insecurities getting me down.

so i've just grown up to become this emotional mess if i'm completely honest.
i'm 18 & i'm off to university in 4 weeks.
but theres this HUGE problem i have - my insecurities, and how they make me feel.
i went out today & just felt so out of place when i was with my friends. they were planning stuff, like what they are doing tomorrow night. i was there too, but nobody bothered to ask me. they didn't once ask me 'hey, would you like to come too' throughout the 8 hours i was with them today. they just carried on talking about how they are going to meet up tomorrow night, or how they are going to visit each other at uni. i just felt as though i was SO FAR on the outside, just looking in on them, feeling unbelievably out of place & unwanted. even if it was not intentional, i cannot understand how people just cannot acknowledge your presence. i know it sounds very childish, but this made me feel very alone & lost & i came home today on the verge of tears.
& thats not all. i'm quite insecure about my physical appearance too. when i'm with my friends, nobody bothers to look at me. they just look at my friends because they are pretty. the only time i get attention is when i wear tight clothes/clothes which show off my figure, purely because of that reason. i feel like i have a horrible face which stops people from finding me attractive. i know it might not be true, its just how i feel when i'm with these perfect looking girls. i know this is all shallow & petty, but it knocks my self confidence badly.
i'm just scared that this will affect my uni life too. i have finally been given the perfect oppurtunity to escape from my violent home, and now i have all these horrible views of myself & the tiniest things will make me want to cry. i'm just scared that uni friends will just be the same & be dismissive of me. i don't want my perception of my physical appearance to affect me either, but i always feel it will, especially at university. just feeling a little lost right now & need hugs. :frown:

Reply 1

Bottekrank

1

It's cruel of your friends to be like this towards you, but maybe if in the past you've acted disinterested in going out etc. they don't think you want to. Or, they just don't expect you to want to do stuff with them like go out, meet up. Maybe you should tell them that you would like to be a part of their plans and see them more often when they arrange things. If you sit there without saying anything about it they're hardly gonna think you want to join in with them There's still a month before uni so there's still time to have fun with them.

Although it's more easily said than done - I know this too, as I share a similar thing but I'm a bit better now - try to see yourself in a better way. I'm sure you're not ugly, everyone has good features and it's not good for your confidence to compare yourself to other people, especially not your friends. You have your own positive points, and if people judge you solely on how you look etc. they're not worth knowing anyway.

There's so many new people at uni that you're sure to find new friends. Just try to loosen up a bit, not worry about how you're coming across to others and be yourself instead. Join clubs, societies, go out if you feel like it and that way you can't not make friends. Try more to integrate. Everyone at uni will be feeling just as nervous as you about meeting new people and this way it'll be easier to settle in.

Hope that helps a bit, if you wanna PM me any time you can.
Rowie

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

its hard being around ur friends thats why my perception of freinds have changed i dont trust anyone anymore nor do i keep in touch with any of my friends to be very honest with u ...the way i see it a true freind would see right through u and ur friends" just seem the type to just have fun with those who want to have fun obviosly its not ur fault u feel this way because i too feel the way u do at times but trust me i went on a uni trial course and the peope there are so much mature than the girls or firends i use to be with ...infact i wouldnt call these people friends but id call them mature people uni life is reallly different to college life and u meet new people and thats one great thing about uni u meet with nice people or bad people it depends but its up to u to choose who u feel comftorble with ...to feel better about my appearance i tend to go shopping and find something i feel happier in tweek my hair a little and look after myself more during my AS levels i have learnt to be more independant and know how to manage without my so called friends" who may i add dont even call me and i dont really care either im happier without them and i know theres more people out there who do appreciate me for me n not for my appearance look hunny insecurities are one thing that let us down a lot and if we are insecure we feel less confident about ourselves and esp when ur at home most of the time and alone it makes u feel like s***t the way i deal with my insecurities is facing them by trying to find or do things that make me happy perhaps u can take up volunteering opportunities to meet new people i learnt that being with the same bunch of friends reallly put me down and there was only 2 of us which made it more feel weird beacause being with them made me depend on them for happienss but in the end i learnt that they never made me happy and they always had things to do than make me feel good about myself ...it hurts it truly does ...there is no such thing as the perfect girl because each one of us are unique girls and the more we waste time comparing ourselves to these girls the worse we feel try and treat urself and learn to be independant try not to depend on them and focus on them trust me or take my word these friends wont bother with u in the future they all go their own ways and people move on ull meet lovelier friends in uni and besides in uni theres lots of students who might feel like u but uni does give u a boost of condence dont make it a bad year for urself look after urself and bother abotu u and do things to keep u happy join things as booterkrank mentioned such as socieities and perhaps develop ur own society to boost ur confidence worry about urself and try to believe in urself i can understand when things are really crappy for u at home as well coz having a bad home atmosphere reallly puts u down have u tried to speak to anyone else about ur issues ?
take care in the mean time write back soon

Reply 3

tiger_vio

11

I've been in that situation a LOT of times- friends not acknowleding you are there. Yeah it hurts, but you could try asking if you could come. It isn't rude; they are the only rude ones for not asking you. When they are ore used to being out with you, they will naturally invite you everywhere anyway :smile:

But you are going to uni, and you are looking at it from the totally wrong viewpoint. It's a fresh start for you to meet new people :smile:

I am best friends with an amazingly pretty girl, and she's so loud sometimes I feel like she gets all the attention. You DO get noticed, you just don't think you do!
One day ages ago, for example we met up with a boy, and even though my best friend and him flirtily talked and I didn't say much.... he got home and told my best friend he thought I was hot :| People like others for different reasons, and im sure you have good qualities in you that are attractive to other people :smile:

Reply 4

El Scotto

15

Anonymous

so i've just grown up to become this emotional mess if i'm completely honest.
i'm 18 & i'm off to university in 4 weeks.
but theres this HUGE problem i have - my insecurities, and how they make me feel.
i went out today & just felt so out of place when i was with my friends. they were planning stuff, like what they are doing tomorrow night. i was there too, but nobody bothered to ask me. they didn't once ask me 'hey, would you like to come too' throughout the 8 hours i was with them today. they just carried on talking about how they are going to meet up tomorrow night, or how they are going to visit each other at uni. i just felt as though i was SO FAR on the outside, just looking in on them, feeling unbelievably out of place & unwanted. even if it was not intentional, i cannot understand how people just cannot acknowledge your presence. i know it sounds very childish, but this made me feel very alone & lost & i came home today on the verge of tears.
& thats not all. i'm quite insecure about my physical appearance too. when i'm with my friends, nobody bothers to look at me. they just look at my friends because they are pretty. the only time i get attention is when i wear tight clothes/clothes which show off my figure, purely because of that reason. i feel like i have a horrible face which stops people from finding me attractive. i know it might not be true, its just how i feel when i'm with these perfect looking girls. i know this is all shallow & petty, but it knocks my self confidence badly.
i'm just scared that this will affect my uni life too. i have finally been given the perfect oppurtunity to escape from my violent home, and now i have all these horrible views of myself & the tiniest things will make me want to cry. i'm just scared that uni friends will just be the same & be dismissive of me. i don't want my perception of my physical appearance to affect me either, but i always feel it will, especially at university. just feeling a little lost right now & need hugs. :frown:

dwelling on your insecurities isnt going to make any difference apart from negative ones. You might as well just ignore ur insecurities and get on with things.

Reply 5

rachelrainbow32

2

awwwwwwwww *hugs*. Is there a reason why you couldnt go out with them> If not just pipe up and say 'hey, its okay if i come aswell isnt it' you could find that they might just be really pleased to have you come out with them. If not then make new friends because they are just bitches who aren't really worth your time.

insecurities getting me down.

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