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feeling terrible guilt in relationship Watch

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    #1

    I'm a 20 year old Muslim guy, this isn't a thread for you to come and bash my religion as I love my religion and would never change it. I've been with a girl who is also a Muslim for 12 months now and I want to marry this girl and she wants to get married to. She's 17 at the moment so she's too young to be thinking about marriage.

    As it's Ramadan now I've been attending the mosque more regularly and also thinking about my past sins and how much I've let Allah down. I feel like I'm torn between this girl who I care a lot for, I would give my life for this girl, it's not just lust I assure you, I care about this girl a lot and would not hesitate to introduce her to my parents. We've done a lot together sexually but I don't want to go into details about that.

    I cry when asking my God for forgiveness because I feel like I've let him down so much and I feel like **** about it. On the other hand I can't break this girls heart bcause she's the sweetest most honest and most loyal girl I've ever known and she truly is a blessing in my life and helped me through a very hard time in my life. I don't know why I'm writing this I have talked to her about it, and she's just as confused as I am as I've never mentioned this before but this month I guess has opened my eyes.

    Is there anything that you could perhaps suggest, I can expect what the replies will be but I don't know I need someone to talk to about it. Thanks for reading
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    Sorry to hear about the angst. What's the question/dilemma you need help with?
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    I'm in a relationship too, but we've not done anything bad yet and are hoping to get married soon before anything bad happens.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzy4i...MuOLiwONTVd3sA

    Perhaps that video will be good advice for you.
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    not sure what the part is you feel guilty about lol.

    Cus you had sex with her already?
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    imo i would marry her then breed her.
    Most muslims can make marriage and raising kids work.
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    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    not sure what the part is you feel guilty about lol.

    Cus you had sex with her already?

    I agree with ChickenMadness....
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    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    not sure what the part is you feel guilty about lol.

    Cus you had sex with her already?

    (Original post by Chocolate2014)
    I agree with ChickenMadness....
    I guess it's the fact that before me she would never of done anything like this and she's even said that she never had thoughts or anything like this before and she's never done anything sexual with anyone before as I'm.her first as she is mine, I never forced her to do anything most of what we've done, the sex or whatever else was her suggesting it as I've always given her choice in matters like that. I dont know perhaps because you are not muslim you may not understand.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I guess it's the fact that before me she would never of done anything like this and she's even said that she never had thoughts or anything like this before and she's never done anything sexual with anyone before as I'm.her first as she is mine, I never forced her to do anything most of what we've done, the sex or whatever else was her suggesting it as I've always given her choice in matters like that. I dont know perhaps because you are not muslim you may not understand.
    She asked you for sex and you had sex with her?

    Are you guilty because your religion forbids it? Or because you think she's naive and doesn't know what she wants? That you're manipulating her? If thats the case you should stop treating her like a child. And why would you be dating someone you see as a child that doesn't know what they want anyway? lol.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I guess it's the fact that before me she would never of done anything like this and she's even said that she never had thoughts or anything like this before and she's never done anything sexual with anyone before as I'm.her first as she is mine, I never forced her to do anything most of what we've done, the sex or whatever else was her suggesting it as I've always given her choice in matters like that. I dont know perhaps because you are not muslim you may not understand.
    So did u want to do it with her after marriage or are u afraid that your bond may not last and u have took her first experience away from her... I think that u should talk to her about it if u want to...
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    A lot of girls pretend they've "never done anything like this before". Don't ask me how I know...
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    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    She asked you for sex and you had sex with her?

    Are you guilty because your religion forbids it? Or because you think she's naive and doesn't know what she wants? That you're manipulating her? If thats the case you should stop treating her like a child. And why would you be dating someone you see as a child that doesn't know what they want anyway? lol.
    I guess it's both, my religion forbids it and I don't feel like I'm manipulating her but that maybe I'm influencing her, it's complicated I feel stupid for feeling like this but when your surrounded by people telling you what you should and should not do it's hard not to feel guilty about what you've done.


    (Original post by Chocolate2014)
    So did u want to do it with her after marriage or are u afraid that your bond may not last and u have took her first experience away from her... I think that u should talk to her about it if u want to...
    I guess so yes I had said I would never do it before marriage but it feels right with her and at the same time it feels wrong because of my religion. I want it to go all the way sure, but I guess I do have some doubt whether it will or not for various reasons, we have started talking about it all today.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I guess it's both, my religion forbids it and I don't feel like I'm manipulating her but that maybe I'm influencing her, it's complicated I feel stupid for feeling like this but when your surrounded by people telling you what you should and should not do it's hard not to feel guilty about what you've done.
    Just block the other people out and think about it on your own. Whether it's actually a big deal or not.
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    This is why dating outside of marriage is not allowed cuz you can easily cross the line and make relationship physical.

    Only advice I have is not to repeat the same mistake. If your love for her is strong and true you would wait until both of you are old and mature enough then get married. If she's a Muslim she should understand this.

    In short, make your Haraam relationship Halal by getting married when you are financially independent.

    If you don't want to wait you could always ask your parents for their financial support. I've heard of a few Muslim families who get their children married at a very young age e.g. 18.
    • #2
    #2

    OP, I kind of understand, I think. I'm Christian and I'm dealing with the faith/guilt fallout from sleeping with a guy who I thought that I was in love with - I thought that I could convince him to marry me, even though I knew in my heart he wouldn't. He realised I loved him more than he loved me and broke up with me, leaving me confused as whilst I chose to sleep with him, it wasn't what I meant to do, and in this case, he did pressure me.

    I don't think this is the case between you and your girlfriend - it sounds like you have a really good thing. I guess what I'd say is that true, faithful love is God-given. Talk to her about it. If you decide that going all the way would be wrong, you need to make a decision together about where to draw the line, and how not to put yourselves in temptation. And keep praying, of course I wish you both all the best!
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    Don't lose her or yourself.

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    (Original post by BestProfileName)
    A lot of girls pretend they've "never done anything like this before". Don't ask me how I know...
    How do you know?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm a 20 year old Muslim guy, this isn't a thread for you to come and bash my religion as I love my religion and would never change it. I've been with a girl who is also a Muslim for 12 months now and I want to marry this girl and she wants to get married to. She's 17 at the moment so she's too young to be thinking about marriage.

    As it's Ramadan now I've been attending the mosque more regularly and also thinking about my past sins and how much I've let Allah down. I feel like I'm torn between this girl who I care a lot for, I would give my life for this girl, it's not just lust I assure you, I care about this girl a lot and would not hesitate to introduce her to my parents. We've done a lot together sexually but I don't want to go into details about that.

    I cry when asking my God for forgiveness because I feel like I've let him down so much and I feel like **** about it. On the other hand I can't break this girls heart bcause she's the sweetest most honest and most loyal girl I've ever known and she truly is a blessing in my life and helped me through a very hard time in my life. I don't know why I'm writing this I have talked to her about it, and she's just as confused as I am as I've never mentioned this before but this month I guess has opened my eyes.

    Is there anything that you could perhaps suggest, I can expect what the replies will be but I don't know I need someone to talk to about it. Thanks for reading

    You both love each other. Religion is important.
    You are in a state to control yourself- so stop doing bad things

    marry her
    simple
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    Just marry her then? She can get married at 17 with her parents permission.

    The legal minimum age to enter into a marriage in England and Wales is sixteen years although this requires parent consent if a participant is between the ages of sixteen and eighteen.
    There you go, all problems solved.
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    (Original post by Alumna)
    You both love each other. Religion is important.
    You are in a state to control yourself- so stop doing bad things

    marry her
    simple
    This.

    If you truly love her. Then marry her.

    If she truly loves she will marry you.

    17/18 isn't too young imo

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    (Original post by Mubariz)
    This.

    If you truly love her. Then marry her.

    If she truly loves she will marry you.

    17/18 isn't too young imo

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    exactly if they are old enough to get intimate
    then they should grow some courage in their faith especially

    clearly they don't love each other as they say they do if this guy needs to come on the internet to vent about something he should be talking to his girl about


    but as a girl if i wanna marry a guy and he want to marry me then there is nothing holding us back unless we mentioned something is
 
 
 
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