Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

"Just be yourself" - why is this bad advice? Watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    I note that this is probably the most mentioned 'worst advice you've ever received', so I wonder why many people think this.

    What are the reasons that made you change your personality/looks/body to achieve the desired effect, whatever that may be?

    And do you think that desired effect was worth the trade-off of staying true to yourself?

    Please add in the thread what 'yourself' was, what the desired effect was, and how you changed yourself to achieve the desired effect.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    To fit in with friends and to be acceptable to my family.

    I genuinely don't know who I really am anymore and I suspect most of us don't know either

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    You are who you are in the here and now lol. People change.
    (Original post by Eva.Gregoria)
    To fit in with friends and to be acceptable to my family.

    I genuinely don't know who I really am anymore and I suspect most of us don't know either

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by tehforum)
    I note that this is probably the most mentioned 'worst advice you've ever received', so I wonder why many people think this.

    What are the reasons that made you change your personality/looks/body to achieve the desired effect, whatever that may be?

    And do you think that desired effect was worth the trade-off of staying true to yourself?

    Please add in the thread what 'yourself' was, what the desired effect was, and how you changed yourself to achieve the desired effect.
    Because being "yourself" might not be the best thing.

    Ie if you are a lazy person feeding off social welfare on a couch. And you go to a dating website to ask how to pick up a girl.

    People would reply: "be yourself"

    [Then you sit at home and be yourself]
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    You are who you are in the here and now lol. People change.
    Not always. My behaviour is modified depending on who I'm with or who I'm talking to so unless I spend a few weeks in complete isolation, I'm not sure how I naturally behave.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Probably because 'just being yourself' actually displays a lot of weird things. You know, people generally say this in two areas IMO, when you are going on a date, or in a job interview. I suppose both of these places require you to be honest and forthright about what you do, how you are etc, which is where the line 'be yourself' comes from. However if like me you are a bit weird, this isn't the best advice. I would probably say something more like 'be the best version of yourself you can be' - although this isnt quite as catchy
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    For the average person, being yourself isn't good enough. It's not going to cut it at the highest level. So 'being yourself' is accepting mediocrity. Why not just try fundamentally changing yourself and improving yourself by using external influences? Surely better than juts accepting your lot and just settling for being useless and ****e.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Eva.Gregoria)
    To fit in with friends and to be acceptable to my family.

    I genuinely don't know who I really am anymore and I suspect most of us don't know either

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    See the edit, last line of the OP.
    (Original post by Wilsoncw1997)
    Because being "yourself" might not be the best thing.

    Ie if you are a lazy person feeding off social welfare on a couch. And you go to a dating website to ask how to pick up a girl.

    People would reply: "be yourself"

    [Then you sit at home and be yourself]
    Yeah, fair enough.

    (Original post by Phoebe Buffay)
    Probably because 'just being yourself' actually displays a lot of weird things. You know, people generally say this in two areas IMO, when you are going on a date, or in a job interview. I suppose both of these places require you to be honest and forthright about what you do, how you are etc, which is where the line 'be yourself' comes from. However if like me you are a bit weird, this isn't the best advice. I would probably say something more like 'be the best version of yourself you can be' - although this isnt quite as catchy
    I think the last line is what I need to be!
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    It was the best advice I was ever given. Took me a while to listen and apply it, but it changed my life.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by tehforum)
    See the edit, last line of the OP.
    I'd rather not disclose that.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ryan9900)
    It was the best advice I was ever given. Took me a while to listen and apply it, but it changed my life.
    How so?
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Being myself led to tons of awkward moments. Honestly, tons. 😔

    So, i'd rather put on the facade of a studious student than my awkward true self. But that's just my opinion, though.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by tehforum)
    How so?
    At school and college, I was surrounded by people who didn't share my interests. To me, they were just a bunch of people that I tried to fit in with to make life a bit easier. I soon realised this might be a sufficient plan for that current time, but I wouldn't be content in a few years time if I was trying to be someone I wasn't. So I started being myself. Now I have big plans, a bright future, and I'm happy.

    So, 'Just be yourself', on a personal level at least, is possibly the best advice you can give someone. it won't work for everyone, as it's not something you can do overnight. But the right person in the right mind frame will find it life changing.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    Because I am an introvert, who has no interest in anything besides studying,playing Call Of Duty and watching Supernatural.

    I don't like talking to people, I don't like smalltalk, I detest extroverts, I hate talking to people who I feel are not worth my time, I hate betas, I hate people who try and fit in, I hate gossips, I hate people who pretend to be something different, I hate lag. Basically I hate everything.

    No-one advised me to be myself, I just chose to be who I am and not like the following sheep who live in the shadows of others and peak at high school.

    That cover it?

    btw did you get that advice from my thread lmao.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by tehforum)
    I note that this is probably the most mentioned 'worst advice you've ever received', so I wonder why many people think this.

    What are the reasons that made you change your personality/looks/body to achieve the desired effect, whatever that may be?

    And do you think that desired effect was worth the trade-off of staying true to yourself?

    Please add in the thread what 'yourself' was, what the desired effect was, and how you changed yourself to achieve the desired effect.
    Well firstly, what if you're a ****? Its effectively saying "be a ****".

    secondly, its effectively meaningless. Who else are you going to be?

    thirdly, it ignores the fact that people can and do change that personalities all the time. If you don't like how you act, change it. Be who you want to be.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by fnatic NateDestiel)
    Because I am an introvert, who has no interest in anything besides studying,playing Call Of Duty and watching Supernatural.

    I don't like talking to people, I don't like smalltalk, I detest extroverts, I hate talking to people who I feel are not worth my time, I hate betas, I hate people who try and fit in, I hate gossips, I hate people who pretend to be something different, I hate lag. Basically I hate everything.

    No-one advised me to be myself, I just choose to be who I am and not like the following sheep who live in the shadows of others and peak at high school.

    That cover it?

    btw did you get that advice from my thread lmao.
    oh man I had forgotten how much it sucked to be a teenager until I read this post, now you've reminded me.

    Don't worry, life gets better. Try and lose the superiority complex though, it won't help.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Back when I was younger, "be yourself" was one of the worst advices that anyone could have ever given me. Partly because at that moment in time, I had no actual idea who I was. I wanted to fit in, but I wanted not to be a sheep and be an individual at the same time.

    Therefore, I would say that that advice is never helpful if you don't know who you are, and even if you do know who you are, being yourself isn't always a good thing.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Because you need to fit in and not be different.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    oh man I had forgotten how much it sucked to be a teenager until I read this post, now you've reminded me.

    Don't worry, life gets better. Try and lose the superiority complex though, it won't help.
    Does it get better though? See I think that unless I am surrounded by peers who have big ambitions and good current ability, that networking with people who I feel are unworthy of my attention is pointless. I feel that there is no need to mingle with the people around me apart from 2 of them, since they won't get me anywhere, and they're not worth wasting time over..

    I am not looking for an argument, or witless remarks that are aimed at myself, I am just expressing my opinion.

    How do you lose it though, I suspect you have been in a similar position - see I'm not arrogant, I'm just down to earth and realistic and know what I want.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by tehforum)
    I note that this is probably the most mentioned 'worst advice you've ever received', so I wonder why many people think this.

    What are the reasons that made you change your personality/looks/body to achieve the desired effect, whatever that may be?

    And do you think that desired effect was worth the trade-off of staying true to yourself?

    Please add in the thread what 'yourself' was, what the desired effect was, and how you changed yourself to achieve the desired effect.
    because being your self just means not worrying about what others think about you.

    nobody really knows who they are. knowing who you are is some abstract stupid idea and you'll drive your self crazy trying to figure out what the "real you" is.

    people who are unbridled and dont edit their own personal expression often end up getting a harsh reality check. either they experience bullying and abuse in some way shape or form or they can lose chances such as job opportunities or miss out on potentially romantic encounters with the opposite sex.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 24, 2014
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What newspaper do you read/prefer?
    Useful resources
    AtCTs

    Ask the Community Team

    Got a question about the site content or our moderation? Ask here.

    Welcome Lounge

    Welcome Lounge

    We're a friendly bunch. Post here if you're new to TSR.

    Groups associated with this forum:

    View associated groups
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.