Should I accept money off my nan?

I do odd jobs for my nan such as nipping to the shop, hanging curtains up, mowing her lawn etc and she offers to pay me but I refuse. Today I cleaned all her windows which didn't take long but she offered me £10 but I refused cause I know she is short of cash and only just manages (goody two shoes lol) but then my cousin and his friend knocked at the door asking for cigarette money and she gave him £20!! He is 19 and doesn't do any jobs, this happens a lot and I tell her that the only reason I refuse it is so that she can have it cause shes hard up, she says that money doesn't bother her yet she always complains of having none. Should I just accept it in future because this really annoys me? lol.

Reply 1

bedbug

14

I don't think you should accept it but I don't think your cousin should either. He's unlikely to change I would think but I don't see why you should change being nice just cos he's taking advantage.

Reply 2

Sithius

16

Personally I wouldn't.

Cheers,

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

squirly

I don't think you should accept it but I don't think your cousin should either. He's unlikely to change I would think but I don't see why you should change being nice just cos he's taking advantage.

Ok, I was thinking that if I took it she wouldn't be able to give him any cause what she gives me is usually her last but my cousin ends up with it instead :rolleyes:

I do need cash but so does she (even though she gives it away), last week when I told her off about it she was laughing and said I was obsessed with money and that there are more important things but still it bugs me. Deep down im not nice, Ive been refusing so that she will think im nice but she doesn't think Im any better than my cousin :p:

Ok I sound stupid now, thanks for the replies :smile:

Reply 4

sssh

10

Your cousin sounds like a bit of an idiot, though I don't think you'd be able to stop him doing it. You might be able to hint at your grandma to not give him money for cigarettes if you're subtle...

What you're doing is lovely and I think you'd probably feel guilty if you did take money off her. It makes you better than your cousin if you don't accept the money.

Reply 5

Perfectly_Imperfect

17

if she really is insistant, maybe tell her to donate it to your/her favourite charity? That way your cousin doesn't get the money, you don't feel guilty, and she feels like she's rewarded you?

xx

Reply 6

hate_xams

1

How about a lung cancer charity, that way your cousin will still benefit if he keeps smoking.

Edit: Sorry not helpful at all, as others have said, I think you should just keep doing what you are doing, and not take her last bit of money, even if you know your cousin is going to get it instead, after all you are doing the odd jobs to be helpful, not to earn money.

Reply 7

Don Vito Corleone

2

I don't think you should take it, but I also think you should say something to your cousin. If my cousin went round to my nan's, asked for money and got it then I'd have something to say. Bang out of order, especially if she can't really afford to be doing it.

Reply 8

FadeToBlackout

15

I suppose it really depends on the situation. I generally do accept money from my Nan, but only because she is OK and, as she says, now she has it in her old age she has nothing to spend it on or nothing she wants, hence she'd rather see us grandkids happy.

However, I do think the charity thing is both a good and a bad thing. Good because it means that you can both feel good, but bad because she might just do that and carry on giving money to your cousin as well, thus being even more worse-off. It really is a tricky situation.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

FadeToBlackout

I suppose it really depends on the situation. I generally do accept money from my Nan, but only because she is OK and, as she says, now she has it in her old age she has nothing to spend it on or nothing she wants, hence she'd rather see us grandkids happy.

However, I do think the charity thing is both a good and a bad thing. Good because it means that you can both feel good, but bad because she might just do that and carry on giving money to your cousin as well, thus being even more worse-off. It really is a tricky situation.

Thanks for the replies, to be honest she hasn't got that much money to give to charity I think the money that she offers us comes from her savings.

Reply 10

gas_panic!

12

Pensioners always complain about having no money, but you go into M&S and it's spot the under 65. No such thing as a poor pensioner.

Reply 11

guccilittlepiggy

14

squirly

I don't think you should accept it but I don't think your cousin should either. He's unlikely to change I would think but I don't see why you should change being nice just cos he's taking advantage.

if I were you I wouldn't take it.

Reply 12

El Scotto

15

why dont u accept it and then use it to buy her something?

Reply 13

unfinished sympathy

15

hate_xams

How about a lung cancer charity, that way your cousin will still benefit if he keeps smoking.

Edit: Sorry not helpful at all, as others have said, I think you should just keep doing what you are doing, and not take her last bit of money, even if you know your cousin is going to get it instead, after all you are doing the odd jobs to be helpful, not to earn money.

Reply 14

Tyler Durden

17

Write to The Ethicist in T2 in The Times; he'll come up with a witty answer. My personal view is that what you are doing is admirable and it is a shame that your grandma doesn't see that it's frustrating for you to watch her give the cash to your cousin. Perhaps if you took it she wouldn't be so free to hand it out to your cousin? Then if you did you could buy her a bunch of flowers or something nice to brighten up her place and hang on to the rest. It's a tough one, but either way I don't think you can go wrong.