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Relationship Advice Needed: What should I do next?

There's a girl I like at my uni, she's 23, I'm 29. I met her on my course, we sort of hit it off but after I switched over to single honours after two weeks, it has been incredibly difficult to spend time with and get her on her own.

I perserved and tried to keep in contact with her. There was some sort of success but it was only via texting. However, during Christmas she phoned me and things seemed to improve. When I got back, we met up and things seemed ok.

But then she went quiet on me again. It was tiring doing all the pursuing, but I didn't think it was anything personal. She's a really lovely person and has a wonderful disposition. I simply get a good vibe from her and she's a person I like being around. Although I felt like giving up, I tried again.

It took some time, but finally things seems to be better than they have been. I decided to ask her out but she explained that things are complicated and isn't something she could do right now. I told her that I understood, that's she very special an, and that I'm happy being friends if that's what she wants.

Since then, she's started contacting me and being more responsive. Also, she's leaving kisses at the end of messages. She agreed to meet up a we had a walk by the river and showed me where she live. It was really nice.

This is great, and I'm happy respecting what she wants, however, I don't want her to slip away if there's something more I should be doing. Either way, I care her about her very much and if anyone can offer me any advice on what to do, I'd really appreciate it.

Reply 1

lee1985

I think you're doing just fine.

You don't want to appear too needy nor appear like you don't really care or you're leaving it to her. It's a balance between giving them time and space, and appearing genuinely interested in her for the girl she is.

Wait until you've met a few more times and then say again something along the times of remember when I asked you out and you said you couldn't, have things changed now..... if things haven't changed then it's clear for one reason or another (it may or may not be you but that's the joy of not being able to read people's minds) that she just doesn't want to go out with you.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Thanks for this. It's good, reassuring, practical advice. I'll continue to go with it and hopefully things will pan out positively. Worst case scenario is we stay friends, which isn't bad at all.

Reply 3

chelseajanett

I definitely agree with lee1985, you're doing just fine and you've been just wonderful, see how things go and take it from there.

You seem lovely, I wish you all the best (:

Reply 4

username47781

Sounds like things are progressing nicely, just see how it goes, the best relationships usually start from just friends. Long as you aren't too pushy or needy, sounds like she is starting to warm to you.

Reply 5

username1339127

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks for this. It's good, reassuring, practical advice. I'll continue to go with it and hopefully things will pan out positively. Worst case scenario is we stay friends, which isn't bad at all.

This is exactly the right attitude, having good friends is also very rewarding and it sound alike she's keen to spend time with you and see how she wants to go or similar. Seems you're a lovely person and can handle it just fine :smile:

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Thanks everyone, I'm humbled by the genuinely nice and positive responses. It's given a boost and I feel encouraged. Funny how we can sometimes get ourselves into a panic for no reason, or have the belief we're not managing a situation when we actually are. Really, this has helped more than you could know. :smile:

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Just an update and need to offload my disappointment.

Since I last asked for advice, I felt quite positive about how the friendship was progressing. However, since then I've just been lead to despondency and confusion.

A gave her a call and there was no answer so I left a short msg: how was your holiday, hope you're okay, get back to me if you feel like a chat. I didn't hear anything so after a few days I sent a text saying pretty much the same thing. Nothing.

Okay, I thought, I'll just leave it. So I did.

A fortnight later, I arrived back at my university campus, the town she lives in. I didn't text her and thought I'd wait until her birthday instead, which was yesterday. However, I bumped into on my way back from training last Thursday. She was with a few friends and they were heading for a drink. The mention of her birthday came up and I told her that I'd got her a present, to which she replied, "Oh why?" Anyway, she was absolutely fine with me and invited me along for a drink, which I agreed to.

On our walk there, we chatted and her friends walked ahead. She told me how her friend's ex-boyfriend had been causing godawful trouble with her other friends and how it was getting her down, which I offered some sort of support/understanding. She also mentioned that she was in the town I live in last Saturday, which happened to be the day I live in, but she didn't think I'd be there. I was I told her, and she kind of suggested "Oh, what a shame" as did I. Part of me is confused as to why she didn't text to find out.

Anyway, we went for a drink, and her friend whom I also know from Uni told me that they were all tired after her leaving party the previous night. (She's go on a 6week adventure abroad tomorrow, which she told me about 3 months ago) I felt a little bit put out and saddened that I wasn't invited.

After that we left. I gave her a hug and told her to let me know when is good to give her her present. She said she was more or less free now. I heard nothing so I text her Happy Birthday yesterday and asked when's a good time for me to give her her present, or I could briefly pop round with it if its okay with her. She told me thanks and said she'd have to play it by ear. Nothing all day. Honestly, could she have not spared me five minutes? Fair enough, I thought, maybe she'll get in touch tomorrow.

I was wrong. So I text her today saying I'm in town and have your present on me, it'd be great if you can make it, if not I'll give it to you when you get back. Again, I've heard nothing. The least she could do was reply, surely.

And that's it. Once again I honestly don't know where I stand with her. I don't have any hard feelings towards her and I'll always wish her the best in everything, that won't change. Nevertheless, not only do I feel tired by wasting energy, I feel incredibly disappointed and slightly hurt, especially as I didn't see her and get to give her her present, which I was looking forward to doing. If you've read this far, thanks for reading and listening, I just needed to get it off my chest.

Maybe now I can move on!