Can you be too honest in relationships?

In a relationship it's better to be honest, but the flipside is if you want your partner to be honest you have to respect that sometimes they will say things that you don't want to hear. If you just get angry and offended when they are honest and it's not something you wanted to hear, then they will just have to be dishonest with you next time. This goes for friendships as much as relationships btw.

The other part to wanting honesty is don't ask a question if you are afraid to hear the answer. Before you ask any sort of question that involves a comparison between you and previous partners etc, think how you would feel if the honest answer is that you aren't the best. If what you really mean is you want to hear you're the best, even if it means making your partner lie, then that's pretty meaningless really.

A relationship where you are both comfortable enough to be honest with each other is great but sometimes things can come out that are a bit out of the blue and can unsettle you.

Reply 24

Puddles the Monkey

OP

21

Original post by MagicNMedicine

The other part to wanting honesty is don't ask a question if you are afraid to hear the answer. Before you ask any sort of question that involves a comparison between you and previous partners etc, think how you would feel if the honest answer is that you aren't the best. If what you really mean is you want to hear you're the best, even if it means making your partner lie, then that's pretty meaningless really.

No good can ever come from asking from these kind of questions. Ever.

Reply 25

joker12345

19

I think you should be completely honest and open. I think that deliberate omission is almost as bad as lying. Obviously, this won't come straight away in a relationship, but when it becomes real and serious (you've been together a while, it's long term) I'd say it's pretty sad if you're hiding things from your partner.
There's a difference between something just not coming up and you considering it and making a conscious decision not to tell them, before people jump down my throat saying 'you can't expect your partner to tell you every detail of their life'.

Reply 26

Original post by miser

I wouldn't tell someone she "doesn't look fat in that dress" if I thought she did. I wouldn't go out my way to tell her that but if she pressed me I wouldn't lie about it. If her self-esteem is really so fragile as to be reliant on white lies then she has bigger problems than an honest partner and should address them. I wouldn't be helping her by being dishonest.

You have a lot to learn my friend.

Reply 27

miser

Original post by james1211

You have a lot to learn my friend.

You would tell her she doesn't look fat if you believed the opposite?

Reply 28

Original post by miser

You would tell her she doesn't look fat if you believed the opposite?

Why would you ever tell a woman she looks fat? What do you or her stand to gain from that?

Reply 29

Chicken.M.

nah. 100% honest.

Wouldn't want to be partnered to a liar.

Original post by james1211

Why would you ever tell a woman she looks fat? What do you or her stand to gain from that?

Original post by james1211

You have a lot to learn my friend.

A healthier lifestyle? longer life? better looking wife? self improvement? lol

Don't be condescending to people when this is completely a matter of opinion. I disagree with you and so would a lot of other people.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 30

The vampire

3

Be honest but if he's smaller than you expected, don't tell him unless you break up. :smile:

Reply 31

Huskaris

16

If you don't lie to someone, then you don't have to remember the lies you told when you talk to them, and you won't get caught out.

Reply 32

Original post by ChickenMadness

nah. 100% honest.

Wouldn't want to be partnered to a liar.

A healthier lifestyle? longer life? better looking wife? self improvement? lol

You've never been with a woman before have you? :tongue:

Telling someone they look fat before they go out somewhere isn't going to make them any skinnier it's just going to upset them and make them resent you and themselves, and their figure isn't yours to decide upon anyway.

Telling someone their clothes aren't particularly suitable or fitting to them is fine because that's insulting their clothes not their body. Use of the word fat at any time is suicide as it's insulting their body.

Reply 33

miser

Original post by james1211

Why would you ever tell a woman she looks fat? What do you or her stand to gain from that?

I said "if she pressed me I wouldn't lie about it." I wouldn't want to tell her but if she really wants my opinion I'd sooner tell her than lie. Being honest isn't about what you stand to gain, it's about integrity and respect for others. If she wants an honest answer I would respect her as a person enough to give her one.

Reply 34

Original post by miser

I said "if she pressed me I wouldn't lie about it." I wouldn't want to tell her but if she really wants my opinion I'd sooner tell her than lie. Being honest isn't about what you stand to gain, it's about integrity and respect for others. If she wants an honest answer I would respect her as a person enough to give her one.

When people ask for the truth they rarely want the truth. In fact, the harder someone demands the truth, often the less they want to hear it.

Reply 35

miser

Original post by james1211

When people ask for the truth they rarely want the truth. In fact, the harder someone demands the truth, often the less they want to hear it.

I don't think that's accurate. I think there have been polls (even specifically for women) asking whether they want to be told the truth or not to these type of questions, and people pretty much want to be told the truth and say they feel betrayed if they are lied to.

Reply 36

Original post by miser

I don't think that's accurate. I think there have been polls (even specifically for women) asking whether they want to be told the truth or not to these type of questions, and people pretty much want to be told the truth and say they feel betrayed if they are lied to.

Regardless from my point of view conflict avoidance is a good technique in a lot of situations. There's a balance to strike. I feel in response to the OP's actual question, you can absolutely be too honest in a relationship. I know you said you agree with that but even if pressed for the truth i'd never tell my partner they looked fat, it's just not worth it!

Reply 37

Chicken.M.

Original post by james1211

You've never been with a woman before have you? :tongue:

Telling someone they look fat before they go out somewhere isn't going to make them any skinnier it's just going to upset them and make them resent you and themselves, and their figure isn't yours to decide upon anyway.

Telling someone their clothes aren't particularly suitable or fitting to them is fine because that's insulting their clothes not their body. Use of the word fat at any time is suicide as it's insulting their body.

I have. And I disagree with you. So would my ex-gfs. Your opinion isn't shared by everyone. Lol@your small man syndrome thinking your opinion is worth more than everyone elses.

And the example you gave was stupid. Why would I randomly tell someone they're fat just before they're about to leave the house?

If a fat loved one asked me if I think they're fat I'll be honest because I love them and I'd rather they changed their lifestyle for the better.

And if it's my GF I'll just jokingly tell her something like "you know you're starting to get fat. Want to come to the gym with me?"
None of my friends/family/partners ever get angry because thats just how I am and everyone knows. People go to me for advice because I'm honest and I don't tell lies to spare feelings. And I don't go out with girls that are over sensitive either. When I ask someone a question I want an honest answer. So when people ask me questions I'll give them an honest answer too.

Reply 38