Scared of Parents ! Advice needed :(

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simran1996
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Hey guys!

I have a problem when it comes to my parents. My dad is a Englishman and is pretty much agnostic while my mum is a strict Sikh. They have agreed that I must marry a Sikh man and they tell me they have agreed to a arranged marriage on my behalf to someone in India.

Now I don't really feel attracted to that many Sikh guys which is where the problem starts. I've seen the guys picture and I'm not attracted to him at all. I just think the whole beard and turban rules are quite unhygienic. It's not something i would like at all.

I prefer dating white guys or even other brown guys who don't wear the turban and have a unhygienic beard, as long as they are somewhat attractive. They have told me that if I don't accept this then I would not be allowed to live in the home

Any advice would be appreciated

btw im im a non practicing Sikh
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Kutta
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I was sure this would be a Pakistani Muslim when I clicked on it lol

but OP all you can do is explain your situation to your parents. If they don't agree then quote them the new piece of law regarding forced marriages

i wish you well
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MartyBrodeur
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That situation is crap, and I'm sorry to hear it.

To my knowledge, forced marriage is illegal in the UK and is considered domestic abuse - and rightly so.

Do you think that they're serious about kicking you out? Have you asked your parents why they are being hypocritical towards you, considering your dad is not Sikh?

I would say under no circumstance should you accept this, I understand you're very much caught between a rock and a hard place, but agreeing to marry someone you don't know, who you've only seen a picture of, and you're not attracted to?! This is your life, and any marriage ought to be on your terms and not something with the likelihood of making you miserable for the foreseeable future.
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Reptilian
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(Original post by simran1996)
They have agreed that I must marry a Sikh man and they tell me they have agreed to a arranged marriage on my behalf to someone in India.
I call that a forced marriage in my books.



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SophiaLDN
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That's pretty hypocritical though. How on earth did your mum marry your dad?? Why is your dad going along with this?

Ah, im not sure on how to advise you. The leaving home thing is a bit drastic. Maybe you can pretend you're cool with it but to put it off until after Uni and when you have a job/ are financially secure, then tell them 'no thanks'? So if they do kick you out, you wouldn't be homeless and can support yourself.

Are there any other family members that can help you/ appeal to your parents not to do this?
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Fact
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What you really mean is that you're scared of your mother and incidentally, your father is scared of her too. Just guilt trip your dad and generally appeal to his emotions, he won't kick you out then. Perhaps emphasize the fact that you're an English girl despite your maternal origin and that you're in no position to go to India and be coerced into marriage.
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James222
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Put a spoon in your underwear if your forced to go to the airport. That will let security know your being taken under duress
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Kabulkid
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(Original post by simran1996)
Hey guys!

I have a problem when it comes to my parents. My dad is a Englishman and is pretty much agnostic while my mum is a strict Sikh. They have agreed that I must marry a Sikh man and they tell me they have agreed to a arranged marriage on my behalf to someone in India.

Now I don't really feel attracted to that many Sikh guys which is where the problem starts. I've seen the guys picture and I'm not attracted to him at all. I just think the whole beard and turban rules are quite unhygienic. It's not something i would like at all.

I prefer dating white guys or even other brown guys who don't wear the turban and have a unhygienic beard, as long as they are somewhat attractive. They have told me that if I don't accept this then I would not be allowed to live in the home

Any advice would be appreciated

btw im im a non practicing Sikh
saddens me when i hear stories like dis.

jus tell ur parents no, they'll not like it at first but after 1-2 months they'll come round.

or... get a bf, get pregnant and then ur parents have no choice but to accept him, thats a last resort tho.
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ridwan12
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(Original post by simran1996)
Hey guys!

I have a problem when it comes to my parents. My dad is a Englishman and is pretty much agnostic while my mum is a strict Sikh. They have agreed that I must marry a Sikh man and they tell me they have agreed to a arranged marriage on my behalf to someone in India.

Now I don't really feel attracted to that many Sikh guys which is where the problem starts. I've seen the guys picture and I'm not attracted to him at all. I just think the whole beard and turban rules are quite unhygienic. It's not something i would like at all.

I prefer dating white guys or even other brown guys who don't wear the turban and have a unhygienic beard, as long as they are somewhat attractive. They have told me that if I don't accept this then I would not be allowed to live in the home

Any advice would be appreciated

btw im im a non practicing Sikh
Surely if you found someone more suitable to your taste from the UK they would except it. I very much doubt she will force you to marry him if you make your objections LOUD and CLEAR!!!.

"They have told me that if I don't accept this then I would not be allowed to live in the home "

Most parents claims that but it's never really enforced....
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ridwan12
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(Original post by SophiaLDN)
That's pretty hypocritical though. How on earth did your mum marry your dad?? Why is your dad going along with this?
Exactly what I was thinking............. :L
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amol_chalis447
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(Original post by simran1996)
x
My sister's friend's sister was in the same situation. And this is in India (Bangalore), so she didn't have the option of leaving the house and starting a life on her own or anything. No education = no life here. So she asked her parents permission to do a degree first so that she could contribute to her future husband's income. Once she finished her degree, she flipped her parents (and former to-be-husband) the finger, found a job in Singapore and didn't look back.

I feel reasonably sure that should work with your parents if you begged them for an education.

Or else, as the others said, forced marriage is illegal in the UK. As a last resort, you should look to approaching the police. While this will make things **** between your parents and you forever, it's kind of their fault for illegally forcing you into something you didn't want. I assume that will end in legal emancipation, which means you're eligible for loans and support from the government if you go to uni. You can also work a part-time job for more income.

Basically, it'll work out as long as you put your foot down. I really hope you will be able to do that. Good luck!
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arl lowe
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[QUOTE=Sophia hi
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arl lowe
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Hi
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Three Mile Sprint
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Forced Marriage as has been said is (thankyfully) illegal in this country, confront your parents and tell them openly it's the only thing you can do.
If you fear for yourself physically and think that by confronting them may have serious and immediate consequences try and see if you can have a trusted friend with you for support.

Even though they are you parents and I fully believe you should respect them, they don't have the right legally or more importantly morally to force you to live the rest of your life with a person you have never met and who is in no way compatible with you.

P.S Even though I doubt you believe in any form of God Ill pray to Allah(swt) that this works out well for you.
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simran1996
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Wow thanks for the support guys it means a lot

I think my mum is being unreasonable and is pressuring my dad to agree with her. I'm actually a med wannabe with no offers so it looks like it's going to be a gap year with work experience.

I'm not sure if they'll really kick me out of the house, or if it's just a threat....

i think I'm gonna hold off till uni at least and then do what one of the users above said

get a job and move away....
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donutaud15
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(Original post by ridwan12)

Every parent claims that but it's never really enforced....
I beg to differ.

OP I don't have any advice as I think people here have already covered what I would say. Just wanted to say good luck and be careful.

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ThatMuslimGirl
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This is absolutely horrible. i definitely wouldn't want a husband which i don't even like

Did you tell your parents what you think of him?

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ThatMuslimGirl
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Also, off topic but i guess this helps: why don't you have an a-level in chemistry? This hugely reduces your chances in gaining an offer and rules you out of many medical schools.

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Ankabout
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(Original post by Kutta)
I was sure this would be a Pakistani Muslim when I clicked on it lol
Controlling parents seems to be a common problem among Asian children.
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Radicalathiest
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(Original post by simran1996)
I prefer dating white guys or even other brown guys who don't wear the turban and have a unhygienic beard, as long as they are somewhat attractive. They have told me that if I don't accept this then I would not be allowed to live in the home
Call their bluff

Tell them you simply refuse and that you will choose your own partners.

If they do throw you out pack your bags and be ready and go and stop with a friend then contact social services

I'm sure when they see how you are prepared to stick to your guns they will (if they love you) back down
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