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Accidental pregnancy, having an abortion. Any advice? watch

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    Before I start I'd like to make it clear I know every one has different views on abortions- some people are very pro life and I do respect that. However, having an abortion is right for me at this point in my life and there is no way I would be able to bring up the child when I can barely bring up myself.
    I hope that I won't get any abuse for my decision.

    I always use protection with my boyfriend of 3 years, however I guess something must have happened without us knowing because we recently discovered I am pregnant. I am 19 and going into my second year of university so I believe there is no way I could bring a child into this world- not only would it not be fair on me, but it would not be fair on the child as it would not be wanted and I can barely afford to feed myself let alone care for a baby.

    I have chosen to have an abortion. I am currently approximately six weeks pregnant, however by the time I have my abortion I will be around 7/8/9 weeks. I am extremely scared about having an abortion, and I feel completely alone as I cannot turn to friends or family- and my boyfriend is keeping his distance ever since he found out.

    Has anyone else experienced having an abortion? How did it affect you? Did it hurt?

    Also I am getting all the sucky first trimester symptoms and need to hide them from friends and family- does anyone have any tips about how I may do this? Even if its a particular vitamin or drink or food, or an eating pattern, that I can use?

    I am quite literally terrified. I never meant for this to happen and I was using protection. I just need advice and consolation, as I have never felt so alone or scared in my entire life.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Before I start I'd like to make it clear I know every one has different views on abortions- some people are very pro life and I do respect that. However, having an abortion is right for me at this point in my life and there is no way I would be able to bring up the child when I can barely bring up myself.
    I hope that I won't get any abuse for my decision.

    I always use protection with my boyfriend of 3 years, however I guess something must have happened without us knowing because we recently discovered I am pregnant. I am 19 and going into my second year of university so I believe there is no way I could bring a child into this world- not only would it not be fair on me, but it would not be fair on the child as it would not be wanted and I can barely afford to feed myself let alone care for a baby.

    I have chosen to have an abortion. I am currently approximately six weeks pregnant, however by the time I have my abortion I will be around 7/8/9 weeks. I am extremely scared about having an abortion, and I feel completely alone as I cannot turn to friends or family- and my boyfriend is keeping his distance ever since he found out.

    Has anyone else experienced having an abortion? How did it affect you? Did it hurt?

    Also I am getting all the sucky first trimester symptoms and need to hide them from friends and family- does anyone have any tips about how I may do this? Even if its a particular vitamin or drink or food, or an eating pattern, that I can use?

    I am quite literally terrified. I never meant for this to happen and I was using protection. I just need advice and consolation, as I have never felt so alone or scared in my entire life.
    Why can't you turn to your friends for help?

    Good luck.
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    (Original post by tehforum)
    Why can't you turn to your friends for help?

    Good luck.
    As sad and pathetic as it sounds, I don't have a friend close enough to do that with. I have a large group of friends who I am not extremely close to- and I know from experience if I told one of them the rest of the group would find out within the hour.

    It's just not something I want lots of people knowing about me, I feel really ashamed of myself and I feel terrible inside- but I know I have to do it. I don't want to be viewed as just "another one of those girls". I have a really good reputation and I don't want it to get ruined by a stupid mistake

    Thank you!
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    Hi lovely,
    Firstly…this is not a good place to turn for advice. Most people here are young and inexperienced. There is a ton of resources on the internet and there are helplines and groups that you can go to. Maybe ask about counselling, I know they do that in certain places around where I live so I'm sure its the same for you.
    It's a massive massive choice, one I'm sure will change your life so I hope you've given it the thought it needs.
    I wish you all the best in everything you do. xxx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    As sad and pathetic as it sounds, I don't have a friend close enough to do that with. I have a large group of friends who I am not extremely close to- and I know from experience if I told one of them the rest of the group would find out within the hour.

    It's just not something I want lots of people knowing about me, I feel really ashamed of myself and I feel terrible inside- but I know I have to do it. I don't want to be viewed as just "another one of those girls". I have a really good reputation and I don't want it to get ruined by a stupid mistake

    Thank you!
    And a member of your family?

    They'll be understanding and supportive seeing as you took the necessary precautions.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel completely alone as I cannot turn to friends or family- and my boyfriend is keeping his distance ever since he found out.
    That's concerning, maybe you'll want to think about your relationship with him after this is over. I'd directly ask him why he's not being as supportive as you want him to be right now. He could feel quite similarly for all your know, quite scared about it all and probably feels responsible for the whole thing.

    Why can't you talk to family/friends?
    Edit: okay you already answered that like 5 times
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    (Original post by ldsbabe)
    Hi lovely,
    Firstly…this is not a good place to turn for advice. Most people here are young and inexperienced. There is a ton of resources on the internet and there are helplines and groups that you can go to. Maybe ask about counselling, I know they do that in certain places around where I live so I'm sure its the same for you.
    It's a massive massive choice, one I'm sure will change your life so I hope you've given it the thought it needs.
    I wish you all the best in everything you do. xxx
    Hi! Thank you, I'll have a look online now for some other places! And I'll check out the counselling services and see what they offer. I'm trying my best not to think about it rather than give it thought, I know this is the wrong thing to do, but I'm honestly terrified.
    Thank you for being so kind and helpful xxx

    (Original post by tehforum)
    And a member of your family?

    They'll be understanding and supportive seeing as you took the necessary precautions.
    They would be so ashamed with me though and I can't bare the thought of the look on their face when I tell them. They have serious money issues at the moment and several family members are suffering from terminal illness. I don't want to be selfish and put more pressure on them all.

    (Original post by xDave-)
    That's concerning, maybe you'll want to think about your relationship with him after this is over. I'd directly ask him why he's not being as supportive as you want him to be right now. He could feel quite similarly for all your know, quite scared about it all and probably feels responsible for the whole thing.

    Why can't you talk to family/friends?
    I have tried asking him but he is literally refusing to even text me, let alone meet up with me. I hope that it is just because he is scared, because then we can both talk about it together and reassure each other. I tried explaining I know it's not his fault, we're equally to blame and neither of us meant it to happen.

    My friends would tell each other and other people, and I wouldn't want to shame my family.
    I'm not so worried about going there alone, it's more facing the aftermath and the build up before it.
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    I had a medical abortion (the one were you take the pills) at 7 weeks 2 years ago when I fell pregnant to my current partner even though I was on microgynon. If you have any questions or just want to talk about, feel free to mail me or if you want to remain anon, just quote me on here and I'll answer as best as I can

    I'll try and answer some things you have brought up in your first post.

    Did it hurt? For me, no it honestly didn't. I had a little bit of cramping but it was less painful than a normal period. Other girls needed strong painkillers but most got through it either without or just paracetamol/ibuprofen.

    How did it affect me? I was so depressed when I found out I was pregnant. I never want kids and I've asked about getting sterilised but doctors said they wont touch me until I'm 30 at least. I was on the pill and took it like clockwork but a month or so before I found out I was pregnant, I had pneumonia and I don't know if it was because I was run down or all the other pills I was taking along with microgynon that made it fail, but it did. I was a week or so late and just put it down to recovering but I done a test to shut my bf up as he noticed little changes in me. We had been together for 3 yrs at that point and are still together now. We both wanted the abortion and said from day one we didn't want kids so it had no negative effect on us or the relationship. If an abortion is what you truly want and no one has forced you into it, you will most likely feel nothing but relief when its over. The stories you hear about girls being depressed after an abortion are usually from those who were forced into by a partner or had to abort due to health reason, which is understandable why they would be upset afterwards.

    I only started to get symptoms of pregnancy (noticeable symptoms at least) about 5 days before my abortion so I didn't have to hide anything really except when we went to my partner's dad's house. They didn't know about the abortion as they are very much pro life and always go on about the fact we should have kids even though we know we don't want them. I had morning sickness there (well, all day nausea more like) and I found it hard to not show how ill I was feeling in front of them but those sickness wrist bands you get are quite good for nausea. I still use them now when I feel queasy. The smell of everything made me want to puke and the only thing I could stomach was broccoli and cheese pasta, now I can't even look at it without puking!

    Like I said, if you need any more info or just want to talk about it. I'm pretty much always online and I'll be happy to help you I had no one talk to other than my partner when I was going through it as I didn't know many girls who had had it done or everyone I knew was against it. I couldn't ask online either as all you got was backlash.
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    Hey,

    Best of luck with your choice, just be clear that you are certain of your decision and are mentally aware and prepared of the outcome.
    Also i do not wish to make you any more upset but your boyfriends attitude is incorrect, although im sure hes afraid too he should be there for you, so maybe voice this to him.
    Wish you all the best.
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    (Original post by Yasmin25)
    I had a medical abortion (the one were you take the pills) at 7 weeks 2 years ago when I fell pregnant to my current partner even though I was on microgynon. If you have any questions or just want to talk about, feel free to mail me or if you want to remain anon, just quote me on here and I'll answer as best as I can

    I'll try and answer some things you have brought up in your first post.

    Did it hurt? For me, no it honestly didn't. I had a little bit of cramping but it was less painful than a normal period. Other girls needed strong painkillers but most got through it either without or just paracetamol/ibuprofen.

    How did it affect me? I was so depressed when I found out I was pregnant. I never want kids and I've asked about getting sterilised but doctors said they wont touch me until I'm 30 at least. I was on the pill and took it like clockwork but a month or so before I found out I was pregnant, I had pneumonia and I don't know if it was because I was run down or all the other pills I was taking along with microgynon that made it fail, but it did. I was a week or so late and just put it down to recovering but I done a test to shut my bf up as he noticed little changes in me. We had been together for 3 yrs at that point and are still together now. We both wanted the abortion and said from day one we didn't want kids so it had no negative affect on us or the relationship. If an abortion is what you truly want and no one has forced you into it, you will most likely feel nothing but relief when its over. The stories you hear about girls being depressed after an abortion are usually from those who were forced into my a partner or had to abort due to health reason, which is understandable why they would be upset afterwards.

    I only started to get symptoms of pregnancy (noticeable symptoms at least) about 5 days before my abortion so I didn't have to hide anything really except when we went to my partner's dad's house. They didn't know about the abortion as they are very much pro life and always go on about the fact we should have kids even though we know we don't want them. I had morning sickness there (well, all day nausea more like) and I found it hard to not show how ill I was feeling in front of them but those sickness wrist bands you get are quite good for nausea. I still use them now when I feel queasy. The smell of everything made me want to puke and the only thing I could stomach was broccoli and cheese pasta, now I can't even look at it without puking!

    Like I said, if you need any more info or just want to talk about it. I'm pretty much always online and I'll be happy to help you I had no one talk to other than my partner when I was going through it as I didn't know many girls who had had it done or everyone I knew was against it. I couldn't ask online either as all you got was backlash.
    Thank you so much for your help! If it's ok, I'd like to stay on anon if possible?
    As far as I'm aware, I'll be having the medical abortion also, I'm pretty worried about it but I'm glad I won't have to have a surgical abortion!

    I'm glad you said it didn't really hurt, I've been researching a bit on the internet and all I can find are horror stories about people who say they would rather give birth or that it was the worst pain of their life. It's been terrifying me and it's good to know that the majority only need simple pain killers.

    That's exactly how I'm feeling. Although I don't know if I want them in the future, I know for certain that I don't want them for at least 10 years. I'm feeling so depressed and alone about it all. I know my boyfriend wants me to have an abortion too, but I'm worried about the fact he has distanced himself- and I'd honestly like him to be there if possible. I have no idea what I can say to him though, he works so I know he'd have to prebook the day off work, but I thought this might be a bit important :/ I can't wait for it to be over with.

    How long did you find the after effects of the abortion lasted? I've read on some places it was a few days, but then other websites stated they lasted for 6 weeks!

    Where can you get sickness bands from? I'm very concious about hiding it from my family. We eat as a family nearly every night, and I'm finding it difficult to stomach the smell of the food let alone the taste and eating it all. I'm terrified they're going to catch on.

    Thank you so much for your help, it's great to have advice from someone who has experienced it and isn't going to judge me
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have tried asking him but he is literally refusing to even text me, let alone meet up with me. I hope that it is just because he is scared, because then we can both talk about it together and reassure each other. I tried explaining I know it's not his fault, we're equally to blame and neither of us meant it to happen.
    That sucks, sorry to hear that. If you're being that friendly and sympathetic towards him, then it's probably not guilt or fear that's keeping him away, I'd guess. But now isn't really the time to worry about that, if possible. I'd probably give up trying to get his support for the moment.

    If you feel like you can't talk to anyone, then at least you can find people on here. Not quite the same as talking to someone in person, but, as you can see, there are lots of people on here who would be happy to talk to you. I'd imagine there are also several hotlines and websites you can call/visit if you give it a Google.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you so much for your help! If it's ok, I'd like to stay on anon if possible?
    As far as I'm aware, I'll be having the medical abortion also, I'm pretty worried about it but I'm glad I won't have to have a surgical abortion!

    I'm glad you said it didn't really hurt, I've been researching a bit on the internet and all I can find are horror stories about people who say they would rather give birth or that it was the worst pain of their life. It's been terrifying me and it's good to know that the majority only need simple pain killers.

    That's exactly how I'm feeling. Although I don't know if I want them in the future, I know for certain that I don't want them for at least 10 years. I'm feeling so depressed and alone about it all. I know my boyfriend wants me to have an abortion too, but I'm worried about the fact he has distanced himself- and I'd honestly like him to be there if possible. I have no idea what I can say to him though, he works so I know he'd have to prebook the day off work, but I thought this might be a bit important :/ I can't wait for it to be over with.

    How long did you find the after effects of the abortion lasted? I've read on some places it was a few days, but then other websites stated they lasted for 6 weeks!

    Where can you get sickness bands from? I'm very concious about hiding it from my family. We eat as a family nearly every night, and I'm finding it difficult to stomach the smell of the food let alone the taste and eating it all. I'm terrified they're going to catch on.

    Thank you so much for your help, it's great to have advice from someone who has experienced it and isn't going to judge me
    Yeah staying anon is fine, don't worry

    Nah it really didn't hurt. Maybe its because I have quite painful and heavy periods every month though that made me find the pain bearable. I only had ibuprofen and I felt as though that was enough. I took the pill at 9am and didn't get cramps until about 11:45am and then I bled heavily and it was all over in about 15 mins once the bleeding started. They kept me in though for a few hours just to monitor my bleeding as some girls can bleed really bad but I was ok. I had to get a jab on my bum before I left as I have a negative bloody type (didn't know I was AB- until then!) as the blood from the fetus could mix with mine. I forget the exact reason for the jab but that was the jist of it. If you have a positive blood type, you wont get the jab. You'll also be given antibiotics. You might get one dose that you take when you leave or a few to take when you go home. I just got the one tablet before I left.

    I had mine done at my local maternity suite at the local hospital. My bf came up with me but wasn't allowed to sit with me. I ended up just having to text him and he waited in the canteen for about 4 hours. Once we got our pills, I was put in a room with 4 other girls and we just sat there reading magazines and watching tv until the cramps started. I was the last one to get the tablets but the first to bleed and get it all by with. Some clinics have private rooms and let you bring a friend but it all varies.

    I had no after effects mentally or physically after my abortion other than bleeding for a few days but it was no more heavy than a normal period.

    You can get the bands in chemists. I think I got mine in Boots for around a fiver. They are sometimes called travel sickness bands but they work for any kind of nausea/sickness.

    I read sooo many horror stories online and I was scared to death of bleeding, pain etc but tbh, getting teeth out was more painful and scary. There was honestly nothing to it. I think people put the horror stories up to scare people out of it.
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    (Original post by xDave-)
    That sucks, sorry to hear that. If you're being that friendly and sympathetic towards him, then it's probably not guilt or fear that's keeping him away, I'd guess. But now isn't really the time to worry about that, if possible. I'd probably give up trying to get his support for the moment.

    If you feel like you can't talk to anyone, then at least you can find people on here. Not quite the same as talking to someone in person, but, as you can see, there are lots of people on here who would be happy to talk to you. I'd imagine there are also several hotlines and websites you can call/visit if you give it a Google.
    I've literally tried everything to make him just talk to me and nothing will work. The last thing I want to do is worry about our relationship on top of all this.

    Yes, surprisingly everyone on here has been nice and given good advice. I was expecting a few trolls to maybe make a few mean comments and upset me, but even that hasn't happened

    (Original post by Smiles(:)
    Hey,

    Best of luck with your choice, just be clear that you are certain of your decision and are mentally aware and prepared of the outcome.
    Also i do not wish to make you any more upset but your boyfriends attitude is incorrect, although im sure hes afraid too he should be there for you, so maybe voice this to him.
    Wish you all the best.
    Thank you so much. I don't know if I could ever be prepared, but I know it is definitely not the right time for me to bring a child into the world.
    I don't know what to say to make him realise I need his support, because he won't respond to me at all.
    Thank you!
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    If you feel you can't do it alone, maybe see if there's some sort of chaperone that could go with you.
    Find something that calms you down for the night before or during the day leading up to it. Take a book or a magazine or watch TV or something to keep your mind on other things. Worrying won't make it better.
    Make sure you ask the doctors and nurses all of the questions you have, don't feel stupid for asking. If something doesn't feel right during or after, it's better to ask and check than to let something go potentially wrong.

    I haven't had an abortion, but that's just all round good advice.

    Maybe try asking on some other sites as well. The best advice is from someone like the lovely poster above me who has been through it before.
    Don't read the horror stories - you don't want to be thinking worst case. I've been saying the same to my nan about her knee replacement - you don't hear about the hundreds that go perfectly, just the one that goes badly!
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    How do you delete posts on a phone?
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    #2

    (Original post by Spock's Socks)
    I had a medical abortion (the one were you take the pills) at 7 weeks 2 years ago when I fell pregnant to my current partner even though I was on microgynon. If you have any questions or just want to talk about, feel free to mail me or if you want to remain anon, just quote me on here and I'll answer as best as I can

    I'll try and answer some things you have brought up in your first post.

    Did it hurt? For me, no it honestly didn't. I had a little bit of cramping but it was less painful than a normal period. Other girls needed strong painkillers but most got through it either without or just paracetamol/ibuprofen.

    How did it affect me? I was so depressed when I found out I was pregnant. I never want kids and I've asked about getting sterilised but doctors said they wont touch me until I'm 30 at least. I was on the pill and took it like clockwork but a month or so before I found out I was pregnant, I had pneumonia and I don't know if it was because I was run down or all the other pills I was taking along with microgynon that made it fail, but it did. I was a week or so late and just put it down to recovering but I done a test to shut my bf up as he noticed little changes in me. We had been together for 3 yrs at that point and are still together now. We both wanted the abortion and said from day one we didn't want kids so it had no negative effect on us or the relationship. If an abortion is what you truly want and no one has forced you into it, you will most likely feel nothing but relief when its over. The stories you hear about girls being depressed after an abortion are usually from those who were forced into by a partner or had to abort due to health reason, which is understandable why they would be upset afterwards.

    I only started to get symptoms of pregnancy (noticeable symptoms at least) about 5 days before my abortion so I didn't have to hide anything really except when we went to my partner's dad's house. They didn't know about the abortion as they are very much pro life and always go on about the fact we should have kids even though we know we don't want them. I had morning sickness there (well, all day nausea more like) and I found it hard to not show how ill I was feeling in front of them but those sickness wrist bands you get are quite good for nausea. I still use them now when I feel queasy. The smell of everything made me want to puke and the only thing I could stomach was broccoli and cheese pasta, now I can't even look at it without puking!

    Like I said, if you need any more info or just want to talk about it. I'm pretty much always online and I'll be happy to help you I had no one talk to other than my partner when I was going through it as I didn't know many girls who had had it done or everyone I knew was against it. I couldn't ask online either as all you got was backlash.



    Im so sorry to bring up an old thread but I'm looking for advice and wondering if you could answer my question and explain your process like did you use a gum clinic or abortion agency and how did it happen etc I would really appreciate it honestly the resources online are not as good as people say because they dont answer basic stuff like this And did you bleed after and did your period return to normal https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/sho...0#post69636300
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    omg i´m so sorry for you. I agree with the choice you are making of having the abortion. btw you should talk to your bf during the week to clear things out...
    lot´s of luck and don´t be afraid in a couple of weeks everything will be over!
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    I found out at 3.5 weeks. I aborted at 6. Surgical abortion. It was cheaper (I was overseas) and better because the thing (what can it be called) was tiny, and I was going on holiday within a few days so I and the doctors didn't want complications.

    Do I care about what I did? Only other peoples judgements.

    My friend had one at 13 weeks because her boyfriend (who already has a kid) was being weird about it. I make so many judgements about her decision, but it's her decision.

    I would rather have a kid with an active daddy, rather than a guy who didn't care or wasn't my partner. Too much emotional work.

    Oh I should probably add I was severely depressed and manic depressive from anti depressants. A baby would have been disaster for me and everyone.
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    MTP kit is the best solution for them who got pregnant accidentally.
 
 
 
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