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Need help, friend is suicidal. Watch

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    Note: I'm going to refer to my friend as SWIM.

    Triggering post

    SWIM friend last week told me and someone else that SWIM is close to that they are suicidal. The first thing we told SWIM was to go to the doctor and get help. SWIM did this, however, apparently SWIM won't be seen by a psychiatrist until the end of next month!!!

    I seriously can't believe someone that is suicidal won't get the medical help they need for this long. Is this normal to wait this long to see a psychiatrist or do you think SWIM bull****ting us and hasn't told the doctor the actual extent of their depression?

    SWIM has been under a lot of pressure over the past year, just managed to get a graduate job but I think the pressure is too much for SWIM hence it's exasperated SWIMS depression causing SWIM to be suicidal. But I feel there is no way SWIM can be convinced to quit the job, because it's SWIMS dream, however, I feel it's not for SWIM simply because it is effecting SWIMS mental health.

    I know some people will be thinking, oh who am I to tell SWIM to give up on their dream, but I know SWIM more than anyone else, this job with SWIMS depression cannot mix.

    I'm really lost right now I feel utterly sick and am worried SWIM is going to do something drastic. SWIM says they are fine and the suicidal thoughts are just that, thoughts, but it's hard to judge if SWIM is being genuine or just saying that to stop me worrying.

    Of course I've been calm and downplayed my worry I don't want SWIM to feel anymore pressure because of me, but deep down I am ill with worry.


    Any advice? I can't speak to anyone else SWIM is close to other than the other person that knows because the other people in SWIMS life are a bunch of ****ing useless idiot and will just cause more problems than it's worth.

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    As above, we can't help you. You need so seek professional advice.
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    (Original post by Abdul-Karim)
    As above, we can't help you. You need so seek professional advice.
    (Original post by Old_Simon)
    Suicide threads are not permitted in TSR - even those for "friends".

    So why was this thread approved by the moderation team?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Note: I'm going to refer to my friend as SWIM.

    Triggering post

    SWIM friend last week told me and someone else that SWIM is close to that they are suicidal. The first thing we told SWIM was to go to the doctor and get help. SWIM did this, however, apparently SWIM won't be seen by a psychiatrist until the end of next month!!!

    I seriously can't believe someone that is suicidal won't get the medical help they need for this long. Is this normal to wait this long to see a psychiatrist or do you think SWIM bull****ting us and hasn't told the doctor the actual extent of their depression?

    SWIM has been under a lot of pressure over the past year, just managed to get a graduate job but I think the pressure is too much for SWIM hence it's exasperated SWIMS depression causing SWIM to be suicidal. But I feel there is no way SWIM can be convinced to quit the job, because it's SWIMS dream, however, I feel it's not for SWIM simply because it is effecting SWIMS mental health.

    I know some people will be thinking, oh who am I to tell SWIM to give up on their dream, but I know SWIM more than anyone else, this job with SWIMS depression cannot mix.

    I'm really lost right now I feel utterly sick and am worried SWIM is going to do something drastic. SWIM says they are fine and the suicidal thoughts are just that, thoughts, but it's hard to judge if SWIM is being genuine or just saying that to stop me worrying.

    Of course I've been calm and downplayed my worry I don't want SWIM to feel anymore pressure because of me, but deep down I am ill with worry.


    Any advice? I can't speak to anyone else SWIM is close to other than the other person that knows because the other people in SWIMS life are a bunch of ****ing useless idiot and will just cause more problems than it's worth.

    It's incredibly normal to have suicidal thoughts when depressed. This does not mean that they are about to actually do it (though it can) and it certainly does not mean you automatically get to see a psychiatrist immediately or get sectioned.

    A new job is a big source of stress but if your friend is getting help anyway and is not at great risk of actually hurting him/herself in the meantime and doesn't want to go off sick from a new job, then let him/her get on with it while being there to talk to if they need it. The stress of a new job declines fairly rapidly. It would be a great shame if he/she had to leave right now if it isn't necessary and then only have the memory of one of the most stressful parts of the job to remember and scare them next time they want to start a new job.
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    Can you say for sure that they've been to the doctor? Shouldn't take a month.. That's quite a while, but I don't know the area you're in. Where I am I was referred and seen quickly and can get an appointment every week, but I'm still a "child".. I'd try and talk to this person, privately, to ensure everything is ok. If they say they just think about it and that's all then you should believe their word. I sometimes just think about it, everyone does at some point! Still be weary though pal, ask them how they're doing/message them etc.


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    ask for help for yourself. I have had a friend that did this, and the only advice that I can offer is that it's different for everyone. Please do not take this on yourself, it is NOT your responsibility to ensure that SWIM stays alive. I know that it may feel like that, but it isn't. Asking for help for your own feelings is important too, to help you to deal with the pressure that this is putting on you. I never got any help after my friend was self-harming and it has affected me in countless ways. Please try and speak to someone about how you feel aswell as trying to get help for your friend. And try not to worry too much, at this point your friend has already seen a doctor and has asked for help, which is one of the main steps to actually getting help.
    I hope everything turns out ok.
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    (Original post by Ronove)
    It's incredibly normal to have suicidal thoughts when depressed. This does not mean that they are about to actually do it (though it can) and it certainly does not mean you automatically get to see a psychiatrist immediately or get sectioned.

    A new job is a big source of stress but if your friend is getting help anyway and is not at great risk of actually hurting him/herself in the meantime and doesn't want to go off sick from a new job, then let him/her get on with it while being there to talk to if they need it. The stress of a new job declines fairly rapidly. It would be a great shame if he/she had to leave right now if it isn't necessary and then only have the memory of one of the most stressful parts of the job to remember and scare them next time they want to start a new job.

    I was told by the suicidal person that they walked to a bridge and spent half an hour contemplating jumping off. This isn't just a simple thought. 7

    The person isn't getting help. It will take over a month to see a consultant, in the meantime they have nothing to help them apart from me phoning everyday to ensure they are ok.

    Getting over the stressful part of a job is one thing, but if it drive you to suicide then the job isn't worth doing.
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    (Original post by Alys-Cait)
    ask for help for yourself. I have had a friend that did this, and the only advice that I can offer is that it's different for everyone. Please do not take this on yourself, it is NOT your responsibility to ensure that SWIM stays alive. I know that it may feel like that, but it isn't. Asking for help for your own feelings is important too, to help you to deal with the pressure that this is putting on you. I never got any help after my friend was self-harming and it has affected me in countless ways. Please try and speak to someone about how you feel aswell as trying to get help for your friend. And try not to worry too much, at this point your friend has already seen a doctor and has asked for help, which is one of the main steps to actually getting help.
    I hope everything turns out ok.

    Thanks, I'm OK for the now, just really worried.


    The problem is though that they aren't getting help for many weeks, which is a long time for someone that is suicidal.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks, I'm OK for the now, just really worried.


    The problem is though that they aren't getting help for many weeks, which is a long time for someone that is suicidal.
    If you don't mind me asking, how old is your friend? there may be someone at school or uni that they can speak to about accessing the right kind of help
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    I can't really offer any words of support because I'm not the best at dealing with situations like that. All I will say is sometimes the doctors are that useless. My ex was on medication to control her MH issues and way too many times there would be delays in getting her medication, either on the GP's side of the pharmacy's side. Both knew how bad she could get without the medication but they never seemed to give a damn when something when wrong and there was a delay in getting it.

    (I've posted this anon cos it isn't fair me spreading her personal stuff around if it is identifiable to her).
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    (Original post by Alys-Cait)
    If you don't mind me asking, how old is your friend? there may be someone at school or uni that they can speak to about accessing the right kind of help
    We're not in school.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We're not in school.
    Ok. Well at the moment, you've done all that you can do, and you're doing everything right. Just don't forget to take some time out every now and again, just for you, where you don't have to worry about her. I know that's easier said than done, but please try, because I know how it feels to be the friend and it's really not pleasant, and it's very difficult to get over if you're only living to keep her/him alive. You said that SWIM confided in you and another friend? Perhaps you should talk to them and see how they're dealing with it too. If they're in the same boat as you then perhaps you could work out a bit of a schedule of when each of you is spending time with SWIM or calling them. That way you know that someone is always watching out for SWIM, and you'll be able to have some downtime to really deal with your own feelings. I know when it was me, I just went on autopilot and took it all on myself, bandaging my friends wrists and encouraging her all the time. I didn't have any thought for my own feelings and after I had handed her off to the professionals I didn't get any help then either. I was depressed for roughly seven years without even realising it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was told by the suicidal person that they walked to a bridge and spent half an hour contemplating jumping off. This isn't just a simple thought. 7

    The person isn't getting help. It will take over a month to see a consultant, in the meantime they have nothing to help them apart from me phoning everyday to ensure they are ok.

    Getting over the stressful part of a job is one thing, but if it drive you to suicide then the job isn't worth doing.
    But the stages aren't 'go to GP - get referred to consultant'. The percentage of people with MH issues that ever get to see a consultant (or even a psychiatrist) is absolutely miniscule, so I can only assume your friend has seen multiple people/had multiple treatments prior to this point. The friend does need to contact the mental health team or their GP if they're so out of control of their own behaviour and are at risk. But you can't force them to go. You can only notify an ambulance etc if the friend tells you they're hurting themselves/about to hurt themselves right now, which I assume is not something that would necessarily happen, as it stands (though telling you about the bridge may have been them opening up and they may decide to reach out to you next time). The person may feel a bit betrayed and angry if you do this, but they will also feel very grateful soon after - they wouldn't be telling you if they really wanted to have to kill themselves (NB: not to be confused with them not being prepared to actually do it).
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    (Original post by Alys-Cait)
    Ok. Well at the moment, you've done all that you can do, and you're doing everything right. Just don't forget to take some time out every now and again, just for you, where you don't have to worry about her. I know that's easier said than done, but please try, because I know how it feels to be the friend and it's really not pleasant, and it's very difficult to get over if you're only living to keep her/him alive. You said that SWIM confided in you and another friend? Perhaps you should talk to them and see how they're dealing with it too. If they're in the same boat as you then perhaps you could work out a bit of a schedule of when each of you is spending time with SWIM or calling them. That way you know that someone is always watching out for SWIM, and you'll be able to have some downtime to really deal with your own feelings. I know when it was me, I just went on autopilot and took it all on myself, bandaging my friends wrists and encouraging her all the time. I didn't have any thought for my own feelings and after I had handed her off to the professionals I didn't get any help then either. I was depressed for roughly seven years without even realising it.
    Cheers mate, I have talked to the other person and they see SWIM on a regular basis so they are taking it quite hard and I've had to kind of comfort them as well.

    I'm fine emotionally for the moment at least. Like I said I'm just really worried. But I know you're right in saying there's not much I can do, but it's difficult to actually take that view.

    I'll just need to take this situation as it comes and try to help SWIM as much as possible if I can.
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    (Original post by Ronove)
    But the stages aren't 'go to GP - get referred to consultant'. The percentage of people with MH issues that ever get to see a consultant (or even a psychiatrist) is absolutely miniscule, so I can only assume your friend has seen multiple people/had multiple treatments prior to this point. The friend does need to contact the mental health team or their GP if they're so out of control of their own behaviour and are at risk. But you can't force them to go. You can only notify an ambulance etc if the friend tells you they're hurting themselves/about to hurt themselves right now, which I assume is not something that would necessarily happen, as it stands (though telling you about the bridge may have been them opening up and they may decide to reach out to you next time). The person may feel a bit betrayed and angry if you do this, but they will also feel very grateful soon after - they wouldn't be telling you if they really wanted to have to kill themselves (NB: not to be confused with them not being prepared to actually do it).

    They have been to their gp and the gp has referred them to a consultant. SWIM told me the appointment with them was in about 5 weeks. They have had treatment prior to this but it was last year and it was just a bit of counselling for depression no suicidal thoughts were involved.

    Basically I'm worried SWIM isn't being honest with either me or SWIMS GP because this just doesn't add up.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Cheers mate, I have talked to the other person and they see SWIM on a regular basis so they are taking it quite hard and I've had to kind of comfort them as well.

    I'm fine emotionally for the moment at least. Like I said I'm just really worried. But I know you're right in saying there's not much I can do, but it's difficult to actually take that view.

    I'll just need to take this situation as it comes and try to help SWIM as much as possible if I can.
    I'm glad that you're doing OK, but like I said, don't forget to stop an reassess from time to time. I thought that I was fine too! Yeah, maybe the other friend needs someone to talk to, just like you do. It's much easier when you have someone else to worry with about SWIM. My main concern is that you may feel that it's a secret that you have to keep because it's SWIM's secret and not yours. Try not to view it that way because SWIM has made it your secret too, you are allowed to share it if you feel the need to. Don't bottle it up.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    They have been to their gp and the gp has referred them to a consultant. SWIM told me the appointment with them was in about 5 weeks. They have had treatment prior to this but it was last year and it was just a bit of counselling for depression no suicidal thoughts were involved.

    Basically I'm worried SWIM isn't being honest with either me or SWIMS GP because this just doesn't add up.
    It's quite possible that SWIM hasn't conveyed how desperate the situation is to the GP for fear of being told to come off work, or being told to go to hospital (then again, 5 weeks is not long to see a consultant psychiatrist so maybe the GP knows exactly how quickly SWIM needs to be seen).

    Has SWIM told you that there were no suicidal thoughts involved when they had counselling for depression? Suicidal thoughts are par for the course with depression and I would honestly be surprised if SWIM hasn't had them before.
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    Well I'm no psychologist/psychiatrist and I don't know this person, but all I can say is try and spend a lot of time with your friend and make sure it's enjoyable and stress-free, so at least they can relax and feel like life can actually be okay, it is unnecessary to end it. It's also nice to feel like they have someone with them that they can depend on when things get too tough sometimes. A psychiatrist may help, but not solely, your friend will need support outside which may boost whatever treatment the psychiatrist has given
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    (Original post by Ronove)
    It's quite possible that SWIM hasn't conveyed how desperate the situation is to the GP for fear of being told to come off work, or being told to go to hospital (then again, 5 weeks is not long to see a consultant psychiatrist so maybe the GP knows exactly how quickly SWIM needs to be seen).

    Has SWIM told you that there were no suicidal thoughts involved when they had counselling for depression? Suicidal thoughts are par for the course with depression and I would honestly be surprised if SWIM hasn't had them before.

    Well according to SWIM this is the first time they had serious suicidal thoughts, so it is possible SWIM had them before but just not as bad. This is certainly the first time SWIM has told me about them.
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    (Original post by Alys-Cait)
    I'm glad that you're doing OK, but like I said, don't forget to stop an reassess from time to time. I thought that I was fine too! Yeah, maybe the other friend needs someone to talk to, just like you do. It's much easier when you have someone else to worry with about SWIM. My main concern is that you may feel that it's a secret that you have to keep because it's SWIM's secret and not yours. Try not to view it that way because SWIM has made it your secret too, you are allowed to share it if you feel the need to. Don't bottle it up.

    Thanks, I'll keep this in mind.
 
 
 
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