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Everything is going wrong and I am so scared Watch

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    I'm 19, and I have been with my boyfriend for three years.
    We always use protection but something must have happened as I have just found out I am pregnant.
    There is no way I can keep it, I'm going into my second year of university and I cannot even afford to buy food for myself half the time- let alone care for a child. I'm really scared about having an abortion, I am definitely having one and I know it is the right thing for me personally, but I am still very scared.

    My boyfriend also wants me to have an abortion. However I thought he would be around more to support me and be there for me. He is barely speaking to me and refuses to even look me in the eye. He won't tell me that he loves me, and he has gone very distant and cold. However this has been slowly happening over the last few weeks, but has just recently got worse.

    I don't know what I can do. I feel completely alone and afraid. There is no one else I can turn to as I do not want to tell friends or family. My boyfriend does not understand how upset or afraid I am, and he is refusing to even message me now.

    I don't know what I'm meant to do, everything is falling apart and I'm scared.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 19, and I have been with my boyfriend for three years.
    We always use protection but something must have happened as I have just found out I am pregnant.
    There is no way I can keep it, I'm going into my second year of university and I cannot even afford to buy food for myself half the time- let alone care for a child. I'm really scared about having an abortion, I am definitely having one and I know it is the right thing for me personally, but I am still very scared.

    My boyfriend also wants me to have an abortion. However I thought he would be around more to support me and be there for me. He is barely speaking to me and refuses to even look me in the eye. He won't tell me that he loves me, and he has gone very distant and cold. However this has been slowly happening over the last few weeks, but has just recently got worse.

    I don't know what I can do. I feel completely alone and afraid. There is no one else I can turn to as I do not want to tell friends or family. My boyfriend does not understand how upset or afraid I am, and he is refusing to even message me now.

    I don't know what I'm meant to do, everything is falling apart and I'm scared.
    If you've only just found out that you're pregnant, the pregnancy is likely in very early stages, and the abortion would be a simple procedure, it shouldn't be anything to be afraid of in itself, though I know psychologically it must be scary. Best thing is to speak to a doctor as soon as possible.

    It sounds like he blames you for the pregnancy, but also that the relationship was ending anyway, sadly it sounds like you are going to break up. Is there not even one friend you could tell? Good luck.
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    If you've only just found out that you're pregnant, the pregnancy is likely in very early stages, and the abortion would be a simple procedure, it shouldn't be anything to be afraid of in itself, though I know psychologically it must be scary. Best thing is to speak to a doctor as soon as possible.

    It sounds like he blames you for the pregnancy, but also that the relationship was ending anyway, sadly it sounds like you are going to break up. Is there not even one friend you could tell? Good luck.
    I went to the clinic and apparently I am only 6 weeks, by the time I have the abortion I will only be between 9-10 weeks so yes it should be one of the simple procedures. I'm terrified at the though of him not being there with me, he promised if anything like this happened he would stand by me 100%, but now it's come down to it he won't even talk to me.

    I really hope it's not the end of the relationship, however all signs seem to be pointing that way. I hate myself for getting into this situation, I just don't understand why he could blame me when we are both equally to blame. I have no idea how to get across to him how alone, scared, hurt and upset I am.

    I don't want to tell anyone from my group of friends, we're a close bunch so I'm afraid if I tell one the others may find out. I can't risk my family finding out.
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    After your abortion, get rid of your boyfriend.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I went to the clinic and apparently I am only 6 weeks, by the time I have the abortion I will only be between 9-10 weeks so yes it should be one of the simple procedures. I'm terrified at the though of him not being there with me, he promised if anything like this happened he would stand by me 100%, but now it's come down to it he won't even talk to me.

    I really hope it's not the end of the relationship, however all signs seem to be pointing that way. I hate myself for getting into this situation, I just don't understand why he could blame me when we are both equally to blame. I have no idea how to get across to him how alone, scared, hurt and upset I am.

    I don't want to tell anyone from my group of friends, we're a close bunch so I'm afraid if I tell one the others may find out. I can't risk my family finding out.
    Yeah that sucks. Even if he's being a complete **** about the whole thing, I'm surprised he doesn't want to go just to make sure it gets done to be honest.

    Really? I know you're in a vulnerable situation, but you really want a boyfriend who ignores you at times like this?

    That's sad, I know people like to gossip but I'd like to think that with something this big, they could keep it secret.
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    Yeah that sucks. Even if he's being a complete **** about the whole thing, I'm surprised he doesn't want to go just to make sure it gets done to be honest.

    Really? I know you're in a vulnerable situation, but you really want a boyfriend who ignores you at times like this?

    That's sad, I know people like to gossip but I'd like to think that with something this big, they could keep it secret.
    I would have thought he would want to make sure too. Even until then, I'm obviously getting all of the sucky first trimester symptoms and I feel awful- and it would just be nice for him to be around to comfort me. He's even gone to the point where he's changed the settings on his phone so I can no longer see if he's read a message or not.

    I know it seems ridiculous that I want to stay with him, maybe I'll feel different once I've had it done- but at the moment that's what I want and I have no idea what I'm meant to do to express that to him when he won't even text me, let alone meet up. All he does is stay out with his friends until early hours of the morning, whilst I'm stuck at home crying and feeling awful and worried about everything.

    I just want this thing out of me.

    (Original post by moonriver96)
    After your abortion, get rid of your boyfriend.
    Is there not anything I can do or say to make him either change or realise he's being a bit of a meanie?
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    Sorry to hear this. I think you need some support too, if it can't be friends or family try student counciling services. In my experience they are really in tune with young people's issues and can help.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I would have thought he would want to make sure too. Even until then, I'm obviously getting all of the sucky first trimester symptoms and I feel awful- and it would just be nice for him to be around to comfort me. He's even gone to the point where he's changed the settings on his phone so I can no longer see if he's read a message or not.

    I know it seems ridiculous that I want to stay with him, maybe I'll feel different once I've had it done- but at the moment that's what I want and I have no idea what I'm meant to do to express that to him when he won't even text me, let alone meet up. All he does is stay out with his friends until early hours of the morning, whilst I'm stuck at home crying and feeling awful and worried about everything.

    I just want this thing out of me.



    Is there not anything I can do or say to make him either change or realise he's being a bit of a meanie?
    he shouldn't have treated you like that- he should have been more caring. this showed his true colours.. he's not worth it
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      (Original post by Anonymous)
      I would have thought he would want to make sure too. Even until then, I'm obviously getting all of the sucky first trimester symptoms and I feel awful- and it would just be nice for him to be around to comfort me. He's even gone to the point where he's changed the settings on his phone so I can no longer see if he's read a message or not.

      I know it seems ridiculous that I want to stay with him, maybe I'll feel different once I've had it done- but at the moment that's what I want and I have no idea what I'm meant to do to express that to him when he won't even text me, let alone meet up. All he does is stay out with his friends until early hours of the morning, whilst I'm stuck at home crying and feeling awful and worried about everything.

      I just want this thing out of me.



      Is there not anything I can do or say to make him either change or realise he's being a bit of a meanie?
      You're calling your innocent baby a 'thing' whilst worrying about your bf, who probably doesn't even care about you..what has this world come to


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      (Original post by Zarek)
      Sorry to hear this. I think you need some support too, if it can't be friends or family try student counciling services. In my experience they are really in tune with young people's issues and can help.
      This is a very good idea, it sounds like you really need to talk to someone - it definitely helps in these kind of situations even just to let it out aloud.

      You can also have a free 25 minute session with a trained relationship counsellor online:
      http://www.relate.org.uk/relationshi...eone/live-chat
      They might have some good advice.

      I can only imagine what it must be like having your boyfriend treat you this way. He is being insanely inconsiderate and insensitive. In my opinion, I think the only thing you can do is try your best to concentrate on other sources of comfort/distraction. It hurts and it's hard, but in the long run it is much less painful - you have to say 'okay, he is NOT there for me and isn't going to be' and then imagine he's gone in your mind, stop desperately wanting what you can't have and look around at what else you can do, concentrate on whatever it is you do in your own life without him.

      It was a very different much less serious situation and thankfully for me our relationship was actually very strong and there were only temporary reasons that were easily resolved once he stopped hiding but: When I was going through a traumatic emotional time and my boyfriend was being cruel to me and then disappeared, I was falling apart and struggled to do anything I needed to. For three days I desperately tried to make him just talk to me and he purposefully wasn't when he could have (I have a low tolerance for abandonment when I'm in a bad place - I'm not unreasonable/clingy normally, if he wasn't cruel to me first and was honest I really wouldn't mind if he was just busy or whatever for days on end, but he was neglectful in a horrible way while I was sad). Then I just said 'okay, if you won't then we're going on a break - I can't deal with this right now!' He never actually saw the message in the end before he returned and we resolved everything - he apologised, I forgave him, but that wasn't the point. There was a psychological/emotional shift in me when I sent it and decided in my mind that we were not together (although I didn't think/feel I was single or want anyone else either mind, just that he wasn't with me for the time being). I was literally able to get up and do all the things I needed to straight afterwards, with a heavy heart, but it was easier than when I was chasing something I couldn't get.

      I'm not suggesting you leave him, but think of him as gone for now to concentrate on yourself - because he is, he's not with you emotionally. Whether he comes back or not once he deals with whatever messed up process he's going through, you need to be able to continue living right now and depending on him is dragging you down

      I don't know if this advice would be right for you/everyone, and it is very difficult but... There is nothing you can do to force him.
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      Why are you having unsafe sex in the 1st place then? Lol. This is what you get babes.
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      (Original post by Anonymous)
      I would have thought he would want to make sure too. Even until then, I'm obviously getting all of the sucky first trimester symptoms and I feel awful- and it would just be nice for him to be around to comfort me. He's even gone to the point where he's changed the settings on his phone so I can no longer see if he's read a message or not.

      I know it seems ridiculous that I want to stay with him, maybe I'll feel different once I've had it done- but at the moment that's what I want and I have no idea what I'm meant to do to express that to him when he won't even text me, let alone meet up. All he does is stay out with his friends until early hours of the morning, whilst I'm stuck at home crying and feeling awful and worried about everything.

      I just want this thing out of me.




      Is there not anything I can do or say to make him either change or realise he's being a bit of a meanie?
      This thing is a life when you abort this thing you end it's life its not an object.

      I don't understand in this day and age how girls like you don't use protection if you do not want a baby.
      If a guy tells you he does not want to use a condom do not have sex with him.

      I am not even sure why you think you need to tell him here, feminists fought for your right to abort as feminists say its your body and you do with it what you want since it's now also the law.

      I think this society is sick young girls getting pregnant and aborting babies I think I heard in the news before that 13/14 yr old girls even have abortions some on their 4th.

      Well this sort of thing will continue to happen due to the moral break down of the family unit and society.

      I am not going to tell you what to do it's your body your life and you have already made the choice. I would not get myself in this position the in the first place.

      I think someone stated it takes two to create a life, well we all know this and women all know from looking at other women's mistakes and that many men don't stick around. Either because they have not planned to have a baby with you and be a father, probably young and not ready and immature like your boyfriend and think its too early or perhaps the women is trying to trap them in a relationship sometimes with a non existent pregnancy.

      There will be the same old posters who say the boy/men should take responsibility it takes two.

      As I stated before this is an old and tiring message we know it takes two, however, ultimately as a female you better be sure you are prepared if worst comes to worse to be a single mother cause it's a possibility.

      If you do not want this happening do not have unprotected sex or abstain and I know very well a lot of single mothers become single mothers intentionally so I am not going to listen to these attacks on men as a whole.

      On this thread specifically it's really a non issue though, because you have already stated you are going to abort you do not need him there to comfort you while you go and have an abortion in fact if he wanted you to have the child which he does not in this case by law he would have no right to make you have his child, so why must he be there with you?.

      Unless its some case of making yourself feel better and less guilty about your decision.
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      Hi

      Iv been in same situation as you except my family turned their back on me. Boyfriends parents were not willing to take me in boyfriend wanted baby but in the end I just knew I wouldn't be able to provide a good life
      For the baby. So I went through abortion. Yes you do have guilty thoughts from time to time but if you know you can't provide a child with a good life why bring it in this world to suffer?

      That was jan 2013. The worst new year of my life having to leave home with nowhere to go...

      Yes im still with my bf but if your bf wants to act immature and won't support you he's not ready to commit to you long term anyway so maybe after abortion ..go separate ways and stay single for a while focus on yourself
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      Btw no partnership is perfect but if your bf was really committed to you then he would be supporting you ...

      But as someone already said...you've made your mind up. I would strongly advise you to consider all your options and if you think abortion is the best option then have it done.

      Call samaritan btw if you need to talk to someone...
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      (Original post by Mancini)
      Well this sort of thing will continue to happen due to the moral break down of the family unit and society.
      Yawn- http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-23267842

      Read facts, not alarmist right wing propaganda.
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      Tbh, I think you should just be happy you have someone in your life..it's always nice and some people never experience that. Just be happy with what you have. It's sad that you are getting an abortion. You have more than other girls so you can't expect any pity. It is your fault I mean, you can prevent these things. I feel sad for the baby..
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      Right, first off, I think that some people on here are being a bit harsh in my opinion, as it seems like you truly are scared and some of the things you wrote just came out in the wrong way. It's true, I don't understand if you were using protection then how did you get pregnant without knowing until recently but anyway... I'm sorry to hear that despite your boyfriend wanting you to have an abortion too he is not being there to comfort you as yes, abortion can be very hard and if you know you won't provide a good life for your baby then so be it, that is your decision to make and not for others to judge.

      I think that if you aren't willing to talk to family and friends then get your GP to refer you to a group, telephone line, anything, just someone you can talk to. Sometimes, talking to a stranger is easier than a family member. At the end of the day, abortion can really strike you emotionally and if you have no one to support you then it could leave you emotionally scarred, unless, you think you can handle it yourself, which there are some women who can.

      Quite frankly, when girls so young(and younger) get pregnant, it disgusts me when they keep their baby and it is obvious that they can not provide the necessary emotional and financial support to have a child and rely on the parents(some families may be fine with this), benefits, etc, rather than give the child up for adoption to a family who may not be able to have children themselves but that is my opinion, at least you acknowledge you aren't in the position to care for a baby and so is doing something about it, which others may or may not agree with.
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      (Original post by arfah)
      You're calling your innocent baby a 'thing' whilst worrying about your bf, who probably doesn't even care about you..what has this world come to


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      It's not a baby, it's an embryo. It will only become a foetus at 10 weeks old. I know that may sound harsh to some of the people on here. To me personally at this point in my life, my relationship is more important to me than an embryo. If I gave birth to it, I would not want it and I would not be able to provide a stable, happy upbringing for it. I am not ready for a child at all. I am terrified and never thought I would have to do this, but this is my choice and my choice is my right.



      (Original post by Ribbits)
      x
      Thank you for your advice! I've got in touch with a teenage pregnancy support agency- and they are providing lots of support for me, including someone to come with me when I go through with it- so I won't have to be alone and there will be someone to help me if I don't understand anything! Your advice really helped me look into that so thank you And thank you for not judging me, that means a lot.

      (Original post by NormalGuy)
      x
      I didn't have unsafe sex. We always use condoms and I would never have sex without a condom. There must have been a hole or something wrong with the condom, because obviously it didn't work.

      (Original post by Mancini)
      x
      I completely understand that you are allowed to have your own views, however I disagree with most things that you have said. I'm not completely sure you have read my first post, as most of what you say at the beginning contradicts what I said.
      "Girls like me" do use protection. As I said in the OP and previously, I did use a condom. I always use condoms. I have no idea how this has happened. In regards to telling my boyfriend, he already knows as he was there when I took the test.
      Yes it is sad that 13/14 year olds are on their first abortion. However, this is my first sexual relationship and I am 19. I always use protection- it is not like I am using an abortion as contraception- I never thought I would have to go through this.
      It is very easy to say you wouldn't get yourself into this situation, I used to always say it. All it needs to take is a pin prick hole that you don't notice. If I had known I would never have done it. I didn't choose this.
      I do not need to be prepared for my boyfriend to run away from fatherhood or for me to be a single mother, as I have chosen to have an abortion. I am not keeping the embryo.
      Him being with me when I have the abortion is nothing to do with making myself feel less guilty. I do not feel guilty at my decision to have an abortion, I don't believe I should feel guilty. The reason I would like him to be there is for support, as I have heard that it is uncomfortable, embarrassing and sometimes painful.

      Once again, you are entitled to your own opinions but as you said yourself, it is my body and I have made the right choice for me.


      (Original post by KianaBRye)
      x
      I honestly can't believe someone would think this. I do not want pity off other girls. It's coming across as being jealous about having a boyfriend? If that is the case, then it really is easy to find one- join a club or society and meet people with similar interests!
      I am not going to be happy when I feel my boyfriend is neglecting me and I am terrified at the prospect of my upcoming abortion. If you want to swap and be in this scenario, then please, be my guest. It's not as easy as it seems. I wake up in the morning feeling ill, I go through the day feeling terrible and alone. I can't stand myself at the moment. I am not going to "be happy with what I have."
      I want to make a life for myself, complete my degree, get a decent paid job, buy my own property and put some savings aside before I even think of having a family.
      I did use a condom. I did try to prevent it. I did not know the condom would be faulty.
      IT IS NOT A BABY.

      (Original post by Wonderer1)
      x
      I agree that some of the things I said may have came out sounding wrong, but it's really difficult to think properly when my mind is all over the place and I'm terrified.
      I have no idea what happened to the condom, maybe it was faulty, maybe there was a pin prick, maybe it was put on wrong- I have no idea, but all I know is we had no idea that it had happened- therefore that's the reason we only just found out. I took a test because I was late and we were beginning to get a bit worried- we never thought that I actually would be though.

      I've got in touch with a teenage helpline and they are providing a lot of support and information for me, which I'm really finding useful!
     
     
     
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