I ask this question as I am on the verge of being dumped because of this. My family are very strict, i may aswell just come out and say it that there quite abusive. My last boyfriend resulted in my parents locking me in my room for days on end smashing my phone, pushing me down the stairs slapping hitting being called every name under the sun beig told they wished i was dead. So as you could imagine when i met my boyfriend 3 years ago i didn't tell them.
The plan is to tell my parents once I have a job that I have a boyfriend and if they don't like it I can keep working and save and leave in the next few years or I can pay for a b and b so i don't have to suffer the consquences. I would then ideally like to work for the next 2/3 years and save like mad so i can move out. This would make me 26 by the time i moved out.
My boyfriend is 5 years older he is 25 now and has his own house. He told me he wants me to move in the next 3 years. Ive told him that wont be possible as ill only be a year into my first job, so 1) wont have the money and 2) My family terrify me but i hope by 25ish they will accept im a grown woman and have a boyfriend, however if i say i have a boyfriend then say a few weeks later im moving in with him they will flip.
Ive told him if i move in with him it means that all my money will go on him and if he leaves me ill be left with nothing and of course will have upset my parents so wont be able to move back in with them.
I said ill move in with him in maybe 5 years have soe money behind me be established in my job and hopefully keep a relationship with my family. He has told me its not good enough if i don't move in within 3 years he'll dump me. I don't know what to do. Shall i leave him now before investing myself further in this relationship. I don't want to get three years down the line not be able to move in with him and for him to dump me and leave me heartbroken. I feel sick and upset and i don't know what to do please help
What age would you move in with and marry a partner? Watch
- Thread Starter
- 22-07-2014 18:52
- 22-07-2014 19:14
He'll dump if you don't move in with him in 3 years?
Sorry but that is the most ridiculous situation for a relationship I've ever heard. If he is going to dump you over something so trivial then your relationship is far to fragile to even consider moving in with him let alone marrying. I'd been with my bf for 5 years before we moved in together we have now been together 8 years and are planning to get married in 2 years time.
I can't believe your asking this. you could try talking to him but if this is his intention i'd cut your losses and leave him. He's not worth it.
- 22-07-2014 19:16
If I were you, I'd get out ASAP purely for the fact I fear for my own safety... no joke.
If you think you can trust him and you love him, what's stopping you?
After reading the bottom paragraph (rather stupidly skimmed and it didn't go in), I'd ask why he gives a damn about you moving in or not and why he feels the need to have this hanging over your head?
Seriously, I'd punch anyone who said this to me, it seems like a threat to me...Last edited by Scienceisgood; 22-07-2014 at 19:18.
- 22-07-2014 19:19
That's a ridiculous ultimatum, if he would dump you over something like this is he really worth it?Last edited by MidnightDream; 22-07-2014 at 19:20.
- 22-07-2014 19:24
Your boyfriend sounds crazy and your parents sound crazy.
If it were me, I'd dump the boyfriend, seek advice from places like Women's Aid (they have a helpline; Google it and call them free) and get out of your abusive family ASAP.
- 22-07-2014 19:35
The ultimatum from your boyfriend is not nice. But your parents sounds insane. My opinion would be to get your own place and live alone for a bit.
To answer the thread title, I moved in with my then fiancé at 18 because my parents were the same as your parents OP and I've had enough. Married him a year after moving in.
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- Thread Starter
- 22-07-2014 21:32
Thank you guys. IM so hurt he doesn't seem to get it. I totally get that my parents not knowing etc is not nice for him at all but equally from our first date i said i had problems with my parents. He's seen the bruises i would of thought he could have understood. He then says if i hate my parents so much to leave but he doesn't seem to get that I don't have the money that money doesn't grow on trees. He's lucky hes on a big salary he says i can pay him rent but as i said if i leave home and fall out with parents as i will and he then dumps me if ive been giving him all my wages to pay rent where the hell am i supposed to go.