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Ex related problem
OK. I'll try to cut a looong story short.
I was with my ex for 3 years. My first proper relationship. We broke up...ooh must be coming up to 2 years ago now due to wanting different things in life and our relationship had lost its spark. We were at different universities and it was difficult to see each other to rectify any problems.
I'm currently seeing someone else and I really do love him. We've been together for just over a year.
My problem is this: Since I've been at home for the summer holidays (same area as where my ex is, but not close enough to bump into him in the street) and since I've been home, I keep having dreams about my ex and I keep wanting to know what's going on in his life, specifically in the girlfriend department. Now I thought I'd gotten over him a LONG time ago but since I've been home, I feel like my feelings are going into overdrive. I don't know if it's just because I'm home, or because my current boyfriend is away for a month or what, but I've just had these urges to find out what's going on with my ex.
We've kept in contact fairly regularly. Probably speak to each other once every month or so on msn. Have spoken to him a couple of times since I've been home. I know he doesn't have a girlfriend now cause he told me, but I do know that he's had some sexual relations since we broke up (none of which were anything serious). I know the latter because I know a forum he posts on and I use that sometimes and when I do, I get the urge to look up his threads to see what he's written....little bunny boilerish
I pretty much broke up with him, although by the end of our long talk, we were thinking the same things - that it wouldn't work out. I still don't want him to move on though!! It makes me feel sick to think about him with other girls. I feel like he's mine still and I haven't even seen him in like a year and a half. (We met up for drinks once since we split up and everything was totally cool. Relaxed, like we were friends again.) I know it sounds ridiculous and of course he has moved on, but the thought of him hooking up with other people makes me feel really sad and strange. I want to ask him if he's totally over me even though I don't want to hear the answer is yes. I guess I just want him to be thinking about me even though I have a new boyfriend, which is so totally selfish and stupid.
And yeah, what about my current boyfriend? We are really in love, and are planning to marry in the future. I've only vaguely felt like needing to check up on my ex before, but this has since got stronger since I've been at home. Maybe it's because there are a few cracks in my current relationship like he is religious and I'm not - he's even started talking about stopping having sex until we are married. We're from different countries and although this hasn't really been an issue for me, it has been slightly for him. Maybe because of these things, I've been thinking more about what I found good about my last relationship - things like we came from the same area and there were no communication problems. Except that for a girl, i'm not too hot at talking about feelinds but he never pushed me. That is another thing about my current bf - he always pushes me to talk. It's probably good for me but sometimes does hurt that he won't let me take it at my own pace.
My question...Do you think that you never really get over your first love? Will they always present a niggling feeling inside? Or is it something that disappears over time? (bearing in mind that it has been 2 years since we split, and about 1.5 years since we've seen each other).
Sorry for the long post.......
I was with my ex for 3 years. My first proper relationship. We broke up...ooh must be coming up to 2 years ago now due to wanting different things in life and our relationship had lost its spark. We were at different universities and it was difficult to see each other to rectify any problems.
I'm currently seeing someone else and I really do love him. We've been together for just over a year.
My problem is this: Since I've been at home for the summer holidays (same area as where my ex is, but not close enough to bump into him in the street) and since I've been home, I keep having dreams about my ex and I keep wanting to know what's going on in his life, specifically in the girlfriend department. Now I thought I'd gotten over him a LONG time ago but since I've been home, I feel like my feelings are going into overdrive. I don't know if it's just because I'm home, or because my current boyfriend is away for a month or what, but I've just had these urges to find out what's going on with my ex.
We've kept in contact fairly regularly. Probably speak to each other once every month or so on msn. Have spoken to him a couple of times since I've been home. I know he doesn't have a girlfriend now cause he told me, but I do know that he's had some sexual relations since we broke up (none of which were anything serious). I know the latter because I know a forum he posts on and I use that sometimes and when I do, I get the urge to look up his threads to see what he's written....little bunny boilerish
I pretty much broke up with him, although by the end of our long talk, we were thinking the same things - that it wouldn't work out. I still don't want him to move on though!! It makes me feel sick to think about him with other girls. I feel like he's mine still and I haven't even seen him in like a year and a half. (We met up for drinks once since we split up and everything was totally cool. Relaxed, like we were friends again.) I know it sounds ridiculous and of course he has moved on, but the thought of him hooking up with other people makes me feel really sad and strange. I want to ask him if he's totally over me even though I don't want to hear the answer is yes. I guess I just want him to be thinking about me even though I have a new boyfriend, which is so totally selfish and stupid.
And yeah, what about my current boyfriend? We are really in love, and are planning to marry in the future. I've only vaguely felt like needing to check up on my ex before, but this has since got stronger since I've been at home. Maybe it's because there are a few cracks in my current relationship like he is religious and I'm not - he's even started talking about stopping having sex until we are married. We're from different countries and although this hasn't really been an issue for me, it has been slightly for him. Maybe because of these things, I've been thinking more about what I found good about my last relationship - things like we came from the same area and there were no communication problems. Except that for a girl, i'm not too hot at talking about feelinds but he never pushed me. That is another thing about my current bf - he always pushes me to talk. It's probably good for me but sometimes does hurt that he won't let me take it at my own pace.
My question...Do you think that you never really get over your first love? Will they always present a niggling feeling inside? Or is it something that disappears over time? (bearing in mind that it has been 2 years since we split, and about 1.5 years since we've seen each other).
Sorry for the long post.......
That question has been posed so many times. Yes you do get over your first love.
I don't know why people just assume the first love to be the most powerful. I've had exes since my first love that were much harder to get over.
The questions you're asking all point to the fact that you're not over him entirely. Based on that, and you, and I quote, "[feeling] sick to think about him with other girls", thrown in with the fact you devote a paragraph to cracks in your current relationship, I have no idea why you are intending to marry your current boyfriend. *and breathe*.
I don't know why people just assume the first love to be the most powerful. I've had exes since my first love that were much harder to get over.
The questions you're asking all point to the fact that you're not over him entirely. Based on that, and you, and I quote, "[feeling] sick to think about him with other girls", thrown in with the fact you devote a paragraph to cracks in your current relationship, I have no idea why you are intending to marry your current boyfriend. *and breathe*.
the reason why a lot of people never get over their first love is that usually (since its their first relationship, and they have no experience at all) they became totally clingy and dependant on their partner.
its the obsession that takes so long to forget...
its the obsession that takes so long to forget...
*Replace, don't try to forget.
Fleece
That question has been posed so many times. Yes you do get over your first love.
I don't know why people just assume the first love to be the most powerful. I've had exes since my first love that were much harder to get over.
The questions you're asking all point to the fact that you're not over him entirely. Based on that, and you, and I quote, "[feeling] sick to think about him with other girls", thrown in with the fact you devote a paragraph to cracks in your current relationship, I have no idea why you are intending to marry your current boyfriend. *and breathe*.
I don't know why people just assume the first love to be the most powerful. I've had exes since my first love that were much harder to get over.
The questions you're asking all point to the fact that you're not over him entirely. Based on that, and you, and I quote, "[feeling] sick to think about him with other girls", thrown in with the fact you devote a paragraph to cracks in your current relationship, I have no idea why you are intending to marry your current boyfriend. *and breathe*.
I didn't say that your first love is the most powerful for everyone. This is just my experience.
As I said, these are just cracks. Cracks can be fixed. The fact that my boyfriend wants to stop having sex until we get married is not really a huge deal to me, but I don't see why we should really since we have already had sex and have been for a long time. The problem with being from different countries, again, is not really my problem, more his - it's really down to his friends putting ideas into his head though. And we're slowly getting through my problem of not being open enough to talk to him about all of my personal problems.
I'm indending to marry my current boyfriend because apart from the things mentioned, we have a really great relationship. This is the best relationship I have ever had. We get on great, we love each other, our sex life is (was!) great and we just click in general. We both have similar ideas about most things, willing to make sacrifices for one another and are willing to stick around even though we will have a long distance relationship for a while longer.
the reason why a lot of people never get over their first love is that usually (since its their first relationship, and they have no experience at all) they became totally clingy and dependant on their partner.
its the obsession that takes so long to forget...
I don't think this is the case for me since I was never a clingy girlfriend. In fact, it was him that was more clingy. We weren't dependent on each other and spent lots of time with friends independently. Thanks for your post though. I guess I just want to feel like I'm still a part of his life when I'm not really anymore. I want to include him in my life as friend but I know my current boyfriend feels threatened because we were together for so long.
janesmith
i like that last answer
and the idea of being with them is hard to forget
so no its not love
its lust
especially cos ur bf isnt here right now to distract u
too much time on our hands
and the idea of being with them is hard to forget
so no its not love
its lust
especially cos ur bf isnt here right now to distract u
too much time on our hands
You're probably right. I just have too much time to think about and mull over things! I mean when we broke up, I had been thinking about it for a while because of various occurances (things such as he kissed another girl on a night out and also I found out that he met this girl who he thought was perfect when we were on a break - yeah, how very friends, right?) and by the end, I felt like we were more friends than anything. I felt uncomfortable around him and especially when he touched me! I guess I've only been thinking of the good things like how he helped me through a really bad patch of my life.
Thanks for your reply
Anonymous
the reason why a lot of people never get over their first love is that usually (since its their first relationship, and they have no experience at all) they became totally clingy and dependant on their partner.
its the obsession that takes so long to forget...
its the obsession that takes so long to forget...
Generally, everything present is better than it was past. This year's love won't be as great or 'true' as next year's. It's just the way it is/people think. You forget one love when you have another, and you build that up to be some great thing.
So yes, you will get over your 'first love' when you find a second, third, fourth, fifth etc.
You only miss your ex because you're alone right now and have nobody to 'love'.
I think that your first love WILL always be really special to you and that you'll always feel something for them inside. Seeing any of my exes with other people, having loved them (even if i dont anymore) can be hard, just because it's hard to see someone else enjoying what you once did. It doesnt mean you're still in love with your ex, all that you're feeling are old emotions resurfacing. Focus on your current boyfriend because these are your present feelings. You'll always love your ex, but it's simplay a thing of the past xxx
so_this_is_sam
I think that your first love WILL always be really special to you and that you'll always feel something for them inside. Seeing any of my exes with other people, having loved them (even if i dont anymore) can be hard, just because it's hard to see someone else enjoying what you once did. It doesnt mean you're still in love with your ex, all that you're feeling are old emotions resurfacing. Focus on your current boyfriend because these are your present feelings. You'll always love your ex, but it's simplay a thing of the past xxx
aka Jealousy
so_this_is_sam
I think that your first love WILL always be really special to you and that you'll always feel something for them inside. Seeing any of my exes with other people, having loved them (even if i dont anymore) can be hard, just because it's hard to see someone else enjoying what you once did. It doesnt mean you're still in love with your ex, all that you're feeling are old emotions resurfacing. Focus on your current boyfriend because these are your present feelings. You'll always love your ex, but it's simplay a thing of the past xxx
Thanks for that!!
I suppose it's because I feel like someone has taken my place and that's never a great feeling.Related discussions
- RAF reserve and regular roles
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- Friendships with ex-teachers
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- Complaint against an ex-lecturer
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- What does this mean???
- This girl still wants to b friends when i know she talks **** about me
- Relationship
- Blocked then unblocked
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- weird bf
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