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Preventing rushed relationships Watch

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    Hi everyone

    My basic question is this: how do I know when I've rushed things too much? What is the best way to fix this?

    I started talking to a really cute classmate in January over Facebook. We talked to each other on a near-daily basis, not flirting, just normal talking about anything. I might add that since we technically went to separate schools (close to each other and so had some shared classes), we didn't really talk much in real life. Don't get me wrong, we got along really well.

    In April we decided to meet together, outside of school for the first time, in a library to revise for an exam. We live roughly 10 minutes away from each other so we got to walk home together. I ended up showing her this half-secluded park mid-way between where we live, and it quickly became our 'secret' place. Over May / June we ended up meeting there quite a few times just to talk, escape exam stress and so on. At this point we were pretty much best friends , with nothing romantic between us. On the bench we sat with 1 metre between us and we even joke about that now.

    After the exam period we did quite a few things, and at this point things started escalating, in the best meaning of the word. She took me to a dancing lesson which made me realise that since I'm a guy, she expects me to be the leading person. Of course this isn't true for everyone but in this case it was. As I gained more and more confidence around her over the past 3 weeks, we went from holding hands for 10 seconds to the awkward shoulder pillow during The Fault In Our Stars to cuddling in the secret place. Yesterday we had our first kiss (or ten) after spending pretty much half the day there.

    Anyway here comes the problem. While I had loads of things to talk about with her, it's all starting to run out now. It seems like we've just exhausted the topics. What makes it a bit worse, we have pretty much no shared friends. I don't know if the pace it's going at is rushed or not, but I do know I'd rather have a long-term happy relationship than something which could end in months. I'm scared that eventually we'll just become bored of each other after there's nothing left to do.

    How do I deal with this? Has anyone been in a similar position before?

    To finish, I wanted to apologise for the 17 year-old's rambling in this post. I guess if you don't want to read this then the last paragraph is most important
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    Hey OP all relationships are different, and there's no right or wrong speed at which to take things, as long as it feels right to you.

    When I met my boyfriend, everything happened really quickly and a couple of times I had to take a step back and slow things down a bit because while it was great it was also a lot to take in considering it was the first proper relationship for both of us. We went from meeting to holding hands and having our first kiss a week and a half later, so it was quite different to your relationship, and we didn't really spend that much time as just friends before romance developed. It doesn't sound like you've taken things too quickly at all to me.

    What would concern me though is that you say you're running out of things to talk about with her. My boyfriend and I have now been together for over 2 and a half years, and we rarely run out of things to talk about, usually only when we're tired or one of us is annoyed with the other...we just talk normally with one another about anything and everything and can do so for hours. And even then, sometimes it's nice to spend some time together not talking although it does take a while to reach the stage where silence isn't awkward. If you've run out of things to talk about with her this early on, it may be that your relationship has run out of steam. You don't have to have loads in common to be able to talk to someone easily as long as the chemistry is there. And that doesn't just apply to romantic relationships; I don't actually have that much in common with some of my closest friends but we still get on really well and find it easy to make conversation.

    So yeah, if you're feeling like you're running out of things to talk about and it's difficult to make conversation already after only knowing each other for 6 months, then that would set alarm bells ringing for me. See how things go between you over the next month or so and if you're still struggling with making conversation or thinking of things to talk about then maybe it's time to end things, romantically at least. And make sure you're honest with her about why.
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    (Original post by BlueSheep32)
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    Thanks for the advice!

    Do you think it could be something that varies by person too? I'm not bad at conversations (in general) and I can sometimes keep going for hours, but most of the time I do have to think about where to steer the conversation if I want to keep it going.

    Talking about anything and everything really does sound great, but I guess you do need good chemistry for that.
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    (Original post by Karoel)
    Thanks for the advice!

    Do you think it could be something that varies by person too? I'm not bad at conversations (in general) and I can sometimes keep going for hours, but most of the time I do have to think about where to steer the conversation if I want to keep it going.

    Talking about anything and everything really does sound great, but I guess you do need good chemistry for that.
    No problem

    Yeah, I think it depends on you and it depends on the person you're talking to...sorry to use myself as an example again, but this year at uni I moved into with two people I'd lived with previously and two people I hadn't lived with before or really talked to before. One of them I can talk to for ages about anything, but I think it helps that she's quite talkative & we do have a lot in common. The other I often struggled to make conversation with because even though we didn't dislike each other I don't think we really clicked, or that either of us are good at keeping a conversation going when the other person doesn't know what to say.

    With my boyfriend, I don't really have to think about what we're talking about, we just talk - it's hard to explain but I hope you get what I mean!
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    If you're struggling for conversation then I'd recommend two things: firstly, try and note down or actively make mental notes of conversation prompts that pop up in your head throughout your day (you could even type them into your phone); also, make sure you carry on doing the stuff you love!
 
 
 
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