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Terrified to go back to university after loosing friends and boyfriend from breakup? Watch

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    My ex and friends were in the same social circle. We all lived together, and all had a house for next year. Out the blue I got dumped and I really liked this guy. My friends all ditched me too because they couldn't be assed to deal with the tension between the two of us. I had to find a new house and I have no friends and most of all no partner anymore. I used to be really social, went to loads of parties with these close friends and Ex. I did basically everything with my ex. I feel so sick to my stomach and don't want to return to University. I think I might drop out. It has been 3 months and I am still feeling this intense pain. Please tell me going back has a purpose? I don't want to ever go back there.. I don't know whether I will make party friends so social again, or whether I will ever be not depressed again. I've became severely depressed as well, I had the best memories with these people and suddenly they all left me out in the cold. Literally... I was forcefully kicked out of the tower I lived in with my ex and had to find a new home. None of these friends bothered to contact me when I was depressed or even help me. I feel horrible. I didn't even cause any drama with them. I was just depressed because I got dumped and all they did was leave me.
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    (Original post by nebulan123)
    My ex and friends were in the same social circle. We all lived together, and all had a house for next year. Out the blue I got dumped and I really liked this guy. My friends all ditched me too because they couldn't be assed to deal with the tension between the two of us. I had to find a new house and I have no friends and most of all no partner anymore. I used to be really social, went to loads of parties with these close friends and Ex. I did basically everything with my ex. I feel so sick to my stomach and don't want to return to University. I think I might drop out. It has been 3 months and I am still feeling this intense pain. Please tell me going back has a purpose? I don't want to ever go back there.. I don't know whether I will make party friends so social again, or whether I will ever be not depressed again. I've became severely depressed as well, I had the best memories with these people and suddenly they all left me out in the cold. Literally... I was forcefully kicked out of the tower I lived in with my ex and had to find a new home. None of these friends bothered to contact me when I was depressed or even help me. I feel horrible. I didn't even cause any drama with them. I was just depressed because I got dumped and all they did was leave me.
    first of all, you say you did everything with your ex, did you spend any time with friends without him there? you need to try to be more independent. partners are meant to be an extra source of happiness in your life, not the sole source. you dont need a relationship to be happy. your education is way more important, why dont you see this as a fresh start? you can basically go and talk to anyone now and make any friends you want. join clubs and societies at uni and meet new people. throw yourself out there. yeah itll be hard at first, but if you really want new friends and to start afresh you have to push yourself to do it and make the effort. its all down to you, friends wont just appear, you have to make it happen. think about in 5 years time, will you still be thinking about this ex? no way, youll have long forgotten about them. so why bother now? there are way more important things in life and a lot more you have to experience and make new memories, so stop feeling sorry for yourself and get out there and enjoy your time while you can!
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    Basically they were'nt your friends, they were his and you were only there at the parties as you were with him, you were with him because no doubt he was popular and he was with you as he wanted you for sex. Chances are most people have made friends at uni by now and its doubtful many will want more. Might be easiest to apply through UCAS to start second year at another uni on a similar course that way at least you'll have the vitality of somewhere new and not have all of that to face.
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    (Original post by nebulan123)
    My ex and friends were in the same social circle. We all lived together, and all had a house for next year. Out the blue I got dumped and I really liked this guy. My friends all ditched me too because they couldn't be assed to deal with the tension between the two of us. I had to find a new house and I have no friends and most of all no partner anymore. I used to be really social, went to loads of parties with these close friends and Ex. I did basically everything with my ex. I feel so sick to my stomach and don't want to return to University. I think I might drop out. It has been 3 months and I am still feeling this intense pain. Please tell me going back has a purpose? I don't want to ever go back there.. I don't know whether I will make party friends so social again, or whether I will ever be not depressed again. I've became severely depressed as well, I had the best memories with these people and suddenly they all left me out in the cold. Literally... I was forcefully kicked out of the tower I lived in with my ex and had to find a new home. None of these friends bothered to contact me when I was depressed or even help me. I feel horrible. I didn't even cause any drama with them. I was just depressed because I got dumped and all they did was leave me.
    Sorry you're in such a sticky situation. It can be really tough when things go wrong in a uni relationship like this, where you share friendship circles. It happened to one of my close friends, and it was really difficult for everyone involved. We (the rest of the circle of friends) wanted to stay friends with both parties, but she couldn't bear to be in the same room as him, or even to see us having fun with him without her. She once texted us while we were watching a film and having some drinks in his room, to tell us to close the curtains so she couldn't see us. Obviously we still wanted to be friendly, but it was really hard to try to strike a balance.

    I know it must hurt that you feel abandoned by your friends - have you tried to contact them? They might not know what to say or do to help you. Try getting in touch and meeting up for a catch up with a couple of them, just to see how things are. If they have properly ditched you, then they weren't very nice people and you will find better ones.

    Find some societies to get into, mix with new people wherever you're living now, and put yourself out there! It will be hard, especially as you are still feeling depressed, but it's the only way to improve the situation. Good luck.
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    University is about your future and doing something for you. I had a similar situation where i was dumped out of the blue and same social group.I thought about switching unis but I went back and joined different societies and just immersed myself in new social groups. I'm now happier than I have ever been and dropping out because of the situation would have been a huge regret.
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    (Original post by nebulan123)
    My ex and friends were in the same social circle. We all lived together, and all had a house for next year. Out the blue I got dumped and I really liked this guy. My friends all ditched me too because they couldn't be assed to deal with the tension between the two of us. I had to find a new house and I have no friends and most of all no partner anymore. I used to be really social, went to loads of parties with these close friends and Ex. I did basically everything with my ex. I feel so sick to my stomach and don't want to return to University. I think I might drop out. It has been 3 months and I am still feeling this intense pain. Please tell me going back has a purpose? I don't want to ever go back there.. I don't know whether I will make party friends so social again, or whether I will ever be not depressed again. I've became severely depressed as well, I had the best memories with these people and suddenly they all left me out in the cold. Literally... I was forcefully kicked out of the tower I lived in with my ex and had to find a new home. None of these friends bothered to contact me when I was depressed or even help me. I feel horrible. I didn't even cause any drama with them. I was just depressed because I got dumped and all they did was leave me.
    Tough situation you are in OP ,I hope you make it through .
    Remember every experience you go through in life is a lesson .Its up to you whether you learn from it or not .
    as another poster said *they were his friends not yours*.Dont drop out ,Don't give them the satisfaction .Go back and do what you love to do .
    I'm a bit philosophical haha,Everything will fall into place


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    You went into a house with your boyfriend? Rookie error there.
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    (Original post by Stewie2011)
    Basically they were'nt your friends, they were his and you were only there at the parties as you were with him, you were with him because no doubt he was popular and he was with you as he wanted you for sex. Chances are most people have made friends at uni by now and its doubtful many will want more. Might be easiest to apply through UCAS to start second year at another uni on a similar course that way at least you'll have the vitality of somewhere new and not have all of that to face.
    P.s Sorry I didn't mean to come across so harsh, I got defensive at the fact you were suggesting I cannot make any new friends. I am sure I can, in uni I was very social until I met him (he was anti-social) I was the one who had the friends. But I think because they were all guys they followed the bro-code rule. Sorry for being mean, but I am sure it's not the end of the world. I mean I lost MY friends, but there is no use transferring unis because of it. In my opinion that is a bit of a massive stretch. But what am I to say people have different opinions.
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    (Original post by at-the-beach)
    University is about your future and doing something for you. I had a similar situation where i was dumped out of the blue and same social group.I thought about switching unis but I went back and joined different societies and just immersed myself in new social groups. I'm now happier than I have ever been and dropping out because of the situation would have been a huge regret.
    Thank you. I think is a bit insane to transfer to another uni because of a breakup, I mean I came there at the start for my degree in the end of the day, not him. I got into a quite ok uni so it seems wasteful to leave it, but all I want to do is leave it. I mean I got into imperial college london and when I got my results I actually missed the grade for it but I was still accepted. I don't think I will ever get a chance or make the grade for a uni like Imperial again if I leave it, but I don't want to stay there. You are right, and thank you for the advice. Could I maybe private message you or something to understand how you got over it?

    I know many people will say, well if you got into Imperial why did you waste your opportunity? I wasn't wise like many of the other students there and was very naive. You can have good grades and still be a retard. If I am honest in Imperial not many people would be in my situation, to be honest not many of them would be socializing as much as I was, they are smarter than that. I don't think they would even live with someone they were dating. I am not like the majority of them.
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    Please remember the primary reason you chose to go university. Focus on getting the best possible grade you can. Unless you are one of those people who pay 9k a year just to socialise (which is stupid imo), you'll be fine.
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    (Original post by nebulan123)
    Firstly, they were my friends not his. So you can't say that, I met them first and I partied with them first. They only dumped me because they got scared ****less when they saw me crying and they are guys. Secondly I was more social than him and he is not popular at all, I was his only friend other than MY friends. Thirdly, that is really pessimistic.. there is always room for making new friends. Running away from your problems is wimping out, and people are not close minded enough to just not want to not have you in your social circle. Sheesh.
    Do you know I felt sorry for you until I read this post.


    My advice is to just go back and get on with life. Unis are large places and it is possible to go through an entire degree without bumping into old friends/ acquaintances.

    Virtually everyone on this site has had a broken heart at some time or another. You just have to pick yourself up and move on. What these people have done is horrible and not worth keeping up with. You will make new friends. As someone said - join new societies - try something completely different.
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    (Original post by squeakysquirrel)
    Do you know I felt sorry for you until I read this post.


    My advice is to just go back and get on with life. Unis are large places and it is possible to go through an entire degree without bumping into old friends/ acquaintances.

    Virtually everyone on this site has had a broken heart at some time or another. You just have to pick yourself up and move on. What these people have done is horrible and not worth keeping up with. You will make new friends. As someone said - join new societies - try something completely different.
    I know I am sorry I got a bit defensive being reminded that I can't make friends. Didn't mean to come across harsh, but I felt a bit offended by the fact someone was telling me noone wanted to be my friend. I am sure they didn't mean it like that.
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    (Original post by nebulan123)
    Firstly, they were my friends not his. So you can't say that, I met them first and I partied with them first. They only dumped me because they got scared ****less when they saw me crying and they are guys. Secondly I was more social than him and he is not popular at all, I was his only friend other than MY friends. Thirdly, that is really pessimistic.. there is always room for making new friends. Running away from your problems is wimping out, and people are not close minded enough to just not want to not have you in your social circle. Sheesh.
    Stewie2011 was trying to help .I think this post is a but rude Imo .
    I agree to an extent .If they were *your* friends as you say ,they would have stuck by you and helped you through it but they didn't .What type of a 'friend' gets scared when their 'so called' friend is going through a tough times and runs away


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    (Original post by nebulan123)
    Sorry I didn't mean to come across so harsh, I got defensive at the fact you were suggesting I cannot make any new friends. I am sure I can, in uni I was very social until I met him (he was anti-social) I was the one who had the friends. But I think because they were all guys they followed the bro-code rule. Sorry for being mean, but I am sure it's not the end of the world. I mean I lost MY friends, but there is no use transferring unis because of it. In my opinion that is a ***** of a massive stretch. But what am I to say people have different opinions.
    No offence but you'll be surprised how many people ignore the bro-code nowadays, but yeah just move on and forget about it.

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    (Original post by Andy98)
    No offence but you'll be surprised how many people ignore the bro-code nowadays, but yeah just move on and forget about it.

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    Probably.. I have no idea why they ditched me. But I assume it's because when he dumped me I started crying and none of them show any emotion. I kind of got a bit depressed after a while, and those guy friends of mine are very hard, I don't think I have ever seen any of them upset. So my guesses are that's why they dumped me.

    I mean the day he broke up with me we were out on a trip the four of us. I started crying on the bus back and one of them held my hand for a bit but he looked extremely scared of my tears. The days after they asked me how I felt and I told them I was depressed, then my ex started complaining to them about how I was pathetic to be depressed and needed to get a life. It all got into a middle. In a way my ex maybe unintentionally turned them against me.
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    (Original post by livealittle)
    Stewie2011 was trying to help .I think this post is a but rude Imo .
    I agree to an extent .If they were *your* friends as you say ,they would have stuck by you and helped you through it but they didn't .What type of a 'friend' gets scared when their 'so called' friend is going through a tough times and runs away


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    Yes I understand, I was a bit rude. I think I just got really defensive because I thought he was threatening me. Being depressed and all I get even more depressed when I hear about negative things, lately been quite reactive too. Sorry about that, my apologies won't be so rude next time.
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    (Original post by nebulan123)
    Yes I understand, I was a bit rude. I think I just got really defensive because I thought he was threatening me. Being depressed and all I get even more depressed when I hear about negative things, lately been quite reactive too. Sorry about that, my apologies won't be so rude next time.
    It's ok.I understand your situation and heart break is not the easiest thing to deal with.Don't worry you'll make it through


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    (Original post by nebulan123)
    Probably.. I have no idea why they ditched me. But I assume it's because when he dumped me I started crying and none of them show any emotion. I kind of got a bit depressed after a while, and those guy friends of mine are very hard, I don't think I have ever seen any of them upset. So my guesses are that's why they dumped me.

    I mean the day he broke up with me we were out on a trip the four of us. I started crying on the bus back and one of them held my hand for a bit but he looked extremely scared of my tears. The days after they asked me how I felt and I told them I was depressed, then my ex started complaining to them about how I was pathetic to be depressed and needed to get a life. It all got into a middle. In a way my ex maybe unintentionally turned them against me.
    Well yeah, sounds like they got brainwashed by him, just like you did. But the they also sound like me in the way of "argh she's crying! What do I do?" But the trick is not to dwell on it. Also, for emotional stuff it's better to have some friends that are big softies.

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    (Original post by Harvey Dent)
    You went into a house with your boyfriend? Rookie error there.
    Yeah . I go to Imperial which is in the center of London as well so finding a house was very very difficult. I was naive and never ever thought that he would once dump me. I thought my mates would have always been by my side and actually dumped him rather than me. But I guess not.
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    (Original post by Andy98)
    Well yeah, sounds like they got brainwashed by him, just like you did. But the they also sound like me in the way of "argh she's crying! What do I do?" But the trick is not to dwell on it. Also, for emotional stuff it's better to have some friends that are big softies.

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    My guy friends are extremely immature so they follow people easily. Just like I did, and that's how I became friends with them. They had more reason to believe him because I mean any guy who saw a female crying her eyes out would think she is insane and not acting right. All my life I have had male friends because I am a massive video gamer, but the truth is on an emotional level male friends are not as compatible. They don't understand why I am upset I got dumped. In addition to that a lot of them are emotionally awkward too, like Moss from IT crowd. To them it just makes no sense how I am bitter with my ex for dumping me. Honestly they say I am overreacting for being depressed.
 
 
 
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