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Being broken up with due to your mental health issues. Watch

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    I've never written anything this personal online ever before, but as the title of this post suggests, my boyfriend of 8 months has just broken up with me because he 'can't cope' with me anymore and I'm really hurt.

    I'm just looking for some words of advise really, or to hear if this has happened to anyone else before? I really don't know what to do, I've hit rock bottom.

    And just to add a little further context. I have severe depression and social anxiety (although my behaviours would also suggest a little borderline personality as well).

    Thank you for any wise words in advance. I really do feel pathetic for turning to the internet for advise/support.
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    You're not pathetic turning to the internet for support, heck this site has some really good support forums for mental health amongst other things. I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, remember though that people break up regardless of mental health issues, so maybe he wasn't the one for you.

    Although it might not feel like it now, perhaps this has happened for a reason, and things will fall into place before you know it. New opportunities await!
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    I've had someone break up with me because of my previous mental health issues (depression and social anxiety). I've also had someone break up with me because of their mental health issues. Neither of which were very pleasant at the time but, in retrospect, neither of those people were good for me at all and it turned out for the best in the end.

    I know it probably doesn't feel like it at the moment, but the break up might be a good thing for you. You can focus on yourself and getting your health back up to speed without having to worry about or appease anyone else. Your health is far more important than any relationship.
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    Gurl!!! You are soo better without him. It may be hard to accept this, especially if you had a really good relationship. Battling mental health issues as well, its not about just suffering from them and helping yourself to overcome or ensure it does not affect you life as much, mental health to me is part of me. If someone cannot 'deal' or accept, then well it's their loss and very weak move, he definitely does not have what it takes to be in a relationship.

    Don't stress about it, you are fabulous and there are so many people in this world that will accept you
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thank you for all your replies. I've had a really tough day of it, but regardless of how I am feeling there is literally nothing more I can do than to try and move forward. I've asked if he'll give me another chance, but he says he can't go through it all again, despite still being 'in love' with me.

    I really hope your all right and that he wasn't 'the one' for me. I'm really scared to return to university now however as we are on the same course and I really don't want to be around to see him replace me
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for all your replies. I've had a really tough day of it, but regardless of how I am feeling there is literally nothing more I can do than to try and move forward. I've asked if he'll give me another chance, but he says he can't go through it all again, despite still being 'in love' with me.

    I really hope your all right and that he wasn't 'the one' for me. I'm really scared to return to university now however as we are on the same course and I really don't want to be around to see him replace me
    Same thing happened to me; girlfriend of 2 years split with me because, and I quote, "had her own problems to be dealing with". At the time I was really cut up about it, as I had been there for her all the time no questions asked. She had a lot of family issues, and I still supported her when I was at the height of my depression. When I came clean about it she finished it.

    I'm really glad that she did that. She was nothing but poison, and I've now got a lovely new girlfriend who accepts me warts-and-all. Splitting up with my ex gave me the space to tackle my problems head on. I've still got a long, long way to go, but cutting out the people who couldn't be there for me at crunch time helped me an awful lot.

    It gets better. May not feel like it now, but I've been there, and it does get better. Don't even think about giving him another chance because it's only going to prolong the BS.

    It may be a while, but you will find someone new, and you will wonder why you got so worked up over the last one. Try your best to keep your chin up.
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    (Original post by tommydeaks)
    Same thing happened to me; girlfriend of 2 years split with me because, and I quote, "had her own problems to be dealing with". At the time I was really cut up about it, as I had been there for her all the time no questions asked. She had a lot of family issues, and I still supported her when I was at the height of my depression. When I came clean about it she finished it.

    I'm really glad that she did that. She was nothing but poison, and I've now got a lovely new girlfriend who accepts me warts-and-all. Splitting up with my ex gave me the space to tackle my problems head on. I've still got a long, long way to go, but cutting out the people who couldn't be there for me at crunch time helped me an awful lot.

    It gets better. May not feel like it now, but I've been there, and it does get better. Don't even think about giving him another chance because it's only going to prolong the BS.

    It may be a while, but you will find someone new, and you will wonder why you got so worked up over the last one. Try your best to keep your chin up.
    Thank you for your kind words and hope. I'm glad things worked out for the better for you in the end

    The thing is, I really don't know how to handle this. He still wants to be there to support me, and at one point even went so far as to say that he wouldn't let anyone know that we had split so I didn't have to deal with feeling judged (due to my social anxiety). But I don't know what to do with all that. Do I let him stay in my life and welcome the continued support? Or should I just cut all ties (which is hard as I said before, we share a course at university).

    I also did something mighty stupid and accepted an offer of being a girlfriend to someone new, whom I barely know let alone like. I'm not even sure why I said yes? To hurt my ex, to make myself feel better, to pretend that I can move on and not care for my actions? I'm lost and making bad decisions, which isn't fair on either myself or others :/
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    (Original post by lala121)
    Gurl!!! You are soo better without him. It may be hard to accept this, especially if you had a really good relationship. Battling mental health issues as well, its not about just suffering from them and helping yourself to overcome or ensure it does not affect you life as much, mental health to me is part of me. If someone cannot 'deal' or accept, then well it's their loss and very weak move, he definitely does not have what it takes to be in a relationship.

    Don't stress about it, you are fabulous and there are so many people in this world that will accept you
    A bit harsh, some people cannot or do not want to have to deal with someone with mental health issues. It isn't unreasonable.
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    (Original post by james22)
    A bit harsh, some people cannot or do not want to have to deal with someone with mental health issues. It isn't unreasonable.
    I, to an extent agree with you, everyone has a choice as to who they want to be with/stay with regardless of whether that person suffers from mental health issues or not.

    In this case, he made a decision to leave me due to it and now that he has pointed out exactly everything that he couldn't handle, hearing it said out loud, I'm surprised he didn't leave me sooner!
    It doesn't change the fact that I cannot help the problems I have or some of the behaviours I display, which he was well aware of from the start and 8 months down the line I had naively thought he could see past them and cope with. Again this still doesn't mean that he shouldn't have left me, cause that was his choice to make. I just wish he had communicated with me about it or given me the opportunity to change things because unfortunately we are now both stuck saying 'I still love you' without being together, and I don't know about him, but i'm hurting. Pain is pain no matter the reasons why.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've never written anything this personal online ever before, but as the title of this post suggests, my boyfriend of 8 months has just broken up with me because he 'can't cope' with me anymore and I'm really hurt.

    I'm just looking for some words of advise really, or to hear if this has happened to anyone else before? I really don't know what to do, I've hit rock bottom.

    And just to add a little further context. I have severe depression and social anxiety (although my behaviours would also suggest a little borderline personality as well).

    Thank you for any wise words in advance. I really do feel pathetic for turning to the internet for advise/support.
    Hey,

    Firstly, I am really sorry about what has happened and you are not pathetic at all.

    It is true that sometimes people can't struggle to deal with someone else who has mental health issues and I know it hurts but it shows he isn't the one and you will find someone better. "The One" will be someone who understands these problems and helps you through them and will be able to cope. I promise you it will get better and the chances are, he is the one losing out, not you. The only thing I can suggest is talk to people, I really do find it does help.

    I was dumped by someone (ages ago now) not for the same reason, no where near, but she couldn't cope with the long distance part of our relationship and it hurt and I felt like it would never get better. A few months later I found someone else, someone 1000x better and we are now celebrating our 2 and a half year anniversary today (sadly, we are also long distance :P but she can cope with it, my ex couldn't). You will have the same, you will find someone who can cope with it and will help you with it and will love you no matter what, I promise

    I hope this helped a bit though I understand not much will. I'm sure hundreds of people on here will be willing to offer help (probably better than mine :P ) but if you want to talk and have a chat, just say so and ill chat about whatever if it will help
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    As billy oceon once said " when the going gets tough, the tough gets going, when going the going gets rough, the tough gets rough"
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    (Original post by Munrot07)
    Hey,

    Firstly, I am really sorry about what has happened and you are not pathetic at all.

    It is true that sometimes people can't struggle to deal with someone else who has mental health issues and I know it hurts but it shows he isn't the one and you will find someone better. "The One" will be someone who understands these problems and helps you through them and will be able to cope. I promise you it will get better and the chances are, he is the one losing out, not you. The only thing I can suggest is talk to people, I really do find it does help.

    I was dumped by someone (ages ago now) not for the same reason, no where near, but she couldn't cope with the long distance part of our relationship and it hurt and I felt like it would never get better. A few months later I found someone else, someone 1000x better and we are now celebrating our 2 and a half year anniversary today (sadly, we are also long distance :P but she can cope with it, my ex couldn't). You will have the same, you will find someone who can cope with it and will help you with it and will love you no matter what, I promise

    I hope this helped a bit though I understand not much will. I'm sure hundreds of people on here will be willing to offer help (probably better than mine :P ) but if you want to talk and have a chat, just say so and ill chat about whatever if it will help
    Hello, thank you for the reply. Congratulations on the current relationship front by the way, that really does give me hope! How long did you take to feel ok after your break up?

    I've been through a few break-ups before this (always me the one to get ditched), but each time they seem to be getting harder to take. I really really care for him. I had hopes pinned on a more long term relationship, as we clicked so well. The trouble is I know exactly where I went wrong now and had I been given the chance to change things, I think I could have continued to make him happy. But he won't have me back, it is all too late. Would I be a fool to still think that if I stayed in touch/close contact (like he wants) and worked at being better that he might feel differently about me in the future again? If I can be all the things he liked and none of the things he didn't.

    I really don't think I can go through the process of letting someone new into my life again, to have them know me so intricately and then leave. I really feel like my time has passed for finding the right partner now. ( I never mentioned before that I'm a bit older too, mid twenties.)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello, thank you for the reply. Congratulations on the current relationship front by the way, that really does give me hope! How long did you take to feel ok after your break up?

    I've been through a few break-ups before this (always me the one to get ditched), but each time they seem to be getting harder to take. I really really care for him. I had hopes pinned on a more long term relationship, as we clicked so well. The trouble is I know exactly where I went wrong now and had I been given the chance to change things, I think I could have continued to make him happy. But he won't have me back, it is all too late. Would I be a fool to still think that if I stayed in touch/close contact (like he wants) and worked at being better that he might feel differently about me in the future again? If I can be all the things he liked and none of the things he didn't.

    I really don't think I can go through the process of letting someone new into my life again, to have them know me so intricately and then leave. I really feel like my time has passed for finding the right partner now. ( I never mentioned before that I'm a bit older too, mid twenties.)
    It took me a few weeks, pretty much when I met my new girlfriend she helped so much. Me and my ex had only been dating 3 months though. I've always been on the receiving end of a break up too, never dumped anyone, so I know the feeling. Equally I know each break up gets worse. I know I felt like people just didn't like me and there was something wrong with me. But there wasn't (I hope :P ) and there is nothing wrong with you.

    Don't think "if I had done this...". This isn't your fault and to be honest, what if it had happened in a few years, or when it had got a lot more serious (marriage, or even kids) it would be a thousand times worse so if it wasn't meant to happen then it is better you found out now. I don't want to sound negative but if you did keep talking to him it might not change anything and anyway, if you had to be all the things he liked and none of the things he didn't, well that isn't good. You should be 100% yourself, the good and the bad bits, you shouldn't change to please someone. I'm sure all the things he considered bad, will not bother someone else.

    I know you feel like you don't want to let someone in and you don't have to for as long as you need but your time definitely hasn't passed. You are mid twenties, you are in your prime, you will be in your prime for years to come and will be easily able to find someone else when you are ready. Try not to feel downhearted but I am sure you are wonderful and people will see this.
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    Update: I lost him to another girl tonight. It was only a matter of time and I'm in pieces.
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    If he couldn't put the effort in with what you're going through, he's not the one for you.
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    For my last relationship it was a bit more complicated since my ex had to put up with some stuff I can't entirely blame on mental health but in essence she finished with me because she could no longer handle my mental health problems (I am bipolar). Whilst we were together, I had two major depressive episodes and one manic episode all three of which lasted months and left trails of destruction.

    We had been together over three years and lived together and I had to move out. I was going through a bad episode at the time and ended up in hospital and then after that on the streets.

    I felt it was unfair and callous for a while but I no longer feel that way. Although it hurt badly (and still does eight months on) I can understand that the consequences of severe mental health problems are just too much for some people to bear.

    My ex still won't speak to me but we wrote a couple of times and she said that when I was bad, the worry and stress reduced her to a nervous wreck and she simply couldn't cope. I don't blame her for bailing. As much as it hurts me - I can't expect anyone else to have to put up with the **** I am going through.

    To be honest, I don't know if I could cope with a partner with severe mental health problems. I went out with a woman who I think was depressed and she had a borderline alchohol problem and it was a total nightmare. The stress tripped me up and sent me into my own depressive heavy drinking nightmare.
    • #2
    #2

    This happened to me. And he dumped me over Facebook after 2 years together. If he cannot accept who you are and support you through your difficulties, then as people say he isn't the one for you.
 
 
 
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