple" and then im started to feel really crowded, its hard to explain, because i felt really crowded but at the same time i loved her so much and really wanted to stay with her. But gradually we stopped spending time together and when she left half way through the 2nd year it tore me apart, we pretty much lost contact apart from a few msn conversations and promises to go out and catch up.
This has been on my mind for a while, but tonight i checked her myspace page, and although she has a boyfriend and we havent talked in a while she had a fair bit about me on there, and it upset me because i realised i still love her so much.
Im off to university in a month and she is staying here, so its not a point of any chance of getting back with her now. Although down the line i really would like to. its a point of what makes me get so scared of commitment? why does it effect me but not my friends? and how can i ever be in a serious relationship (I want to be in one) when i only let people get so far?
Its not about not trusting people, as the last irl knew everything there is to know about me, i dont know what it is.
Sorry its boringly (is that a word) long but i needed to get it off my chest.
I feel that my fear of commitment is ruining possible relationships that i could be having or could of had, its something that has been on my mind for a while but have only just thought to ask about it. It all startd in high school....
There was this girl who i got on with really well, we talked all the time, we had fun, we talked and she was someone who i could really see myself having a relationship with, then she started talking about starting a possible relationship, and then i thought to all my friends relationships where they are always together, and they are just crowded and i got freaked out and said mayby we should stay friends, she agreed and we did, although after high school we lost touch.
Then there was another girl when i first started college, i liked her, and it was pretty similar to the first although i didnt have as strong a feeling, but she text and rang me all the time so i thought it best to end it.
Here is the one that has been on my mind for a long long time. When i was in the middle of my first year at college, i met the sweetest, kind and most beautifull girl (Evidentally she was in one of my classes but had never talked to her much). After a while we got really really close, but unlike the other 2 i loved spending time with her, i walked her home every day and i loved doing it, everytime she text me or rang me it was great, we would go for drinks and just be really happy. Everyone commented on how happy we were, and i ave never enjoyed a period of my life more than the time i was with her. But then people started making comments like "You look like a married couple" and then im started to feel really crowded, its hard to explain, because i felt really crowded but at the same time i loved her so much and really wanted to stay with her. But gradually we stopped spending time together and when she left half way through the 2nd year it tore me apart, we pretty much lost contact apart from a few msn conversations and promises to go out and catch up.
This has been on my mind for a while, but tonight i checked her myspace page, and although she has a boyfriend and we havent talked in a while she had a fair bit about me on there, and it upset me because i realised i still love her so much.
Im off to university in a month and she is staying here, so its not a point of any chance of getting back with her now. Although down the line i really would like to. its a point of what makes me get so scared of commitment? why does it effect me but not my friends? and how can i ever be in a serious relationship (I want to be in one) when i only let people get so far?
Its not about not trusting people, as the last irl knew everything there is to know about me, i dont know what it is.
Sorry its boringly (is that a word) long but i needed to get it off my chest.
It sounds weird, but maybe you're just not ready for the type of relationship your friends are having, whatever that is? Relationships are committed and so on, but different people want different things. You sounded committed to this girl the way you were and I'm sure if either of you wanted a bit of space for a while the other would have given it... it was just your friends' expectations for you that scared you, wasn't it? Maybe you should meet up again - as old friends or whatever. And next time you get into a relationship with anyone go at your own pace and don't do anything you don't want to do - and anyone who truly respects you and your wishes will be ok with that. A little bit of compromise never hurt... but I don't blame you for getting scared when your friends referred to you as a married couple.
So u let go of her just because of what others were saying about you. You claim the happiness you have experienced is not like in any other period of your life. And you say you love her alot. Then why care about what others said? You shouldnt be swayed by what others think. You forfeited your happiness because of that? By the looks of it you got quite far, and by the looks of it, there arent many reasons why you should have let go.
kohlqueen
So u let go of her just because of what others were saying about you. You claim the happiness you have experienced is not like in any other period of your life. And you say you love her alot. Then why care about what others said? You shouldnt be swayed by what others think. You forfeited your happiness because of that? By the looks of it you got quite far, and by the looks of it, there arent many reasons why you should have let go.
I know i was such a idiot, i cant believe that i was so stupid to do something like that. But that is a clear example of what im talking about, why do i care so much what others say or do? how can i actually have a relationship if im worried what everyone says, im sure her friends said soemthing and she didnt care but i did. It is one of the biggest mistakes i have made, and its just ridicuolous how stupid i was
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