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    ANON PLEASE

    okay i feel seriously pathetic posting here, though it can't get much worse for me. i don't know where to start. i really am feeling like i've got no one and nothing right now. i'm 23 finished university a year ago and after applying constantly for jobs i just can't bare the knock backs anymore. i've never had a job. i know, pathetic. i apply and apply and apply and get nowhere.

    but this is just one of the million things ****ty in my life. i TRY to tell myself there is always someone in a worse off situation, in actuality i'm quite lucky. my parents have always been here for me financially and emotionally,though i don't feel close enough to tell them some of the things i'm going through. i always feel like i'm in my sister's shadow; she's got a highly paid career ahead of her whereas i haven't even got a job cleaning toilets.she's engaged to be married.i'm living with my partner and we have our problems, but we just had a massive argument which has kicked all my emotions off which is why i'm writing this now.

    i have numerous medical conditions,both physical and mental: severe IBS which can be quite debilitating, anxiety,i'm pretty sure i have bipolar disorder,from speaking to numerous doctors in the past who have as much as diagnosed me and offered me medication, but i don't want to take any meds because i don't want to be a zombie.

    the worst thing of all is having no one to talk to, i mean i have my boyfriend but when we argue i have literally no one, i know my parents love me but they just don;t understand me and all we do is argue. all this is also very embarrassing. i have literally no friends. no one gives a crap about me. i don't know maybe it's just me, i try to be a nice person but i've never had a specific 'group' , just friends here and there, i've been bullied my whole life from school even through university. the university friends i did have have either left the city or are leaving, i stayed at my university city with my boyfriend. the friends i had before i started uni have all mostly moved on too. i am completely alone. the only friends still in the city i live just don't bother with me anymore, they have very much changed to the point where they will ignore me. this also makes me in my sisters shadow,shes always had close friendship groups her whole life.

    i just don't know what to do anymore,all i want is a friend. someone who actually takes the time to ask how i'm feeling.not someone who uses me then ignores me,or something who can't see behind the smiles

    i know i sound like i'm feeling sorry for myself but honestly if i hadn't have vented typing this to complete strangers over the internet i don't know what i'd do. i've been sat here crying for an hour and needed to write my feelings somewhere ANYWHERE. i just need someone to talk to,and i'm too scared to talk over the phone on a hotline or something.i just feel like giving up on life.PS i'm sorry for the horrible grammar/punctuation, i'm not in the mindset to be writing properly right now.
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    Aww hey honey, sounds like you're having a rough time at the mo.
    All I can suggest is riding it out. It won't be like this forever! Please go to your GP and ask for anti depressants. I know that might seem daunting, but you won't regret it, and you won't be like a zombie, promise!! I took them for a few weeks before uni, and I took myself off them because I felt I didn't need them any more.
    As for the job thing, try not to get too disheartened. Volunteer as much as possible - foodbanks etc. You might meet people there and you'll get something to put on your CV.

    As for the no friends thing...thats a tough one and theres no easy way to make friends. Have you thought about going to a local church group? I don't believe in God at all, but when I was going through a bout of depression, I met some amazing young people in the church. I was out every night doing activities with them and I made some friends i talk to to this day.

    Hope you feel better
    xoxo Feel free to message me
 
 
 
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