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Cheating, forgive and forget?
Found out on sunday night my boyfriend cheated on me with his ex at least three times at the begining of our relationship, after this revelation and some heated discussion between the three of us (me, his ex and him) we split up not in a nice way and I slept in his chalet and he (I later found out) shared the sofa with her. Basically he said he didn't want me anymore and wanted to make it work with her.
The next morning however he woke up as I was walking through the house, we didn't say much and he just held me and kissed me, then she walked in, huffed and stomped out... I said "is that really what you want?" and he shook his head and kissed me.
When I got home he left a message on my phone this is what it said "I can smell u on my pillow and i cant put it down, i want 2 c u soo much but i cant. im so sorry iv hurt you. i love you. xxxx"
I also saw him last night and I have forgiven him to a point, I'm just so hurt I'm in shock. Thing is, he said to me very firmly that he will not stop seeing her and she will be living close to him when I'm at uni and they will be spending time together!
He said that there is nothing sexual left between them, however he also said nothing had happened between them while we were together.
I really don't know what I should do, I'm going to uni and I know it will bother me her being around him when I'm not, but I also reckon I love him.
Am I stupid for forgiving him or should I hate him?
The next morning however he woke up as I was walking through the house, we didn't say much and he just held me and kissed me, then she walked in, huffed and stomped out... I said "is that really what you want?" and he shook his head and kissed me.
When I got home he left a message on my phone this is what it said "I can smell u on my pillow and i cant put it down, i want 2 c u soo much but i cant. im so sorry iv hurt you. i love you. xxxx"
I also saw him last night and I have forgiven him to a point, I'm just so hurt I'm in shock. Thing is, he said to me very firmly that he will not stop seeing her and she will be living close to him when I'm at uni and they will be spending time together!
He said that there is nothing sexual left between them, however he also said nothing had happened between them while we were together.
I really don't know what I should do, I'm going to uni and I know it will bother me her being around him when I'm not, but I also reckon I love him.
Am I stupid for forgiving him or should I hate him?
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To be blunt he is getting the best of both worlds and you're letting him. If you have an ounce of common sense you will realise that he is dishonest and that you can find someone who will care about you enough not to mess around behind your back. Do you genuinely think he won't cheat on you with her? If you do I am afraid you're only kidding yourself. You're going to Uni now where you will be able to meet countless guys who would be better for you; take the initiative and dump this guy. You should neither hate nor love him, just be indifferent to him.
Will you really be able to trust him while your at uni? Or will you always be thinking he might end up doing things with his ex? Would you be able to trust him 100%?
If you can't trust him 100% then ditch him, tell him it's over, if you can, well it's your choice.
He doesn't seem to know what he wants. One evening he wants it to work with her, the next morning he wants it to work with you....Sorry but he doesn't sound good enough at all for you.
If you can't trust him 100% then ditch him, tell him it's over, if you can, well it's your choice.
He doesn't seem to know what he wants. One evening he wants it to work with her, the next morning he wants it to work with you....Sorry but he doesn't sound good enough at all for you.
Aye, I would rid of him, pretty much what "englishstudent" said you are giving him the golden ticket to see 2 girls at once with emotional ties to both. TBH you would find someone in Lincoln if you tried. Its a hugely Indie city, thus we are all cool and everyone just wants to get along.
what I mean is...
move on, in reality you have no choice.
what I mean is...
move on, in reality you have no choice.
Dump the loser - he needs to learn a lesson or he's going to **** up his kids.
It isn't just a boyfriend to me though, we do so much together. I know he needs me, I sorta work for him, and I need him for stuff... Like if we weren't together I wouldn't be able to get to the hospital next week for an op...I'm just able to talk to him about everything and he understands and doesn't judge and I know he sees me like that too.
Is what he did totally unforgivable? We were quite drunk at the time...
Is what he did totally unforgivable? We were quite drunk at the time...
Bubblebee
Kids? Do you know something I don't?
When he has a family - Divorce, you know, probably messy too.
Some people who have reached adulthood still need to learn what is and isn't acceptable in a relationship.
Well at the end of the day the only 1 person has a choice, and that is you. I guess you have to really search for what you feel and follow your heart. You may get ****ed over, it may end up perfect. But speaking from experience and from what I have also seen at my years at university, long distance relationships tend not to last. It adds a whole different level of pressure and distrust between people that some relationships cannot recover from. If it was me I would start a fresh in Lincoln, but obviously you have to choose the course of actions which you feel most comfortable with.
Get rid of him immediatly! He's one of them blokes that have a malfunctioning brain which makes them think they can get away with anything!
He'll do it again! I was with someone like that for 3 years, who frequentlty cheated on me but becuase he believed his own lies I believed him to... He even had the cheek to sleep with his best mate and then tell her he split up with me and that I was crazy and thats why I kept ringing him....
He's an idiot get rid!!!
He'll do it again! I was with someone like that for 3 years, who frequentlty cheated on me but becuase he believed his own lies I believed him to... He even had the cheek to sleep with his best mate and then tell her he split up with me and that I was crazy and thats why I kept ringing him....
He's an idiot get rid!!!
refoxed
Well at the end of the day the only 1 person has a choice, and that is you. I guess you have to really search for what you feel and follow your heart. You may get ****ed over, it may end up perfect. But speaking from experience and from what I have also seen at my years at university, long distance relationships tend not to last. It adds a whole different level of pressure and distrust between people that some relationships cannot recover from. If it was me I would start a fresh in Lincoln, but obviously you have to choose the course of actions which you feel most comfortable with.
Yes this is true, I feel so ****ed up. It's like so many changing emotions, I thought I was ok with it yesterday and now I'm crying again. I want to trust him, and I am a very trusting person but I need some kind of sign from him that he has changed. I'm frightened about starting uni without anyone to talk to about it, I know also if we broke up he would still want to see me but that would be too hard for me.
I don't even think I could bear to sleep around his house anymore because it would remind me of that night.
It's so complex I just want to wake up and find out it's a bad dream, I want to be how it was before I knew.
stop your realtionship with him!!
if he cant stop seeing his ex foir your sake i dont see how hw loves you?
for all you know he could just he "playing" with you
if he cant stop seeing his ex foir your sake i dont see how hw loves you?
for all you know he could just he "playing" with you
Hmm, my experience of this is a little scaled down, but it's all relative, isn't it 
A month into my new relationship a girl in the year above me started making a major play for my new boyfriend. I'm talking offering herself on a plate here. She went round to his house 2/3 times, but according to him nothing happened, but there was text-sex and emails which I found later. Anyway, he kept me hanging on for a week waiting for an answer. He chose me, which at the time seemed like a victory but I always wondered if I should have dumped him.
It's a year and a half on, and I still haven't forgiven him. I can't. He was the first guy to betray my trust like that, and it really really hurt. So basically every argument we've ever had always winds up worse than it should because I throw that back at him. We're splitting up when I go away, he knows this too, we're not marriage material It's good when it's good, and I don't want to split up with him just yet (for similar reasons to you: he's my main social life, I do see my friends as well, but I see him more, we get on, I love his family and his mum makes me clothes ).
So if you feel like you need him for this month, keep 'im, but split up when you go to Uni, you'll find someone much better there anyway, he does sound like something of an a*se.
A month into my new relationship a girl in the year above me started making a major play for my new boyfriend. I'm talking offering herself on a plate here. She went round to his house 2/3 times, but according to him nothing happened, but there was text-sex and emails which I found later. Anyway, he kept me hanging on for a week waiting for an answer. He chose me, which at the time seemed like a victory but I always wondered if I should have dumped him.It's a year and a half on, and I still haven't forgiven him. I can't. He was the first guy to betray my trust like that, and it really really hurt. So basically every argument we've ever had always winds up worse than it should because I throw that back at him. We're splitting up when I go away, he knows this too, we're not marriage material
It's good when it's good, and I don't want to split up with him just yet (for similar reasons to you: he's my main social life, I do see my friends as well, but I see him more, we get on, I love his family and his mum makes me clothes ).So if you feel like you need him for this month, keep 'im, but split up when you go to Uni, you'll find someone much better there anyway, he does sound like something of an a*se.
I don't know why people just don't chop of their willy when they cheat. It might teach them a lesson. I would ditch him, he don't let him werm his way back into your life, if he's done it once he will do it again.
In fact tell us his name and address and he will do it for you PS Don't do that it is in breach of the law and TSR rules
In fact tell us his name and address and he will do it for you
PS Don't do that it is in breach of the law and TSR rules Am I stupid for forgiving him?
YES!!
The thing is you already know that. If any of your friends found themselves in this situation what would you tell them? You would tell him to get rid of the guy before they got any more hurt. The reason you are not doing this is being you are involved emotionally. You are confused and hurt and the only one providing you with any comfort to this situation is him. It seems like you have become far to reliable on him and lost your own sense of self. You need to get out of it and build your own life so you can stand on your own two feet. There will be other ways of getting to the hospital. What would you have done if you had never of met him? Start fending for yourself.
This relationship can't, won't and shouldn't go any furthur. The relationship will not be a happy secure one if you even attempted. This guy also should not remain a friend or prodominent person in your life. It's better to avoid people who lie cheat and bring sadness to your life. By remaining close to him you are only setting yourself up for more heartache.
You are making excuses for him. I can sympathise with that as I have done that in the past. I think most people probably have. He is using emotional blackmail with the whole pillow thing - so he loves you so much he can't put his pillow down but not enough to put his ex girlfriend down. Oh boohoohoo for him. That text message was so self centred aswell. He was trying to make you think about how sad he was rather than worrying about how sad you were and how he was the one who caused it.
He said that he didn't want you anymore and wanted to make it work with her. Then changed his mind when he realised he could have you both. Then told you that he doesn't like her in a sexual way anymore? Why did he want to be with her then? Of course he wants her in a sexual way. Why was he in bed with her that night rather than trying to put things right with you? Probably because he knows he can get away with it. He knows fine well he can treat you badly make up some soppy line and you will be running back to him. I'm sure your not a mug but you are acting like one.
I hope you don't think I'm being harsh but I beleive you have to be cruel to be kind. I used to go out with a guy who sounds slightly similar to your ex. It was so intense and immediate. We always relied on each other for everything. Also he was a lieing, cheating scumbag who treated me similarly to how your boyfriend has treated you... LIKE ****!! I made every excuse under the sun for him. I forgave him for the unforgivable. I also beleived all his obvious lies because I so wanted it to be true. I wish someone had knocked some sense into me at the time and told me what an idiot I was being. Nobody does though. Your friends want to be 'nice' about the situation. Well it doesn't help anything. That's why I'm being honest with you.
You are being an idiot about the whole thing. Pull yourself together and start demanding some respect. Do you think you deserve to be treated like this? Of course you don't. Get rid, build up your life and forget about the ****.
I would say dump him he is only putting on so he can have his cake and eat it, do you really want that, come on he don't mean it, once a cheater always a cheater, all the girls who cheated on me in the past have no place in my life no more, i would ditch him and cut all contact. If he truely loved you he would not feel the need to go near his ex. You are worth better than that
At82's suggestion is a good one by the way.
At82's suggestion is a good one by the way.
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