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Girlfriend feels dirty after any sexual activity Watch

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    We're both 19 and coming up to 4 years in the relationship. We took everything very slow so we have only just started sex a couple of months ago.

    But when I do anything sexually for her, such as fingering, licking out and sex it's self she says she feels all dirty like she's a slut although she knows she isn't, but when she dose anything to me she feels fine about it.

    This meens that we don't have sex much and I want her to feel fine about it all and that she's not a slut.

    Hope I've worded it ok and hope you can have some good advice for me as she didn't want help about it and feels like she needs to solve the problem her self.
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    Psycho-sexual counselling time, I suspect.

    Is there a Relate near you?
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    (Original post by unprinted)
    Psycho-sexual counselling time, I suspect.

    Is there a Relate near you?
    I had a look and there are some close to us, but a problem is that she's never liked to ask for help, or admitted she needed it. Do you think there could be something that I could do to help?
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    Hmm things you personally can do. Hold her loads after anything you do - aftercare basically because this will be a time when she comes down from feeling good to feeling guilty. Call her good girl or little one, something cut and refrain from any negative words like dirty, naughty, cheeky. Encourage her to feel the physical feelings and describe what it's like, then support her - often talking squashes any guilt and makes things seem less of a big deal. Say thanks for letting me get close to you in this way - so she doesn't feel used (because it doesn't sound like that's what this is at all). Talk about things you like and ask what she likes and then be positive, saying you're glad she 'enjoys it too ' (rather than just 'glad you like it'..which might add to what she's feeling). It's early days and will probably get easier


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    *cute not cut.


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    (Original post by whisper2012)
    Hmm things you personally can do. Hold her loads after anything you do - aftercare basically because this will be a time when she comes down from feeling good to feeling guilty. Call her good girl or little one, something cut and refrain from any negative words like dirty, naughty, cheeky. Encourage her to feel the physical feelings and describe what it's like, then support her - often talking squashes any guilt and makes things seem less of a big deal. Say thanks for letting me get close to you in this way - so she doesn't feel used (because it doesn't sound like that's what this is at all). Talk about things you like and ask what she likes and then be positive, saying you're glad she 'enjoys it too ' (rather than just 'glad you like it'..which might add to what she's feeling). It's early days and will probably get easier


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    She's a woman, not a puppy or child. If anyone called me good girl or little one after sex, it'd be the last time they ever had sex. Ever. However it's done is going to sound condescending and almost like you think her feelings are childish. She's a grown woman and an equal so she needs treating as such. Just talk to her.

    Okay so, OP. Sex causes so many emotions in women and they are told that liking sex is a Bad Thing. Some girls find it hard to shake that, particularly if there are any negative or abusive experiences. It might be something you can help her with or I might be something that needs additional help but the main thing to do is talk to her away from any sexually encounter - remove the hormones and the upset caused by the situation. Ask her why she feels that way and what you could be doing/not doing to support her through this. She is the only person on the entire planet who can tell you what she needs at any given moment so work with her needs instead of trying to guess how to make her feel better. In the meantime, follow any sexytime with something calm, loving and supportive. Don't analyse the sex in that moment, just work at being close.

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    Have you asked her what she'd like to do? Sexually I mean.
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    (Original post by Starrydog)
    Have you asked her what she'd like to do? Sexually I mean.
    Sorry I've been rather busy over the last few days. But yer she wants to do it all but is scared at the same time that she'll feel how she dose after. She enjoys the moment, just dosnt like it after.

    But we have a few days coming up when we can have a proper chance to talk about it all away from the bedroom with a load of friends except we'd talk about it away from then.
    If that makes sence
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sorry I've been rather busy over the last few days. But yer she wants to do it all but is scared at the same time that she'll feel how she dose after. She enjoys the moment, just dosnt like it after.

    But we have a few days coming up when we can have a proper chance to talk about it all away from the bedroom with a load of friends except we'd talk about it away from then.
    If that makes sence
    Well I'm not sure why she'd feel dirty after I assume she thinks its wrong or something, I wonder if she's seen any porn and that has warped her perception? You should definitely discuss it and try and establish in her mind WHY she feels dirty- perhaps she thinks its something people would disprove of?
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    Tell her that's the point, no? You've been together for 4yrs for Ch***t's sake.

    She needs to forget about misguided decency and embrace the whore within.

    Or, improve your own technique and tell her to quit fronting.
 
 
 
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