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How do I stop caring so much about women? Watch

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    This is a constant problem for me but it's been particularly bad recently. Whenever I see an attractive woman I get this profound feeling of longing and sadness. Not for that particular woman necessarily, its just a general feeling of frustration that I don't have someone.

    I have an unfortunate combination of shyness/lack of confidence and below average looks. This means that to have any chance with the opposite sex, they need to get to know me first cause they're sure not going to go for me based on my looks alone. My shyness, however, makes this very difficult.

    I know that there's no point hoping to meet someone anytime soon so I should just put it out of my mind for now and focus on other things, something which I seem to be unable to do.

    Any advice?
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    Are you depending on a girl to make you feel happy?

    If yes, then i'm sorry. You'll experience a lot of heartbreaks.

    Don't let... I REPEAT... Don't let women be the reason for your happiness. They are just a bunch of humans like you. They are not special. They cannot make you feel complete. You have love yourself first.
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    Mystery Me is spot on, seek some professional help to get some confidence and self-esteem, absolutely no shame in it. Women are not the answer (even if they feel like it, the issues will always be there and will get worse if/when you break up). It has taken me until now to realise this.

    No girl will make you happy (and shouldn't) you need to make yourself happy. Don't rely on anyone, but yourself.
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    To be honest I reckon what you describe is pretty common for those not in the above average attractiveness set. I have felt what you describe. It is also what spurs you on to keep going and to seek out a mate. Whatever some others say love and sex is for most people an important part of a happy life.

    So keep going, develop pursuits where you meet a variety of people. If necessary seek out some advice about combating shyness and improving your looks. But again these issue are common and most everyone finds a way through them. There is I believe someone for everyone with tenacity and patience.
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    I could have written this down to the last word.

    It's especially bad in big cities like london during the summer. Such a large amount of good looking women who all seem to be unattainable.

    The only consolation I can provide is that you are not alone at all. Plenty of guys feel this way.
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    to conquer women.. you must become a woman...

    serious note: make a lot of money and you'll get all the *****es your heart desires.
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    (Original post by Mystery Me)
    Are you depending on a girl to make you feel happy?

    If yes, then i'm sorry. You'll experience a lot of heartbreaks.

    Don't let... I REPEAT... Don't let women be the reason for your happiness. They are just a bunch of humans like you. They are not special. They cannot make you feel complete. You have love yourself first.
    great advice, op you need to find a hobby, take a martial art or pick up a new sport etc
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is a constant problem for me but it's been particularly bad recently. Whenever I see an attractive woman I get this profound feeling of longing and sadness. Not for that particular woman necessarily, its just a general feeling of frustration that I don't have someone.

    I have an unfortunate combination of shyness/lack of confidence and below average looks. This means that to have any chance with the opposite sex, they need to get to know me first cause they're sure not going to go for me based on my looks alone. My shyness, however, makes this very difficult.

    I know that there's no point hoping to meet someone anytime soon so I should just put it out of my mind for now and focus on other things, something which I seem to be unable to do.

    Any advice?
    OMG you've just described my situation EXACTLY. Especially the bits highlighted in bold. But after so many years, you do get used to it, you just learn to live with it and accept your situation. I hate that feeling! Every time I see a mildly attractive woman I get frustrated. (And nearly all women seem to be already in relationships anyway, I can't remember ever seeing an attractive woman who was single anyway.) Sorry, I don't have any useful advice to give, except keep trying your best and maybe things will improve. I'm not very good at encouragement, sorry. I don't think it'll be easy to change your situation, unless you manage to somehow boost your confidence and ability to attract women, or making women find you desirable. I don't know what you can do.

    And it's so annoying how it becomes difficult to focus on other things!! Damn it, I hate this feeling.
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    The key to caring less is to invest less in the outcome. Treat dating like a numbers game. Don't get ahead of yourself. If something doesn't work out with one person, don't take it personally. Life is full of rejection so you have to learn to cope with at some point.

    I'm a girl and I get rejected a lot too but I feel good putting myself out there. If a guy rejects me, I try and think "hey well he's missing out" hehe . But I will admit that I am human and I have my down days too just like everyone else. There will be times when you reject someone too. Best to see it as part of the package of dating. If someone isn't interested, no need to analyse it to death. Best thing is to move on to the next potential date. Wallowing in it is never a good idea.

    If you're feeling like you have to try really hard to impress, you won't be projecting a sense of mystery and confidence to a woman and it'll make it harder to attract someone. But please don't despair. Trust me everyone goes through worries about attracting the opposite sex etc. Just remember that dating isn't the be-all-end-all. No guy is any better than you because they have a gf and you don't. Being in a relationship is not an achievement. Anyone can get into a relationship if they go at it for long enough - whether that's a quality relationship is a whole other kettle of fish.
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    (Original post by Stinkum)
    Every time I see a mildly attractive woman I get frustrated. (And nearly all women seem to be already in relationships anyway, I can't remember ever seeing an attractive woman who was single anyway.)
    Well I think at least a few men have told me I'm attractive and I'm single myself. Pretty single women do exist. Don't be overawed by how attractive you think someone is. Don't put her on a pedestal because she's human too and wants to be treated as an equal. I get creeped out by guys who'll tell me I'm attractive when all I'm looking for is an emotional connection with them. I'd rather a guy made an effort to get to know me. I don't want to feel like a guy is putting me on a pedestal. It's very weird...Sorry I went off on a tangent but it's just a vibe that women can pick up on from certain guys...

    If you find a girl attractive, focus on making an emotional connection with her as a person. You may be surprised by the results.
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    Do you have a job? Focus on that.

    Do you own a video game(s)? Play them during your free time.
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    (Original post by Lucia.)
    Well I think at least a few men have told me I'm attractive and I'm single myself. Pretty single women do exist. Don't be overawed by how attractive you think someone is. Don't put her on a pedestal because she's human too and wants to be treated as an equal. I get creeped out by guys who'll tell me I'm attractive when all I'm looking for is an emotional connection with them. I'd rather a guy made an effort to get to know me. I don't want to feel like a guy is putting me on a pedestal. It's very weird...Sorry I went off on a tangent but it's just a vibe that women can pick up on from certain guys...

    If you find a girl attractive, focus on making an emotional connection with her as a person. You may be surprised by the results.
    Can I just ask...how on earth can you be single if you're attractive? Is it because you haven't found someone with a suitable personality? Men are always relentlessly chasing after women, all women, especially the most attractive ones. When I see an attractive woman, 2 thought always immediately pop into my mind: a) forget about it, she's attractive and I'm very unattractive, and b) surely she must be taken. This logic is very clear, I can't get around that.

    Also, I've never ever been able to make any sort of connection/friendship with a man, let alone a woman! It'll never happen.

    Anyway, I couldn't make an emotional connection with a log even if I wanted. I just don't understand people at all, especially women.

    But what's wrong with someone telling you that you're attractive? I don't understand why women find this so shocking/repulsive/creepy!! Trust me, it's only ever meant as a compliment! I don't know why women are so put off by this sort of attention from men. They read too much into it, I feel.
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    (Original post by Lucia.)
    The key to caring less is to invest less in the outcome. Treat dating like a numbers game. Don't get ahead of yourself. If something doesn't work out with one person, don't take it personally. Life is full of rejection so you have to learn to cope with at some point.

    I'm a girl and I get rejected a lot too but I feel good putting myself out there. If a guy rejects me, I try and think "hey well he's missing out" hehe . But I will admit that I am human and I have my down days too just like everyone else. There will be times when you reject someone too. Best to see it as part of the package of dating. If someone isn't interested, no need to analyse it to death. Best thing is to move on to the next potential date. Wallowing in it is never a good idea.

    If you're feeling like you have to try really hard to impress, you won't be projecting a sense of mystery and confidence to a woman and it'll make it harder to attract someone. But please don't despair. Trust me everyone goes through worries about attracting the opposite sex etc. Just remember that dating isn't the be-all-end-all. No guy is any better than you because they have a gf and you don't. Being in a relationship is not an achievement. Anyone can get into a relationship if they go at it for long enough - whether that's a quality relationship is a whole other kettle of fish.
    Wrong. You think 30+ non-religious virgins want to be in that situation?
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    (Original post by Stinkum)
    Can I just ask...how on earth can you be single if you're attractive? Is it because you haven't found someone with a suitable personality?
    I meet men I'm emotionally connected to but not physically attracted to - or vice versa. I have no desire to be in a relationship with anyone unless I really like them. I just haven't had 'that feeling' with a guy for a while. I don't really feel lonely not having a boyfriend because I have friends and a good social life so I don't feel like I need it either, if you know what I mean. I spent 5 years from the ages of 17 to 22 in two long-term relationships so I wanted time to get to know myself as well. So there you go - there's lot of reasons why someone might be single.

    I think you are probably a little naive about a few things. Whether you are in a relationship or not has absolutely nothing to do with what you look like. Sure your dating pool might reflect how attractive you are but when you're actually in a relationship, looks are completely useless. If I were you, I would get to know women as friends so you can learn about what makes them tick. In the end it will make you a better boyfriend for someone and it'll build your confidence.

    For me, I said I am basically attractive. I'm not considered 'hot' in any shape of form but I take a certain pride in my appearance and I've never had a problem getting a boyfriend if I really wanted one. I know that I don't have to be the pick of the bunch, I don't have to be the most fancied woman in the room to get a boyfriend. It's the same with men you know. When we (women) are looking for love, we don't go for looks.

    Men are always relentlessly chasing after women, all women, especially the most attractive ones.
    More experienced men don't relentlessly chase women. They know when to pull away and let the woman come to them (push and pull is a very good method). Guys with some experience know when the chase isn't getting anywhere and when to draw the line. Mature guys don't chase a woman simply because she is the most attractive one there as they're not looking for eye-candy but the full package. Try and emulate what those guys do and it'll save you a lot of heartache.

    When I see an attractive woman, 2 thought always immediately pop into my mind: a) forget about it, she's attractive and I'm very unattractive, and b) surely she must be taken. This logic is very clear, I can't get around that.
    Well looks aren't everything. I've dated guys my friends have thought look terrible but something has clicked with them and I liked them and genuinely thought they were very handsome. Don't assume a woman has a boyfriend. You can ask innocent questions which'll get that information out for you - like asking her what she's doing at the weekend. If a girl has a boyfriend, she's likely to bring him up. Basically there are ways to figure whether a woman is single (aside from Facebook) if you want to avoid any awkwardness. If you like a girl, just talk to her and see. It's good to take a chance sometimes

    Also, I've never ever been able to make any sort of connection/friendship with a man, let alone a woman! It'll never happen.
    Hey don't feel down. Of course it will! You sound like a thoughtful person and that's a good quality for a man to have. You only need to develop your confidence and you'll be fine. Human beings are made for connection. Perhaps you can work on developing closer friendships with people in general - this will help you learn good relationship skills.

    I just don't understand people at all, especially women.
    Hey I'm a woman and even I don't understand women

    But what's wrong with someone telling you that you're attractive? I don't understand why women find this so shocking/repulsive/creepy!! Trust me, it's only ever meant as a compliment! I don't know why women are so put off by this sort of attention from men. They read too much into it, I feel.
    I don't find it repulsive and I find it flattering when I'm in a relationship but if I'm not in a relationship with a guy, it makes me think he's only interested in what I look like and not what I have to offer otherwise. I'm not saying "don't give me a compliment", just don't be over-the-top with it and make compliments on who I am as a person more abundant. It's that that makes me feel emotionally connected to a guy. I don't feel emotionally connected if a guy says I'm attractive 'cause it's not touching my soul. It's like when you get guys (the sleazy ones on nights out) telling you you look good in order to get something, it doesn't really have any effect anymore.

    If a guy only tells me I'm attractive and nothing else, he's not falling for who I am but some idealistic image he's built up about me...and I want something real...I hope that makes sense. It was hard to explain.
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    (Original post by Mr Smurf)
    Wrong. You think 30+ non-religious virgins want to be in that situation?
    No it's true. If people had zero standards whatsoever, everyone would be in a relationship all the time. Do you see what I'm getting it?
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    (Original post by Lucia.)
    ........

    Thanks for the detailed response . That was interesting to read.
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    (Original post by Mystery Me)
    Are you depending on a girl to make you feel happy?

    If yes, then i'm sorry. You'll experience a lot of heartbreaks.

    Don't let... I REPEAT... Don't let women be the reason for your happiness. They are just a bunch of humans like you. They are not special. They cannot make you feel complete. You have love yourself first.
    great advice but how do you make yourself happy then

    surround urself with mates...have hobbies..travel

    that it?
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    (Original post by Lucia.)
    Well I think at least a few men have told me I'm attractive and I'm single myself. Pretty single women do exist. Don't be overawed by how attractive you think someone is. Don't put her on a pedestal because she's human too and wants to be treated as an equal. I get creeped out by guys who'll tell me I'm attractive when all I'm looking for is an emotional connection with them. I'd rather a guy made an effort to get to know me. I don't want to feel like a guy is putting me on a pedestal. It's very weird...Sorry I went off on a tangent but it's just a vibe that women can pick up on from certain guys...

    If you find a girl attractive, focus on making an emotional connection with her as a person. You may be surprised by the results.
    I agree.

    the most successful times ive had by far with gurls were just having a wee chat

    and the most enjoyable too for that matter..good times
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    (Original post by Stinkum)
    Thanks for the detailed response . That was interesting to read.
    Hey thanks. I would like to add that it's just my own experiences though and all women are different But some of the stuff I mentioned has been the sort of thing I've talked about with friends when discussing dating situations with guys.
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    (Original post by Lucia.)
    No it's true. If people had zero standards whatsoever, everyone would be in a relationship all the time. Do you see what I'm getting it?
    You're assuming that if an individual had zero standards then everyone who they are trying to attract also would also have zero standards?
 
 
 
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